Monday, March 19, 2007

More Dinner, A Show, And I Got My Car Back (for awhile)

So as you know AP took my car Tuesday night when I was too drunk to drive. I was under the impression she was going to return it on Wednesday. Well it turns out I was under the wrong impression. My car and I were not reunited until Friday night. Throughout the latter part of the week AP said she was enjoying driving it and since she didn't have an SUV was seeing if it was something she wanted to buy. She did mention that I could walk to work because it is not that far. I mentioned to her that this was LA and no one walks anywhere. The only people walking are the tourists because they are too scared to drive. I also mentioned that she could just rent an SUV if she truly wanted to know what one was like. She said only tourists rented cars in LA. Touche'.

Anyway she showed up on Friday night and somehow invited herself to go along to Largo to see Glen Phillips. I guess I had mentioned it in passing to her and either I invited her and didn't remember or she just decided she was going to go and get me drunk again and get to keep my car. All week I had visions of her getting into a wreck or hitting a pap and me being sued out of my mind. If you have never been to Largo it is something you really should do when you come to LA. It is a sit down club for the most part. They do have a bar you can stand at, but it doesn't hold that many people and you really have to get in line early for popular bands and comedians. I had not planned on sitting, but rather just hanging out at the bar or partaking of the Jagermeister that I knew Mr. Phillips would have on his rider. Getting a seat is not easy, especially when you had not planned on sitting.

The best way to get a seat is to make a dinner reservation. Actually that is about the only way to get a seat unless you know someone like the singer. I love Largo for shows, but the food is just so so. Not bad at all, but not I would go there just for the food. It feels like all the food is just appetizers which is fine if you are going to a tapas place or just some munchies at a bar, but this is supposed to be dinner. Anyway, Friday night I turned the tables a bit and got AP drunk. Really drunk. Like falling down drunk. Like she was making Toad The Wet Sprocket jokes and puns all night. But, it was a funny kind of drunk and not homicidal rage kind of drunk. When we went out Tuesday she did not drink that much because she had been drinking during the afternoon. Yea, I know tough life. So, I got her drunk and got her to spill some tales.

So this actor she worked with before is very C list, but, EVERYONE knows him for one very important relationship. She says he is neither gay nor straight. She says that he is kind of asexual rather than bi-sexual. He is just so shy and afraid of hurting someones feelings that he will go out with whatever sex asks. She also said he is definitely not a take charge kind of guy and doesn't care about anything except making the other person happy. She said his non-sexual relationships are just the same and it gets really annoying after about a day and she just has no desire to work with him again. He just refuses to answer a question or make a decision and you just want to scream when you talk to him.

There is this other guy she knows who EVERYONE would also know even though he is not a celebrity. He has been with lots and lots of women including lots of celebrities and celebutantes. LOTS. The thing is that he has a very tough time performing and just prefers watching. Watching other couples or the girl he is with or two girls. He pretends he is all manly and virile, but the only way he can be that is with Viagra and lots of watching. She says the only way he can usually finish is to do it himself. Figures.

So after the concert and a quick hello to Glen we left. Did I mention what my car had turned into? Clothes, makeup, perfume everywhere. It was like she had been living in it. It was incredibly messy with food wrappers everywhere and some mega pack of Altoids looked as if it had exploded in the car. They were everywhere. Everything had that kind of white powder dust. OK, that would explain those Lindsay Lohan photos from this weekend. She was sucking down the Altoids. That's why she had the white powder all over her face. I understand now. She had an Altoid explosion also. Well, AP lives to hell and gone from LA and so I dropped her off at someones house (not a stranger, but I can't say exactly or it would give it away). I went home and went to sleep.

When I woke up on Saturday morning to get my car and go get it cleaned, it was gone. AP snatched it. I walked to work this morning.

77 comments:

Anonymous said...

It sounds like AP has a crush on ENT!!

Anonymous said...

Who is this person? The sense of entitlement is shocking, although I suppose not in L.A.!

You know who popped into my head for the asexual person for some reason? Fisher Stevens. One big relationship - Michelle Pfeiffer. C list. It fits.

w.

Anonymous said...

#1. ?
#2. Stavros Niarchos

Anonymous said...

Dude, she totally wants you.

#2 sounds like Mr. Girls Gon eWild himself, Joe Francis.

betsnup said...

Guy who can't get it up = Brandon Davis?

Anonymous said...

Someone everyone knows who ISN'T a celebrity?! Or isn't in the entertainment industry? Thought if everyone knew you = automatic celeb.... must b dense....

Anonymous said...

Hez is going to have a fit! lmao

lizz said...

For some reason that first item sounds like Chad Lowe. He's C list but is known for being married to Hilary Swank which would be that one important relationship. It fits and was the first person to come to my mind.

mistik said...

The Altoids slogan, "The curiously strong mint" makes SOOOOO much more sense now...

SB said...

I take a clue from the last word - "figures". Someone in business, maybe? That would sort of fit with the everyone knows this person but the person not being a celebrity. Someone like Bill Gates, though I seriously doubt he is the one.

Anonymous said...

It sounds like AP is putting it on you really good in the bedroom, because she hijacked your car and trashed it and YOU got it cleaned...maybe its just me, but she would have cleaned up her mess befor she gave me my car back!

Anonymous said...

Oh EL you don't know about Altoids and oral sex? only on the peppermint flavor

Anonymous said...

I live in LA and I walk!! I take public transport to work, while my sports car sits in it's parking spot.

Secondly, an SUV?? Oh really?? She'll have that thing smashed up in no time and I can't say that I would be sad. One less gas guzzler off the road.

Alright, alright, I'll shut up now.

For some reason, I thought the C-list actor was Kevin Connelly for dating Nikky Hilton. Is he C?

GGA

Lauren said...

I do not know about oral and altoids- please advise!!!!

Lauren said...

I'm going to say Joe Francis for the watcher- its perf!
Everything matches (save for the FIGURES comment).

Anonymous said...

Well lauren, figures could work for GGW because of the women/girls that appear in his videos. Most have great 'figures' ??? Maybe.

LG said...

So that's why your car hasn't been in its "special place" this past week. lol.

Pinky said...

I thought of Brandon Davis first, but like the Joe Francis guess better because of the amount of times EL uses 'girls' not ladies, or women, but girls...

Dorothy said...

So I thought 'falling down drunk' might be a clue. I put it in IMDB and up came the movie Falling Down with Michael Douglas. In it is Tuesday Weld who plays a character Amanda Prendergast. She's 63. Think that's AP. Hahaha!

Sorry... I made myself laugh.

Anonymous said...

Def. thought the dirtbag guy was Joe Francis. Figures could always stand for money.

Dorothy said...

Google 'Joe Francis Viagra' and a story pops up from Hollywood Interrupted about him and friends popping Viagra and sleeping with a bunch of girls. Not sure if the article is true - it's quite disturbing...

Patty said...

The only AP I remember is Amanda Peet.
But I guess you were not invited to LG's birthday party that must have happened friday night, I was hoping you could tell the world something about it... Oh well.

WTF said...

I thought Brandon Davis but now I like all your guesses of Joe Francis.

Lauren said...

That article about Joe Francis made me sick

http://blogcritics.org/archives/2006/08/09/115116.php

this guy should be in jail

Anonymous said...

maybe the guy is Brody Jenner? Brandon Davis?

Anonymous said...

el , ap is using u for your car . dump her.

brendalove@gmail.com said...

The not-so-manly guy is ummmm....Bill Clinton?

Anonymous said...

C list guy could be Skeet Ulrich, as he was in the first Scream (Scream in your face.) His only "important" relationship is tht he was married and had twins and is now divorced. Other than that...I got nothin!

brendalove@gmail.com said...

Ent -
You can dickmatize this woman all you want to with our blessings...
BUT DON'T YOU TELL HER ABOUT THIS BLOG!

Anonymous said...

C list guy can't be Chad Lowe...he's on 24, so that should at least bump him up to B list for now...plus, he's probably more famous for being Rob Lowe's brother than for being married to Hillary Swank.

Anonymous said...

I was thinking the first one could
be david arquette (with the sream reference in the last sentence) the important relationship being courtney

Anonymous said...

Has this person been to Largo? A couple of details very off, culled from a quick scan of Web guides?

Anonymous said...

Thanks Lauren for that link on Joe Francis. What a sleeze. Someone needs to beat the crap out of that guy. What kind of woman would hang around with something like that? i.e., Lindsay and Paris.

GGA

Have you noticed that these two have gotten a lot less coverage lately? So what does Lindsay do? Go out wearing an unbottoned shirt w/o a bra. So desperate.

Anonymous said...

3:12 Describes a bar from Net reviews, misspells a "friends" name and we're believing this? Gullible being taken to new heights.

Anonymous said...

The whole point of TINAG is NOT to build game spaces. Too many false details that are unbelievable defeats the purpose.

Anonymous said...

ok i'm wondering if AP is Tara Reid.

Could it be that the C list actor she is talking about is Chris Klein. The one big relationship he was in was with Katie Holmes. He also seems like the shy type.

And it would make sense for the other BI to be Joe Francis because she hangs out with that crowd.

Anonymous said...

And Chris Klein would make sense for my guess of Heather Graham as "AP." Didn't they make that awful movie together where they were siblings and didn't know it? (Runs to check IMDb) 'Say It Isn't So'? We rule, Anon 6:31!!!!! (Sorry, too much caffeine)

Anonymous said...

Amanda Peet just had a friggin BABY.
Chad Lowe is NOT 24 years old....maybe Chad Michael Murray is, but Chad Low is close to 40.

fogcitykitty said...

lauren-

You seriously don't know the altoids and oral thing? Eat a couple and give some head. The peppermint on the knob, especially if you blow on it, makes them turn somersaults.

Anonymous said...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RzToNo7A-94

JeeezeLouise said...

The whole point of TINAG is NOT to build game spaces. Too many false details that are unbelievable defeats the purpose.

I thought ARG way back in November, but really, it isn't. If it were, we'd for sure know it by now - 5 months into it you'd expect the game to reveal itself, no?

TINAG, for realsies.

soxy said...

For the 2nd one, Joe Francis popped into my head. Seems to be a popular guess.

Ent, this AP person sounds like a jerk. If I had a friend who "borrowed" my car for several days, they would quickly be an ex-friend. If they "borrowed" it again without even asking me, I'd call the cops and report it stolen.

natd said...

Ok, um, maybe I'm not up on the "lingo" but what the hell does TINAG and ARG stand for?

TIA (thanks in advance)

Wizard said...

ENT, so you own an SUV plus you drive it to work even though it's an easy walk? Captain Planet would be very disappointed in you.

Wizard said...

I say we start a petition to get ENT to trade-in his SUV for a hybrid car

Anonymous said...

AP has to be Tara Reid:) American Pie....

hez said...

::opens mouth, ties cherry stem in a knot and leaves::

Anonymous said...

TINAG - This is not a game

ARG - Alternative Reality Game

JeeezeLouise said...

TINAG - This is not a game

ARG - Alternative Reality Game


And this absolutely is not an ARG ;)

Claudea said...

-Soxy,

Well either she's into EL or she's just using him. But I guess if she wanted the car only for the car, she could rent one.

best of luck EL! ;)
Although, I don't understand why in the States, everyone HAVE to have a car.

JeeezeLouise said...

::opens mouth, ties cherry stem in a knot and leaves::

And along comes Hez, looking for all the world like an ARG character ;)

JeeezeLouise said...


Although, I don't understand why in the States, everyone HAVE to have a car.


Because it's so dang BIG.

JeeezeLouise said...

BTW, I'm really loving this Firefox script that gives me a "reply" button to blogger comments, and allows me to quote ;)

Anonymous said...

New here. (Congratulate me -- I finally deleted PerezHilton's site from my browser's bookmark!)

I want to believe that AP = Andrea Parker, "Miss Parker" on The Pretender.

She once worked on Herman's Head, which Hank Azaria worked on.

People know him for the one big relationship, being Helen Hunt's ex-husband.

But ENT also said that AP is a solid B-Lister.

I absolutely loved The Pretender, so to me, Andrea Parker will always be A-List. But I don't know if she is recognizable enough to be a B-Lister.

She has the personality to just take ENT's car like that.

She's also been on ER, which I've never seen.

--PerezIsSoLastMillennium

Anonymous said...

Maybe AP was just running out for coffee and bagels after a long night with ent and didn't make it back before he went to work.

Anonymous said...

IMHO the only way you could grab another human's vehicle like that is via a level of intimacy that few men & women achieve without sex
:)

Anonymous said...

Hez you are way out there for this earthling...
was that a Laura Flynn Boyle clue or was that you flirting with Ent?
At this point i would usually present the 'I'm Canadian; We're gullible' card, but your Canadian status forbids my use of that card. Plus you will prolly ream me for suggesting Canucks are gullible...
:)
peppermint p

Anonymous said...

Hey
PerezIsSoLastMillennium

I am envious of your decision. I am going to follow suit but i must admit that i am waiting for brit to exit promises first since i will give him one thing... he had the quickest and the absolute best brit brit coverage...
i can't risk not having it when she exits in a few days...
after that i'm with ya all the way...
he is getting quite monotone.. so beige... wah wah wah... its always the same people on his hate list and always the same ole commentary... yawn... (except for the brit stuff) but i guess if any blogger had access to her pre-rehab dirt they could have posted as he did... its just that he posted like every 5 minutes and the other bloggers posted like once a day and that was just not enuf to cover her enormous 'personality' at the time...
are you really gonna stay away if she does it again?

Anonymous said...

What about Stephen Bing for the non celebrity? He's had LOTS of celebs.

Anonymous said...

have you guys seen this site: http://www.blinditems.typepad.com ? It tries to deduce a lot of EL's blind items. They haven't tackled this one though and I have no idea, maybe Ali Larter? Doesn't he know her?

hez said...

Peppermint P,

You're thinking of Sherilynn Fenn.

But the comment wasn't a guess about AP, just a little something on my resume. At least I resisted the "snatched" jokes. ;-)

(And add me to the list that is happily Perez-free... since Feb 7!)

Jem said...

OOH!!! I always thought AP was Heather Graham...

The first guy sounds like Marc Anthony to me, hes acted a bit and hes C list but only famous really because of JLo. So I had a look on IMDB, and...they were on the same episode of Saturday Night Live in 1999, her as a host and him as a musical guest.

So I could be way off, but those two instantly sprung to mind?

Kacie said...

Count me in on the Perez free as of today. I've deleted his site from my favorites. Makes me feel too slimy.

I quit smoking January 3rd, so I know I can quit this nasty habit too!

Anonymous said...

Kacie-congrats on quitting smoking...I quit January 7th, so you're a bit ahead of me...it's rough, but you can do it and keep away from Perez!


Anon 7:39: I said that Chad Lowe was in the television show "24" with Keifer Sutherland and therefore should be considered at least B list for now. I also noted that he was more famous for being Rob's brother than being married to Hillary, but could be.

I

Anonymous said...

C-list actor - Stuart Townsend? He was (still is?) with Charlize Theron but certainly gives off that bi vibe, as he did to great effect when he appeared on Will and Grace.

Anonymous said...

AP: Tara Reid
#1: Sean William Scott
#2: Joe Francis

Anonymous said...

Perez is all about self promotion...who wants to see another pic of him with a celebrity, its gossip I want! As far as Britney coverage, imho, I like x17online...anyone else know so good sites?

operaghost said...

>>“ Although, I don't understand why in the States, everyone HAVE to have a car. ”>>

Claudea, are you kidding? I live twelve miles away from where I work. I would have to slog across cornfields in muck up above my ankles, brave 30 mph winds at least once a week, and God forbid there's a snow or a rainstorm.

I'd like to see you try it and get to work looking chic. Maybe you should come to America and get a taste of it for yourself. We do not have public transportation outside of the major urban areas. We just don't. And the bulk of America does not live in the cities.


OG, stepping down off of soapbox without a single guess for the blinds... I got nothing!

Anonymous said...

#1 - Kato Kaelin!

Anonymous said...

AP is Alyson Hannigan
The C lister is Chris Klein

Anonymous said...

Alyson Hannigan lives in the Sacramento area, with her fellow Buffy-costar/husband.

Anonymous said...

Wowie Zowie, I quit smoking Feb. 4 AND now I'm going to quit Perez too!

Just deleted from my Fav's and Recycle Bin. Gosh I feel cleaner AND healthier : )

Anonymous said...

I like how Chris Klein fits for both Tara Reid (American Pie) and Heather Graham ("Say it isn't so")

Anonymous said...

I'm a newbie...gl to ev1 who is quitting the tobacco. It's been nearly five years for me, so hang in there..it can be done.

Anonymous said...

the "watcher who can't perform" sounded like the Hef to me...

MissBliss said...

I would consider Hugh Hefner a celebrity.
My money is on Joe Francis. Slimy little shit stain that he is.

And Heather is a great guess for AP. She has produced some of her own stuff ( including a new project slated for 2008)and she comes across as being sassy and flirty enough for the witty conversations and brazen theft of the car!

Anonymous said...

is ap amanda peete?