The Bank Sends Me An E-mail
Attn:
Mr Ted Casablanca
5750 Wilshire Boulevard, Los Angeles, CA90036
3236924880
Sir,
In reference to your personal informations received from Mrs Gift Clement presenting you as the BENEFICIARY TO THE FUND deposited by her late husband in a Diplomatic Suspense account with our bank we therefore want to tell you that before we can only approve the transfer on the presentation of the DIPLOMATIC A/c Number and Pinc Code of the said depositfor our verifications.
Thanks,
Mr Didier Jacques
International Remittance Manager,
Banque Nationale D'investissement
Abidjan Cote D'Ivoire.
Tel: (00225)04055012
My Reply
Dear Mr. Jacques,
I love your name. It's very provincial. I don't think I've ever met a Mr. Jacques. I've met people with the first name of Jacques, and obviously people named Jack, but I don't think I've ever met a Mr. Jack or Mr. Jacques. In the movie Hot Pursuit which I loved there was a Captain Jack but again I think it might have been his first name. Now that I think about it, maybe it wasn't Hot Pursuit, it could have been that Kurt Russell Martin Short movie that took place in the ocean somewhere. I don't know much about it, but I think Kurt's character might have been Captain Jack. I could probably look it up in IMDB, but I'm kind of lazy.
Do you ever look things up in IMDB or are you more of a Mr. Skin fan? Well I think we all are really and there's nothing to be ashamed about if you are a Mr. Skin fan.
Anyway, in your letter you are asking for a DIPLOMATIC A/c Number and Pinc Code. I have no idea what either of those are. Please let Gift know that she needs to get those to you as soon as possible because honestly, the sooner she dies and I get the money, the better and right now until she gets you those things, I'm having to be nice to her and pretend I care. It's kind of like Anna Nicole Smith and the old dude except Anna got a lot more money than I'm going to get out of Gift and at least J Howard got a little nookie before he passed. Have you seen Gift? Nookie is most definitely not on my mind.
So, write to Gift and get the information from her. I can tell you are a first class bank because you use Yahoo for your e-mail. It makes it much easier doesn't it? I love writing to Citibank@yahoo.com because I know everything is going to just the right place and that all my bank records are confidential.
Thanks also for providing me your phone number. I may have questions, but not about Gift. I may be calling you to talk about this girl named Alice Ginger. She's some 20 year old rich hottie and I want to know all about her. She lives right there in your country so you must know her.
Anyway, I have to go.Take care.
Ted
12 comments:
Now THAT is hilarious!!!! OMG!!!!!
Heeeeheeeeeeeeeeeee!! Ent does Ted know abou this? I think he'd laugh lots!
Too funny!
This reminds me of that actor/comedian who used to play a priest. He also wrote a book similar to what you are doing.
This just cracks me up. Everytime I read one of ENT's replies and he starts "wandering" in his letter it just sends me into fits of laughter.
Keep posting these letters. This is the best laugh I've had all week.
I'm in tears I've laughed so hard at your reply! I can't wait to see what response this brings!!! Actually, your emails are such that I can't believe they are even responding to you...
C'mon Mr. Jacques & Gift, keep us chuckling! :)
I remember - SNL's Don Novello as Father Guido Sarducci. He wrote a book with letters like this and it was hysterical.
Well this man sounds like such a lovely banker. Sure his Enlgish may not be top notch but as a person he sounds A1! Do you think the bank will send Ted a toaster or a nice new pleather wallet with piping as a thank you for his business with them?
I honestly hope that this goes on for ever and ever. We're entering into Powerbook territory here folks and we should all be thankful for it.
Letters from a Nut by David Sedaris is similar and soooo funny.
Dude, you really need to get some more clients, or a real job or something.
this is so great. are people really that dumb? if you are going to try to swindle money from people at least learn how to spell the english words you are writing.
To Catch a Con or whatever they call it would be so much more watchable if they took this approach! Funny stuff Ent.
Mr. Skin, via his website at www.mrskin.com, can tell you alphabetically exactly how far to fast-forward just to get to the good parts. Skin time, what body parts are exposed, size, skin color, hair color, you get the idea. Mr. Skin is nothing if not thorough. This is an interview with the man himself – available in audio podcast or transcription.
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