Thursday, November 20, 2008

The Perfect Solution


I can think of about a million ways I would rather spend my time than talking about Paris Hilton or Lindsay Lohan. Alas, I have a gossip blog and sometimes it just becomes necessary. At least I can have some fun with it. Before I do so though, can I say that when I read that Paris Hilton has two cars that each cost over $500K, I nearly threw up. To think she has that much disposable income is pretty disgusting because, we as humans have made it possible somehow for her to acquire enough money to get them.

You probably read yesterday that Paris broke up with Benji Madden and made sure the world knew it when her spokespeople released a statement. That's twice for Benji in one year. Plus now, all the ladies he dates will be wondering if Paris gave him a special present. I love how in the statement Paris says she is still madly in love with him. The only person Paris is madly in love with is herself. Everyone else just worships at her altar.

Then I read about how Lindsay Lohan and Samantha Ronson had a huge fight because of Calum Best. So, I came up with the perfect solution. Calum goes back to his hookers and his fake celibacy show while Paris and Samantha hookup and Lindsay and Benji hookup. That way all four get to stay in the public eye, and a new round of stories can come out whether Paris is a lesbian and whether Lindsay will follow in Nicole Richie's footsteps and have a baby with a Madden brother. Of course, I will be disgusted with the whole thing, but still mention it all in passing and the tabloids will have new stories to sell for the next few months.

You think its crazy, but Samantha can help Paris with her singing career. Lindsay can go out on the road with Good Charlotte and Michael Lohan can try and step in and become everyone's manager. Oh, and Ali and Dina get caught on tape with Calum Best. It's like a win/win for the entire tabloid world.

16 comments:

donna said...

ali and dinah caught on tape .. LOL .. theres one that will go straight to DVD

canadachick said...

i say we sign them up for the Populate Mars movement (i'm sure there must be one) - throw in all those mentioned and add Britney, Mishca, the whole "cast" of the hills and of course MILEY, then hit the big red button to send them on their way !! Buh-buy

selenakyle said...

HA! Good one, Ent:

"...Ali and Dina can get caught on tape with Calum Best."

Mooshki said...

Sounds completely plausible to me!

sandman said...

ya, everbody switch....it just doesn't matter

Anonymous said...

For lack of a non-offensive term: the dating Chinese fire drill, huh?

And the Ali/Dina/Callum sextape would solve many problems. It would send Dina and Callum both to jail, and then Michael would get custody of Ali and Cody who would rebel, Lindsay would try to swoop in and "be the real parent" and they'd all die in a coke-fueled car crash. oh but then Michael would still be around... crap, well, him I can kinda handle... but only if he goes back to wearing mesh shirts.

Mooshki said...

Hey, Blogger finally got capital letters to work in our user names! Now if they could just get the "trash" option working again. Or, as long as I'm dreaming big, an "edit" button. Sigh...

jib said...

LOL Ent. Just wait....Paris hasn't been in the news/blogs much at all lately, she's due for some sort of attention grabbing performance.

selenakyle said...

Wonky and Nachos are perfect together, anyway. I hear his family abhors her, though (as if they're the moral compass of the world...)

I am embarrassed to say this, but sometimes Stavros is so breathtakingly hot, it's a shame he keeps gravitating to Paris.

But they are probably both the shallowest, most vapid excuses for humanity you'll ever see, so they deserve each other.

BlahFrickinBlah said...

Time for STD check! I wonder if Benji had his own script for Valtrex coming into the relationship or if he just got inducted into the club via Parasite. Maybe he lifted a few off Paris before they split. How any man or woman can get near that girl's private area is beyond me...well, I guess it's not really private but you know what I mean. *skeeze*

Anonymous said...

Parasite is just the right word for Paris. Can't stand her.

Has anyone seen how she really looks? Very different and that stupid pose of hers is still the same one she used when she was a brunette.

Cheryl said...

New reality tv show: Celebrity Herpes Club.

Gillybean said...

I think she may be finally coming to the end of her (extended) 15 minutes. Seems no one likes her anymore. And her perfume smells like dried cat pooh.

not a famous adrian said...

"That way all four get to stay in the public eye, and a new round of stories can come out"......and a new round of group std's. I wouldn't get within 10 feet of any of them--who knows what is jumping off them.

brendalove@gmail.com said...

Benji actually looks kind of cute in that photo. Must have been taken in happier times.

shakey said...

My crotch feels itchy just looking at these two.

canadachick, what is this Populate Mars movement of which you speak? Can I sign up coworkers?

Gillybean - it isn't dried cat pooh - it's the smell of those missing dogs. Think about it.

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