Saturday, June 02, 2007

Saturday Night Links- - aka I Have No Life

Actually what was supposed to be a great day that I had been looking forward to for awhile didn't happen because of some mussels. I got food poisoning about 4 years ago from some and vowed never to eat them in a restaurant again. Anthony Bourdain is 100% correct. Only eat them if you prepare them. Instead of joining ZX on an adventure, I huddled on a cool tile floor for about 7 hours straight. My boss interrupted my homage to death by telling me a client got arrested about 7am Saturday for doing a Lindsay. Yes, our client got arrested and Lindsay got a ticket. Anyway, the boss was in the middle of a golf game and couldn't get away. He told me I needed to take care of everything. I explained my predicament, but he explained he had been waiting two weeks for a chance to play golf and so I needed to suck it up. See if AP ever flirts with you or makes you smile again. ASS. So, food is not going to happen for me today or tomorrow or quite possibly ever, but I saw some interesting links and thought I would post.

Hey if I was married to Anne Heche, I think masturbation might be the safe route also. I don't have much to begin with and the idea of leaving it exposed for an length of time to this nut would make me extremely fearful. I think the fact her soon soon to be ex-husband did so is something to applaud and not something to be used against him in a custody hearing. Maybe he should have gone looking for someone on the same team as she did.

Visiting day at Promises for Lindsay is kind of like in Meatballs when Rudy's dad didn't come and visit on parent's day and so he had to hang out with Tripper. The fact that Rudy was also in My Bodyguard just popped in my head and is ironic considering the only one who came to visit Lindsay was her bodyguard. He also happens to get his checks signed by her so a little visit might not be a bad idea.

Katie Holmes has completed her transformation to the Dark Side. I can hear James Earl Jones in my head now. "Give birth and it will come." Two movies in one sentence. Kind of cool huh?

The Rock is going to see if the cooking is better outside of marriage.

Guess what? That's what. I crack myself up. No, seriously. Nicole Richie is scared of jail. Well I was down there today and I actually think she would do much better than Paris. Nicole is tiny, but strong. Her last baby came out sideways. I've watched way too many movies in my life as you can see. Nicole's not going to jail anytime soon with the caveat that she doesn't get in an accident or caught with something she shouldn't have. OK, so maybe she will go to jail soon.

Lindsay's not going to the MTV Movie Awards. There were better ways to cancel her date with me, but I do have to give her points for originality. Much better than the whole washing the hair thing. One car accident, lesbian lovers, coke, rehab. She really went all out to avoid our date.

Speaking of the MTV Movie Awards. I gave away my tickets after being rejected twice by the same person who then changed her mind after I gave them away. I will have a few readers there who will let all of us know what happens. In addition, my Oscar spy will be there and you know that will be really good. Monday should be busy with lots of photos, recaps, and of course the ZX reveal.

36 comments:

lec said...

Hey EL,

I hope you feel better soon. Sorry about the food poisining.

missbliss said...

Sorry to hear about your food poisoning EL! Amazing how you are able to still peice together some funny and well-written blurbs for your links in between the cold sweats and dashes to the bathroom. Frankly, i couldnt do it. Stay in bed and get well. :)

Anonymous said...

Aww, hope you feel better EL! BTW, Your boss sux...

Anonymous said...

sounds like a 'shitty' weeknd...feel better soon.

Hez said...

I'm glad I checked in. That was hilarious!

It's ginger ale and dry toast for you, chum. Hope you're feeling better. Consider this a virtual cold compress.

And dear, you know I always have a party frock on stand by. Just have the ticket waiting at the gate and I can be there by showtime. ;)

lexi-con said...

you poor thing. did your boss want you to vomit all over your client and the windshield, hence also drive into a tree? putz. hopefully you're fine now, otherwise shake a coke flat and eat pretzles, the salt will help.

Jerry said...

On the bright side, there's nothing like bad television on a Saturday nite to help accelerate the healing process.

Altho remember this: if you found something good on TV and start staying home to watch it, you're officially old. Welcome to the club.

amy said...

i contracted some sort of food poisoning traveling with the director of manufacturing, who insisted on burger king on a 2 hour road trip after a three hour flight to get to an out of the way plant. talk about rough. i probably should have been at the hospital at 3am but instead somehow sucked it up going to meetings and cracker barrel and outback steakhouse and somehow evaulating their manufacturing system. i don't know how i did it--wouldn't do it now!--but sometimes the Big Cheese is that intimidating.

gatorade and soda crackers help too. feel better.

amy said...

also, you're better off having given the tickets away. she was hoping someone else would ask her. who needs that?

Frenchie said...

I'd recommend befriending Gatorade and Gravol. The only two things, besides sleep, that ever help me get through the shakes, throwing up, and the cold sweats.

Hope you're on the mend soon. Seafood's the worse for food poisoning, isn't it?

bionic bunny! said...

poor enty!
the doc always said to give my kids flat 7-up or ginger ale (add a small amout of warm water), RED jello (good for both ends). he said the sugar content in gatorade isn't good for that sort of thing. and saltines, and i want to say white rice & bananas, but i wouldn't swear to the last two.
feel better!

Anonymous said...

Ah, yes. I am familiar with the cool tile floor. Rode out a nasty episode with some sardines there 20 years ago. Haven't touched them since. Something about that cool tile floor. Or maybe the proximity to the toilet.

Patsy

Amanda said...

Hope you feel better Enty- I had the same type of poisoning thing for three days in a campground in Germany. Not nice at all!
We're all thinking of you. You're a trooper still doing the blog!
;)

Amanda-chy in the UK

Anonymous said...

Man UP!!!!!

While you're in the ladies room chucking, lift up your skirt and take OFF the PUSSY!!!!

Anonymous said...

If you decide you can actually face food again in the next few days, try what pediatricians call "the brat diet", brat being an acronym for bananas, rice, applesauce, toast, and tea - the preferred diet of those with intestinal problems. I'd keep the ginger ale around too; fizzy drinks always help a sad tummy.

So sorry you are suffering; your boss is an ass. Hope you are feeling better very soon!

the lawnmower said...

When I was bored and would stay in on a Fri or Sat night with some friends or a date I would play a game. I would watch a tivo'd episode of The Hills or Google a Katie Holmes/Tom Cruise interview. We had to take a shot of Patron Reposado tequila every time the word "amazing" was mentioned. I never made it through an episode or interview without passing out stone cold drunk.
-The Lawnmower-

fogcitykitty said...

Whatever you do, when you start trying to eat, make sure it's something sweet that will taste ok coming back up.

I stay away from shellfish altogether because of this kind of stuff, unless I'm preparing it myself.

Can't decide if I like the reveal or not. Part of me really wants to know. Part of me really likes the puzzle.

Feel better, Enty

libby said...

Don't know how I missed this since I was home and online, too. (I spent two hours watching Debra Messing being a 'Starter Wife'--it was ok.) Hope you're feeling better today, Enty, and can't wait for FUNday and the big reveal. Love ya!

Dorothy said...

Food poisoning sucks. What's with everyone suggesting food? Like he wants to eat. When I had it, I went days without thinking about food. Also went days without work, so your boss sucks worse than mine.

LOVE Anthony Bourdain! He must have a stomach of steel to eat what he does. I'm attracted to him. I can't believe I admitted that.

Oh... ZX looked adorable on what was supposed to be your adventure. It was hot there so be happy you didn't go.

Thanks for posting and thinking about all of us. Feel better!

Anonymous said...

lawnmower you are the shit

Anonymous said...

ent homemade mac n cheese is awesome ona sick stomach... dont know if it comes back up or not

Anonymous said...

Ent your clost g-friend Paris is presenting an award tonight... better tune in

Anonymous said...

My suggestion from my last two experiences with food poisoning are slightly warm vegetable broth and rice pudding. DEF the rice pudding. It's sweet and you feel like you got something accomplished and if it does come up (or uh...go THROUGH) it's way way way less intrusive.

oh, and wash it down with natural apple juice...mmm i'm now getting hungry. damn.

good luck!
--Mel

chimpydal said...

LOL at all the recommendations for food poisoning!

Just had a bout myself two weeks ago and once it had passed the stomach and I stopped throwing up, the GI part made me wish I were dead.

However, oddly enough Mel (4:48) is right, on day 3 when I finally had gotten to the point where I was willing to venture a taste of something, I found myself craving rice pudding. Wierd - yes, but oh so good! and it stayed down! Who knew?

Also, I'm throwing in my own vote for the 'don't reveal her' option on Monday...I like not knowing who she is.

mookie said...

aww, (((enty)))...feel better. hope you're all about the sprite and crackers right now, and getting some rest.

thx for posting the links, you know we love it.

can't wait till maƱana.

Mistik said...

Well, sorry you have to have it ... glad it was food related and not (heaven forfend!) related to my writing!!!

Get well soon!

Anonymous said...

I hope you are feeling better EL. I love your site and am looking forward to tomorrow!

-Cleo

Hez said...

I must concur... lawnmower IS the shit.

All these stories are reminding me of a grim Valentine's Day in Morocco in 1988 when the tile floor was my ill-advised-beef-consuming ass' best friend, and I chundered so much I actually had bruises on my stomach.

Yet somehow still not the worst Feb 14 I ever had...

Valkyrie said...

My professional medical advice is to do what you can to keep things down so you don't dehydrate during the "lightning round" (cause that's what it's going to feel like coming out). As long as you're able to keep stuff down, let it come out as long as it needs to, none of that Imodium stuff. Get the badness all out.

mngddess said...

Food poisoning sucks, Ent, so sorry...

At least it's comforting to know you've got a ton of "nursemaids" ready to assist.

I definetely think next time you get awards tickets you need to take Hez. I don't think she has a serious mental illness...

(heh)

And Lawnmower is absolutely correct. If you use the word "amazing" as a basis for a celebrity-based alcoholic game you will be drunk within minutes.

Where's Pinky?

mngddess said...

The Rock finally got divorced. It's a wonder it didn't happen sooner. He either travels or stays on the West Coast and she's based in the Miami area. But she would show up when he did Raw or Smackdown in Miami.

Now that is a man, for sure..
Cyn

betsnup said...

Happy Monday, Happy Monday, Happy Monday!

I know I am starting early, but I am just so excited to find out who ZX is.

**impatiently waiting at computer**

kchal said...

Me too Betsnup - sucks sometimes being and eastcoaster :)

Anonymous said...

Lawnmower,

Lainey must have read your entry. :)

http://www.laineygossip.com/ArticleList.aspx?ID=6710

Anonymous said...

The arrested client is Shemar Moore.

http://www.tmz.com/2007/06/04/shemar-moore-dui-the-young-and-arrested/

Anonymous said...

Nicole's last baby came out sideways? Sounds like an abortion to me.