Friday, April 03, 2009

Your Turn

This week in Your Turn, I thought we would take a little trip to the dark side. No, you don't have to dress up as Darth Vader and call everyone Luke. What I am wondering today is if you have ever committed a crime. It can be something as simple as shoplifting some gum when you were a kid. Or it could be something more serious. Does anyone know you committed the crime? Did you serve time? Is it a secret from people in your life? If you haven't ever committed a crime, then what crime have you thought about committing? Don't say you have never thought about committing one. No one is that perfect. Even the Pope would run over Paris Hilton if given the chance.

As always, the anonymous feature is on.

150 comments:

Anonymous said...

Never done anything serious. Stupid kid stuff like stealing candy. But when I was a teenager I thought it would be awesome to be a master thief. Now, I love to plan the perfect murder (but I would never act on it).

Anonymous said...

Rob a bank. Down to a great disguise. If I knew 100% I would not get caught I would.

hammyjam said...

When I was 15 me and my friends would steal all kinds of stuff...one time we stole over $300 worth of stuff from one store. Of course we eventually got caught but luckily since we were minors all we had to do was attend this shoplifting class, write a paper why shoplifting is bad, and do 20 hours of community service. That is about it other than drinking underage, smoked weed before, and had sex with someone too old (though I guess that is really them committing a crime, not me).

Anonymous said...

I stole both my junior and senior prom dresses. I was a HUGE theif in high school. Made more money on stolen clothes than I did slinging pizzas.

There is a woman that I don't know and have never met, but my life would be much better if she didn't exist anymore. Yes, I'm just being a typical jealous chick. But I have thought about it.

Anonymous said...

I have had sex for money

DNfromMN said...

I'm boring. I speed and I download movies/music illegally.

What crime would I commit? Escorting if I weren't attached. I dunno.

Anonymous said...

There was one mall in my city that didn't use security tags on clothing and I used to rob LS Ayres and Blocks blind when I was a teenager. I would return some stuff for cash to buy pot.

Anonymous said...

Well...I was almost a prostitute. When I was 13. I really wanted to go to the county fair and my mom didn't have any money to give me, so I asked this guy for $30. He said the only way he would give it to me is if I gave him a blowjob (I had never done it before). Well, he gave me the money, but I did not follow through. He then stalked me :( and turned all crazy. I had to lie and say I was now a lesbian with my best friend, lol. Ugh he was such a creeper though; I'm lucky he didn't try to hurt me or something.

Anonymous said...

I once stupidly went drinking with my friend and he drove. We went through stops signs left and right and red lights as well. We almost got killed when he decided to take a shortcut off the highway and it ended up being an incomplete off-ramp. We almost went sailing off.

I'm completely ashamed of that and have never and would never do it again.

I helped a "friend" buy a quantity of crack so she could turn around and sell it for a profit - which she in turn used to buy crack for herself and get high.

I've stolen from work many times in all my jobs.

Anonymous said...

I smoke weed. Shouldn't be a crime, but there you go.

Anonymous said...

I also forgot that I download movies and videos like a madman and haven't paid for a CD in over three years.

Anonymous said...

I'm a goody two shoes so no. My cousin was a bank robber. She was a paralegal and ran off with a criminal her law office was representing. She robbed a bank, got caught and talked her way out of it then went around the corner and robbed another bank. She was in jail for about 20 years and died a few months after her release.

Our neighbor, a ministers daughter broke into an old lady's house to get drug money and beat her to death. She also went to jail for a long time.

Anonymous said...

Apparently I have been quite the law-breaker for many years...I couldn't think of anything specifically illegal that I have done (other than drive over the speed limit once in a while), so I just googled weird laws for my state (Connecticut). I just found out that it is illegal to discard used razor blades. Am I supposed to stockpile them or something? What will happen now? Should I turn myself in at the local police station?

Anonymous said...

I served 8 months on a 1 to 3 year plea for Commercial Bribe Receiving. I didn't do it, but after several years of fighting and them indicting my wife (who worked for me), then threatening to reveal in open court that someone would testify that I had been to several high-end Manhattan whorehouses- I finally caved. And my wife (and marriage) was spared the private and public humiliation of having that revealed.

Anonymous said...

If I could get away with killing my useless mother in law who does nothing all day but sit on her great fat ass whining about how no one wants to spend time with her, I would. But my boyfriend already knows I want to kill her and would suspect me immediately.

Anonymous said...

I caught my boyfriend in bed with his co-worker & destroyed his apartment. I really wish I had killed them both. Ho Hum...

pricolatino said...

My crime would be to see the Pope run over Paris Hilton, and lie to the police about it.

Anonymous said...

Shoplifted as a kid. Take the odd toke now and again. Love to plan the perfect act of vandalism against people who tick me off but I never execute it. I have planned what I think is the perfect murder ala Leopold and Loeb.
However, I think the more interesting story in this theme is an acquaintance who murdered his teenager in 1988. Don't know what was happening with him in 1988 but by the time I met him in about 2001 he was an upstanding citizen and I would have trusted him with my life. Back in 1988 they didn't have DNA. A couple of years ago some circumstance had the cops run the DNA and determine there was a parental component. They staked him out, now living in another state, and collected some DNA. He was arrested, plead guilty and is now doing a life sentence. We still can't believe it. When he was sentenced the judge said, due to the circumstances of the murder, he was the most evil person to have appeared before him. And I had him to dinner!

Anonymous said...

Smoking pot isn't a crime in my state, so I'm clear on that. I have, however, done mushrooms 3 times.

I have driven drunk too many times to count. Not proud of it. And every time I was sure I was fine. I'd wake up and say - never again. But then I did.

I know lots of criminals. A couple murders. A bunch of sex offenders. Hell, I think we've all been sex offenders at one time or another! Grabbing someone's but is a sex crime in my state now. And we've all been disorderly at some point or another. I just know it. And disorderly conduct is a crime.

Anonymous said...

i've done acid, X, cokeand smoked a lot of hashish and pot. I've used fake id:s,downloded a lot, speed all the time and I bought a lot of stuff on the black market when I was a student.

I would kill for my kids, and I'm big on revenge, more so in thought than action tho.

Anonymous said...

As a teenager, I stole a lipstick and was so scared of getting caught that I never stole again.

I had a very 'Christian' friend, who prided herself on being a virgin and not swearing. She judged everybody and I wondered what her deal was. One weekend, we were shopping and she went into the change room with two bathing suits and came out with them both under her clothes. She said she stole stuff all the time. First, my chicken-shit ass couldn't believe her nerve. Second, I wondered how her oh-so-religious Christian concience could justify it.

Nowadays, my crimes consist of:
speeding, buying pot, and downloading music & movies.

Boring.

Anonymous said...

I graduated from high school when I was 16 and had no desire to go to college yet so I got a fake ID and worked as a stripper for a year. I would jerk old men off in dark corners for hundreds of dollars. I made at least 1500 bucks a week for a few nights work.

Anonymous said...

i speed from time to time. i smoke on the rare occasion that im in a bar. (its illegal in my state)

my most regular broken law is that i buy and smoke pot on a regular basis.

Anonymous said...

I've done coke, acid, weed and hash. They are all illegal in my town.

I've helped a friend rob the place he used to work at (he stole computer equipment while I stood watch) because they didn't have any money to pay him his dues.

A bunch of friends of mine were in a car (I was there too in the backseat) and we trashed a few things on our merry way home (mailboxes, spinning tire marks on the grass, scratches on cars, etc)

There are so many to tell, I'll have to come back later.

Anonymous said...

down load music smoke pot surf the web all day at work (not a crime but i could get fired)

Anonymous said...

My parents wouldn't buy me candy during a trip to the supermarket when I was 5, so I stole a candy bar on the way out. My dad caught me and marched me back into the store. I got into so much trouble that day I've never stolen anything again.

EXCEPT, I dl music and movies all. the. time.

Anonymous said...

I remodeled my bathroom without pulling the proper city permits.

Anonymous said...

back when sub prime loans where around, gave houses to people who didn't qualify/ couldn't afford
and eventually defaulted

but boy did i make a lot of money from it

Anonymous said...

Theft(caught once), drugs, drinking and driving (caught twice), sex for money (gross)! Probably more that I've either blocked out, forgotten or just in denial about. I'm horrible! I'd never do any of these things today though.

Anonymous said...

We've stolen cable TV for about 5 years

Anonymous said...

@ I caught my boyfriend in bed with his co-worker & destroyed his apartment. I really wish I had killed them both. Ho Hum...

- you should have been here last week. That would have made the perfect story.

Anonymous said...

I steal satellite signals from both the usa and canada. So I'm guessing it's a fairly big crime.

BTW, Canadian porn is way better!!!

Anonymous said...

Maybe a Bonnie and Clyde type of bank robberies without any actual killings. Seriously I have always been law abiding minus 1 speeding ticket I got when I was younger. I have no desire to be a criminal.

Anonymous said...

I'm your typical suburban mom who is a "procurer" - anything you want, I know somebody, who knows somebody, yadda yadda

I've never touched the stuff/prostituted but I do feel "evil" knowing I'm helping others break the law...but as long they're consenting adults, I don't judge.

Anonymous said...

I used to shoplift bathing suits in high school. Like 10 at a time. I think I picked bathing suits because they could fit under my clothes easily. I didn't need them. I pretty much never wore them in public, and I have no idea how my mother didn't notice the 20-50 extra bathing suits in my drawers.

Minor drugs. I once drove drunk. I remember starting on the highway, and then I must have blacked out because I had driven for about 40 minutes - on a highway, but wound up far far away from where I intended to go. I once retraced my steps (sober) and I had to have gone through a mousetrap to wind up where I did. Scary shit.

Alpine Summer said...

I guess you don't mean things like breaking the age of consent? The legal age to drink? Smoking pot and possession? Lying to law enforcement? Downloading things illegally?

More funny than anything: I was a little klepto as a kid. Nothing serious, and nothing that was technically shoplifted. When I was in the second grade, I stole my friend's scissors from her desk. She wound up crying because she thought her mother wouldn't let her watch TV for losing them. I felt so guilty, but I never gave them back.

I guess it's not fair to say that was just when I was a kid. As a freshman in college, I took one of those big metal sign/buttons to open a handicap door. You could still open it, so I wasn't depriving any handicapped people from getting out; it just wasn't a nice, pretty, shiny, metal button anymore. And, last year, I systematically removed all the metal button labels on an elevator in my parking deck. Like I said, no big deal.

Anonymous said...

I've never been caught on a dui, but I've driven home stoned many times. Once I was stopped by a police officer and although he gave me a ticket for speeding, didn't smell the very skunky odor of marijuana or notice my blank bloodshot eyes.

Anonymous said...

I used to be such a bad girl and regret all my crimes, but here they are, that I can remember:

Childhood shoplifting (makeup and stuff)
Drugs, all kinds, and breaking into cars to steal radar detectors to sell for drug money (so regret that!)
Used a fake ID and got caught
Bounced a lot of checks and owe lots of creditors money that I haven't paid back and/or have no intention of paying back
Have driven drunk and high on a zillion occassions and have luckily never gotten caught or hurt anyone-I did total another parked car about 20 years ago and fled the scene
Stolen cable, downloaded music without paying for it

I try really hard to keep clean now and have made confessions for just about all of this stuff, but bringing it up still makes me feel so guilty.

My fantasy crime? Dressing in all black with several strong guys who kidnap the scumbag that raped me years ago and they hold him down while I beat him to a pulp. I fantasize about that a LOT. Helps me fall asleep at night!

Anonymous said...

Nothing major. I shoplifted a couple of times when I was younger but didn't get caught. I do drugs from time to time. Like coke and weed.

Sometimes I think of things I could do to get a lot of money, fast....but I don't think I could go through with any of it. Like trying to rob someone or something.

I often fantasize about what I would do to the girl if I cauught my man cheating. And it would, most likely, send me to prison.

Anonymous said...

no crime here people

Anonymous said...

i've told this story on my blog so i don't care but you may figure it out...plus it's not my real name.
AND i'm sorry i did any of it.

i smoke weed, big deal.

When i was 19 i helped my boyfriend escape from jail. We never got caught. I also snuck him booze and weed before the fact. We stole cars to make money for about 6 months.

Karma got me back by being robbed at gunpoint.
Twice.

i now work in loss prevention as part of my career.

i know enough info to put many many people away for a very long time, some life. withholding evidence is a crime but i'm not willing to risk my life to do the right thing this time.

Anonymous said...

Interestingly enough, I think there was a crime being committed in my neighborhood a few minutes ago. I just heard lots of sirens outside my apartment, and it SOUNDS like a cop has her gun drawn on someone and is telling him to "walk slowly..."

I am NOT going near the window to find out.

Anonymous said...

r u black 1:01?

just kiddin'

Anonymous said...

I don't know the specifics but my uncle was caught by interpol hiding out in outside the U.S. (where he was wanted). He was a big coke dealer, sometimes money launderer for some mob and I don't know what else, back in the day.Served time, he's out now. One of his best friends comes over to my parents house every once in a while. Cool guy. Also a major drug dealer back in the day. He's not allowed back in the U.S. I don't know the specifics. I do know that he left around a hundred grand worth of krugerands in our safe for a while. This was 3 years or less ago. He lives in Argentina now. Not sure what he does. I don't care, though, he's a nice guy.

Anonymous said...

Re: 1:01 Me again.

False alarm...just a noisy time in my neighborhood!

Anonymous said...

I was going to murder my old roommate by strangling her when she took a nap on the living room couch. Luckily, I moved out before, but it scares me to think how close I came to taking a life.

Anonymous said...

I was a 5 year old klepto ... I think its something lots of little kids do.

Other than that, nothing. However, I did see a crazy methed-out neighbor lady pull a gun on someone and went to court to testify against her.

Anonymous said...

I had my sister take all my psychology exams since that was her major and I never went to lecture.

Anonymous said...

Murder. No joke. Bought my first brand new vehicle ever. I was so proud of it, and took great care of. Driving home on New Years Eve after the bars closed to a party at my house, some guy on the side of the road whipped out a .45 and shot the back of my truck blasting a whole in the tailgait. I locked up my brakes, and turned around and drove up to him, slammed on my brakes and got out my truck and started beating the shit out of him. I dont know why I did that, he could have shot me. It was really late and nobody was around. I grabbed his head and started beating it against a telephone pole. I was just seeing red. I'm not a violent person, but I just lost it.

I rummaged through his pockets for money to pay for the damage, and took what he had. I took his keys and gun and through them in a nearby creek. When I drove away, he was just a pile of bloody flesh. But he was alive, he was moaning. When I got home, people were freaking out, because I was covered in blood and my knuckles were swollen and bloodied. I never told them exactly what happened.

2 days later on the news they reported he died from brain injuries and didn't have any leads and was asking the public for help. Last I heard of it.

I have no regrets. No remorse. This was back in the 80's by the way.

Anonymous said...

I used to send spam for a living.

Anonymous said...

I did all the typical kid stuff besides shoplifting...but I had a fake id, drank underage, drove drunk a few times, had sex underage with a guy that could have gone to jail for it, smoked pot, tried coke, acid and shrooms, was a habitual party klepto, etc. None of this in out of control portions, but if I did it even once, it's on this list.

I have bounced checks unintentionally, and i do have creditors I haven't paid back. But if I won the Lotto, I would hunt down every single one of those and pay the money back.

The one thing I did that I felt really, really bad about was that I was in college and walking home with friends and completely absentmindedly started keying all the cars parked on the street we were walking down. I swear there was no thought process behind it. I stopped about half way down the block and came out of my haze in a "what the hell are you doing??" moment. I felt bad for ruining peoples' paint jobs.

But really, for the most part (and since becoming an adult, which was a long time ago) I'm pretty straight and narrow. I'm the one person out of 50 who would get caught if I tried to get away with something.

No, never fantasized about killing anyone for real.

Anonymous said...

@ 1:09 PM

I wish I could have done that. Killing someone is my ultimate fantasy but I've never gathered the courage to do so. I'd love to know what it feels like inside to know you took the life of someone and kept living your own life as if nothing had happened.

Those who saw you all bruised up never put one and one together about the dead guy? That is awesome.

Impertinent Vixen said...

I shoplifted as a teen and smoked weed. I once stole money from a crazy landlady I had, repaid it back to her cookie jar, and she never knew. I have also wantonly ripped off tags from mattresses and jaywalked.

Seriously, I am a degenerate felon!

(p.s. I know removing tags from mattresses is not a crime.)

Anonymous said...

Good Lord, yes! I don't know where to begin.

I guess the only time I was actually fully arrested was at age 11 for shoplifting...while I had already-pinched goods in my pocket from a previous store.

That was good times, lemme tell ya.

I thought my Dad was gonna kill that store detective but I lied through my braces-clad teeth like a motherfucker.

My Mom knew I was lying.

I had been shoplifting a lot and finally got caught, thank God, or else I could have led a life of crime!

Sorry, Jah, please forgive me. I give a lot to charity so I hope my karma's all good...

Now, about all the drugs... Never been caught other than rolling papers my Mom found in my purse on the way from the ER to the loony bin after my *you know* attempt.

Which is a whole 'nother story...

Anonymous said...

I used to steal signs. It started out small, then it escalated into bigger signs. The last time I stole a big sign was from my small hometown's airport. It was really lame and said "Step 1 ... place bags onto the conveyor belt". I thought I had gotten away with it, even though there were surveillance cameras everywhere.

The next day my mom called me and told me that the cops found out it was me. I returned the sign, cried a bunch, and told me they'd contact me later to try to figure out charges. One guy tried to scare me by saying I could spend 6 months in jail, but they never called.

What sucks is that I'm scared to apply for government jobs, cause I'm scared it'll show up in my background check.

Anonymous said...

teenage shoplifting, I've tried pretty much all the recreational drugs, speeding, steroids, drove drunk (but didn't get caught or hurt anybody), hit a parked car and didn't leave a note. All of this when I was very young, except I still speed some.

Now I'm an old, law-abiding citizen.

Anonymous said...

I would have loved to kill my husband's former boss. She was a 400 pound porker who used to always try and conspire against my husband because she was jealous of him and his accomplishments. She couldn't wait to let him go. Firing him out jealousy caused alot of financial damage to our family. I know I'm bad but I wish she was dead for what she did to our family.

Anonymous said...

While I wasn't exactly the worst kid growing up, I sure as hell gave it my best shot, even into my mid to late 20's.
As a teen, there wasn't a better shoplifter - I supported a cigarette habit from the age of 13 on by ripping 'em off. That came to a grinding halt at 16 when I got caught with 2 packs - total value at that time? $1.10
That did bring a screeching halt to the shoplifting, haven't done that since.
However, there were the episodes in my mid to late 20's where we would go "midnight plant shopping" - get a good buzz going and troll neighborhoods for plants and statuary and yard art.
Somehow, by the grace of stupidity, we were never caught.
Then a few years later, there was the time we created an eco-hazard at a lakeside community by releasing about 100+ baby turtles into their lake. Shortly after that event, the lake got 8 foot privacy fencing on all the "public" areas.
I haven't really led a quiet life. I just don't talk about what I've done so people think I'm just your average Joe.

Anonymous said...

Spent a night in jail for assault when I was 21.

Some asshole friend-of-a-friend at the club had been hitting on me all night, and after repeatedly declining his advances he took it upon himself to grab my boobs and shove his tongue in my throat. Gross. I shoved him off me, and he slapped me and called me a whore. Yeah, I saw red, then smashed a beer bottle across his face and started swinging. (He ended up having to get stitches in an eyebrow and had a black eye and slpit lip. Go me!) Security pulled me off of him, carried me outside and I got arrested. The cops made me wait a good five or six hours to sober up before they would let me give my statement, and once they corroborated my story with that of witnesses, I was released. I was given the chance to press sexual assault and battery charges against the guy, but I may or may not have talked a few of my male friends into dealing with it for me instead. Heh.

Other than that, my biggest vice is being a pothead. I'm pretty straightlaced other than that. The six hours I spent locked up were more than enough for me.

Anonymous said...

@1:12

The people I was associated at that time in life were basically low life drug addicts. If they had a television, they would sell if for coke. We were all major coke heads, and I was too, as well as a drug dealer. Even if they did put 2 and 2 together, they wouldn't rat on me for fear of retaliation and for fear of losing their drug dealer.

Just FYI, I quit all drugs shortly afterwards, and have lived a normal life, returning to obtain my degree.

As far as "the feeling of taking someone's life". At first I was a little wierd about it, but I look at it this way. I didn't harm someone annoymous. He SHOT at me for Christ's sakes. I feel I took a scumbag off the planet before he actually shot someone else. I've never started a fight in my life. But I've ended quite a few.

I sleep very well at night.

Anonymous said...

Anyone top 1:09? Anyone?

Anonymous said...

I really hope I'm not on the road when so many of you are driving drunk.

Do what you want to yourself...but leave other people out of it!

Anonymous said...

the murder stuff being written is really freaking me out.

Anonymous said...

My husband was text flirting with one of his coworkers. He even asked her "who would go down on in out dept" she then went on to describe how she would blow him. I thought about pouring hot grits over his face when I read it as I was cooking grits at the time. So help me if the text had said that he would go down on her I would be in jail for what I would have inflicted on him.

Anonymous said...

My best friend's father murdered his mother for drug money.

Anonymous said...

My ex-boyfriend is spending 15 years to life for killing his drug dealer. He used to carry a sawed-off shotgun in his 18 wheeler and had an argument about money.

Anonymous said...

I shot a man in Reno.

Anonymous said...

When I was 13, I stole a bag of red apples from a grocery store. Apparently they saw me on camera-no, I don't know why I stole the apples. No idea. I stuffed the bag in my backpack. They took me upstairs and had my mom pick me up. Embarrassing.

I stole a bunch of CDs from my best friend. She still doesn't know, and I will never tell her.

I stole a bikini from another good friend. She found out b/c she saw me in it at a local pool. She was pissed for a month straight and then just let it go.

Got caught smoking weed in my dorm room by cops a bunch of times. Never got arrested. Tons of people know about that one. We would hotbox the bathroom in our dorm all the time.

I also stole a friend's diary in 5th grade. She was mad and she found out it was me. It was really sad though because she talked about killing herself and the different ways she would do it, complete with pictures. I kind of think of it as a blessing in disguise because it freaked me out and I talked to her about it. She found out it was me because my mom found the diary in my room and her mom told my mom how she had lost her diary. My mom ratted me out.

I used to be quite the klepto, I guess. I've since learned my lesson, and I don't steal. Ever. It usually comes back to bite me in the butt-I have horrible karma, so I have lived and learned.

Anonymous said...

I'd love to follow customers who come at my store that I don't like. I'd love to slash their throats and to let me be the last thing they ever see. I hate scumbags who think they have a right to walk all over you just because you work a minimum wage job.

Anonymous said...

I'm about to commit a crime.. as I do every Friday afternoon.. when I go home to smoke that fat doobie I've been daydreaming about ALL DAY LONG. T. G. I. F.

Anonymous said...

omg r u fkn kidding me??!!??!! everytime i lite up a phat dank bowl i'm breaking the law...lol...i don't have my medical card yet...

yes, i'd like to take as many skinny twigs as i can and break them into 2 pieces...

Anonymous said...

I work for a huge pharmaceutical company and make great money, but I steal my lunch every day from the cafeteria and steal all the splenda packets to take home.

Anonymous said...

I bought alcohol for my under-aged brother. My parents caught him and he covered for me and told them the shop had let him buy it (he was about 15). They complained to the police about the shop and I guess they got into trouble.

(It was about 9 years ago, and I still dread my parents finding out I bought it for him.)

Anonymous said...

My friend and I were having a sleepover at her house (it was actually in her backyard) and her 8 year old sister wouldn't leave us alone to drink our beer and smoke our pot, so we made her taste the beer, and everytime she wanted to talk she had to take a swig. After about 4 she said she didn't feel well and wanted to take a bath.

She spent the next 2 hours puking her little guts out but luckily she never ratted us out.

silenttype said...

1. Sold much drugs in HS, not a crime because it was of the highest grade.

2. Stole the college xmas tree which made it on the news stations.

3. Pay $$$ under the table to employees at a Top 5 software company to get business. (In fairness, they blackmail.)

4. Occasionally sell celebrity medical records to Ent. (He throws nickels around like they are manhole covers)

Mooshki said...

1:30: Just to watch him die?

Anonymous said...

I come from a long line of hot tempered killers the only difference I'm the only female. I got angry at my ex and walked up behind him while he was sitting on the couch and reached around his neck and just started choking him...I literally saw red didn't realize what I was doing and by the time I let him go his tongue was sticking out and he was thrashing about. He ran out the house and told, refused to come home... no charges were filed against me but I had to go to therapy. At the time I was about 8 mths pregnant (I'm 5'3 he's 6'4) and they kept trying to get me to tell them what he did to me first to set me off so they could go after him. I kept trying to tell them he did't hit me or anything he just kept ordering me around (the truth)course by this time I was crying my head off and everyone was standing around feeling sorry for little old me...Now my dad on the other hand...

Anonymous said...

Worked in shipping at a houseware store and used to ship all kinds of stuff to myself.

Anonymous said...

1:43, do tell about your father, if he's half as interesting as you are, it must be told!!! Anonymously of course ;)

Anonymous said...

let's see...where to begin? since the statute of limitations is up on every single one, i can admit to:

-ran numbers for several bookies
-pimped for dancers/bachelor parties and stole from the girls
-paid hookers to give me blowjobs
-stole money, clothes, whatever was not nailed down from employers
-cheated on most every single exam I ever took
-as a kid I used to peek on the neighbor's daughter next door. 90% of the time I would leave DNA at the scene...
-bought, sold, dealt coke. still love the stuff
-stole a car (actually 3 cars) sold one for cash, sold another for chop parts and the third drove into a lake because the guy owed me money
-i guess we can now say loansharking
-banged a 16 year old, but to fair she lied about her age - - i did some bad shit but i would never had done it if i knew the truth
-i would mug people for drinking money
-punched a guy in the face because someone dared me
-set an abandoned house on fire

that's all i can remember for now

Lissa THEEE Pissa said...

What's up with all the "Anonymous" posts?! It's not like the po-po's are gonna break down your doors....
Anycriminalinsanity, when I was a teenager my friends and I used to have contests to see who could steal the most from Wal-Mart. Even now, I still "accidentally" get things for free when I go through their self checkout. Hey, it's the Evil Empire! They deserve it!
Other than that, it's just your basic drug use. I used to do lots of coke, acid, and Ecstacy. Unfortunately, smoking weed is a crime and I think that's just a crock, so I guess I'm guilty of that, too, although I haven't toked since August because I want to be able to pass a drug test if I ever find a good enough job. Also, weed makes me fat. I have no willpower against the Midnight Munchies....

selenakyle said...

Dang, looks like we're all a bunch of current or former klepto druggies who drive too fast and pirate various media!

I feel so at home with y'all(yes I already posted but not saying which was me...)

Happy Friday everyone! I am clocking out and smoking a fat bowl my own damn self, waiting for the Blind(s).

Love you all, especially Enty...cheers!

Anonymous said...

Didn't anyone ever want to kill their ex husband? My divorce was almost 3 years and well over $200,000 for both attorneys.My Mother lived in the French Quarter in New Orleans and had some pretty scary friend. She offered to have one of them do it. It only would have cost $10,000. Lot cheaper than an attorney. I kept a diary of my coming and goings just so if someone else did him in, I would be able to say were I was at the time. Man, he would have stepped in front of my car, he would have been toast. Car = best murder weapon ever.

Mooshki said...

Lissa, I would so steal from Wal-Mart if I could bring myself to go in one.

AnonMom said...

I know SEVERAL pharmacists/doctors who all admit to cheating regularly through school ... doesn't that make you feel secure about the US health care system?

Mooshki said...

Also, I've always wanted to try pot, but wouldn't have the slightest idea where to find any, and I'd probably choke to death the first time I inhaled.

Anonymous said...

2:04PM - you would be surprised to find out you know more people than you think who indeed do smoke pot. Most people are just ashamed of others knowing about it. Go to any convenience store, that's where you'll always find one at any given time on any given day. That's where I found all of mine so far. Of course, it helps that I work there and notice the ordor they carry.

Anonymous said...

I used to let my high school health teacher feel my boobs for an A. his crime not mine.

Anonymous said...

The real scary thing is that all of the us government is made up of liars and thiefs and rapists and cheaters. I know it feels like it's just the health care system, but really, it's all the branches of the wonderful us government.

Anonymous said...

I egg my neighbors house weekly.

Anonymous said...

Past crime/crime connections:

1) Drove drunk once when I was 16, prayed to God the whole time and promised I would never do it again if I was spared and spared the lives of those on the road with me. Done and done.
2) I lived with my ex in college and we dealt acid for a couple of months.
3) Got taken in the back of a cop car for being "obviously inebriated" underage after homecoming - wasn't arrested.
4) Got busted at a party drunk when I was in 8th grade and the cops called my parents to come get me.
5) Underage drinking in general, took acid, took pills that were not prescribed to me.
6) Snuck out of the house late at night to meet boys - probably a violation of the curfew law.
7) Assisted my friend in "borrowing" another friend's car without her knowledge in college. We stole signs and she never knew.
8) Was friends with a crazy criminal genius guy who dropped out of school, started a car theft ring, ended up in prison two different times and then was finally murdered when he got involved in drug dealing. He was scary. He convinced me after I had been raped at 16 that I would feel better if I had sex with someone who cared about me, meaning him. I believed him. It wasn't true.
9) I have a huge extended family on my father's side - apparently my great uncle molested more than 20 of the girl relatives over about 30 or 40 years. He was never caught unfortunately, and this all came out after he died.
10) My neighbor who lived across the street from our family was a messed up person and my mom was friends with her because she felt sorry for her. This woman was also friends with me - I was 15 at the time. She claimed she was raped by this guy, and she convinced me and the guy from #8 to help her firebomb his house. Guy from #8 was a genius and mixed up all the bombs. On the night of, we borrowed a friend's car and got into a scary accident, slamming backwards into a telephone pole. No damage to the car or us, but that was an omen for me, and I made them drop me off at a McDonald's in the middle of nowhere. They did not get the firebombs into the house or it would have been destroyed and the man would have been dead. As it was, there was every type of emergency vehicle there, in multiples. The woman came and picked me up several hours later.
11) Woman from #10 murdered her husband. My mom went to see her in prison and my family got to meet the Happy Birthday killer. My mom needs to be more selective in her friendships : \

Current crimes:
1) Speeding: I received so many tickets that I have been to driving school 4 times in my life. I consciously watch this now, because my insurance is ridiculous.
2) Smoking and buying pot. I have also arranged things for my dealer when things have been dry. I don't think this should be illegal, but it is, thus listed.

Crimes I plan to commit:

Well, I plan to keep buying and smoking pot. I'm also going to hook up with a 19 year old on Wednesday and I'm 35. I don't think that's a crime, but let me tell you, you can be DAMN sure I'm checking that boy's license. I'm not officially divorced yet, even though I've been separated for 6 months, and I've been sleeping with other guys, so I'm technically committing adultery, which may be illegal here, but I'm not sure.

Crime I Think About Committing:

Hooking. I could use the money, and I have fucked up issues with sex. However, I have fucked up issues with sex. LOL. So I don't think I could do it. And I don't need the money that badly.

Syd said...

I stole a Christmas tree and donated it to my dorm at the Christian College I attended.

Anonymous said...

Usual: shoplift as a kid (got caught stealing an eyeliner so i quit)...then resumed in college to steal clothes because I didn't have money. No longer do it though, am trying to pursue a legal career.
Soft drugs on occasion.
Had sex with a 28 y/o when I was 17. I know it wasn't my crime but it's weird and disgusting now that I look back on it. Wonder WTF was in that guys head at the time.
Most shameful? Drive drunk all the time. I don't set out to do it and I've seen plenty of PSA's and pics to know the times that it goes wrong, but yet I continue to do it, thinking i'm "fine".
Nothing else really, I don't even dl anything illegally b/c i am so anal about my music collection, has to be pristine and in order in my itunes. Weird, yes, I know.
I surf the web all day at work, like right now :)

dbfreak said...

Logging in for updates and also to respond to the person who asked if anyone ever wanted to kill their ex husband.

Mine's not quite an ex yet (one stupid little hearing - why are they messing with me on the date!!??) and he was pretty abusive - not physically, but sexually, emotionally and verbally. I still don't want to kill him. I don't know why - maybe I'm broken now. Or maybe it's that I've known him for 20 years and he wasn't always like this. Maybe it's because we share custody of pets that I know he loves and cares for. Maybe because he says he loves me so much and still wants to reconcile. Sorry I went OT, but that question pinged my brain. I think I might be sick for NOT wanting to kill him : (

brendalove@gmail.com said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Bad Fish said...

I've shoplifted but stopped that shit once I turned 18 and got my first real job. I once bought something that I knew had been stolen from a store. I smoke pot daily. Pretty petty stuff. I love to daydream about one big heist tho, you know? I think everyone does at least a little, lol.

Anonymous said...

1:43 here...
When we were little my dad was a factory worker who would get laid off every couple of years for a month or two. So this one year I was about 8 or 9 my dad's laid off and he hits the number for $250.00 now this is just before christmas so this money is not just mortgage it's also presents and a nice holiday dinner for his kids. The guy tries to stiff my dad and not pay him. Now my dad was O.G. He was a hustler and everyone knew you never crossed him and you never messed over his money right? My dad gives him a week to pay his money, then the morning of Dec. 23 he tells my mother he has to go out of town and he'll be back. Christmas morning we have presents and the next day there's an article in the paper about this guy's body being found in his car in the lake. Everybody believes my dad killed him but to this day it was never solved and no one was stupid enough to roll over on him.

Funny thing I was at a family dinner with my ex (10 -12 years later)when we were engaged and one of his uncle's clowned on me telling my ex how he'd better watch out for me cause my dad killed a man and got away with it, the room got quiet and I looked at the uncle and said I didn't know what he was talking about but I'd be glad to mention it to my dad when I got home...It was hilarious watching his eyes get big and him trying to squirm and lie his way out of that and all my exes family telling me he didn't mean anything by it and not to say anything. Now my dad's dad, he got caught and served time...

selenakyle said...

Yeah, I wanna hear about 1:43's Dad, too.

Do tell!

Anonymous said...

My sister was raped when she was about 19 by her professor. When she told my Dad he stalked then raped the professor at gunpoint. He told us to never tell anyone about about it. he then told us that whatever someone does to us that is wrong he will always to it back to them. i was about 14 at the time. To make sure he was taken seriosuly whenever we had a boyfriend He would have to put his intials on shotgun bullets if he wanted to continue to date me and my sisters. he would leave the bullets on the fireplace mantel so they could see them when they came over.

Anonymous said...

Hey, 2:27. What kind of person are you now?

Anonymous said...

Ror, you kill an animal yet you have an animal as an avatar? someone's a hypocrite. I've killed plenty of cats and dogs before moving on to little girls, but I'd never put their faces on as my avatar!

Anonymous said...

If I could smoke dope all day and not have the munchies, I'd love it. But I have the munchies and balooned up to 300 pounds in 6 months thanks to my new "C&C" diet. What is the C&C diet you ask? Why it's coke and cock.

Come on people, make up stories

Bad Fish said...

I also regularly stole a bunch of steaks and produce from the grocery store where I worked, at the time justifying it as "supplementing my income" because my boss would deliberately pay women, and especially single women, less than their male counterparts. I "broke" into my high school a few times growing up, just to have sex in there and leave condoms where my stupid classmates would find them (I have an evil streak, I know). One of my friends was unfairly fired from her job (they went on vacation and just never called her when they returned) so sometimes she would go with us to the ice cream/sandwich shop that had employed her and she would load us up with everything we wanted for free, and we'd all walk out (whatever clerk was there would let her because she'd been fucked over).

Bad Fish said...

@2:32 your dad is awesome. Rape for rape? Awesome. I'm sorry, but it just is.

Anonymous said...

@Ror, you do know that animal torture is one of the first signs of a serial killer? Its really no wonder you show absolutely no sensitivity to anyone, ever.

Ror said...

@2:32

Well, dumb fuck..for starters, cats were wild where I lived. It's not like we took Fluffy from the neighbors and fucked with their pet.

Secondly, this was back in the 70's when I was about 9 years old. And it wasn't just me, it was about 5 of us kids. But so fucking what? Who gives a rats ass. As far as my avatar, again, you're a fucking idiot. Although I love dogs, and mine has even appeared on this site, that has nothing to do with one's avatar.

I still don't like cats, but I don't harm them anymore. But, my dad actually did shoot one of my neighbors cats off of our car. Hey, the old man warned them. Big deal, he just knocked it down to 8 lives.

Anonymous said...

I think I know Ror if he lives in Indiana.

Anonymous said...

i kid I don't know Ror.

Anonymous said...

come on all you cheaters, thieves, and crazies give up the goods!

Anonymous said...

I've stolen, used drugs, dwi, etc. Interesting that the one thing no one has admitted to is rape. I date raped several girls when I was young, never violently or threateningly.They said no, and then they just let me do it. But then maybe the girl wasn't sure at the time, let it happen, and then regretted it later. Rape after the fact. Fuck it, no excuses, I regret doing it now.

Majik said...

I smoke pot in order to curb the rage that burbles...true.

Ror...lots of little kids do stupid, inhumane things. What pisses me off is that you had no problem publicly sharing that story and express zero remorse, even in retrospect. You should have opted for the anonymous posting for that one...not cool, man.

Anonymous said...

Some of these are really sick. I don't think I can handle this week's Your Turn.

Anonymous said...

I think the guy i'm involved with is cheating on me. I'm pretending everything is okay, acting normally every time I see him, and he's none the wiser. What he doesn't know is that i'm gathering the evidence and as soon as i'm satisfied i'm right, i'm going to ruin his life. I will leave no stone unturned and that includes exposing his double life to his bosses, which in this case will get him sacked. Everything I can do, legal or illegal, I will. So I guess while I haven't committed a crime yet, i'm planning to. This guy will not know what hit him and after i'm finished with him i'm pretty sure he will think twice before cheating on anyone again.

I'm just performing a public service really.

Anonymous said...

Suicide is illegal right? I've been thinking about that one. Too scared to ever go through with it though, I think.

Anonymous said...

4:17 seek help.

brendalove@gmail.com said...

4:17 - sending you some good vibes. I promise things will get better.

Missy said...

Well I was going to leave a comment but someone stole/smoked/raped/killed the anonymous feature.

sandman said...

obviously most of you are full of shit, but thats what the webs all about i guess

sassafrass said...

I knew this one was going to turn out bad with the crime topic. Criminals love to brag.

ms snarky said...

How about if I dress up like Princess Leia and call everyone Luke?

ms snarky said...

4:17 -
it's like they say - suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem.
nothing is ever that bad, even if it feels like it. Chuck it all, get rid of your life, and head to Key West. Bartend. Spray tan people. Sell flowers. You can always go back to your original plan. but I bet you won't want to. Life can be fun. And this is from a person who is currently working way too much, seriously lacking sleep, not having any fun, used to be worried sick, and absolutely knows that things will improve. Suicide is the chicken way out. So you hang in there, baby doll. You'll be okay.

ms snarky said...

sassafras 5:36 -

you are the voice of wisdom on this here thread. they do so love to brag. you can take the sociopath out of the ........

heck. I don't even know how to finish that sentence.

ms snarky said...

@anonymous 4:16 -

don't do it. your cheating boyfriend isn't worth it. The most satisfaction I ever got out of a shitty relationship was when I walked away, even though it was killing me. and for a year or two after, my cheating ex would tell everyone how fabulous I looked and try to get info from them and try to talk to me. And I would just always smile and walk away. Making them suffer with intentional hurt just makes them bitter and say what an evil bitch you are, and that they were right. Making them suffer with longing for you is way better, and makes you feel all good in a buddhist non-violent kind of way.

Just ditch the cheating bastard now, before he expects it. And find someone you do like. Don't collect bad karma for yourself just because he's a loser.

Mooshki said...

DBFreak, don't worry, I kinda want to kill your soon-to-be-ex, so you're covered.

4:17, I realized a few years ago that if killing myself is always an option, I don't need to let things bother me so much. I used to feel desperately ashamed all of the time, but now I just think "it's better to be lazy, or incompetent, or stupid, or worthless, or pathetic, or even hated than to be dead." I don't know if I'm explaining it clearly, but the point is, do whatever the hell you need to to feel good. If you get poor, get fat, become a slut, make your family and friends hate you, it's all better than being dead.

And yes, get help. If you can, see a counselor, and if the first one you see doesn't work for you, dump 'em and find someone that does work. If you can't see a counselor, call a suicide hotline, and if you don't like the person you're talking to, hang up and call back until you find someone who makes you feel better. Or find a community on the web that speaks to you and whatever your issue(s) are - there are thousands of them where the whole point is to support each other. :)

sassafrass said...

I liked reading the "I nicked candy when I was a kid" stuff, but the murder shit was just way too much info.

ahdaboom said...

never committed any crimes. but once right after my first daughter was born i went grocery shopping and when i came back home there was no parking in front of our condo so i parked against the red curb. it was in the complex, not on the street and out complex was gated.

anyway when i came back down stairs my car had been towed. i was so hormonal i could not stop crying and i was very upset that i was going to have to take my baby out again, in a taxi, because my husband was out of town, etc.

so i got to the towing place and my car is right out front but no one was at the desk. i saw my keys sitting RIGHT THERE on the desk and as i was debating snatching them and hauling as out of there i noticed a camera, recording my every move.

omg, i about fainted at the thought of getting caught. my heart was pounding so fast i nearly passed out.

i'm not cut out for criminal activity, lol.

Ms.Leigh said...

well this looked like fun til the rape and murder shit came along. holy crap, you're some sick fucks!

i've made some pretty poor choices, but i haven't really committed any crimes. helped a friend score some drugs a long time ago and i don't pay for music anymore (unless it's *that good*). doesn't sound too exciting, but considering what my old lifestyle could have me doing right now, i'm happy to be boring.

B626 said...

drove over .08 now and then? yup

Bad Fish said...

Alright here's a biggie. I hadn't even thought of it until now, probably because I never saw it as a crime.

For five years of my life I was a major pot grower. We're talking entire houses and sheds, organized dealing, the whole works.

I'm out of it now, and don't regret a thing. I never got caught and I can grow a heck of a garden now. It got me interested in botany and now I love to grow all sorts of plants and it brings me a lot of joy :)

Cirse said...

So incredibly disturbed by this post. I think I'll not leave my house ever again.

Jerry said...

I once read Perez Hilton's column.

Ernestine said...

You're a sick, stupid fucktard, Ror. The only good thing about what you just posted is the fact that basically NOBODY is going to give you more attention here at CDAN. You just exposed yourself as a total fucking psycho.

Oh, and I shoplifted a bunch of shit for many, many, many months from Walmart. I was a teenager. It was Maine. I was bored.

And weed is gooooooood. Glad most of us concur.

blankprincess said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Jungle007 said...

Wow Ror... I actually thought you were kinda cool before... I'm big cat person!!! But to be honest I can guess you're not the type of guy who really gives a shit how you're portrayed so I'll leave it at that.

I've done my share of dumb illegal shit as a teen; sold some drugs with my hs bfs and stole from a few stores. Take pride in the fact I've never stolen from a person's house, minus the time I pocketed a bitchy girlfriend's Our Lady Peace CD in grade 8. I never returned it, but had to hide it around our mutual friends so word wouldn't get back to her.

Pretty well every bf I've had has been a criminal in some way, mostly petty dumb shit save for two guys who are both serving time right now (rightfully so). One I have talked about several times on here and I have yet to tell the entire fucked up story. Maybe one day when I have the energy.......
The other one.. i revealed one of our crimes a few fridays ago and don't wanna give my identity up on that one....yet...

itz electrik said...

my friend and i used to go to wal-mart with our over-sized purses empty and stuff them with whatever we wanted from the makeup isle.

ive written in wet cement & got caught but nothing happened.

ive done coke, ecstasy, ketamine, smoke pot regularly, buy pills usually xanies, aderoll, or roxacets.

im in college and live in pennysylvania so its freezing, i refuse to walk home at 4 in the morning so ive driven drunk and stoned many times.

i stole these awesome velcro neon bowling shoes from the bowling alley a few months ago.

ive gotten into many fights. punched alot of girls in the face. ripped out hair and all that fun stuff.

in high school we would hide behind a fence and throw apples at cars driving by on a busy street. cops chased us a couple times. we ran into a house and just didnt answer the door.

i buy alcohol for my underage sister and have for underage friends as well.

download illegally like a fiend.

nothing too major.

Jungle007 said...

oh and i almost forgot

2:38- "I've killed plenty of cats and dogs before moving on to little girls, but I'd never put their faces on as my avatar!"

THIS post, although shorter and less detailed, is 100x worse than Ror's. If you're trying to be ironic, you need to just learn to shut the fuck up. This isn't funny, no matter how you look at it.

hammyjam said...

There is one I just remembered that is kinda funny. Back in HS one of my friends had a minivan. We thought it was funny to drive around until we saw something we wanted, opened up the door, jump out and grab it, and jump back into the minivan. It was always really weird and random stuff we would grab like traffic cones, cement blocks, signs (not any that we would be bad to take away, like construction signs or something). But then my mom started asking questions about why there was a traffic cone in my room that said City of .... well it was funny at the time at least, well more so in the way we did it I guess.

Ms. said...

Ror, torture is torture. I don't care if you were nine. That's old enough to know that causing prolonged torture to another living creature is wrong wrong wrong.

The fact that you - as an adult - still don't think something's wrong with that, is completely FUCKED.

BTW, your syntax gave you away with regard to the murder post. You're a fucking psycho. I hope someone turns you in. I hope it will be one of us. Maybe it will be me. Yeah...it probably will be me.

brendalove@gmail.com said...

I can't bring myself to go back and read Ror's post. Animal stuff like that always gets me upset.

We once stole a duck from a local pond and went riding around with it. It was fun letting it quack at people we pulled up next to. However, you wouldn't believe how incredibly loud a duck's quack is when its in a car. Plus we started worrying he would poop in the car. His ride around town was short-lived, and back to his pond he went.

mygeorgie said...

Holy Shit. I know everyone has a dark side, but pipes, this is not cool. No wonder Enty/admin cut off anon.

I think we have seen the last of anon folks :(

@Roadside Murderer: That sounds an awful lot like a Dirty Harry movie. Fantasy or real, you are a sick fucker for bragging

dbfreak said...

I hope some people are still following up on this one - I'm posting a warning for anyone who really thinks they are anonymous on these posts.

BE CAREFUL.

My soon-to-be-ex (Hi asshole!) found my ANONYMOUS post from last week, somehow knew it came from me and read it back to me today. From that post, he has had material to harrass me and I now know that I can do NOTHING online without him spying and stalking me. My theory is that he has some kind of key stroke logging software on my PC, and I don't know what to do about that right now. However, in my case, I will NOT BE SILENCED. And the post he found he can't do much with thank GOD. Just harrass me, which is something I'm now COMPLETELY USED TO.

Someone could have this kind of software on your PC too. Just be aware. I'm sure this post is going directly to his inbox. If so, hey jerk - get a life - stop SPYING on me and I'm getting a RESTRAINING ORDER.

Also, in the cases of more serious things admitted here, it's very possible to trace IP addresses, as someone pointed out on this board a few "Your Turns" ago.

We are not safe, even anonymously. At least I'm not.

But I DON'T CARE. Bring it - you want a restraining order on your record? Coming right up ASSHOLE!

mygeorgie said...

forgot to check off 'update'. need to keep abreast of drama ;)

Sue Ellen Mishkey said...

I guess the worst thing I've done is hopped a fence that surrounded a garden centre where my best friend used to work and took some potted flowers for her patio. They never gave her her last pay cheque, so we made up the difference by stealing. :/

Just One Opinion . . . said...

Yes. Yes. Yes. No. N/A.

The Missus said...

When I was 12 I shoplifted twice. The first time the thing I stole was 10 cents and I felt guilty about it, but not guilty enough to not shoplift once more. The second time the item was $3 or $4--can't remember exactly--and I felt horribly guilty, so a week later I snuck the item back to the store and put it back. Thus ends my criminal career.

I've thought about maybe making my own vodka, and possibly I would go through with it except my husband's a cop and therefore we have to abide by the laws of the land. What a drag.

The Missus said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
genesis said...

Erm, in 3rd grade I used to steal. A lot. Only kiddie stuff of course, like say I saw someone with something I wanted but for some reason didn't ask my mother for it lol I would get the janitor to open my classroom after school, go in, get it and get out. I only stopped after I noticed he was watching me all creepy like. Maybe he was keeping an eye out, who knows but I stopped either way. My dad works for the city, you know, last hired first fired, they're giving talks like that at work so I stole a road work sign as payback for threatening him with a lay-off.

Bad Fish said...

I concur that the murderer confession was Ror. You dumb sick fuck.

Ernestine said...

I think it was him, too, but I personally think that he made up the whole scenario to make him seem like some sort of badass. I think he beat the cat to death, though. He was pretty flippant about the whole memory -- not boastful like he was in the "anonymous" vehicular homicide (whateeeevvvvvvvvver!) post.

You're such a pathetic, asinine bitchtard, Ror. You really, really are.

linnea said...

has rors post been removed? i cant find it...