Thursday, May 31, 2018

Blind Items Revealed #1

May 23, 2018

This A list comic actress is a relative newlywed and her marriage is already on the rocks.

Amy Schumer

32 comments:

notthisagain said...

more impressed somebody wanted to marry her in the first place. She comes off as insufferable.

HoneyRyder said...

It’s hard enough enough to make it through a movie of hers, cannot imagine marriage to her IRL.

Vessimede Barstool said...

Well I'm shocked. Who would have thunk that a fat whore like Amy wouldn't stay faithful? Jesus Christ I thought cocaine kept bitches skinny?

c dan run said...

'on the rocks' must mean heavy drinking is involved

longtimereader said...

With those paychecks? i'd marry her and have a side piece.

Unknown said...

Yeah, i think those fat paychecks are history now. Her latest movie flopped harder than her hitting the pool, she's got nothing coming up that's announced on IMDB, her show is on permanent hiatus, and her standup special was so bad Netflix changed their rating system over her negative reviews.

I can't recall a faster and more spectacular rise and fall than her, except possibly Lena Dunham. (Both of whom got big (career wise) because of Judd Apatow.)

She'll probably get by doing sets for the "woo gurl!" crowd at casinos and pay the mortgage, but her "star" crashed to the earth in a pile of smoking wreckage. Maybe if she got some acting lessons, she might get another shot down the road. Probably not.

Shaddup Mimsey said...

I'm shocked, just shocked I tell ya. With wedding vows that included "I will give you oral sex whenever you want", I thought those crazy kids would make it.

Vessimede Barstool said...

When it came out that she was stealing whole bits from other comedians her career tanked. People don't like thieves.

J said...

She should have stayed with that totally-straight "furniture designer" guy.

He is so straight, he probably liked her movies.

plot said...

"(Both of whom got big (career wise) because of Judd Apatow.)"

Apatow sure can pick 'em. At the behest of his wife, he started looking around for power guuuurlz to counter his boy-man jizz fest movies which aren't very funny or very good (oh what happened to that guy who made Freaks and Geeks???)

And he found them - Guuuurlz who as stupidly self absorbed and superficial as his Boy Men.

I will always love Amy for her bit with Josh Charles that satirized Friday Night Lights. Brilliant comedy. But her Baby Doll in a grown-ups body wore me out. Maybe Apatow told her and Dunham to fit that template, like his Boy Men actors fit theirs. It's all annoying as fuck and the IQs of the viewers descend steadily while watching any Apatow product, while we turn into the babies he turns into stars.

plot said...

@Vessy

I watched the entire video of Schumer's stolen bits and most were less than persuasive. Stretching the connection between her bits to others to the point of inanity didn't help the video's case that Schumer is a joke thief.

Want some real stolen material? Robin Williams was the king of that kind of stand up thievery. Dennis Leary blundered dead comics for everything he ever did. Chris Rock famously stole whole set ups from David Chapelle as did Marlon Wayans.

I don't think their popularity suffered, as you suggest anyone's would for stealing jokes.

J said...

Yeah, he blundered their jokes.

Midsummer night said...

Who would leave that charmer?

Jon Feltman said...

Unfunny, uninspired, unoriginal fat c-nt.

Cail Corishev said...

I heard a story yesterday that she's getting a million dollars to do a podcast. Any idiot can do a podcast, even me, and even talented people often do them for nothing as a way to promote their other work. So that's the mechanism to keep funneling cash to her, without her having to actually do anything for it except continue to be her loathsome self for the cause.

plot said...

@Jon

Fat being the ultimately insult to a woman, right? Let's see a photo of the belly tiers that render you wheezing and sexless.

Lyla said...

I predict Amy will follow in Chuck's footsteps and go into politics. Or become a false humanitarian like Chelsea Handler!

Thursday November said...

Apparently her guy dated her manager first, the one she just fired, and texts that manager ALOT, seems to be at least emotional cheating. That manager is who is really responsible for Amy's popularity.

cruzzer2 said...

I think it's really interesting that you are all fat shaming this woman. She may be who she is, but she's making that money and you aint. You're here reading a gossip blog. Stay in your lane.

Anonymous said...

Now that you mention it. She’s even fatter now than before train wreck.

cruzzer2 said...

@normal you must all be on Ambien. Got it!

plot said...

@Lyla

"become a false humanitarian like Chelsea Handler!"

WTeverlovingF are you babbling on about?

nonyabusiness said...

Maybe I'd feel sorry for her if she wasn't so obnoxious and insufferable.

ForSure said...

This site has better fan fiction than AO3.

DDonna Tarttty said...

Remember how right after her latest bomb bombed she went right into the hospital and there was all kinds of "poor Amy!" coverage, obscuring the earlier bad press? So many pictures of Amy in the hospital.

If somebody's paying her $1 million for a podcast, it means somebody's working hard to keep her in the public eye, even though nobody wants here.

"Freaks & Geeks" is one of my favorite TV shows of all time, but Judd Apatow and Paul Fieg have since created an entire genre unto themselves that is misanthropic, harms both men and women, and has inflicted a few of the most repulsive people in Hollywood onto the culture, actors and actresses both.

If Amy Schumer never comes back from the fringe, it will be too soon.

Remie Ross said...

does talking about a fat woman trigger you???

Brayson87 said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Brayson87 said...

It's very simple, happy comedians are not funny. The greatest comedians have always been the most miserable and broken individuals you could meet. Everyday while you or I are looking in the closet deciding what to wear, they're debating belt, shoelaces, or good old dry cleaning bag? Then they take that turmoil and despair and spin it into something funny.

Amy let herself believe she could be happy. Only once she accepts that she will always be miserable can she truly be funny again.

"Well, it's a lie it's a lie, don't you believe it.
If you're fine then you're fine, it's all how you see it.
Oh, there never will be no conspiracy of happiness."

plot said...

@DDonna

+1!

NorCal Norm said...

@DDonna I guess my eyes are getting bad I could have sworn you said if she ever comes back from the fridge...

Michael Lance said...

What sort of Omega male would marry that vapid cow? Being Chuck Schumer's relation should be enough to make anyone run to the hills.

Epileptic Spudmonkey said...

Good!
Hideous fat cunt!

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