Wednesday, November 14, 2018

Today's Blind Items - Bad Band Behavior

During Anniversary Month, I like to bring out some of my personal stories and some of my favorites are bad band behavior stories. There is nothing I haven't seen. Usually I tell you about the bad behavior of bands you would kind of expect. Today though, gather round as I tell you about the bad behavior of this permanent A list Christian singer. The guy has Grammy wins and Dove wins and has sold millions of records. He also used to run this little scam while out on tour. He would, as part of his promotion for a show in a city arrange to play a little show around noon at a big church in town. It was always around noon or even a little earlier. He did this because he knew the crowd would feature a majority of women. Sometimes, depending on the town, there would be a ratio of 80/20. After playing a few songs and doing some speaking, there would often be a little reception. It was there he would find a woman or two who he would then invite to sound check with him. They would leave straight from the church. His theory was that whoever said yes right away without thinking about it at all, he would end up having sex with between sound check and the show. He was almost always right. He called it spiritual counseling. His wife believed he was actually spending time praying and reflecting before his show, so would never call or disturb him during those few hours. So, the devout Christian singer who had millions of followers usually did this three or four times a week. He once told someone that he thinks he also has about twenty children out there that are probably his, but have no idea. You see, our singer believed that unprotected sex was the only way he could achieve glory so to speak and therefore, he has got a whole bunch of kids who look just like him which is why he never went to the same church twice. The next time back in town, he would pick another church and if there was not another one of equal size, he would just skip the promotion for that town.

33 comments:

sandybrook said...

Tomlin and thanks for finally remembering to post the big blind. A bit late but here it is.

ThingsIToldYou said...

Michael W. Smith??

Joseph P Blow, Kokomo PD said...

I could see this blind doing some damage.

Jon said...

Bebe Winans. Gotta be a black man with all the possible kids.

Alf Landon said...

Kirk Franklin -phony
We know it's not closeted Donnie McClurkin

Moose said...

He specifically uses Christian instead of Gospel, which leads me to believe it is a white male.

Steven Curtis Chapman?

Moose said...

If you consider "see the glory" as a hint...Chapman had a single called Glory, but Michael W. Smith had a whole album called Glory. Probably him.

Jon said...

Is there a difference?

Sara, Making It Work said...

I'll go with Bob "Butterfly Kisses" Carlisle.

Muckduck said...

I bet its Steven Curtis Chapman...I used to go to lots of these types of concerts in youth group. BUT it could be Michael W Smith...both are smarmy.

Brayson87 said...

False prophets abound, and the best place to find them is in a church.

MDAnderson said...

Kirk Franklin is trapped in the closet too. Not him.

Lonely Bastard said...

Never heard of any fucker mentioned so far. Complete nonentities outside of their field. Which seems to be a small field outside a Baptist church in Kansas.

Speaking off nonentities, my friend Carl smacked Bono in the mouth in 1977.
You've never heard of him. Carl that is, the other cunt he hit is slightly better known.

That's a hell of a lot more interesting than some famous only in his own kitchen God botherer touching up some big knockers dupes.

Lonely Bastard said...

'Of', not 'off', fuck it all to hell!

AppleThief4Elliot said...

I thought maybe the Grammy clue would help narrow it down, but Smith has three, and Chapman has a bunch more than that. My best guess is it's Chapman.

Joseph P Blow, Kokomo PD said...

I kinda think it is this Chris Tomlin that @sandybrook mentioned.

zee|nyc said...

Scott Stapp

Notagoodscreenname said...

@jon The hell?

Trak512 said...

Just fyi... Michael W Smith is close pals with both former Pres.GW Bush and GHW Bush.
Chapman suffered an awful tragedy (daughter killed accidentally in driveway), I feel very badly for that family .

Cee Kay said...

Disturbing how many options there are for Most Disgusting "Christian" Singer.

5551423 said...

steven curtis chapman doesn't really have that "look" you know... he kinda looks like a nerdy youtuber dad... not to mention his family tragedy.

michal w smith however LOOKS like he KNOWS he's considered "attractive" and has that general slimy quality about him

however i literally have no idea, but this blind is gross

DDonna Tarttty said...

If I knew, I would tell, but I do not know so I cannot say. Christian music was outside my bailiwick, and despite my great love for Jesus I'm not much a fan of what passes for it today either.

cheesegrater15 said...

It's gotta be Michael W. Smith. I thought it could be Kirk Franklin but he's so in the closet he's having tea with Aslan and Mr. Tumnus.

faxmenvdes said...

Gonna go with Scott Stapp of Creed

Raddddd said...

Um @Jon - What part of this blind led you to believe "Gotta be a black man with all the possible kids?"

Get out of here with your racism.

It clearly states a Christian singer - not a gospel singer. So NOT Bebe Winans. Who I've met and would be SHOCKED if this was him.

This is much more likely a white, southern "Christian singer" a la Trump followers. And just as fake & unethical as his evangelical followers.


Jennacheryl said...

Michael W Smith. He was hitting on my friends and I at a Billy Graham crusade back in 96 or 97.
My husband hit or kicked him a few yrs later for hitting on another teen girl he was friends with at the time at another concert.
I am a Christian, but not a bible thumper, used to love his music but after that no bueno.

cheesegrater15 said...

Ewwwwww, good for your husband.

T. W. said...

Michael W. Smith is the first name that came to mind.

As @Moose stated, black/African American or whatever politically correct term is all the rage are considered Gospel Artists. White people are considered Christian or Contemporary Christian Artists.

AppleThief4Elliot said...

Of course, @jon's mistake wasn't not knowing the correct music niche names. It was being racist.

Jon said...

So you're saying that black people can't be christian? Are they godless savages? Way to racially stereotype people. Not cool.

AppleThief4Elliot said...


No, @jon
I am saying that your post that reads; Bebe Winans. Gotta be a black man with all the possible kids. is racist.

TruRes said...

This post was hilarious.

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