Friday, April 10, 2009

Ted C Blind Item

Ever since Judas Jack-Off made his smarmy debut, I do think it’s fair to say Toothy Tile’s been breathing a tad easier. Of course, Toothy went so far back into the proverbial closet, I think the only heavy panting T.T. ever does anymore is when he and the GF moon over Pottery Barn chenille throws together. Back to Jack-Off: The dog’s still trying to finagle the old BF into sex again—and I think he’s damn close to succeeding.

After all, Judas is impossibly sexy (some say too much so, but I think of beauty like Kate Bosworth does thinness, never can have too much of that stuff!). He’s hard to resist. Especially when he’s lying to the ditched boyfriend and telling him they can still go off and get married like they'd originally planned, only he just has to “hang out” a little bit longer with the fake girlfriend his management set him up with.

Look, you cretin publicity whore with killer dimples (I mean the ones on your rock-hard ass, not your innocent little face), you’re screwing with the feelings of a man who loves you. This ain’t no Rock Hudson movie. It’s real life. And unless you want some pathetic kind of lying, lonely ending like Hudson himself got, quit effing with people’s lives, starting with your own.

It Ain’t:
Taylor Kistch
Chris Evans
Chris Pine

33 comments:

Liz said...

Hayden Christiansen? (sp?)

Cirse said...

That's who I was going to say: Hayden. But I don't remember if he was discounted on any other blind or not...

Victoria said...

They are guessing Jared Padalecki at AT.

nichole said...

I'll go with Hayden Christiansen. The Aint's have all been in franchises (Kitsch: X-Men, Evans: Fanatstic 4, Pine: Star Trek), as was Hayden. And every pic I see of HC and Rachel Bilson are of them shopping for home decor.

CM said...

Wasn't Toothy supposed to be Jake Gyllenhall or was he ruled out? I would say either Jake or Hayden on this one.

mazemerizing said...

Although I think most of Ted's blithering blind items are ridiculous and made up by an old vindictive queen, I do believe this one is Hayden. It's in the nots: Not CHRIS Pine. Not CHRIS Evans. It's Hayden CHRIStianson. Them's my two cents.

Marcy said...

What about Zac Efron? I thought Toothy Tile was Cruise? I'm just glad It Ain't Taylor Kitsch... looooooove me some Riggins.

Mooshki said...

Hayden. Although, I don't think he's that pretty.

Toothy Tile is Jake Gyllenhaal. No ifs, ands or butts. ;)

Idiot Watcher said...

Could be Orlando Bloom, hence the mention of Kate Bosworth.

Mooshki said...

Orlando sounded good to me, but I went back and re-read the original Judas Jack-Off blind, and the beard is a co-star, so I don't think he'll work.

Here it is:

Judas Jack-Off is a stunningly beautiful star. Gorgeous hair, supple muscles, good pro résumé, too. He's also as hot as he is coy and conniving. But by comparison, let's just say J.J. makes our ever-shy, closeted movie idol Toothy Tile look like an out-and-out saint of gay liberation and openness.

See, Judas, a gangly type with flat abs and the concrete ass to go with it, was planning on marrying his boyfriend. Out of the country, mind you, but marriage just the same. To a man! You know, one of those big gay ceremonies that probably makes Ken Starr think about popping pills again.

Huge prob: Judas' myriad fans would have gone ape-crap over this happy Romeo-and-Romeo fact had they ever found out, which is exactly why Judas—at his representatives' behest—went ahead and...

...not only dumped his partner and fiancé, but he took up with his latest leading lady instead. Jeez, how 2008, already.

And all because a pile of veteran Hollywood starmakers told J.J. that his way-decent career would become about as relevant as Lindsay Lohan's alcohol ankle monitor should he get hitched to the BF. And I can't decide which is the best part of all, that every tabloid around is buying J.J.'s just-pumped-up fake romance, or that Judas had the (typical) ass-wipe nerve to go back to the poor, dumped boyfriend and want sex.

What is it about dudes and dogs? So seldom can you tell the diff.

It Ain't: Joe Jonas, Robert Pattinson, Jake Gyllenhaal

Julia said...

I'm really new to this guessing stuff, but I thought Toothy Tile was Vin Diesel...Ted C. told someone who asked if it was The Rock that they were close, and I always think of those two as being similar.

J said...

Toothy Tile is Jake Gylenhaal without question

Orlando Bloom immediately came to mind(Kate Bosworth, dimples)

After reading what Mooshki posted, even more so

His romance with VS model Miranda Kerr is faker than the Pratt/Montag nuptials, pumped up is an understatement

Wow. Gylenhaal & Bloom are the ultimate stereotype of two good-looking gay guys hooking up, lol

But really, come out already

A said...

FWIW: Anakin Skywalker is a Judas-type character in Star Wars. Just saying.

J said...

Austin Nichols?

http://justjared.buzznet.com/gossip/2006/02/jake_gyllenhaal_austin_nichols.php

http://wetdarkandwild.blogspot.com/2007/04/happy-birthday-austin.html

http://stonycurtismontreal.blogspot.com/2007/04/jake-gyllenhaal-austin-nichols-out.html

http://www.hbo.com/johnfromcincinnati/cast/actors/austinnichols.html

I see more affection with this guy than I've ever seen between he & Reese

What does she get out of the deal?

Wow

Mooshki said...

Julia, I don't think Vin is Toothy, because Vin doesn't show off his "girlfriend" the way Jake does. Vin is definitely gay, though.

Mooshki said...

J, contrary to most people, I think his relationship with Reese is basically real. I think he's got enough bi in him to want to be her boyfriend, he'd just also like to have his own boyfriend on the side.

J said...

The hand-holding at the Lakers game just seemed so forced and unnatural

He looks uncomfortable in a romantic setting with her but he has a smile from ear to ear when they are shopping for napkin rings

Maybe its comfortable for her considering she recently divoced

aye ya yi!

Little Miss Smoke and Mirrors said...

I'm not sure who Judas Jack-Off is, but this blind has me more convinced than ever that Jake is Toothy Tile. Not that there was any doubt.

Eddie said...

What about Sean William Scott? He is pretty ripped and rock-hard.

jax said...

chace crawford?
zac efron?

Mooshki said...

Is Sean William Scott in the closet? Wasn't he dating David Geffen?

ellapetal said...

Hi, first time BI guesser, so please be gentle. I think it might be Zac Efron based off of the aint's so far. Here's the break down::

Chris Pine=The Green Lantern (post-production)

Chris Evans=The Fantastic Four (Johnny Storm)

Taylor Kitsch=X-Men Origins Wolverine (Gambit)

Efron=Just signed to play Johnny Quest

Joe Jonas=Singing Disney connection

R-Patz=Ladies love that hair

Jakey I don't really have a connection other than they're both ripped, don't they both like to play basketball(?)...yeah...sorry I got nuthin.

trogdor said...

I say Efron.

I don't think Hayden coming out would hurt anyones bottom line the way Zefron coming out would. Plus, I can see Disney telling his management to do something about his "status" i.e. - get him a beard pronto.

Also, I really really love star wars. One thing that always bothered me was that star wars is, was and never has(will) be considered real cinema. I don't think Hayden has a good pro resume, Zefron does though.

Katy said...

My question to the Efron pushers is, isn't he a little young to be considering marriage? The original blind had Judas set to marry his bf, and Zac is really, really young. That just seems a little uncharacteristic of a man in their early 20s who is the new Big Thing in Hollywood.

For all of the reasons listed above (especially the brilliant Judas-Anakin analogy) I vote Hayden.

trogdor said...

Zef's 20 Hayden's 26.

But, what if his bf is older and he was the one who wanted to get married? The avg bride in the U.S. is 5 years younger than her husband. Most of my friends (2 gay couples included) got married in their 20's.

and then there's this quote from him on perez:

"My parents really kept us anchored. I played sports on weekends — baseball, basketball — and when I sucked at those, I started playing golf and ping-pong in the garage. After I lost interest, I started singing. I was always singing to the point where my parents would shout, 'Shut up, Zac! Enough already!'"

So when a dude loses complete interest in sports and takes up singing instead...well we have a word for that... =)

Peter said...

Hayden is not, and never will be, impossibly sexy.

Cute or classically handsome, maybe. Think of someone harder to resist.

Norseman said...

I thought it was Hayden after the first JJ blind item, but now I'm wondering - Zachary Quinto? Currently in JJ Abrahms' new movie Star Trek.

Tara said...

Zac Efron has already been ruled out:

Dear Ted:
Is Judas Jack-Off Zac Efron?
—Lance

Dear Zac Attack:
We're not exactly buying Zac and Vanessa's puppy love as the real thing, but Effy's not Jack-Off.

Jaiden said...

What about James Marsden? He was in X-Men, and Hairspray, and a few other movies. He's certainly hot and he sends my gaydar into spasms.

Anna said...

Jaiden;

Marsden has actually featured in Ted's column but he's not Judas.

Marsden is straight and was the actor who tried to get a girl into bed and when he farted she left!

I forget what the blind item was called, I'm sure someone here knows that one though.

As for Judas, I'm not sure it's Hayden although I know he's gay and has featured in Ted's blinds before.

City Councilman Doug said...

Andy Dick

Jamie's Girl said...

I still don't believe Jake is toothy tile.

Rocket Queen said...

Norseman - I think Quinto's already been fingered by Ted C as the gay guy who will refuse to do the beard thing - but yes, gay.

I think Hayden's our man here - gangly is right! But also, as a Canadian, he can get married anywhere here - that's yer foreign location!