Tuesday, April 03, 2012

Pax's Birth Mom Wants Reunion


Angelina Jolie has been informed by the adoption agency she used to adopt her son Pax that his birth mother is now off drugs and clean and would love to see her son. Apparently Pax's mom used to be hooked on heroin and abandoned her baby when he was just two days old. The Enquirer is reporting that the mother, who is 34, wants to introduce Pax to his biological family. So, far Angelina has been stalling them. The adoption process there seems open which to me is the better way to go than cutting off someone forever, but a negative to that is that the biological parents of the child can be in their life whether the adoptive parents want it or not. Open adoption can seem like a great idea when the baby is born, but I wonder if parents regret it down the road and wish they had a closed adoption.

53 comments:

Alli said...

I wonder if she'd want a reunion if he hadn't been adopted by Angelina Jolie?

RenoBlondee said...

I think that sounds like a really bad idea until the kid is older. Really bad.

Sakhi said...

I'm not sure what the rules are for open adoption in Cambodia, but in the US there are levels of openness. Basically, in the US you are creating a legal agreement with the birth family about minimal levels of contact. However, the adoption is still binding and cannot be reversed. This tends to be more beneficial for the children, since they don't romanticize who their birth family is. I'm sure in the case of Pax he's not doing that. It could be a great opportunity for Pax to know about his bio family. However, I agree that it can be an emotionally difficult process for all involved, especially if the birth family is not realistic about their role in the child's life. I read a book by Dan Savage called "The Kid" its about how he and his partner adopted their son via open adoption and it gives a lot of information on the pros and cons of such a process. Its a good and quick read. Highly recommend.

Tara Green said...

Yep, previous 2 posters summed it up.

mynerva said...

Well this is a big old mess, isn't it? I feel for the kid. And for Angelina too. Whatever else you may think of her, she seems like an excellent parent and I think she's trying to protect her son here.

Jules_345 said...

Alli, I was thinking the same thing. Im not a big AJ fan but I do believe she loves these kids and I dont envy her this decision. She is going to look like the bad guy keeping him from his family but IMO, they lost their rights when they gave him up. Yes, I know people can change but he is too young to have to deal with this.

Jenny said...

I doubt his mother has been clean and sober very long. Angie took Pax to his home country recently, and Pax visited with his grandmother. Why not the mother then? Something does not add.

MISCH said...

Not good....

Miaspeople said...

"birth mother is now off drugs and clean and would love to see her son..."

or be paid to go away.

Basil said...

I have a feeling Angie is going to have open her wallet up.

Merlin D. Bear said...

While I agree that knowing your biology and genetics are vital, I'm also a world class cynic.
If Pax weren't a Jolie-Pitt then I really don't think his biological would be making this request.

mngddess said...

I would explain the situation to Pax and ask him if he wants to meet his family. you can't hide it from him because someone might tell him, or he might see it on TV. It's about the child, not the parent. It's not as if the birth mother doesn't know at this point that he was adopted by a celebrity and, on appearances, seems to be doing well.

Rose said...

I can't stand AJ but if she is having him visit with his grandmother then I am inclined to think she will do what is best for Pax. I don't know what that is. I know in the past she has said she wants the kids to know all about their culture and where they come from.

crila16 said...

Wow...Pax went from one Heroine addict mother, straight to another.

I kinda have to agree with Alli. Would the biological parents want anything to do with Pax if Angelina wasn't a celeb? I wonder if she's looking for Angelina to feel sorry for her and hand her over a couple 100 grand or something.

crila16 said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
sifichick said...

It's sad that this kid has to go through this. AJ might be a bit strange at times but she seems to really love her kids. If I were her I'd talk to Pax and see what he wants to do. I'd weigh the options and then make my decision. I'd also make sure that the mother had been clean for a minimum of 6 months. I wouldn't want to get his hopes up and then have her get back into drugs. Stuff like that tears a kid apart.

Megley said...

Birth mother didn't give baby up for adoption--she abandoned him. At two days old. That, in my mind, removes whatever parental rights she had. This isn't a remorseful mother wishing she hadn't given her child away--this is a junkie who walked away. To me, that's a huge difference. This is someone out for payoff.

Megley said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Anonymous said...

I thought Pax was Vietnamese and Maddox was Cambodian.

This is such a personal matter but I don't think Pax is old enough to understand the situation, nor to make a decision.

Texshan said...

I'm with Megley. She abandoned her kid. I'm not into giving second chances when it comes to the health and welfare of a child.

SusanB said...

With the above re abandonment. Wait till he's 18 and then let him decide if he wants contact or not.

weezy said...

Watta dope. What was the point of adopting abroad if it wasn't closed? She just *had* to have him and didn't listen to her lawyers' advice?

SpunkyPR said...

While I agree with everyone, I don't think this mother came forward because Pax was adopted by AJ. If all she wanted was money, that could have easily been done without media attention (and I have no doubt AJ would have paid). I agree with Jenny that there seems to be more to this story and quite frankly I don't see how AJ would come across as the bad guy since she is just looking out for the welfare of her child.

Worstcompanytoworkfor said...

They should wait until he is an adult.

MISCH said...

Probably right it's about money...

MISCH said...

Probably right it's about money...

Carrie L. said...

Pax was 3-1/2 when he was adopted. He knew some of his family, had relationships with them & had a different name. I remember a lot starting right before the age of three; how much does he remember? Angelina said the transition was hard for him. I hope she keeps an open mind...maybe it would be helpful for the kid who is always deemed to be rebellious & lashing out. JMO.

Anonymous said...

I think this woman is looking for money. She's not this child's mother. She may have given birth to him, but that's it. If I were AJ, I'd be stalling like crazy too.

hothotheat said...

Not sure how I feel about this but an open adoption is best for the kid and kind to the birthmother (assuming this was a mother that gave her kid up for a better life). Since this woman abandoned her kid, chose drugs over her own flesh and blood I don't think it should automatically be an open adoption or that Pax should be forced to meet with his birthmother.

I tend to agree with those saying this about money.

Snowstorms said...

In Vietnam the cases are all different. Some children are abandoned at the orphanages, but quite a few live in them due to an absentee parent and the family not being able to (in their minds) properly care for the children and they want the children to have a chance at a better life. I am very close to two girls in this situation, and the one is still very close to her family and goes to visit them each year. The other one doesn't care to ever go back...

This IS the National Enquirer and there are plenty of corrupt facilitators who would fabricate this story and sell it to the NE to make a buck as well. I am thinking of a particular mother/daughter duo in particular. If Maddox got to see his family, there is a reason Pax might not be going home to see his "mom."

Steppy said...

Apparently Jolie's (self) touted goodwill and eagerness to help the less fortunate does not extend to this poor women.

Shame on Jolie. She should get her arse on a plane and take the kid to see his family.

dipporta said...

I'm sure it's all about money.

auntliddy said...

I think its about money too. and as for open adoption, I think its too confusing for children. If he had not been adopted by Jolie-Pitts, I doubt the mother wld be asking to see him big mess, I hope kids fares well tho

Anotheramy said...

Since when do we take the word of NE

zeldafitzgerald said...

I wonder what the kid wants?

Romy said...

Not a fan of Jolie, but I think she is right to stall and see how this plays out. I am adopted, closed not open, and birth mother somehow traced me and showed up at my adoptive mothers funeral when I was 10 years old, I am in my 30's now and still wont have any contact with her but she keeps on popping up like a bad smell every few years and it causes endless heartache for myself, hubby and family

Kait said...

As an adoptive parent I just have to say that if any of the people who abandoned my kids wanted to come back in their lives right now the answer would be absolutely no. That won't always be the answer but right this second, for the best interest of my children and my family, I would have to say no.

Hopefully the Jolie-Pitt family can be given the space and freedom to make the same decision.

And for the record - open adoptions are NOT legally binding. I don't believe any states right now recognize legal grounds of open adoption and I believe only Uganda (requires what they call heritage trips every five years) and the Marshall Islands (requires ongoing contact with biological family) express any inclination towards openness.

misspoppypants said...

I wonder if she'll use Pax to manipulate money out of Angelina. Wouldnt trust her at all.

misspoppypants said...

I think if this a representative sample of society, very few people would fault Angelina for limiting or avoiding Pax's ovary donor to him. She is, after all, a heroin addict, sober or not, that will repeat on her for the rest of her life and she will have to be hypervigilant. She should absolutely not worry at all about looking like the bad guy. Who cares what other's think about your wariness to hook your son up with a heroin junkie? Not I.

Henriette said...

I thought Angie bought all of her kids. There was a scandal about the adoption agency she used.

Jessie said...

Well at least Angie and his mum have something in common, I guess.

Fijigrrl said...

I agree w/ previous posters -- he can choose when he is 18, or truly old enough to understand. Again, despite I'm sure their flaws, it seems the Jolie-Pitts have worked hard to make sure the kids stay in touch with their cultural backgrounds.

GardenGirl said...

Not a good idea.

I know someone who adopted five children, two of them were open adoptions.

She said she regrets it and wishes she had never done it. Her comment was that they were giving up the child for adoption for a reason.

Her children that saw their bio parents were exposed to some situations that they never would have been otherwise. She is still dealing with the consequences of it 15 years later.

Especially with them being celebrities, that would be a bad situation. When Pax is 18, then he can make the decision whether or not to see them.

not on my dollar said...

I am not a fan of open adoptions and believe that if a person adopts a child THEY are the parents, end of story.

One of my family members adopted a child who found their birth mom when they became an adult and now the situation has turned into a nightmare.

I used to want to adopt a child but with all of the stories I'm hearing of birth mothers coming back years later to be a part of the child's life I've changed my mind.

ppreacherswife said...

I'm an adopted kid, met my bio mom as an adult. My two younger brothers are from open adoptions, and have always known their bio families, and it really messed with their heads. Now as adults they are both extremely confused and have dealt with multiple issues because of the confusion. I am totally for closed adoptions, with the exception of medical history. Medical history should be a mandantory thing in every adoption.
I hope AJ puts it off til Pax is older and can make his own decision about meeting her.

Diane said...

I'm an adoptee and I'd seriously call b.s. on what hothotheat said. Open adoption isn't good for anyone but the "birth mother". What it does for the adoptee is that it creates an "othered" situation where they are made to feel different, unusual, and abnormal. It points out what a special circumstance they are, since non-adoptees get to have just the one set of parents (or two sets in the case of divorced parents who have remarried, but these parents are stepparents and are highlighted as such). Even if the child is raised in a single parent household, there's still the knowledge that there's that one other parent out there in the world. But what an open adoption forces an adopted child to do is to acknowledge a traditional set of parents (the adopted parents) PLUS a separate set of "parents" (the "birth parents") who, if they wanted to be so involved in these children's lives, shouldn't have thought of adoption in the first place AND should've worked harder to ensure a stable household in which they didn't feel the need to adopt.

I know who gave me up for adoption. Even though it was a closed adoption, the redactions in the paperwork made available to my REAL and ONLY set of parents made it easy for me to figure out via some minor detective work who this woman was. She died when I was 28 and while it made me sad to discover that (in the sense that it is sad to contemplate someone losing their life), I didn't feel entitled to mourn her death in the way that I mourned my dad's death some four years prior because she was, is, and always will be a stranger to me. I'm eternally grateful she wasn't a selfish pig who kept me even though she couldn't afford a child, and I'm even more grateful I wasn't forced into an open adoption situation where her family could've very easily taken advantage of my family, but I have a set of parents already. They were the ones who raised me, who paid my Catholic school tuition, nursed me when I was ill, kept me on the straight and narrow, and sae me through my childhood and adolescence, and only they get to be called Mom and Dad by me. And I don't ever want that to change.

I wish more people were selfless enough to do what the woman who gave me up did, since that is absolutely the best route to take. It was clean and simple and gave me the opportunity to have a normal childhood and to be normal. My life wasn't made into a carnival side show just because some people wanted to feel better about themselves or thought they were doing me a favor. I'm eternally grateful for that. And I really wish that the woman who abandoned Pax at the orphanage could just leave things be and let Pax have as normal a childhood as possible while having two celebrity parents, one of whom is being delivered a really raw deal and whom I feel is a much better person than a lot of people would like to acknowledge.

Tatyana said...

"Shame on Jolie. She should get her arse on a plane and take the kid to see his family."

He sees his family every day.

Adventurous Kate said...

Last time they were in Vietnam -- within the past year -- Angelina and Pax spent time with his bio grandmother.

Good for them. Open adoption, for many reasons, is the best option.

Rose said...

I'm not in this position or know anyone who has had to deal with this so my opinion is only based on what others have said about their experiences.

I hadn't thought one way or the other about it too much but I think Diane makes a really good point. I wouldn't have wanted to grow up feeling I had to try and be part of this second family, maybe just out of obligation. I've read about adoptions where they might be considered as open because the adoptive family sends pictures a certain amount of times. That might be what is best for the child.

That said, @misspoppypants, you are also describing Angelina. A former heroin addict who may or may not be sober on narcotic patches. Brad will have to be hyper-vigilant with her as well I suppose.

I would think though, if this is an open adoption then Angelina should have had an idea that the mother would have been popping up at some point. Was Pax given up adoption at the orphanage or was he left somewhere by the mother? More than one poster has talked about birth mothers abandoning their kids but I think giving up your baby to a good home is a selfless act. In this situation if the mother is a junkie so this was the better solution.

hothotheat said...

@Diane You're "calling b.s." on me. Really? Um, ok.

You could just disagree. Clearly adoption is a sensitive topic for you....

Lelaina Pierce said...

I think it's the child's decision but he is clearly too young to make that call right now.

Dishtlk said...

My hubby is adopted and when we had a child i asked him if he wanted to try to find his birth parents, mostly to know the medical history for our daughters benefit. He was really against it and feels very much like @diane does about it.
I think its a very personal thing and depends on the person how they would react to the situation.
I do find it odd that they still see his grandma but not his mom...

El Naro said...

@Diane: I hope you seek help as this seems to have triggered you. As a fellow adoptee, it is perfectly NORMAL to acknowledge the sum of your parts - birth and adoptive parents. To counsel against this is to counsel against knowing yourself. Fine, if that is what you choose to do, but don't make that recommendation for all. My experience has been that finding and knowing an original parent has been extremely freeing and peaceful. Of course, I am not judgmental about my birth mother and have read up on the topic, e.g. Ann Fessler, The Girls Who Went Away.

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