Monday, December 28, 2009

Jon Gosselin Gets A Visit From A Knife Wielding Elf


Apparently when Jon Gosselin was off hitting on and having sex with every barely above a teenager he could find, he must have inadvertently hit on the daughter of one of Santa's elves. That is the way I like to think of it. It seems that when Jon returned back to New York yesterday he discovered that his television and other stuff of value was stolen. The things of little value like his self respect and his clothes had been slashed with a knife and ruined.

He did discover a note stuck to a dresser which probably said something like, "Thanks for being such an ass. Merry Christmas, Hailey." Of course it could have also been a a Christmas catalog from Ed Hardy.

Anyway, Jon called his lawyer who called the cops and then Jon began the crying game and I bet I can make a buck out of this game if TLC would only let me. If you would like to throw up a little in your mouth, please read the following statement from his lawyer.

"The greatest damage from this vicious, mean spirited and heartless crime was perpetrated not on Jon’s property and possessions, but on Jon Gosselin himself, who experienced a traumatic, emotional, roller coast ride having just shared a joyful family gathering with his children during their Christmas."

35 comments:

Lucy said...

I'm calling it now... Jon did this himself... :P

Anonymous said...

I agree with you, Free Thinker. The insurance money must really have tempted this unemployed creep with the big child support payments.

Anonymous said...

if he gets caught having done this himself, jail time will just be the icing on the cake.

Momster said...

Speaking of Ed Hardy, I saw a page-a-day calendar of his "art" at Hastings bookstore. If I had Enty's address that would have been his Christmas present!

And it's probably half-off now!

ItsJustMe said...

Why do I get the feeling that Jon is going to show up dead one of these days?

Little Miss Smoke and Mirrors said...

Totally a balloon dad move.

Sporky said...

This guy really has no idea just how big a turd he is, does he?

Lucy said...

I'm betting it was a combination of "poor me's has no money" and "I sure miss the spotlight!"

von said...

What on earth is a "roller coast ride"?

Kingrey said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Kingrey said...

Traumatic roller coaster ride? "That's what your mother said, Trebek! Huhuhuhuh"

ballyhoo. said...

enty, how could you have left out the most brilliant line in this entire saga?


"Jon feels like he was raped."

raped?!? seriously, will this douche ever learn?

slider1964 said...

At first I thought he did it for sure. But now I am hearing that she admitted writing the note, and that they have a security tape. they haven't said yet if shes on it, but if she left the note, I'd guess she is on it. I just want him to go away!!

selenakyle said...

Stooping looooowwwwwww.....

Julie said...

wait, it came out that Hailey wrote a note? oh ugh. there are some people that should just fade away, back into obscurity.

I really want to like Jon, too. :\

JJ said...

There's got to be a security tape. Altho I'm no fan of his, I really hope she did it.

Cecilia00 said...

Nothing about worrying for the safety of his children if he is being targeted? Shocking.

Anonymous said...

Wasn't she photographed moving out of his place last week? Makes sense that she would leave a note telling him what she thought of him and of course she would show up on videotape, but did he take advantage of that circumstantial evidence to stage it himself and point blame on her? Does he have that many brain cells?

slider1964 said...

Cali I really didn't think he was smart enough to frame somebody, but if you think about it she could have written the note, but several days ago and he just kept it.And there's this: Jon's lawyer said the NYPD fingerprinted the scene -- but Hailey used to live in the apartment with Jon, so her prints are gonna to be all over the place.

I think he's so desperate for money he'd do just about anything, but he isnt smart enough to pull something like this. Maybe the lawyer who wants to be paid cooked this up??

libby said...

As soon as I heard this, I knew it was for publicity, insurance money or even....Maybe there's a way he can get out of his lease if he can 'prove' it's unsafe to live in? There is no way that chump is paid in full on his rent right now.


Btw, real burglars never take the time to shred your stuff AND carve words into wood. STAGED.
Why do dumbasses think they can fool cops on this stuff?

mooshki said...

I was going crazy all freakin' weekend with this story, because I couldn't wait to hear you post about it, Enty! :)

nancer said...

nobody's confirmed anything---all this shit is coming from 2 attorneys. anyone going to believe his attorney? hers?

the truth will come out soon but it won't come from either of these douchebags or their attorneys.

nancer said...

oh, i forgot. for comparing this to being raped, i almost wish that could be arranged for jon's attorney so he can see what an offensive and ridiculous analogy that is.

ardleighstreet said...

I think FacePlant did it. He owed her money and she decided to play Grinch and keep his Christmas from coming somehow.

Ms Cool said...

Twit

Anonymous said...

Yup, the fatty greaseball did it himself!

Thought you guys might get a kick knowing that I saw Ed Hardy high ball glasses going for a mere pittance at the local Ross's awhile back. In fact, its an Ed Hardy graveyard; its where all of his merchandise goes to die.

sunnyside1213 said...

Oh, cry me a river. GO AWAY!

Pookie said...

i'm w/ Ballyhoo on this one...how DARE his camp compare what happened to rape?! that outrages me more than anything.

Unknown said...

I've known a family member whose spouse ruled every aspect of their wife's life from grocery money to sending her to the store with a menu plan, etc...When she left him she spun out of control and had no limits which is what I think has happened to Jon. Had a well to do dad and then TLC...he is desperate.

Moosefan said...

For the love of all that is Holy and right-let this man, his fame hooker ex wife fade to nothing in 2010. So sick of both of them.

verylargecolt said...

Ha. I thought the same thing, he TOTALLY did it himself!

Mango said...

Jon Gosselin Gets A Visit From A Knife Wielding Elf

So my first thought was, Why was Tom Cruise visiting Jon Gosselin and where did the GMD get a knife??

Unknown said...

I think they are capable of being in on this together, but he's desperate to get some positive press, even if it's manufactured sympathy - the guy is broke, has huge child support payments he has no prayer of making and acts like a child, and this smacks of a temper tantrum.

As usual this is going to hurt and frighten his children, and instead of keeping it quiet he's gone public with no consideration for his legion of kids. He's a sad little man who I think is the kind of person to do this for attention.

bionic bunny! said...

i think linda may have hit the nail on the head.

and not in his defense, but it this WAS a true break-in, i've often heard people say it "feels as though they were raped". it's a loss of one's control and violation of personal space. i'm pretty sure a rape victim would not agree with that analogy, but i have heard it many times.

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