Tuesday, December 05, 2006

My Week With K

I guess it is time for another long story. Thanks for being patient as it takes a great deal of time to make sure not too much is revealed, but at the same time making sure everyone is still entertained.

This story revolves around an A list actor. I know we have arguments about who is and who is not A list, but this actor who is 60+ (very broad here, but think more on the + side) is A list forever. Many, many movies, some television and awards and accolades from everywhere.
Litigation usually involves many documents and in this case both sides had demanded and produced tons of documents. K and I went through many of the relevant ones together so there would be no surprises at his deposition or at trial if it came to that. Having K there to help sift through all the documents was supposed to be helpful because he was aging and so looking at the documents again was supposed to refresh his memory and he could also advise me if something is missing, etc.

For one solid week I had this actor in the same room with me and thus learned way more than I wanted to about him, his social life, his vices, his hygiene, and his women. I am not predisposed to be awestruck by any celebrity, but this actor’s presence screamed "you will notice me and bow down before me."

The very first thing I noticed about K was that he enjoyed swearing and did so frequently. He was extremely fond of swearing loudly while I was on the phone or while I was trying to get something completed and needed to concentrate. His words were not limited to the basics, but were part of a much larger association of words that all flowed together into one large cuss word. The swearing was usually interjected with how K was smarter, funnier, better looking or thinner than the offending party.

K wanted to start each morning by about 7am and he was drinking steadily by about 7:40 or so. He kept a flask on him and would start each day with a swig straight from the flask and then just use it as "cream" for his coffee the remainder of the morning. Generally at lunch he would wander out of my office, look for the closest person and order them to the liquor store for a bottle of Midleton Very Rare whiskey. Never heard of it? Well neither had any of us. It is about $140 a bottle and is not easy to find. Of course K did not offer any money at all to the poor person assigned this task. I guess he assumed it would be added to his bill. In any event someone would get it for him and all afternoon he would give up any pretense of a flask or "cream" and just drink it straight, although from the coffee cup instead of a glass. Incidentally when I went to his hotel room one evening in response to a call which I will discuss shortly he had 4 or 5 empty Glenfiddich 40 year old bottles lined up on a desk. Each of those is about $2500 and I hate to think who paid for those.

Beginning about 2pm or so, K would start using the phone. He was looking for who he would "get the honor of sleeping with him that night." Well apparently no matter how much he paid, the honor was not something most of them wanted to repeat, hence the calling which often lasted several hours. I should clarify that as far as I know he actually never exchanged sex for money. In fact, most of the time women wanted to sleep with him the FIRST time. It was after the first time that he would end up having to buy them gifts or something else to convince them to join him again. K did not have a Blackberry or a cellphone. K had a big black book. A very big black book with all types of comments and notations next to entries. He either made very good notes, had a great memory or was full of shit, because he always had a comment about each person in the book. There were several hundred names in the book and considering his shaky memory, handwriting, and drinking it astonishes me to this day to think he could remember them all. His comments were not the "oh she was a nice girl who loved the opera." They were all related to the various parts of their anatomy and how they behaved in bed. K was and is married, but as he put it the first time I asked how his wife was, he said she is great but her pxxsy is not.

K’s calls also included those to everyone he ever knew on any movie no matter where they were located in the world. He would start telling a story about someone and then forget a detail and have to call that person to get the detail and then would call back the original person to finish the story. If someone was unavailable to take his call, he would harangue them to the extent that whoever was on the other end of the phone always gave in and did whatever they could for K. Calls were made to his bookies. He had more than one because he enjoyed them competing for his business and also if one did not accept his call immediately, he was on to the next bookie.

Since K did not live in LA, this week with me was his time of freedom as he put it. He needed something fresh and new as he was tired of what he was currently getting. When women would come into the office it was so embarrassing watching him and listening to him, but most of the women seemed to enjoy the attention at least the first time. It was not even that they enjoyed his attention. They loved it and were very flattered at first. As the week wore on though, everyone grew weary of his behavior and after 3pm everyday the women all knew to stay out of his reach as well.

After 7 hours of drinking, he was not generally very quick, but he was still strong. If he caught you, you were going to spend some time sitting on K’s lap enjoying his eau de whiskey and his horrific body odor. At the end of the week, the office needed to be cleaned. He would change clothes everyday (his clothes and tailoring were impeccable) and that was about the limit of his hygiene as far as I could tell. K acted inappropriately almost every second of the day, but because of who he is and was, no one was going to say anything.

The problem, especially in his case is that times have changed but K has not. All celebrities to some extent suffer from this issue. The higher on the list you are, the more you suffer from it. Celebs just become so accustomed to having their whims granted and it is constantly reinforced after years and years that they really know, no other behavior. Combine that with how Hollywood was when K was in his prime and the problem is just magnified. When K was in his prime he could do anything, commit any crime short of murder and probably get away with it. When the roles stop coming, the learned behaviors do not also stop and so what was tolerated before becomes almost offensive. K had age on his side and his legacy which really helped.

While he was in LA, K felt free to call me at anytime of the night. He continued this habit even after returning home which resulted in a cell phone change which I have said before is not unusual for me. On his third night in LA, K called me in a panic at about 1am. He told me I needed to hurry over because he had a big problem and had no idea how to fix it. I tried to ask him what was wrong and if it could wait until the morning, but K would have none of that. He wanted me over there now and started to swear at me and only stopped when he took a breath.

As I got dressed and drove over my imagination was in high gear. Had he killed the girl he was with that night or did he have the cops there? What was I going to see when I got there to the hotel? The drive only took a couple of minutes as I lived very close to this hotel choice unlike his choice of the previous night. On this particular night he was staying at the Wilshire Grand. K changed hotels every night depending on what he was hungry for. On that night he had wanted Korean food so had stayed there because they have a Korean restaurant in the hotel.

The previous night he had a craving for snails and Norwegian salmon and there was only one place to satisfy his craving. The problem was it was in Malibu. This would not normally be a problem for me. However, K hated limos and thought they were pretentious. (He of the $2500 bottles of whiskey) He wanted someone to drive him from the office. He was dissatisfied with his first driver and so he volunteered me.

For those of you not familiar with LA and who think Malibu is right next to everything, you are wrong. It is a really long drive from downtown LA and made so more by the fact that every hour in LA is rush hour. I spent many, many hours in the car that day with him and still wake up sweating thinking of it. He had comments about every person and car he saw and how they reminded him of so and so. He never wavered and just kept talking non-stop. The only bright spot was in the afternoon, he wanted to sit in back and sprawl out because he had been drinking all day. The next morning, everyone in the office was under instructions to talk about food and hotels within a 5 mile radius of my place.


When I arrived at his suite he was wearing only a robe, his hair was wild, and he had for him a terrified expression on his face which was really pale. The girl of the night was not to be seen which only raised my anxiety about what was going on here in the middle of the night..

To be continued...

96 comments:

Pink Dog said...

I have no idea whether you tell the truth or are full of sh*t but I don't care. Finish the story!

Jenn said...

Kurt Douglas or Clint Eastwood, if this story is actually true. I personally think you're another LonelyGirl15.

Anonymous said...

Jack, Clint, Sean, Robert Redford... Although I don't think Jack or Sean are married.

Anonymous said...

Jack Nicholson.

Anonymous said...

Michael Caine

Anonymous said...

This sounds exactly like that pig Sean Connery. For some unknown reason, women still find him attractive. He is known to be an ass like the guy in this story.

GGA

Anonymous said...

Kirk Douglas....

drcocks said...

I can't believe someone said Robert Redford. I totally disagree with his politics but from all accounts he is a perfect gentleman. My brother has interviewed him on several occasions and has nothing but compliments for his demeanor. That said, I think the person writing this is full of shit.

Anonymous said...

Kirk Douglas is fairly disabled from a stroke.
Jack Nicholson isn't married.
Michael Caine and Sean Connery are good guesses.
Donald Sutherland?

Anonymous said...

this is fun!

Anonymous said...

Warren Beatty???

Anonymous said...

I don't think it's Jack. He was just at a press conf last night. They said he looked young.

Anonymous said...

Sean Connery is in his mid-70's.

Anonymous said...

Jack is not married.

Anonymous said...

The story says that the actor has done some television - Sean Connery has never done any TV work...

Anonymous said...

Nevermind - could be Connery. He did some TV work early in his career...

Anonymous said...

Michael Douglas?

Anonymous said...

Harvey Keitel? Is he A list?

Anonymous said...

jack nickleson

Anonymous said...

How could you leave me hangin like that...it's just, well, cruel! And leaves me with too many questions that I'll be pondering all night...who is he? What was he doing? But hey I guess that's why I keep coming back for more.

Anonymous said...

hadn't thought of Caine or Sutherland. hmm....
It's upsetting for me 'cause I've always been such a fan of Connery, but I've heard awful things as well. He's who came to mind for me.

Anonymous said...

"K was and is married"

to me, this hints that he's been married more than once, which would eliminate warren beatty and robert redford. jack nicholson is not married at present.

i could see this being sean connery.

Anonymous said...

I'm surprised people think this one is so obvious, I mean, isn't this literally a description of every 60+ male A-lister? I'm totally jaded, though.

Oh, and I'm on the edge of my seat!

Dano.

Anonymous said...

Well, if he has a fondness for whiskey it could be Connery, plus those U.K guys aren't known for their hygiene. Just please don't let it be my hero Clint. Hope not Paul Newman either.

Anonymous said...

How about Sir Anthony Hopkins?

Anonymous said...

It doesn't sound like it could be Clint. He's too classy to be hygenically-challenged.

Anonymous said...

Connery is 76, Clint is 81. And Kirk Douglas can barely walk much less f*ck!

Anonymous said...

Michael Caine and Donald Sutherland would be a let down. They are not A+ stars.

Anonymous said...

Where's Part II?!!

Loleia said...

I thought of Sean Connery (who is said to be a total jackass) or Paul Newman, but Paul Newman looks like a gentleman, I can't imagine him smelling bad, I just can't. I can imagine Sean though. Or Clint Easwood.

You are such a devil, leaving us hanging like that!! ;)
... I don't care who it is, I just want to know what happened that night!! lol

Anonymous said...

Dustin Hoffman. He comes off as a dirty old man.

Hez said...

I'm stumped about the blind item, but I hope you saved some of that Midleton Irish whiskey... sounds unbelievable!

http://www.whiskymag.com/whisky/brand/midleton/whisky2181.html

Anonymous said...

Don't think it could be Sutherland. Was at Palazzo Versace in Australia when he was there at the buffet breakfast, table next to mine. He kept nose buried in a book, was determined to remain inconspicuous, and looked bookishly (nerdy) clean. Also don't consider him super A+ list.

Scotch drinker = Connery

Hez said...

Damn, looks like the link got cut off...

http://www.whiskymag.com/whisky/brand/midleton/
whisky2181.html

Anonymous said...

Hoffman lives in LA - can't be him

Anonymous said...

"Sir Sean told a packed audience at the Edinburgh International Film Festival, where he picked up a BAFTA Scotland award for outstanding achievement in film, that he avoids watching his own movies and even revealed the secret of his good looks - Scotch."

Anonymous said...

Harry Dean Stanton?

Anonymous said...

Interesting little story.
I'm really beginning to doubt that any of this story, or this blogsite, are true.

Anonymous said...

Sean Connery wears a wig so his hair could not have been "wild."

spressogrl said...

My first thought was Sean Connery too, but I have not checked the facts to see if they match up (such as married, where he lives etc). OHHH love this one...its a good one :)

Anonymous said...

BURT REYNOLDS


BURT REYNOLDS

Anonymous said...

Burt wears a wig too.

Anonymous said...

this shit is fabulous. It isn't Warren Beatty, Sean Penn, Robert Redford. Jack lives in LA. Although, I thought it was Jack. Deniro, now he lives in NYC. Everyone knows he loves the black cherry girls, and you didn't mention that. The scotch is a tip off. Not a little, a lot. But always Irish whisky...he is famously Scottish. Glenfiddich is Scottish though. My money is on Sean Connery. I have met him and don't remember smelling foul. He was impecabby dressed in a light blue cashmere sweater. The big black address book also sounds European. And a little FYI Donald Sutherland is a red wine lover. And a damn good time, like his son. He Pappa Sutherland also owns much of the lower part of Scotland. Sheesh, I need to start my own Blog. Nah, I love yours. And you are always spot on..

Anonymous said...

Connery

Anonymous said...

Dustin Hoffman or Warren Beatty... Hee! Just wanted to say I enjoy reading your blind items! Much fun trying to guess who's who :D

Ms.Cocco said...

Sean Connery

Which I think is so fine.
please don't let it be him.

sel said...

crazy days and nights is the first thing i read in the morning at work. it is totally compelling and i am obsessed!

i can't work out any of the blind items, and am too embarrassed to put silly guesses forward. but thanks for doing what you're doing!

peace,

sel

Anonymous said...

How can you find Connery attractive? It would be like humping a pile of dust.

GGA

Anonymous said...

I really hope it's not Paul Newman. That would ruin my image of him. sigh.
Everyone in LA is so fake.

Anonymous said...

Connery, Burt Reynolds are good guesses....I thought maybe Nicholson, but he's not married...Can't wait to read the rest!

celeb watcher said...

It could be Clint, as he's a notorious puxxy hound...old enough...lives in Pebble Beach, not LA...is definitely old enough...married...and definitely known as a sexist pig...but don't know about the Scotch.

Anonymous said...

Charles Bronson, Gene Hackman, Ryan O'Neal????

Anonymous said...

Last time I saw Dustin Hoffman he was drinking girlie drinks, a lot of them. He likes his booze. But it is a jump from that to all that scotch..

Anonymous said...

Finish the story....

Femme Cafe said...

Hmm, interesting... I vote Michael douglas or connery.... but more Michael.. can't be kirk he's almost senile...

Random Observer said...

You are describing Robert Redford to a "T," and I know because I have had the misfortune to meet him twice. The drunkeness, the lack of hygiene, the self-centered self importance, the philandering grabbiness, I think you even touched on the way he lies about his age. Not sure about the marriage comment, but seriously, this is Robert Redford for sure.

Also - "K" = "Sundance _K_id?"

Anonymous said...

Morgan Freeman?

suellen said...

NEW YORK (AP) — A downstairs neighbor of debonaire James Bond actor Sean Connery has filed a $30 million lawsuit alleging he's a bully who's trying to force the family out of the townhouse they share.

Connery's downstairs neighbor accuses him of trying to harass him out of his home.
By Jalil Bounhar, AP

"Notwithstanding the cinematic James Bond image of consummate finesse, the defendant Connery, in true Dr. Jekyll-Mr. Hyde fashion, acts the part in real life of a bully who ignores norms of neighborliness and decency," the court papers say.

Dr. Burton Sultan, an ophthalmologist, lives with his wife and daughters on the lower four floors of a six-story Tudor townhouse, built in 1869, on Manhattan's East Side. Connery and his wife live on the top two floors.

Court papers claims the Connerys' renovations, which began in September 2001, are a source of constant noise, foul fumes, water leaks and a rat infestation. The lawsuit claims damage to the Sultans' home extended to their collection of Victorian and early 20th century wicker furniture.

The lawsuit also claims the famous upstairs neighbor is harassing the Sultans "by playing loud music at all hours and stomping about." On April 7, 2002, one of the Sultans' daughters knocked on Connery's door and requested quiet.

"Connery's appearance and behavior was that of a rude, foul-mouthed, fat old man," court papers say. "Cursing and otherwise using indecent language Connery demeaned Marla's father, refused to lower the noise and slammed the door in her face."

The court papers say the Connerys also owe $15,747 in maintenance and utility payments — another ploy "to harass the Sultans into leaving their home."

The lawsuit includes a letter, purportedly from the Connerys' lawyer, Robert P. Lynn Jr., stating: "I think if we tie him up in several lawsuits, hopefully this will either permanently subdue him or drive him out of the building."

Lynn did not return telephone calls seeking comment.

Late last year Connery, who gained fame as Agent 007 in the Bond films, placed 13th on a British magazine's poll of the greatest living movie stars over age 50.

spressogrl said...

oh snap... I think you may have it there. Now did I read that correctly or does it say the lawyers name?

Anonymous said...

Sean Connery filmed a movie in my town YEARS ago and not ONE person that met him said that he was worth-while. He was rude, and hit on someone's girlfriend while in a bar, starting a fight. The town couldn't wait to get rid of him! (The film flopped too!)

Anonymous said...

gg allin

Amydh said...

I first thought of Nicholson, but he's not married. What about James Caan?

Anonymous said...

I'm getting worried about you, little Entertainment Lawyer! Your info is so good, and sounds so true, that I fear your identity will soon be revealed and you will cease blogging...please be careful. You're the best read, ever.

Amydh said...

I don't know if I would consider him A-list, but Kris Kristofferson?

Anonymous said...

Paul Newman is gay, people. Even though he's been married to Joan for ages. It's common knowledge.

I vote for my darling Sir Sean Connery, too...although I'd still do him every night in a whiskey stupor.

cm said...

What about Al Pacino?

cm said...

What about Al Pacino?

Anonymous said...

ok
this is stretching it a bit but
"k" in the legal sense usually stands for a contract. CONtract=CONnery?

Anonymous said...

where is the rest?

Anonymous said...

Umm...no.

K = Knight of the British Empire (KBE) = Connery

dvz said...

CM Totally wins the prize.

This is quite obviously Pacino. Shocked that only one person guessed it. Look at the clues now with Pacino in mind.

Anonymous said...

Couldn't be, he is so tiny. You couldn't possibly drink all that out of a thimble.

Webby said...

Hmm, Pacino or someone like Dennis Hopper? Not inclined to believe it's Jack thought.

Wife: could be a longterm g/f who's just 'there'

No, not Sean Connery!

Hez said...

I highly doubt it's Redford... the clues suggest a guy who dresses in suits every day, and although he is in a suit at awards shows and parties, Redford is definitely more a jeans guy.

Pacino has never been married.

Harrison Ford might be a drinker, but he's also a notorious pothead, which is a conspicuously absent detail, leading me to think it's not him (why leave that out when dishing all the other details?). He's also not married to Calista.

Hopper is married but lives in Venice Beach, CA and was a serious rum drinker when he was in the throes of his boozing. He claims to be sober going on 20 years, despite a recent arrest on suspicion of possessing marijuana. Even if he is drinking again, once a rum drinker, always a rum drinker.

Connery is (and was) married (this is wife #2) and currently lives in the Bahamas.

Clint is currently married and resides in either Carmel or Pebble Beach. Not that much of a suit and tie guy, but has been known to dress up for important events.

Michael Douglas is in a very high profile marriage to CZJ and I think they live in Spain most of the time.

Maybe part 2 will help us crack this sucker. C'mon Ent, throw us a bone!!!

lschnei713 said...

I vote for Michael Douglas .. they live in Barbados I believe, I'm not sure if he's been in the states rcently though. I wanna hear the rest of the stor. Though I'm not convinced this is legit (how does he/she have time to blog so much) it's fun as heck.

oh oh look what I found

http://news.softpedia.com/news/Michael-Douglas-Sues-Two-Florida-Companies-Over-Image-Use-18936.shtml

Hez said...

ITA, Michael Douglas is looking better and better for this one (and I have no doubts about Ent Lawyer's veracity)...

PROS: Douglas was born in 1944, so he is old enough, he's definitely got awards and accolades "from everywhere"(IMDb notes that he was named a United Nations Messenger of Peace in 98, as well as his Oscars for Best Picture [as producer of Cuckoo's Nest] and Best Actor) and he came to fame as a TV actor ("Streets of San Francisco" and more recently, "Will & Grace). He's received treatment for substance abuse and the story goes that he is also a "sex addict". His ex-wife Diandra cited his "womanizing" as one of the main problems in their failed marriage. He's known to mouth off about fellow actors (Brad/Jen/Angelina being the most famous recent example) and I could see him being the kind of guy who'd demand a lot of ass-kissing and have some wise-ass, know-it-all comment about everyone, especially as a second-generation A-lister (as the item says, "an A-lister forever", like since birth).

CONS: He is listed as being a client of several limousine services (Oh, Google... where would we be without you?!?), but that might just be for big events. He is a whiskey drinker, but The Scotsman Online claims he's partial to The Macallan (a single malt Highland scotch) but that could be outdated info. The lawsuit lschnei713 alludes to was filed in Florida, but I guess he could be doing prep work for it in LA.

Damn... how many hours till the office opens there on the West Coast??? Bring on Part 2!

Hez said...

CRAP! It says here that lawsuit was settled at the end of June.

http://www.accesshollywood.com/
news/ah785.shtml

Back to the old Google board.

Anonymous said...

Okay seriously...ent lawyer... your writing style is good enough, love the stories be they true or false they are really well done. I don't believe you are who you say you are, but love the writing. Hurry up and release the book/screenplay/pt 2 of the missive! oh, and yes I'd hold my breath but sean could still get it.

Anonymous said...

I was thinking Michael Douglas from the get go, but no one was mentioning him so I thought I was crazy! Now I see all of this..... hes crazy if its true.....Catherine Zeta is BEAUTIFUL! And if it is him, I can see why women only stick around for the first go around. Hes pretty gross if you ask me!

BLKYN12 said...

Sean Connery sounds like a sure bet...FINISH THE STORY! I am sooo addicted to this site!

Laura said...

Lol, how about Robin Williams? He looks like he might smell.

Anonymous said...

^HA!


For those who think this blogger is a crock, I've personally "talked" with him via email, yes he does respond!, and he was very helpful. I do not know him, nor do I represent him (I had to add that to sound legal-ish).

:)

-A

Anonymous said...

Rip Torn

Anonymous said...

James Garner

Anonymous said...

Kevin Costner. That certainly looks like his neck in the photo.

JeeezeLouise said...

Pacino has never been married, but he was my first thought, too - he was just too good as the arrogant, foul-mouthed, hard drinking character in Scent of a Woman!

Anonymous said...

who would EVER sleep with rip torn???? ha!

Anonymous said...

Im going with Bobby De Niro

Pink Meat Company said...

posters..this took place years ago..not this week or this year..it was probably Kirk Douglas

NARC said...

CONNERY CONNERY CONNERY

Jem said...

I immediately thought Jack and I still think so, even though some of the details are slightly off it could be fudged.

Jem said...

Ooh, no wait, Connery. I love this website!

Jenny said...

Kevin Costner is a good guess. Forgot about him. But he was in the news several months or so ago for masturbating in front of a masseuse (sp?) at a resort in Europe somewhere. The girl was fired when she complained, and I think she filed a lawsuit over it.

Anonymous said...

Either way, Kevin Costner is still a pig and I'll never watch one of his movies ever again.

Cirse said...

Oh, no, not Pacino! He seems like such a sweetheart to me.

Scott MB said...

When was this posted? Never checked the date, oh well. Here goes..

I can tell you right now that the proof it is not Sean Connery is in the bulk of the story, as a true and true Scotsman he simply doesn't drink Whiskey, he's a Scotch Drinker. The actor Richard Harris even bought Connery a rare bottle of Whisky (Irish) because he was fed up of hearing him say that the Irish couldn't make Whisky.

I don't know how old this post is but I am going with someone other than Connery.