Today's Blind Items - You Can Touch It If You Want
This actor is A list. Mostly television. His movie roles have been limited, but he just has that movie star quality. Right now he is pretty happy doing what he is doing. Why not? Hit show and women love him. They fall all over him. He is having the time of his life, although he does miss the days when he could cheat on his significant other without having to worry about being exposed publicly. His significant other latches on to him like Lindsay Lohan latches on to a billionaire with a fur coat collection. She can't be next to him all the time though and the second he breaks free he heads to a private member club that always seems to be filled with women. There he can indulge his two favorite activities. Drinking and flirting. When he has a few drinks, our very good looking actor will start discussing his peen which he loves to talk about constantly and then plays a game of you show me yours and I will show you mine. Apparently he is charming enough that this usually works and if it does, the next step is to ask if they want to touch it. If they say yes he heads up to one of the many rooms at this private club and spends some time with the woman. They are not escorts, but are simply very attractive women who are allowed to visit the club for free provided they know someone and sign a confidentiality agreement. Surprisingly there are not that many actors who are members of the club. The owners think they are not the proper type of member, but the owners love this actor because of his show and decided to make an exception. The fact that he has them come visit him on set probably helps.
62 comments:
Jon Hamm.
@Dana - yep. First sentence in and I knew it.
"Private member" - hahahahaha!
that guy from vampire diaries---Ian Summerland or whatever and his chick is the co-star
Damn you, Jon Hamm. I liked you so much before I heard about all the cheating.
LOL I was barely reading and thought of the Hammaconda. You ol' scoundrel!!
So who frequents these clubs if not actors? Why doesn't the Hammer just dump Jennifer if he's so tired of her? So many questions....
Hammaconda. BWAHAHAHA!
Fun fact (which you probably already all know, lol): Jon Hamm is the voice on the phone of Colin Firth's character's devastating call in A Single Man.
Hahahah I love thesuperficials posts on Jon Hamm's Penis Sightings. But yeah def him.
Well since Hamm never wears undies his peen is up front at all times..
Aw, it's Hamm, which makes me sad. I also thought it could be Jonny Lee Miller or Patrick Dempsey, but it sounds more like Hamm. Bummer.
No. Nonononono. I refuse to believe this unless I can see for myself. Uh, where's that club again?
La des- hammaconda- i love it!!!!! And iwod totally play with him! !!
With a heavy heart, I co-sign on the Hamm guess.
I am terrible at blinds and even I knew this was the Hammbone (as I like to call him).
Ha ha. I got Hamm too.
Hamm's dick
It sounds like the club is an advertising industry club in New York. I can't think of any advertising industry gathering that wouldn't salivate at Don Draper. That character embodies the sexiness of the industry that lured everyone in it to make it their career. In the early Mad Men years, each show would get dissected on Monday mornings at my office, and at every agency in town.
I want to visit the club!!
@lotta -- lots of industry clubs exist. You may know the National Press Club in DC, which has always had a tin of major speakers. They really have their own location with leather chairs, member events and really good breakfast. I've also been to several financial clubs in major cities. You need to be invited to join, and it is incredible networking.
I will have to ask the future mr seachica about the ad ones in NY. Jon Hamm IS on my free pass list after all...
Hamm is gonna have to either retire his horndog ways or straight-up break it off with Westerfeldt. I've said it before: if he keeps it up, the likes of Wiig, Fey, Poehler, et al. will stop taking his calls, and he'll be iced out of the comedy power-tribes he likes to frequent.
@seachica- thank you for the insight. It didn't even occur to me that this could be somewhere outside of LA. Now it makes much more sense.
Good tidbit Snapdragon. I did not know that...
The Hammaconda...yes, where is this club again? Sigh, I think I might be a little too old to join but if I could..Yeah, I'd "touch" it!
@B. Profane - according to a Lainey blind, Wiig has partaken in his cheating ways.
If Hamm is taking the owners of the club to the set, the club is most likely in Los Angeles. Other than the pilot which was shot in NY a couple years before it ever aired, Mad Man is shot in LA.
Come on, just touch it. Please?
Hamm, you old dog!
And yes, I would hit it but I would only hit it in if he was 'Mad Men' Jon Hamm, not regular Jon Hamm. Regular Jon Hamm ain't so cute.
"They are not escorts, but are simply very attractive women who are allowed to visit the club for free."
Hahahahahahahahahahaha! Whoo, that's a knee-slapper.
Sounds like soho house. Never been to the one in Cali, but that's the scene.
Co sign with the Hamm guess. I know he plays a scoundrel and is apparently one in real life but he still makes we weak in the knees.
Damn why is the power of the Hamm so strong????
@Little Miss Smoke -
they could be visiting the set when they're in LA for other business.
Totally! He has never done it for me. Blech.
My favorite part of this is all the names Jon Hamm's penis has. You guys just made my day.
Easy schpeasy! Women love playing with Hamm's hamonica! You know, I'd be disappointed if I didn't have pity on him. His GF really does latch onto the guy. Men need some air once in awhile (and apparently a bit more in his case).
Well Hamm you don't have to ask me twice!
Why doesn't he just break up with her so he doesn't have to worry about being exposed publicly?
Hammer time! but i tell ya, i would be all IN if i was one those sluts at the club. privte rrooomm!
I did not know that! I love that movie and that call breaks my heart!
I was thinking of Simon Baker from the Mentalist. He could charm his way into my touching his anything,anytime....
@erin Agreed.
Where is this place, I need a job.
Hamm - nailed it! I feel for Jennifer. No woman deserves to be treated like that, clingy or not.
Hamm from the first word. Jennifer Westfeldt just seems utterly pathetic to me. I don't know what she looked like before but whatever she keeps doing to her face is not helping and when your boyfriend attempts to pick up girls right in front of you and you just look the other way you are pathetic and that is why he will keep doing it. I'm sorry but unless you have a Georgina Chapman/Harvey Weinstein like relationship where you're getting some massive benefits that ouweigh the humiliating infidelities you need to get the fuck out.
I hardly ever have a guess at blinds, and even I know this is Mr. Draper. He is delicious. I don't care what he does. As long as he's not hurting children, I'm good. I only date black men, but wouldn't say no to a piece of his Hamm steak. He does it for me from here to Sunday.
ashton kutcher
I am going to go against all y'all, because the only image that popped into my head was
TIMOTHY OLYPHANT
(show, "Justified", limited movie roles, a long-term marriage which he downplays)
I WISH this was Nathan Fillion but There has never been a real girlfriend lately we have heard about. :(
I read this as Hamm.
There are definitely 'members only smoking clubs' that are stocked like a trout pond - The women aren't necessarily escorts, but they know where their bread is buttered.
I've actually worked security at two different clubs like this in Toronto - One for bankers and another for doctors. The bankers had better looking girls in attendance, in my opinion.
I say Ashton Kutcher
How come Jon Hamm gets away with this behaviour yet January Jones is always slut shamed?
Enty, please stop writing about me. And no, YOU can't see it.
What a dick!
In Hamm's case that statement could mean two different things. One is an expression of wonder & amazement. The other way has a tone of disgust.
i really dont understand why it's so "pathetic", "embarrassing" "humiliating" that jonn has extracurricular activities??
why is the blame on her? maybe she doesnt have such a high sex drive, and let's him out to play so hes not so deprived?
maybe they have an open relationship? maybe she has another boy/girl/something?
or maybe she is actually tolerant of not having to be suffocatingly chained to each other?
You know... I've had a major crush on the Hammstick for some time but now reading that he's the opposite of humble about it - I'm losing interest. Break up with your girlfriend and give her her dignity back. Go out and whore around as a single man without hurting someone who has stayed with you for over a decade.
In the Hollywood justice system, Blind Items are considered especially heinous. In Blogger City, the dedicated detectives who investigate these vicious Blind Items are members of an elite squad, known as the CDAN Reader Unit. These are their stories.DUN DUN
Main Suspect:Jon Hamm
Evidence:His Penis aka Hammaconda
BLind Item Verdict: GUILTY!
@ T.E Cuz - I don't think a woman as clingy and botoxed as Jennifer Westfeldt would be tolerant of his behaviour. More likely she's just come to terms with it. He plays the doting and supportive boyfriend in public so maybe that's enough for her. Which is still pretty sad.
Jon Hamm's alleged behavior has really turned me off lately...but I can't lie, I wouldn't mind a private meeting with the Hammaconda...and yes I would touch it.
Yep Jon Hamm or perhaps even Aaron Paul, but most likely Hamm. He seems kinda gross.
I thought Ashton Kutcher, too, though it didn't sound right (what exclusive club would be tickled to let him but not other actors in?) ... when I clicked on the guesses and realized you're all right ... it has to be Jon Hamm.
I don't know what the dynamic is between the two of them, whether she pretends not to know and he wants to support her fantasy, or she knows and doesn't care as long as she's his main girl, or knows, cares, and can't do anything about it, but gah. Either let it come out that you guys have an "understanding", or one of you LEAVE. Because it's ruining you both in the public's eye.
Hamm does have a HUUUUUUGE Dong, there are so many picures of it nearly ripping his pants hulk style even when he's just strolling along looking at birds and fluffy clouds. It's incredible, but who would want a wandering dong, no matter how big it is? No way. It is incredible, but it's like looking at a car that's going to blow up if you start it. What's the point if you can't keep it and have it be faithful?
Hahahaha @Anna, that was awesome! The HammaHulk!
Oh Anna, you rock my world. That sentence is perfection. "just strolling along looking at clouds and stuff" - awesome.
Oops, got distracted there and misquoted you. Yours was better!
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