Friday, May 11, 2007

Ted C. Blind Item

Where do we start? When are folks gonna realize that blowin' out your brain cells with booze, dope and doofus doings ain't exactly the best way to go? Prolly never. But what the hell, that's not gonna stop me from tellin' on Whore-tense Past-tense, the country's latest glossy victim in chemically enhanced career descent.

Whore-hon—such the doll. Well, I never thought she was, but lotsa other folks sure did. Always found W.T. to be a bit o' a fake onscreen, not to mention in real life. I mean, who else would date a gay man for years just to get herself more in the tabloids? I know, I know, half of Hollywood's female population, but you get my point. Also, forgive moi, but I never really found Ms. P., with all of her kooky outfits, to be all that attractive—and I think that's largely because, deep down inside, Whorey was projecting nothing but a desperation to find the next heroin fix.

Which she always has found—much to the chagrin of Whore-baby's current group o' hangers-on. And, trust, when a bunch of nobody poseurs who leech on to a star's fading wattage just to get attention start worrying for their so-called friend's welfare, that amiga's gotta be in pretty pitiful shape. And Past-tense sure is.

So much so, in W.'s increasingly notorious state of euphoric Hell-Ay horniness, she's screwing busboys here, waiters there, car parkers, too—and she never stops to think that these (almost always skinny) dudes just might talk. 'Course, they haven't (yet), but W.T.'s buds sure as ef have. And the only other thing that's got these ultraclassy hangers-on—not to mention W.T. watchers—gabbing as much would be Ms. Pee's skeletal frame. For your next meal, hon, you might try a noodle, not a needle.

79 comments:

Anonymous said...

Kirsten Dunst!
- kellygrrrl

kchal said...

Sienna Miller!

Anonymous said...

Leanne Rhimmes (hahah clearly not spelt like that)? It was just the gay husband thing...
Laura

Anonymous said...

haha sorry never mnd - I never read it properly. I take it back

Laura

mookie said...

ashley simpson...her "relationship" w/ pete wentz as the gay reference...?

Anonymous said...

I know for a fact its Kate Bosworth. And her looks have gone downhill. She dated Orlando Bloom.
She is one horny tigress though!
From: One of the "Waiters"

Anonymous said...

This sounds like an older actress from what is written...and don't forget that "kooky outfits" line.

So I dont think anyone mentioned yet has come close...although God knows most of them do need to eat a few more noodles!

Anonymous said...

Yeah, but Kate B. doesn't dress kooky as the BI indicates.

This is so Kirsten Dunst:

She was just photographed in an absurd outfit at the Costume Institute Ball (and on a regular basis) her current boyfriend is really skinny (sounds like she has a preference for skinny guys), she dated Jake Gyllenhall (Toothy) for years, and she always looks pretty wasted. Plus, a lot of the reviews of Spiderman 3 say that she was awful in it, so that would fit the fading career part. And those pictures of her "rashy" feet that came out last week definitely looked like track marks to me.

-JMe

Stacy said...

Minnie Driver

Anonymous said...

One of Ted's and it ain't was Kate Bosworth. So he ruled her out. She doesn't dress kooky. I say Dunst dresses like she pulled her clothes out of the trash can.

amy said...

AND IT AIN'T. . .beyonce, courtney love, kate bosworth.

amanda said...

mischa barton? Brandon davis seems gay. Although Misha's not that skinny, but she doe wear hideous outfits.

Anonymous said...

Ted once posted a blind item soon after Kiki broke up with Jake that everybody and their mother knew it was her about her screwing a waiter at a party in LA. Even Ent here posted a blind item he revealed to be her, about her making out with two guys at the same party. It all just points in her direction with the trashy behaviour...

Anonymous said...

i know - PHYLLIS DILLER!

Anonymous said...

I think Kate B and Kirsten are really good guesses. I don't understand why Kirsten would want to show her track marks. When I saw them that is what came to my mind. But why in the world would she show them off? Is she that dumb?

-Lucky

Anonymous said...

Rose McGowan?

Anonymous said...

Ok Kirsten Dinst makes sense. Jake is the gay guy, right? How does someone with a heroin habit make all those press junkets though? That's pretty responsible for a heroin addict.

Anonymous said...

Absolutely no doubt in my mind it is Kirsten Dunst...

- Former gay boyfriend? - Mr. Gyllenhol (sp?) himself

- Kooky outfits? - Have you seen the trash she wears on a daily basis?

- Drug issues? - Perez calls her out on these daily

- Skinny? - Check!

I rest my case.

MPICK

Anonymous said...

What is with the Minnie Drive tourrettes syndrome happening in here lately? Seems like people just spit her name out for every BI! LOL!

Anonymous said...

Lol, no way is this Minnie Driver.

Anonymous said...

There are a couple of reasons why i would guess Misha Barton.
1) Theory posits that Teds names go by syllabls of the real persons name. Whore-tense Past-tense= Mi-sha Bar-ton
2) The nickname fits in the sense that her career is seen to be fading.
3) People are fairly critical of her fashion choices as of late
4) She looks totally f*cked up at almost every appearance she has made lately. Obviously so in fact.
5) Misha is fairly bottom heavy or pear shaped and has always been even since the beginning of the oc when she was at her thinnest. Lately she has lost a lot of weight relatively- especially in the hips which is a key indicator that she is doing something.

Although i am unsure because i didnt think that her bf's were gay. Also, the reason why i am thinking its not Kirsten Dunst is that she is slated for many more Spidey films so her career is not declining.
-jewl

B :) said...

kooky kiki

Kristen said...

well, first of all, many more spider man films are slated based on the success of the current franchise release... this DOES NOT mean Kirsten Dunst is necessarily coming back.

beyond that, there is only one other project listed on her imdb page, and it's only "announced" and is slated for 2009.

and if she is getting panned for spider man (i ahvent seen it yet)after the bomb of maria antoinette last year... well, sounds like a waning career to me!

Anonymous said...

Kiki Kiki Kiki.

Anonymous said...

But K Dunst isn't that fat. And her current b/f doesn't seem gay. While everything else seems to fit, I don't think it's her. I don't think we've guessed it yet.

Anonymous said...

The folks picking Kirsten aren't reading the BI. Ted says that the chick is "skeletal" and Kirsten may be thin but she has never been known to be skeletal. And I do believe her relationship with Jake was real. I know everyone thinks he is gay now but I don't think he was gay then. I think he is bisexual and that they were a real couple. They weren't in the tabloids. Plus, even though her movies haven't done great I have never read about her being in a career descent. Sure she is not the reason Spiderman did well but she is still in a hit and has the Debbie Harry bio pic and some other movie coming up. And yes she goes out but she isn't seen with a lot of hangers on.

I don't know who the BI is about but I don't think it is Kirsten.

Anonymous said...

What about Cameron Diaz? Ted had some not so nice things to say about her in the "In the Closet" side bar in Thursday's column...

Anonymous said...

9:58 AM, I think you mean Kirsten isn't that skinny. She has never been and isn't "skeletal" as Ted said.

Anonymous said...

I don't think it's Kirsten either. There's a pic on PH from the other day and she looks the same size as she's always done, she's slight but not "skeletal", her arms look fine.

I've no idea who it is. I think we need to think outside the box on these Bis, we all come up with obvious names - people that are in the spotlight right now.

Anonymous said...

I think Miss Pee is Sarah Jessica Parker. She's known for her kooky fashion, her hubby is rumored to be gay, her career has declined since Sex and the City....

Anonymous said...

Who is skeletal? I can't really think of any celebrities right now that are skeletal. Can anyone think of any so we can comprise a list?

Anonymous said...

On the Misha route... didn't she date one of her OC costars who was rumored to be gay?

dreadpiratecuervo said...

Nicole Richie

Known dope fiend.
Def skeletal.
Fake in real life: her supposedly fake split w/Paris on the Simple Life.
Also fits the Ted Syllable theory.

Anonymous said...

thinking someone is "skeletal" is relative. nicole richie probably wouldn't think kirsten is skeletal, but i bet a 6 foot tall, 180 man WOULD think kiki's skeletal. as for the nickname being a hint, i thought the S's and the T's in whore-tense past-tense was a hint for kirSTen dunST.

Anonymous said...

I never comment but I think it's Kirsten (spelling?) D or Brittany Murphy. Kirsten's career isn't really bad considering spider man just came out? I dunno.

Anonymous said...

oops i meant 180 lbs man

Anonymous said...

Penelope Cruz....
-Dated gay man for years.... Tom Cruise, and every other gay man under the sun....
-Referred to by TC as Ms. P
-Kooky outfits.... she doesn't dress crazy always but she's made quite a few "what was she thinking?!" lists
-TC refers to her as "amiga"
-Is she skeletal though?

I really thought she'd lost some weight lately- but I'm not sure. I know we've read some serious rumors of her and drugs, but I truly can't think if she's skeletal or not. But she is queen of the beards!!!

Anonymous said...

Misha!!

Anonymous said...

snaggletooth drunkst!!!

Anonymous said...

"Almost" always skinny--exception being Brandon Davis :D

kim said...

i think we should try to find something that the and it aints could be but the only thing kirsten is related to kate is due to orlando and nothing as far as courtney love and the only thing for beyonce and kirsten is the fact that beyonce sister solange was in the last installment of bring it on.

Anonymous said...

We've been hashing it out on the E boards. And it ain't: Beyonce, Courtney Love, Kate Bosworth

Kate - Kirsten and her both dated Orlando

Beyonce - was in Destiny's CHILD. Kirsten was a CHILD actor (Jumanji, Interview with a Vampire)

Courtney Love - LOVE CHILD

NARC said...

THIS IS SO KIRSTEN DUNST.

she is a well known heroin addict (check her pupils, smaller than Blohans (heroin is stronger than oxycontin))

she dated Jake G

she was cuahgt buying prenatal vitamins that junkies use to stave off heroin-hair

kooky outfits? COME ON.

this is the easiest one ever - he must REALLY HATE HER.

Anonymous said...

Beyonce and Courtney have in common being singer/actresses

And we are looking for someone who dated Orlando Bloom

Anonymous said...

Skeletal = Ted sometimes euphemism for just, eat girl eat! Kiki is pretty darned skinny and plenty of sightings of her attest to this. People are always saying how thin she is.

No-one knows what went on in that Jake relationship. It might have been real, might not have been. That's subjective.

They have ALWAYS been in the glossies. Yes they were in magazines a LOT back then. They were in mags until up to the end of last year with rumored "hookup" stories. They were a hot young IT couple.

You don't need to READ about a career descent. This is what happens on the inside not what WE get to hear about on the outside. Jesus, like they're going to make it obvious to the masses!

Hangers on = sounds like folks from the set of Spiderman who've blabbed. Hanging on = dangling like a spider.

So, yeah, Kiki is my guess. Sorry Kik's, still love ya though. ;)

stinky said...

I think Kirsten is a good guess, but I agree with the earlier post that we should think not so famous. Is Kirsten usually in NYC or London these days? I also think that it's hard to describe her career as fading. She is in the number one opening weekend movie.

I'm thinking it might be someone a little older. I'm racking my brain for someone else who has been known to wear kooky outfits.

stinky said...

On second though, maybe it really is Kirsten. . .

stinky said...

thought

stinky said...

I just thought of some other reasons to support Kirsten:

dated Fabrizio who used to date Drew who used to be BFF with Courtney Love.

Didn't Tom Cruise's character refer to her as a "doll" in Interview with a Vampire?

Anonymous said...

Beyonce - was in Destiny's CHILD. Kirsten was a CHILD actor (Jumanji, Interview with a Vampire)

She also sings in the new Spiderman film and has sung in a semi-professional manner before - "Dream Of Me" and has appeared in a few music vids, Savage Garden being one. Music connection is there I guess.


Courtney Love was in Ted;s piece about "bed head" last year, which came out around the same time as the Kiki prenatal vits pictures. I think Ted was using Courtney as an example of the notorious "bed head". That's that connection plus a link to Debbie Harry/music might be in this. Kirsten mooted to play the singer in a film at some stage.

That's all I can think of at this moment.

Anonymous said...

What about one of the Olsen twins? Kooky outfits for sure.

Anonymous said...

Sorry but compared to Keira Knightley and Kate Bosworth among others Kirsten Dunst is NOT skeletal.

Anonymous said...

Parker Posey?
Singed in a movie - singer/actress
Was in a movie w/ Kate Bosworth

Anonymous said...

Laura Flynn Boyle

Anonymous said...

What's funny to me with the syllable thing is how you pronounce WHORE. Since my accent is awful, I think it can be one or two syllables pronounced closely to haw or who-a.

GGA

Anonymous said...

LOL, GGA!

Everyone is focusing way too much on the word "skeletal". I'm an avid reader of Ted's (have been for years) and that's his way of saying that someone is just really really thin, which Kirsten is. You can't deny that the girl could stand to eat a burger or 2. Plus, BI writers tend to imbelish a bit to make things more interesting and to throw the "guessers" off track.

Anonymous said...

Sorry but compared to Keira Knightley and Kate Bosworth among others Kirsten Dunst is NOT skeletal.

Oh please. You are making really heavy weather of ONE word, which he's probably used as either pure sarcasm or just to throw the net wider. It isn't Bosworth for God's sake because Bosworth's in the It Aint's section.

If you're that hung up send him Keira in as a guess and watch him discount her. A given.

Anonymous said...

who is the chick that's made the news so much for having lost a lot of weight and being pretty skeletal? a fake-huge-boob quasi-model type? Going thru a bad divorce and claims the stress is behind the weight loss? Is it Jenna something? what about her?

Anonymous said...

Whatever, 12:40 and 12:41. Ted Casablanca's bullshit BI's aren't a huge concern to me but he did use the word skeletal and Kirsten D isn't. If you want to go through Ted's crappy lingo fine, I don't.

Anonymous said...

Bejesus! You guys argue over these BIs like its ur kids. No one knows for sure except Ted C. and ENT. We know its not Kate b/c Ted says it ain't. He also said it isn't beyonce, or courtney love who aren't exactly skeletal either.

Kirsten isn't skeletal, but she is skinny. Next to an avearge size woman she would look skeletal. And her name does have the ring of Whore-Tense Past Tense.

Spider man is a hit, but her past few movies were duds. Marie Antonette, Elizabethtown. And every guy she has dated since Jake (Toothy Tile) has been skinnier than him. And she's been wearing WTF outfits. My guess, and it's my opinion folks is Kiki.

Tracee

Anonymous said...

This may be far fetched but Ted uses Past tense as the last name. Past tense means done, right? Done=Dunst?
I could be way off but just wanted to throw it out there.

Anonymous said...

For those who would rather discuss this in an intelligent and civilized manner - go to eonline.com and discuss this in the Blind Vice thread. We manage to come up with thoughtful guesses with intelligent reasoning to support it and it's rare that you find the bitchiness that you find here. This site has been ruined for me because of all that. (Sorry EL!)

If you don't like Ted's lingo, then don't read it. Easy enough.

bionic bunny! said...

kim-
WHAT???

stupid question here, folks, but who is ted c.?
specifically, i mean/

Anonymous said...

Ted C is Ted Casablanca, who writes a daily gossip column called "The Awful Truth" on E Online. www.eonline.com

Anonymous said...

come on people
what is with all the bitches who have jumped on the "i refuse to read ted c because of his lingo" bandwagon... then dont waste your breath commenting if you hate him so much as you claim... you have to ruin everything here... negative cancerous energy stands out like a sore thumb here... go back to Perez's boards...they match your energy...

this is supposed to be a fun outlet... youre sukking the fun out of everything!!!

Anonymous said...

11:04 AM said everything I wanted to say. Long-term gay r-ships, Miss P, amiga!

However, Kiki seems like the better bet. The intro was all about drugs, booze, doofus-doings. She loves that youthful drug subculture, with her always trying to date druggie rock stars like The Strokes guy, and whatnot.

-K.A.

Anonymous said...

kirsten's not old enough..... and she seems to be the stand-by guess of you regulars. get lives.

Anonymous said...

And ur living one....here? Anon 3:48? You seem so sure of yourself yet you have nothing menaingful to say.

Tracee

Anonymous said...

kirsten's not old enough..... and she seems to be the stand-by guess of you regulars. get lives.

Uh oh. Superfan meltdown.

Kirsten's "not old enough"...to what? What are you talking about? Not old enough to be a BI subject? Own a goldfish? Take drugs? I don't follow you.

And this...

Whatever, 12:40 and 12:41. Ted Casablanca's bullshit BI's aren't a huge concern to me but he did use the word skeletal and Kirsten D isn't. If you want to go through Ted's crappy lingo fine, I don't.

Sounds like someone's spitting their dummy out. Another Superfan meltdown. Maybe the same one.

Why are you on here reading Ted's "crappy lingo". Or did you just want everyone to follow on like sheep that it was someone with actual curves like Penelope or Jennifer Aniston. Pft. Come off it!

Anonymous said...

^^ Wow, insane freakout at 5:03AM. Is that you Ted?

Anonymous said...

Brittany Murphy

Anonymous said...

What about that singer who's recently posted pic showed her with large amounts of black eye shadow around her eyes...she has blonde hair (which always looks very dry/damaged) that is parted in the middle and worn straight, dresses absurdly, is a singer, and her recent release didn't do well.

????

Now don't yell at me, I just wanna play too. thx : )

Midwest Surfer

Anonymous said...

anon 10:43 - that is the person I was trying to think of...Mishca Barton (sp, I do believe you are correct on the dating thing.

Midwest Surfer.

LC said...

Anon 8:51am
For knowing for a fact this is Kate Bosworth...you are WRONG as she was in the And It Ain't's on Ted's Site....oops!

Anonymous said...

Whore-tense past-tense

One of the characters most people remember from Kirsten Dunst is Torrance from Bring it On.... Whore-tense kinda sounds like Torrance, past-tense could be cluing to Dunst as in done. Not to mention the blind item just sounds like her.

Anonymous said...

I think that Morgan Mayhem has a new name.

AliG said...

It is DEFINITELY kiki...some of the other suggestions are just ridiculous. As for the chick who fucked the cater-waiter in the stairwell...I think that was Brittany Murphy (Jordache Junkie). It can't be Nicole Richie b/c she is Pixie Mixie

Anonymous said...

When I read this, I immediately thought of Sienna Miller

Anonymous said...

i think it is sienna miller too. ted had a response to a reader in his column about rachel bilson and gayden christensen being photograhped together all the time and said something like, "the byoots are shooting a movie together, and you know how on-set pairings, real or imagined, are always good for publicity. Right, Sienna?"

which makes me think sienna. though there is a lot pointing to dunst.

and he did not rule dunst out in the reader responses like he did barton and jameson.