"We Are Going To Have To Saw Your Penis."
The headline is not really what a man wants to hear from a doctor. Hell, I don't want to hear it from anyone or dream it or think about it. It pains me to even write about this, but it was a choice between this or the woman who managed to get pregnant twice at the same time and so I went with this primarily to manage my fears and to overcome. Deep breath. Of course if you prefer to talk about the woman who is pregnant with two babies not conceived at the same time, then click here.
To show you what idiots guys are, the subject of this story decided he wanted to add a little length to his member. This by the way is not from some foreign country but right in the OC. Orange County California. Mr. Idiot decided the best way to accomplish that was to place his penis in one of those things that holds free weights to a bar. You know the thing that screws on the bar so the weights don't go crashing to the floor. He inserted his penis and then began to tighten the screw. He then began to increase in size alright. There was no blood flow so it started to swell. It swelled to such an extent that the screw could not be unfastened.
So, he went to the hospital. I'm not sure if he called 911 or not, but there is NO way I would ever call them for that. Those calls are recorded and you just know it would end up on the internet in a day or two.
Mr. Idiot - I need an ambulance
911 - What's the emergency?
Mr. Idiot - My dick got caught in a screw clamp.
911 - Trying to make it bigger?
Mr. Idiot - Yes
So, when he got to the hospital, doctors determined the only way they were going to be able to remove the clamp was by sawing it off. Yep. Sawing with a power tool on your penis. The power tool they chose was the type of saw used to remove people from trapped cars.
"Squad members cut through the inch-thick ring -- producing sparks that flew across the room -- during a two-hour process. They also slid a little piece of metal between the collar and his thing, so if it slipped past it wouldn’t hit his thing."
Thanks to the skill of the doctors and the rescue squad, Mr. Idiot managed to not lose his penis.
(Thanks Rebecca)
22 comments:
Moron would have deserved it if they had been forced to castrate his weiner.
Un. Fucking. Believable.
Please tell me they threw in a vasectomy for free.
Darwin Award winner 2009?
Love the highly technical language ("his thing").
I have to say that when I've been confronted with situations like this as a medical professional, it is all I can do not to laugh. I've never seen this, but you'd be surprised what people put into orifices and then can't remove. (Big tip if this ever happens to you: don't say that you slipped and fell in the shower and that thing just went right into that orifice. We all know how it happened.)
What can you say after reading this?? This guy is a 100% DUMBASS!!!!!!!
My wonderful vagina felt sad for all penises after reading this.
I think we should have a special your turn for all the medical professionals who read this site to tell us their funniest stories ever!
I've learned that OC is the center of Clueless-ville.
Maybe he just wanted a penis that was strong enough to lift weights so he could impress Megan Fox's strong vagina.
Yes, must learn tantric to combat Fox.
Kara - I'd be happy to share mine, but would prefer it if ENT enabled anonymous posting before I opened the gates.
dudes and their sad obsession with size. he is an idiot tho, a smart man knows how to compensate. ^_^
ggg... @karmen... i agree, vaginas rock! i luv mine ^_^
There used to be a website that had xrays of things people (mostly men) used to put in ... odd ... places. Not sure if it still exists,and can't google for it at work.
Best quote: "Squad members cut through the inch-thick-ring."
Tell me I'm not the only one who thinks this sounds dirty.
LOL @ dumbass hahaha
Wonder what his bill is going to be for this??
AnonMom - Here are some I found when googling funny x-rays.
Re: story
My legs crossed instinctively.
men and their dicks.
jesus.
teehee, karmen! (lady gaga would be proud!)
And to think there are people who say medical personnel make too much money. Saving Mr. Idiot's penis - Priceless.
When's his reality show premiering?
DN - yes, that's right along the lines of that older site!
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