Blind Item #8
This back in the day A list singer from an A list group is too slow to beat his much younger girlfriend. If only his ex had been that fast, she wouldn't have had years of beatings.
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52 comments:
Axl Rose?
Is this really the best way to write this blind? ;)
Bobby Brown? Wasn't he in New Edition at one point?
tommy lee/brittany furlan/pamela anderson
72 year old Don McLean and his 24 year old girlfriend.
Ex wife Patrisha claims he abused her thru 30 years of marriage.
Don McClean would fit, but he wasn't in an A list group. Not sure he was ever in any group.
Or if only she had left him after the first beating like any sensible person would.
I'd have never guessed Don McLean except that I just saw a pic of the two on another website yesterday.
People who have never been abused often wonder why a person wouldn’t just leave an abusive relationship. They don’t understand that leaving can be more complicated than it seems.
Leaving is often the most dangerous time for a victim of abuse, because abuse is about power and control. When a victim leaves, they are taking control and threatening the abusive partner’s power, which could cause the abusive partner to retaliate in very destructive ways.
Aside from this danger, there are many reasons why people stay in abusive relationships. Here are just a few of the common ones:
Fear. Believing Abuse is Normal(often a result of long-term psychological abuse). Shame. Low Self-Esteem. Love. Cultural/Religious Reasons. Lack of Money/Resources. Disability.
Any sensible person would know not to blame the victim of abuse for said abuse.
Thank you, Unknown.
Yeah but leaving after the first beating is better.
Spin it however you like.
Or if only the ex and the current SO had been better human beings?
He's a POS
Yeah but who chose to partner with the ex/so?
Bad call.
If you trust people simply because you find them attractive bad things will happen to you. Not my fault, just the way the world works.
Personally, I make it a goal to avoid bad human beings. Shouldn't everyone?
Vince Neil?
@ Unknown exactly, also abusers are normally exceptionally nice to their victims at the beginning, then they slowly isolate them and verbally/emotionally undermine them, so by the time the beatings start, they have no where to go, no one to confide in, and are mentally broken down and in extreme anxiety.
People have been abusing other people since there have been people.
It is no secret that things work this way. Just like putting your hand into a hot flame burns it.
At some point those who are mentally capable need to be accountable for their decisions.
So if someone I care about shows up with a shiner given to him/her by a partner, and I say "do not go back to that person," I am doing the wrong thing?
+1 to gauloise & unknown. However, I'm afraid that a certain troll will perpetually disagree with you. As a child of an abusive father, I got a front row seat to the abuse and manipulation he subjected my mother to. Even when she tried to move out, he hunted her down & disabled her car so that she's couldn't get to work. He would call my elderly maternal grandmother and tell awful lies about my mother, until my mom agreed to come back. There's so much more effed shit. It didn't end until I got old enough and had him arrested. This was also after the OJ case when CA changed the law so that DA's wouldn't need the testimony of the abused partner to prosecute. I had been plotting and took pictures, kept medical records of my mom's injuries.
BayAreaGirl, if your partner beats you I hope you leave him/her.
I think that would be the best choice, although some seem to disagree.
A million times what UnknoWn said. I have been in an abusive relationship. I decided to leave but was too scared. When I did, he stalked and threatened to kill me. The fear was real.
Sorry that happened to you Stevie, and sorry you didn't figure out a way to connect with a nonabusive guy in the first place.
Unless the point is that all men are abusers.
Sorry you and your mom went through all of that, BayAreaGirl.
Stevie-That's terrible, but happy you made it out the other side!
+1 Gauloise, well said
Thanks Vita.
@J, You're really missing the point. These women do try. In my mother's case she was worried he would hurt my grandmother, uncles, aunts or cousins if she didn't do what he wanted. He was also great at manipulating my baby brother & using him to guilt my mom.
At times, my dad could be the best. He was always cheering for me in the stands at sports events & encouraged me to break gender barriers (ironic He taught me a lot of things that led me to succeed as a adult. The whole thing is very complicated. However, after much therapy, I am married to a great & supportive man who doesn't have a violent bone. We have a better life than I could have dreamed of.
@Stevie, I'm glad to hear you made it out!
That's great, BayAreaGirl.
You describe your situation and experience with intelligence and clarity. So I am going to infer that your partner's non-violent nature was something you insisted upon when looking to build a future. Is that correct?
At the same time, there are people who do harmful things to themselves... stupid, avoidable things. I know there is a narrative, and I know peoples' precious feelings get hurt so easily, but that doesn't change the fact that if someone you are involved with beats you, leaving that person and the relationship is the best thing to do.
Telling lies to people who have made bad choices, telling them that no, all their choices have been just fine, may make those people feel better, but it may not be the best thing to do if you want to set an example for others to follow, or if you'd like to see fewer people get beaten up in relationships overall. My opinion.
J, I’m glad you’ve never been in a relationship that started well, built trust, was nurtured, then suddenly switched into a scary situation that took planning to escape. Since it doesn’t seem you have experience in this area, perhaps it’s best not to comment.
I have experiences you know nothing of, kait.
I believe it is my responsibility to protect my own mental health. When I meet people -- even if they are very pretty people -- I pay attention to their behaviors. I spend a very long time getting to know someone before feeling "trust."
I have a question for you, kait.
Do you think Sandra Bullock had any responsibility to figure out her husband was a nazi sympathizer?
Or, on the other hand, do you take at face value her claims to have had zero idea whatsoever, and think she handled the relationship responsibly even though this little detail escaped her attention?
I can’t speak to Sandra’s relationship, and I’m not really sure what that anecdote has to do with the topic of domestic abuse. Your comments feel very victim shamey.
I'm more concerned about understanding how things work, and ideally having fewer bad things happening, than I am about how my phrasing feels to you.
That said, it feels like you don't hold Bullock one bit responsible for knowing whether her husband was a real-life white supremacist.
@Unknown Yeah, I'm gonna just go ahead and feel free to blame victims despite how you feel about it. Because I've had my own share of abuse too, and I am very much aware that I still made my own choices.
I think when someone has been in multiple abusive romantic relationships is where it starts to raise eyebrows. Anybody can be fooled, but by the fourth or the fifth one it's like honey, where are you meeting these men?
Or, she should have dumped him. Sometimes, you just have to accept that you are a part of the problem due to allowing it to continue. It's the honest position no one likes to accept.
Also, don't come @ me, I've spent 2 decades working at a dom abuse shelter to help teach them how not to get murdered, since I almost died, but managed not to.
Okay, bye troll. Have a nice night.
@J, that's cool that you're always looking out for #1. Not everyone is like that. I have BIG trust issues, but I will look out for my family & friends, even if I to sacrifice. We're different folks.
As kait mentioned, it happens very slowly, in small increments. In my mom's case, she had an arranged marriage & was only 19. They fled a war torn country together, crossed an ocean and nearly lost their first born (me) in childbirth. He didn't start with the violence until I was in second grade and my mom is very traditional so didn't believe in divorce.
As for Sandra, even if she did know, people make mistakes. The relationship was pretty short-lived & the photo was taken after they split.
Thanks, kait! I probably will have a good night!
B.A.G., it sounds like your parents weren't movie stars. This is a website about celebrities, people who pretty much without exception have lots and lots of choices. I didn't see Enty refer to any sort of arranged marriage here.
Also, you say your mom is very traditional. That's fine, but that's her choice, and its much more a choice now than it was when your parents met. There are blinds here about someone -- maybe Natalie Portman -- refusing to get divorced no matter what. To me, in 2019, if you make that choice then whatever happens as a result is your problem. Not mine.
Yes, people make mistakes. And I recommend that people be more careful, to make fewer mistakes. I recommend this to men and I recommend this to women. I actually have a lot of faith in women; I hold them to the same standards as I do men. So if Sandra Bullock really didn't know this guy was a nazi... after she was married to him for __five__ years (as his __third__ wife, by the way)... she is an exceptional case. Unlike most women, she is truly a thoroughgoing moron.
Is it unfair for me to expect women -- and men -- to pay close attention to the characters of their partners?
BayAreaGirl, I appreciate your civility, by the way. Thanks for that.
So many attention seekers on this site. So many tiny violins playing in one place.
If it isn't Tommy Lee/Pam it's possibly Axl/Erin Everly
or Stephanie Seymour?
Lol
+1million kait
Lindsay Buckingham
Ummm.. You realize that J is abusive, right? You're arguing with an abuser. J is having a lot of fun at y'all's expense.
Tommy Lee was the drummer, not the singer.
Oh look, J the misogynistic POS is victim blaming again. He shouldn't have hit her. There's plenty of women, particularly mothers, who are trapped in violent relationships. Even when they do leave, pigs like you berate them for being single mothers (unless they're male, of course. Then they're given sympathy)..
Hey Viking Song! How's life in the Klan?
Your friend rosie was singing the praises of racist mormons the other day. You, she, and poor Mr. Viking Song should go a-lynching sometime.
I was married to a guy, one night he beat the crap out of me, almost killed me to be honest. I left that night with my two sons and didn't go back. He called child protective services on me, they said as long as I didn't go back I was fine. He had the Army take half my pay as he was higher ranking than me, I called my Congress man. He stalked me. I still didn't go back. What I did do was go into counseling to find out how I ended up with someone so abusive and didn't see any of the red flags. Bc they were there.
Sorry but J is right. It isn't easy to remove bad people from your life, but it is a hell of a lot easier than keeping them in it. And without counseling I probably would have just ended up in another abusive relationship bc it was a lack of boundary that made me a target for an abusive man in the first place.
Congratulations @ bay city girl!! Your documentation of your moms abuse is exceptional and heroic.
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