Demi Lovato Blames Her Problems On Being Bullied
Apparently everyone in Hollywood was bullied. How many times in the past year have you heard that from a celebrity? Want to be movie star? Well your only hope is that you were bullied as a child. Ever since the rash of deaths last year attributed to bullying it seems that it is the go to reply for anything that ails you. I want to make it perfectly clear that I am glad Demi Lovato got the help she needed. She was in rehab or whatever she wants to call it for a significant period of time and I hope it works for her and that she is a healthy and happy person for the rest of her life.
I just find it hard to believe that childhood bullying is the cause of all her problems. "I've spoken openly about being bullied throughout the past few years, but one thing that I've never been able to feel comfortable talking about was the effects that it had on my life, afterwards," she said. "I literally didn't know why they were being so mean to me. And when I would ask them why, they would just say, 'Well, you're fat."
Do you know how many times I have been called fat? How many times I was teased as a kid? It did not land me in rehab. Also, if a kid on the playground calls you fat, I do not call that bullying. I call that childhood. She says that because of this, she developed an eating disorder when she was 8 and has had it all her life. Then, after getting help for that from her family, she started cutting herself when she was 11 trying to deal with all the bullying.
I have never cut myself, and I am not an expert, and while I am sensitive to her issues and problems, can we blame everything on the fact she was called fat as a child?
35 comments:
It's more complicated than that. Every kid has probably been picked on, made fun of, taunted, etc. at some point. Sometimes it crosses over into bullying, and some kids are more susceptible than others. Every kid who gets called fat doesn't develop an eating disorder. Some kids are inherently more sensitive than others. Demi is obviously a young woman with some emotional problems and I hope she gets ongoing help.
exactly Dianne...
you never know how you are going to affect someone with your words or actions.
Sorry, but I find all her excuses sound like a PR campaign to excuse her behavior. Maybe they are true, and that is sad. But I get the feeling that some of this may be fabricated.
I'm with Patty. We've all had a rough time at some point, but she's an adult now. Stop blaming others for your behaviour now. Stop deflecting responsibility. This is from the Lohan playbook.
I too, am sick of this bullshit that bullying caused this and that. I too can remember horrific times as a child. It did not make me a drug addict or have an ED (that was later on in life, and have NOTHING to do with bullying).
She is denying the blow use, which pissed me off. If you are going to open up about your problems, be HONEST. Or just shut the fuck up, and don't say a damn thing.
I was teased as a child for being fat...I think I was an easier target than some of my equally or more overweight friends because I was naturally really friendly and I'm a loud person,lol, and I tried to make friends with everyone,from the nerd kids to the more popular kids, and so some people tried to (and there are no other words that can describe it) they tried to Break Me Down.
I tried to do the bulimic thing once or twice as the years went by but, and i dont know if its a strength thing or what, I just wouldnt let MY WHOLE LIFE become about food and bullying. So I dont know if it takes inner strength or if you want to call it a difference in sensitivity (although I will say I can be a sensitive person) but its true that some kids deal with 10+ yrs of bullying (like me) and get stronger within and sort of form a thicker armour or some kids DO develope an eating disorder young and always question themselves and who they are (cause thats what bullying really does to you).
What I do know is that despite all my strength and my mom being awesome and telling me I was beautiful everyday (which sounds silly but did help, and still does :) even now when I go to my university and Im wearing something more revealing and even though Ive lost almost 70lbs, the reality is I still fidget and tug at my clothes a bit, like I used to all those yrs ago. And yes, it continues to be a shit memory from my childhood and yes it does continue to affect me. If this happened to this young girl and it morophed into all these other problems than I am so truly sorry, and I hope she has someone telling her how beautiful she is, like my mom did and does for me, and I hope she can see that.
well put jasmine
Congratulations on the weight loss, Jasmine!
I am getting tired of all of the bruhaha over so-called "bullying." All kids get teased for something. It sucks when it's you getting teased, but it happens to everyone.
Are some kids actual bullies? You bet. But I don't think what many of these celebrities are just now recalling about their terrible formative years is actually bullying. It's just kids being their snotty selves. When it's physical or pervasive or harassing, then parents and/or teachers need to step in. But I think we are creating a generation that will be unable to cope with adversity and the reality that not everyone thinks their shit doesn't stink. I see some of that now in the college students at the university where I work. Everyone has super-high self-esteem, because that's what schools have focused on for the last decade or two. But few of them can deal with life's hard knocks and challenges.
Bullying is the new "My parents didn't love me enough."
LOL @ chopchop. So true.
I was one of those peeps who was friends with everyone, but my besties were the "cool" girls. And then, the summer right before high school, those bitches decided to torture me during an away summer field hockey camp. It was the most awful feeling in the entire world. I thought my whole world was going to end. And I fucking hated field hockey. It was like my own personal hell. With the help of my mom and my sisters, I realized that those girls were BITCHES and that karma would have a way to bite them in the ass. And well, we're 35 now, and guess who's the hottie who still gets carded. Yeah, you're talking to her. Meanwhile, the mean girls are all fat and tragic. Oh. And I've never done a drug in my life.
i was bullied yesterday. my 4 year old twins told me i had the biggest butt they had ever seen ;)
but seriously, i'm not making light of a serious thing. she may just be a very sensitive soul...
Bullying is part of the socialization process. At some point in your life you have to learn to fight back or you'll just be a victim forever. Most of us learn to fight back. By the way, bullying isn't just about childhood either. There are plenty of adults who will happily bully you. So if she was a guy I'd say, "Grow a pair." But since Dimmy is a girl let's just advise her, "Find your inner bitch."
While I think her problems go way beyond being bullied, I don't think that as a society we should just accept bullying a part of childhood. Why in the world is it acceptable for children to bully and be cruel, but when someone is obviously hurt by it, we say "get over it?" Who is in the wrong here?
Many times bullying is directly related to self esteem. The less self esteem you have, the bigger target you are to bullies as they aren't going to pick on someone who will stand up for themselves. And, the more one is bullied, the bigger hit they take to their self esteem. Round and round the cycle goes. Some kids are able to let it slide of their backs with little harm. Some can't.
As for Demi, I think there were most likely many factors that led her to rehab and I hope that she can stay on the right path. Do I think that she should have to come out and do a tell all? Absolutely not unless she wants to. God knows, I wouldn't want the whole world to know all things that I've done in my past that I'm not proud of.
Thank you, Leggitt, for making some kind of sense. I basically just typed out a huge post that said the same things, but blogger screwed up and it was all for nothing. Very glad to reload and see your comment, though. I'm frankly pretty surprised that Enty would take this stance. Bullying is bullying is bullying, no matter what the names you're being called are, no matter how many people are involved, and not matter if they put there hands on you or not. And the pyschological damage is often deep and unforgiving. For those of you making assumptions on how damaged Demi actually is, or how much of her demons she should actually reveal to us, PLEASE think about what you're saying. Please think about the attitude that you're perpetuating. It reminds me of the kind attitude that a lot of teachers who let bullying go on possess.
Chrissy, that's reason #1,375 why I don't have children! :-)
Leggitt, I completely disagree. I think a certain amount of what is being called "bullying" is actually a very important part of growing up. Kids need to learn that the world is not set up to cater to them. Facing adversity and learning to deal with it is a really important tool to have, and necessary in order to be a functioning, contributing adult. If we as a society protect children from everything that could hurt their feelings, they'll never learn how to cope.
Again, I'm not saying that true bullies should be allowed to run untethered through America's schoolyards, but a certain amount of adversity is healthy.
i stopped the abuse right there by not retaliating. i could have shattered they 4 year old psyches by telling them it is THEIR fault i have a big butt...
Fight the mini-powers, Chrissy!
I completely get why ent feels this way. After all here is his understanding of depression:
http://www.crazydaysandnights.net/2010/01/kevin-federline-depressed.html
people are affected differently by the words of others.
Everyone is bullied on some level. And some people peak in high school. Then their whole lives are a pathetic "remember when we ...". You need people that love you, will support you and tell you that you won't gave a rat's ass what these people think about you as you get older. Getting older (46 last week) puts a lot of things into perspective, seeing friends that died before they were 20,30 and 40. Life is short, live it to the fullest with love in your life and slide into your grave when the time comes used up and happy.
I was bullied as a kid; I brought a lot of it on myself. BUT it did get to a point where I wanted to be left aloe and kids didn't stop. Did I survive? Yes. Did it suck? You bet. Did I blame any future problems on it? No.
Bullying is still a hot news topic. That's why this reeks of a PR stunt to hide the coke and sex escapades instead of a genuine service to kids struggling with bullying. Disgusting, if true.
Take this from someone who was relentlessly bullied as a child-it's not the bullying-it's how you take it all.
I've seen really ugly people be really popular and really pretty people be bullied.
If it's not your looks, it's your accent, your name, your house, your clothes, your parents, your siblings, anything at all. Kids just seem to pick up on what makes everyone laugh and makes one person miserable. It boils down to joining in the laughter and just roll with it. If you show it doesn't bother you, it will stop.
And not for nothing, but I wasn't an ugly child. Pretty normal looking, actually. They picked on me because they knew how much it bothered me. Wish I knew then what I know now, but all I can do is raise my children to 1.) not be bullies and 2.) not be bullied. Luckly they are all very popular, unlike their mom! :)
It appears, however that Demi took the bullying she received and put it into 2 directly opposite courses of action-extreme success through working on her music and acting and becoming a celebrity (I don't care what anyone says, these kids work their tails off for success) or hurting herself through cutting, bulimia and possibly even drugs and/or careless sex.
I don't think she is blaming the bullying. I think she is realizing what the source of her behavior is and that is her reaction to bullying-something all kids face and need to learn how to deal with it and rise above it.
If she can do it and help others in the process, I completely applaud her. She also took complete responsibility for her actions with the backup dancer.
As for the rest of the drugs and sex stuff-that's personal anyway and I don't think anyone needs to know.
Let's see. It's easy to say that Demi's just excusing it... but honestly, I think that she's figured out what started her issues and mentioned it - because ultimately, something has to be the catalyst. But by pointing out that she was bullied as a kid, she's pointing out to her fans that bullying has consequences. Some people can brush it off, and other people can't.
Really though, the tiniest things affect people. I'm naturally thin, and since I was 13 have been accused by people who barely know me of having an eating disorder. I understood their intentions, but seriously, I just have a hyper metabolism. I'm not bulimic. However, it has caused me to always second guess what I wear in public, what I eat in public...
My sister used to be a little chubby, and battled an eating disorder for years. She wasn't bullied, but the comments that people made about her adorable little "chipmunk cheeks" tormented her for years. None of it was meant to hurt her, but it did - deeply.
So really, even if she isn't being genuine, I don't care if it's a PR tactic. It's one that should help teens be a bit more kind to each other, and encourage teens who feel isolated and feel like hurting themselves (whether by physically cutting or self medicating with alcohol or drugs) to get some help.
I so rarely post on here, but this whole argument just hits a nerve. Saying that bullying is just "part of growing up", teaches them a lesson, or that the bullied person is just whining is like telling a woman in an abusive relationship that "oh well, that's just life" or to stop whining, it will only make you stronger.
Yes, often times it does help a child learn to stand up for themselves. Case in point that video from not very long ago of the child body slamming the bully. But, what about those who don't stand up for themselves. In some cases, those that choose to end their lives rather than have to endure one more day of going into a place where you know that you will be ridiculed, taunted, harrassed and have people tell you "it's just part of growing up".
Telling people who are being bullied to toughen up is BLAMING THE VICTIM! We no longer blame rape victims for their rapists actions, stop blaming bullying victims for the bullies actions. There is plenty of adversity in life - illness, divorce, accidents. Bullying is not adversity. It is a deliberately cruel act with no cause that should be wiped out whether the perpetrators are children, teenagers or adults. Everyone has the right to go to school, home, the workplace and out in public without being called names, being physically assaulted or feeling intimidated. THERE IS NO EXCUSE FOR BULLYING!
It's all a PR spin to cover up the fact she went to rehab for coke because every time her rehab is mentioned the comments are filled with comments about how much coke she was doing, links to the bunkbed blind item from here, or links to the story where the guy commented about her being in the bunkbed house and doing coke, and he commented like last January, so it wasn't made-up because of the rumors, there were no rumors about it back then.
(scroll down and read the #3 comment - http://hipsterrunoff.com/2010/01/has-chillwave-gone-tweenstream.html-0 )
She needs to just stop and take responsibility. You know how dumb kids are, there are plenty out there being bullied that will START cutting themselves when they hear this shit, because it's how Demi coped, plus they think it will cause a big "you need to go to rehab too" drama, since they are usually seeking attention.
Stop the lies.
Being an abused spouse is not the same as being a bullied child. I don't think anyone is saying that a child should have to endure actual abuse. I, along with a few others, am saying that if a child doesn't stand up for his- or herself, the bullying will continue into adulthood. All bullies can smell fear and defeatism, whatever their age. Dealing with bullying while young teaches the life skills you will need for the next 70-80 years as you encounter grown-up bullies -- including abusive spouses.
I agree with Jessica. This is a PR smokescreen to cover up the fact that she's a coke head.
@feraltart - to be fair, I don't think one person here is blaming a bullying victim for anything. We're saying that victims of bullying should stop blaming their illegal and outrageous behaviour on having been bullied. Plenty of people have been bullied, and I just don't buy that someone's shitty behaviour can be credited to it. I think becoming a Disney star at a young age and everything that comes with THAT probably had a hell of a lot more to do with Demi's problems than she realizes.
RocetQueen, I agree that you can't blame a lot of actions on things that happen to you. However, I felt compelled to write because there are commenters who have written that people who have been bullied need to toughen up. That is blaming the victim. If bullying is eradicated then all kinds of personalities can exist. Demi Lovato gets no free pass, why do the bullies? They have no right to blame their behaviour on the personality or demeanor of their victim/s.
I see what you're saying. Bullies are assholes, no doubt about it - they don't/shouldn't get a free pass, but I don't see bullying stopping anytime soon despite the new campaigns. If anything, it seems to be getting worse with online/anonymous bullying. Teaching a kid techniques to cope with bullying wouldn't be the worst thing in the world. Bullies suck.
I don't care for Demi because everything she says feels like a lie and I don't care for any of her tv/music.
Bullying is real but I couldn't tell you if it happened to her. It sounded like she had turned into a bully, which I've read can happen somewhat often to kids who are bullying.She obviously leaving out quite a bit about what landed her in rehab and that's a shame to the people who look up to her, especially the overweight little sister she has. It sends the wrong message.
I think this is a girl with multiple problems:
A tarty stagemom living vicariously through her, an absentee father, working professionally from a young age. Her mom seems pretty flakey, so who knows what she experienced as a very little girl, what sort of people she was allowed around... I think the bullying was one more thing, maybe the final straw.
I've read plenty of commentary about what a pain she was as a working-actor child (she was a Barney kid) - totally insufferable and many from then (and her most recent tour with the Jonas Brothers) have described HER as the bully.
I think it is complicated. I think she's a sensitive person with deep-seated issues from many angles. I think she's talented, but she is so manic I find her difficult to watch. I hope she finds happiness and calm.
I'm tired of hearing people blame other things for their actions. Not every person who gets teased grows up to be a coke whore. Not every child who was sexually abused grows up to be a predator.
Grow the F up and take responsibility for YOUR actions.
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