What Do You Think?
If you have read the NY Daily News this morning you probably have seen this story. Apparently a doctor and his wife are getting divorced. OK, no big deal. It happens. What is the big deal is that about eight years ago, the doctor donated one of his kidneys to his wife. The wife thanked him by then having an affair with her physical therapist and serving her husband with divorce papers. Granted it was not immediately after the surgery, because that would have just been awful.
Anyway, in the divorce settlement the doctor is asking for either his kidney back or $1.5M in cash which is what the kidney is worth on the open market. Really? I didn't know they were worth that much. Anyway, he really has no case, and he even says he would donate it to her again if she would only come back to him. Guess this guy has a very broken heart.
Do you think that he should have even asked for the kidney/money or just let it go? I mean she is the mother of their three kids and so he obviously knows she can't give him the kidney or she will die and I doubt that is what he wants. Does receiving a kidney from a spouse force you to spend your entire life with that person? I don't think so. I know she must feel awful, but just because you got a kidney doesn't mean you should have to suffer and be miserable in a relationship for the next fifty years. Does it?
If your significant other gave you a kidney, would you feel obligated to stay with them forever? Is there a certain amount of time you have to stay with them after the surgery just so you don't look like you were using the person? I think if she had left him a month after the surgery, it would have been one thing, but this was like four years later.
51 comments:
A relationship should never be kept simply out of obligation. That goes against everything its supposed to be about. Its sad and weird to me that someone who'd be willing to donate a kidney, couldn't somehow prevent the infidelity. I know a person has to be accountable for their own actions, but usually women don't cheat unless there's a reason (usually neglect).
I saw this on GMA this morning. I thought it was funny as hell and makes the doctor look like a numnut.
Does a person give for the sake of giving or because they expect something in return?
Moral of the story, be careful who you give your organs to.
first of all, the guy is an ass. Seriously. I am sure that he made a big production of Hey I am the one that gave her the kidney and I am the one that saved her from having to go to dialysis 3 times a week, getting stuck with 2 needles every time she went, being stuck to a machine for up to 4 hours, hey look at me, I am the hero. They do serious screening for those who decide to become a living donor. This ass probaly skated through that because he is an MD.
I work in the dialysis field and let me tell you for this to even be brought to the legal table is disgusting. If the frivalous judges and attorneys open this pandora's box, they will be hurting those who are wanting to donate to a relative or friend-there by hurting the person in need of a transplant.
Yes, the wife had an affair and yes she filed for divorce, but to put a price on someones life-the man is a loser in more than one case. And, for those of you in the NY area, I would seriously seriously reconsider having this MD perform any ANY type of medical procedure on me or any member of my family.
He is an ass.
My sister went through a very nasty divorce. When the judge came up with a settlement, her ex deducted the price of sending my sister to college and her nose job. He fought for sole custody of her son after forcing the court to have her tested for drugs, even though she rarely even has a glass of wine. After dragging her to court many times, she gave up and let him have custody. He then sued for child support, even though he makes six figures and she was a stay at home mom years. I could go on and on about how he tried to destroy her, but my point is that he is also an ass.
I am no longer surprised by the depths that people will sink to. (and a preposition is a terrible thing to end a sentence with)
I am thinking he is going to be working McDonalds after all of his patients leave him. I mean seriously would want him as your doctor?
Donate with no strings attached, or don't donate at all.
As a wife, I would think that an organ donation would rank up there with having children when considering divorce. You gotta go the extra two miles to make it work before giving up.
The husband is an idiot but the wife is a loser. I doubt they had a great marriage to begin with.
Additional information from the original article:
First and foremost, said Robert Veatch, a medical ethicist at Georgetown University's Kennedy Institute of Ethics, "it's illegal for an organ to be exchanged for anything of value." Organs in the United States may not be bought or sold. Donating an organ is a gift and legally "when you give something, you can't get it back," he said.
"It's her kidney now and ... taking the kidney out would mean she would have to go on dialysis or it would kill her," Veatch said.
Nor can you assign a subsequent monetary value to an organ, Caplan said. "There's nothing later (you can get) in terms of compensation if you regret your gift," he said.
That's from the article. My opinion is:
The husband even though sadly jilted is being an ass.
It's almost like he is attempting to hold that kidney hostage to force her to stay with him.
He needs a shrink not a million dollars.
11:39 AM
I don't think I'd stay because of the kidney. I'd like to think I would keep a family together for the sake of the kids.
Poor guy.
JJ they didn't have a good relationship. The original article states that they were having trouble and the doctor felt part of it was due to the wife's illness.
He thought the marriage would get better if he donated the kidney. Sadly four years later she still filed for divorce.
Now he's sad, pissed, and wants sympathy in the worst way.
He sounds like he's either very controlling or way too into this woman.
you don't give up your right to have a life, regardless of the size of the favor your spouse did for you.
he gave his children their mother. he needs to move on and get the fuck over it.
I don't think by accepting the kidney it means staying together forever, but to an outsider, it certainly does seem callous. I don't know anything about their relationship, but I'd say neither one is perfect.
And as a doctor he needs to remember his oath: Do no harm. It's not just for your patients, it's for yourself and everyone around you, too.
Amen, Moosefan, and everybody else. Asking for the kidney back negates any simpathy he might have gotten otherwise.
Are you sure this isn't just a publicity stunt for Grey's Anatomy? :)
Enty do you think she ramdomly hooked up with him four years later?
no this trash was probably sleeping with the therapist for the 4 years and THEN left her husband.
they both suck.
Cheryl, sorry to hear your sister went thru a very bad divorce.
Are things better for her now or still having problems with the jerk/a-hole?
similar thing happened in my family -- my Aunt (by blood) gave my Uncle (by marriage) a kidney ... then he cheated on her and they are separated now
My ex wife needed a kidney.
I gave her mine.
Becuase I knew she was cheating on me, and I had kidney disease!
Now she's dead.
The end.
slappywhyte, hope your aunt doesn't take him back.
lmao@ror!
U R Bad Ror hahaha
I think the guy is terribly hurt and is lashing out. When he regains his senses in two years, I'm sure he'll feel embarrassed.
As for the wife, I think the second chance at a healthy life made her take a hard look at her current life. And she decided to change it. However, I too think she was boinking the guy for years before she overcame her guilt to dump her hubby.
"Keep the Kidney, give back the ring" I always say.
Conspiracy to commit murder? He didn't donate it, so she'd have an extra. She needs it to keep her ass alive. I think he needs to STFU and get over it. Did he stipulate that she would be enslaved to this shit-hole forever by accepting the kidney in some kind of contract? That's even more idiotic than some dude paying for his gf's breast implants then wanting them back on break up. Ent did say it's rant day, no? ;)
I used to do divorces in an old law practice I worked for. Generally, you cannot get back gifts that were freely given, no matter what they are. That's why they are gifts. Couples sometimes agree on giving back certain gifts for different reasons, but if you give a gift and the recipient still wants it when the divorce happens, the gift goes with that person. Further, a person can ask a judge to entertain any argument, it doesn't mean the court will give it any weight. The fact that this is a life saving organ and this tool wants it back is just reprehensible on its own merits.
Maybe it has sentimental value? A hand-me-down from his grandmother perhaps?
Yes, they're both tools. If he wants to kill her he should man up and do it the conventional way, instead of picking some passive-aggressive medical scenario.
Love the idea of the guy wanting the breast implants back from the ex, though. Can you imagine Valentine's Day with his next squeeze? "I got you *two* presents!"
an organ is not an engagement ring.
wth!? you can't just be like "we didn't work, i want my organ back even though its going to be kinda hard to put it back in"
ugh, i have kidney disease and this shit actually scares me.
moosefan! Thank you for doing your job! my biomom was on dialysis for 2 weeks short of 11 years when she passed away.
And I'll be on dialysis at some point :\
Thanks for asking Sylvia. My sister is ok. She is remarried to a nice guy. It's just shocking what people will do to hurt each other. I've been badly burned by extended family so I'm a bit sensitive. I'm fine too. Great husband, beautiful kids. I hope Mrs. Kidney can move on.
"we didn't work, i want my organ back even though its going to be kinda hard to put it back in"
I think I read that in a completely different way from how you intended it.
Dude smacks of an ass rarely seen. The kind that would wake her up every night to say "did you say THANK YOU for your life-saving kidney"? He's a dick, and comes off as a total control freak bastard.
Yeah, she's skeesy for cheating on him, but for a woman to cheat is (as previously said) pretty damn rare. There are reports of their marriage being crap before the 'gift'.
Move the f*ck on! She has your kidney. Your kids have their mom. Jesus H. Christ on a crutch! Remember the love that used to be there, and feel sad it's over but don't degrade the mother of your children, or yourself.
Ladies... if you were married to that selfish fuck, you'd cheat, too. You'd hold out for the kidney then leave his ass instantly. The fact that it took her 4 years to escape is a damn shame.
"Yeah, she's skeesy for cheating on him, but for a woman to cheat is (as previously said) pretty damn rare. There are reports of their marriage being crap before the 'gift'."
That is a big heaping load of horse shit. Cheating between the sexes is statistically equal.
The wife filed for divorce in 2005. Why is he just now asking for that damn kidney or is this old news?
The judge should have ordered a straight jacket for him a long time ago.
Rhianna-
Although I agree with you on 'most' of what you wrote, the "pretty damn rare" line caught my attention.
I have dated/lived with a LOT of women in my life. The majority have cheated on me.
Rare? Perhaps from what you have seen, but not what I have experienced, sadly.
My oh so humble opinion is that you keep dating the same "type".
Ror, did ya at least get the funbags back when you tossed the cheating sluts to the curb? reduce, reuse, recycle
Cheryl, glad to hear everything worked out for you and your sister. Too many assholes out there lol.
2007 statistics:
In North America up to 37 per cent of men and 22 per cent of women have cheated.
the husband is being petty. his ego is bruised and now someone must pay.
he should just let it go. i'm sure this divorce is a blessing for him...let her have the damn kidney...he still has his peen......
Little Bobby (stamps foot): I only gave you dat when we were FRIENDS. We're not friends anymore 'cuz you played tag with Billy. I want my game BACK!!! *starts to cry and punches little Suzie in the arm*
He needs a good cuff across the head and to be told to stand in the corner until he can act like a big boy.
As someone who is currently separated from my husband and sadly, most likely looking at divorce, I have a few things to say about this.
This story scared the living bejeezus out of me, while at the same time causing me to thank God that a) we have no children and b) he's never donated an organ to me, put me through school or given me anything of monetary value that can't be given back.
Your comments on women cheating are very interesting to me. I guess think what you will of me, but my view of this subject is not from an objective perspective. I never, ever, ever thought I would go outside my marriage. Ever. I didn't get married to have children, or not be alone, but because I had known my now-husband for 20 years and truly thought that he was the one. Well, he changed, got abusive in a way that mind-fucked me hard, then started having sex with me in the middle of the night while I was sleeping against my will and after I explicitly asked him to never do it again. Well, a guy I know was always really nice to me, and he was supportive through my marital issues and now I'm sleeping with him. Some women and men cheat because they're slimy or can't be satisfied by who they are with or are selfish assholes. Some do it because they find themselves in a really bad situation and someone is nice to them. I think before we condemn this woman for cheating and putting her at the level of her (ex-)husband in terms of being a tool, maybe we need to know a bit more about why she cheated. Sometimes, when you're trying to figure things out, and you feel like you're going crazy, that other person can be the only bright spot in your life, even though it's wrong.
@dbfreak. No judgments here, babe. Glad you got away from your abuser.
and, truthfully, we don't know what happened with these two people. if she filed in 2005, who knows if she just pulled some kind of shit on him to have him make this ridiculous claim.
obviously, he's not serious.
dbfreak, i understand your story COMPLETELY. not exactly the same circumstances, but, yeah, my high school sweetheart helped me get out. i had dated mr. bunny before the asshole, and he "took me back". he walks on water, 24 years later, as far as i'm concerned.
IIRC, george lopez also received a kidney from his wife, and i always thought that was a sweet story. although as far as i know, he didn't run out and cheat on her. BUT, i wonder if they divorced, if she could receive alimony forever based on his lifetime income? interesting concept.
Infantile revenge. No surprise she dumped him. It's been her kidney since she got it, and selling/buying body parts is illegal.
I shall entitle this post "Oh holy christ .. where the hell do I begin?? or ... Party of CDAN .. your order of TMI is ready!" {And forgive if this is too casual .. if I don't stay light with this I will lose my mind.]
And first .. to dbFreak .. please don't beat yourself up. We all need love and sometimes it comes when and where we least expect it.
On the 27th of March I will celebrate the 6th anniversary of my own kidney transplant during a marriage that would likely not have happened if I wasn't sick. I think it was a "it's the right thing to do" thing. I got married in August of 1997, went into the hospital to have one of my two failing kidneys removed to be listed with UNOS in September of 1998 - turned out that little bit of function was the only thing saving me from dialysis - and was on dialysis by June 6, 1999. From that date til my transplant, I lost my job, my friends, almost my life .. I was so bad off by January of 2003 when I went to Miami to get listed there they said no. [Dialysis is by no means any where near as effective as a real kidney and I had vascular damage, neurological damage that resembled something akin to Alzheimer's and my dialysis was so poor that my entire body was being degraded and slowly poisoned. So the doctors in Miami told me to go back home to Minneapolis, there was nothing they could do for me.]
But before that, in the late Spring early Summer of 2002 my spouse was drinking, distant and we had long since ended any physical side to our relationship and if I am honest that was actually gone before we even got married. So I fell in love with my best friend and had an affair with him so I could feel that passion again before I died. I knew the marriage was over .. so did my spouse .. but we both figured the end would come in the form of death .. not a divorce.
So the happy day arrives in 2003 - and according to the University of Miami - mere weeks before my anticipated death - and I get a reprieve from the great organ governor in the sky. And suddenly everyone is all happy .. new beginning!! Woo Hoo!! .. but I was not feeling that way. It was just I wasn't as sick and worse my brain was getting better and I was really seeing that it was a huge mistake for us to get married. Enter the guilt of thinking about leaving the person who went through this nightmare with me.
But then I met the man I was certain I had been spared to find. He was beautiful, brilliant mind, passionate, was also coming out of a bad marriage. We started as friends, but the connection quickly proved to be more than that and I was certain .. like "I know there is a God" certain - I had found the person I was supposed to spend the rest of my life with.
I have been in love with him since - 4 years on now. But in the end, he managed to get divorced, I am still stuck because I need the money out of this house I own with my spouse to clear debt from the marriage per Minnesota state law before I can divorce. He got pissed, last summer had a massive mid-life crisis and -probably rightly regardless of my still very strong feelings about him and his part in my life - ended it with me. [I am still devastated to a level I have never reached before .. probably because I was so certain he was "the One." But I have little to say in this area, at this point.]
Another factor in this might be something I was warned about before I was even released from the hospital .. relationships of all sorts tend to die after battles with serious illness. Though, at the time, I think their intention with that warning me as a transplant recipient what my spouse might do .. not what I might be thinking. Regardless, I think it still rings true. Stressful situations lead people to drastic changes.
So .. do you want to hear my take? Not even sure anyone will even want to read what I just wrote. But .. In for a penny ... in for a pound.
I am certain .. especially after reading the article, the husband wants her back. She doesn't want to go back. He needs help to heal and needs to realize - as a doctor no less - that his money BS can and will have negative effects on organ donation. UNOS does not pay for organs .. they will now have to field calls from idiots who want to sell organs for $1.5 mil when organs are harder than hell to procure as it is. [Part of the reason I spent so long on the list was I am B- .. very rare thought not as rare as AB-. If I lose my organ .. I will likely never live to see another organ come my way.] So .. he needs to seek treatment. I understand being heart broken .. but you have to move on. I think since body part is also involved, psychotherapy would be a really good idea.
As for if my spouse had offered .. I am so very happy I don't have to count how many angel dance on the head of that pin and have the answer have any true consequence. But I would think I would still realize it is a disservice to him as much as to me to stay together. He deserves to be happy as much as I do. Someday I hope the economy will afford us that luxury.
Okay .. end of TMI stream of consciousness on this very personal issue. Someday I am going to put this all into a book .. I just don't know if anyone would want to read it.
seriously for a good full minute i thought about living with one less organ.
i mean 1.5 mil? holy shit.
I have strong feelings about this because a similar situation occured within my family - my parents, in fact. I know I'm in the minority here, but I think that while offering an organ to keep someone in your debt is undoubtedly a manipulative act of neediness and desperation, accepting it with treachery in your heart is even colder.
I don't know the specifics of their marriage, if he really did this to keep her or if she still loved him at the time, but if their relationship was in trouble when she was ill... I don't think I could have accepted that offer under the same circumstances, no matter how much I wanted it. That's just worsening an already fuucked-up situation.
I know why she cheated, to get away from this creep.
I know why he gave the kidney, so he could always control her like a robot slave.
He needs to have the other kidney taken out!
There was a similar story to this in an episode of “House”; only it was a same sex female couple.
Jasmine, that's how much a person may pay to get an organ on the black market, not how much the donor gets. Most illegal transplants come from desperate people living in poverty who will gladly sell an organ for a few thousand dollars to save their families.
Dude is just desperate to do anything to hold onto her, not realizing that it's way over.
DB, I'm so glad you are free from that situation, although I'm sorry it came to that for you. I was worried when you first talked about what was going on, and I'm glad you're safe now!
Wil, that sucks all around. :( I hope your new kidney stays strong! I heard a news story a few weeks ago about how a lot of people can't get divorced now because they can't sell their homes, and neither spouse can afford to pay the mortgage by themselves.
I guess the doctor is claiming that since since he donated his kidney, that could affect his work at some point. Like saying if he develops some sort of kidney problem years from now, he would only have one kidney to deal with it, and he might not be able to work as well.
I don't know. Apparently his lawyer calls into Howard Stern's show a lot. I think his name is Dominick. He called in a few days ago to try to explain his side of the story.
I think it's silly what he is trying to do, though.
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