Friday, November 20, 2009

Jennifer Lopez Is A Waste Of Space

When I first saw that Jennifer Lopez's first single off her new album was called Louboutins, I honestly thought it was a joke. I couldn't imagine which one of her people would approve something like that. The song is below but I must warn you that it is incredibly tough to listen to. Maybe I am just getting old or maybe it is because it is Jennifer Lopez singing it or maybe because it is the most obnoxious title of a song ever, but I really, really dislike this song. I have made it through the first 1:37 of it and this is what she has said so far. She is tired of being a part-time lover which I took for mistress and so she is leaving. How is she leaving? On her Louboutins which she then repeats about ten times to really hammer the f**king point in that she is leaving on Louboutins. This of course is after the first fifteen seconds of the song tease us with something akin to a record scratch and more hints that more references to Louboutins are on the way. A whole song about showing the world how much money you have? Really? Or are you perhaps just rubbing it in everyone's face? Really? Well how about a line in there that says I'm leaving you so I can go have a film career where I can make classics like Gigli.

I have never had a song annoy me more. Maybe I am just cranky. I am hung over and the last thing I needed this morning was some superficial self entitled no talent hack to start singing about she is leaving on her Louboutins. I don't really give a f**k how she leaves, but her act is old and I am tired of her and her skeleton looking husband. Go hide in a corner somewhere and maybe in ten years or so we will be ready again for you after you get some humility and a CD that doesn't sound exactly like the crap you were peddling 15 years ago.

61 comments:

shazzzba said...

SHE'S FORGOTTEN HER FAN BASE....AND LOST THEM....STUPID STUPID WOMAN...BECAUSE NO ONE ELSE IS INTERESTED.

Mary Stewart-McGovern said...

Wow, make it stop!!! The only other song that annoys me more than this was "Jenny From the Block". Hmmm... I'm noticing a trend here. Maybe I just really, really, really hate J-HO!

yogoodgurl said...

Thanks for the heads up, Enty....I think I'll pass and just let you take one for the team...

Little Miss Smoke and Mirrors said...

More proof, in my mind at least, that MV is JLow.

empyrios said...

why don't you tell us how you really feel Ent? lol

i can't even bring myself to click play

do you have any good news for us today?

Ms Cool said...

MV

TinselSass said...

JLo = Soul-less.

I look forward to the day when MV is revealed to prefer Louboutins.

Susan said...

See, this line... "Go hide in a corner somewhere and maybe in ten years or so we will be ready again for you after you get some humility and a CD that doesn't sound exactly like the crap you were peddling 15 years ago." makes me think he is ruling JLO out as MV, based on the sounding exactly like 15 years ago. If the mystery singer isn't doing MV's vocals, she would sound different, wouldn't she?

lionsden said...

I still am convinced she's MV. This is much worse than her old crap.

Ms Cool said...

Hmm. I think she sounds different on this.

shakey said...

Good call, Susan.

Little Miss Smoke and Mirrors said...

Susan, I see where you are coming from, but I took the line "that doesn't sound exactly like the crap you were peddling 15 years ago" to refer to the over-produced, artistically hollowed- and-mined dreck she attaches her name to, i.e., less the vocals themselves than the song. Just me.

In the interest of full disclosure, it's going to take a HUGE clue from ENT to the contrary to convince me MV is not JLo.

shakey said...

1:53 - she tries to pull a little Fergie.

This song is a huge meh.

sunnyside1213 said...

This was awful. I wish I had passed on it. I agree with shazzzba. She has forgotten her fan-base. As someone witty said yesterday, C U Next Tuesday.

Kat said...

That is the greatest story headline, ever. Thanks for bringing a big smile to my face this morning, Enty. I like J.Lo. about as much as I like migraines. Which, by the way, is all you'll get listening to her "music".

Kingrey said...

EL sounds like Seth Myers on Weekend Update. Really?!! lol Tell us how you really feel.

Sonia said...

Holy cow... I'd rather sit through Mel Gibson's new girlfriend's album a few times than listen to that again. I had to quit at two minutes... just couldn't take it anymore.

Kingrey said...

What brand of shoes is she wearing?

figgy said...

Can't stand her, never could. Glad to hear Enty trash her.

That said, I can't even make myself listen to it.

Btw, ever notice HOW many celebrity shoes have the obnoxiously tell-tale red Louboutin soles? Ick.

flwrgurl said...

this song confirms more and more that maybe she can be MV

figgy said...

Michael K's comment on it:

"This shit may be called "Looweebatons," but it sounds more like a shit-stained Payless pump lying in the gutter all alone after a homeless crackhead hooker lost it there while she was running from the police."


HAHAHA hilarious as always!

Funny Girl said...

She is totally MV!

I absolutely hate this song!

RocketQueen said...

@Mary Stewart - you beat me to it. As my ex used to say (with hatred) "Jenny from the block isn't a song, it's a fucking press release."

Between that song, the one with the bling video "Love Don't cost a thing" and now this one, she really wants to make sure we know she's a snobby, rich bitch. Don't worry, JLo, we already know. What utter, superficial drivel.

Amit! said...

Ugh. This biznatch has forever marred the beauty of a well-crafted, cherry soled Louboutin stiletto.

Off with her tongue!

crystalbelle68 said...

wow. awful. her voice sounds a lot more like her speaking voice now, and just awful...definitely MV in my opinion...her voice sounds so different now than her first two albums...those vocal tracks had a lot more soul to them. i agree with Little Miss Smoke and Mirrors - it will take a HUGE "not" clue from Enty to convince me MV isn't J-Lo.

Jewels said...

She doesn't even pronounce Louboutin properly. A whole song of having his name butchered? CL must be soooo happy.... I swear, I HAD to listen, it sounded like she was saying "Louis Vuitton" with a strong N at the end. Yeah, that's not how Louboutin is pronounced...

God, this brought all those memories of Beyonce singing *French* a few years back... Oy Vey! brought a tear to my ear...

Melinda C. said...

I agree with Ms Cool. She sounds different, but that might be the (WAAAY overused) Autotune in action. It doesn't even sound human.

HORRIBLE! J-Ho IS MV.

Melinda C. said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
figgy said...

I don't think J-Lo ever sounded good enough for her to have been MV.

brooklyn040204 said...

sonofabitchbastard, I'm super confused now.

she sounds very different on this song, to me her voice sounds even less like her speaking voice than it used to.

Besides the "exactly the same crap" line this one also jumped out at me...

"Maybe I am just getting old or maybe it is because it is Jennifer Lopez singing it or maybe because it is the most obnoxious title of a song ever, but I really, really dislike this song."

He specifically says it is jennifer lopez singing it and then says it sounds exactly like the crap she was peddling 15 yrs ago.

wtf?

in the interest of my sanity for now i am going to say that we definitely guessed MV right (jlo) but we got too close so now enty's trying to throw us off. yes, that must be it.

Thisisridiculous said...

Fuck I hate this cunt there's no one I hate equally...except maybe Beyonce.

Beth said...

I'm convinced MV is JLo now. This crap does not sound like her first two albums. You can really hear her voice in this track and it's awful.

The "15 years" comment refers to 10 years from now. So, JLos first album was out in 1999 and the subsequent two were pre-2003. That would fit in. So, post 2003 albums were not successful. I'm listening to a track from her 2005 release and it sounds different and awful (of course).

Yeah, until she is eliminated as a suspect--for me at least--MV is JL.

West End Girl said...

Ugh, I made it to 1:45. What a wretched track.

RE MV - wasn't the 2nd album a bigger seller than the 1st? The 1st album JHO did "on the six" sold 7.5M and the 2nd "J.LO" sold 8M. This is worldwide. Makes sense with the other clues.....

DJ said...

her voice does sound different on this. maybe she is MV?? were there some "rule outs" on her though b/c of the touring comments?

MizCaramel said...

wow, I made it to 1:24 not bad! the song sucks, it's annoying and I truly tried to listen to it with an open mind. I don't think she's MV, I don't think she's a good enough singer that her milli villing would rock the music world. With that said, I don't know why we can't have a weekly MV hint! I need/want/crave to know who MV & S really are.

Danielle said...

I thought the exact same thing, DJ. Her singing voice sounds NOTHING like it used to. This really makes me think she's MV! Her big break-out was early 2000's... she has kids.. she's married.. what else is there?

Alice D Millionaire said...

This song is about as stupid as "fresh out of the oven". More like this album is fresh out of a Dutch oven because it is nothing but stinky hot air!

valerie said...

This song convinces me that JLo is the blind item singer who is nearly broke. Because I'd put money on the fact that this song is the most blatant example of product placement expanding from TV/movies to the music industry.

valerie said...

My ears are bleeding...Louboutin should sue.

hoosierbaby said...

Every time she says 'lover' it keeps reminding me of how VampireBill says 'Sookie'. Made it to about 1:50 but laughing my ass off.

Gin said...

I was one of the #1 supporters of "Lola" being MV. I really think this may be enty's way of eliminating her though!! Why enty? WHY?!?! We were all so content in our choice!!!

Pookie said...

"superficial self entitled no talent hack"

^reason 230457498653830 why i love you.

budford said...

iF SHE DOESNT HAVE A FAKE SINGER, SHE SHOULD GET ONE. Horrible.

selenakyle said...

Haaa! You TELL her, Enty!

Man, how much piss was in YOUR Wheaties this morning?

I thought her old mantra was "money don't mean a thing" or some bullshit...I guess that meant just Diddy's money didn't mean a thing.

Maybe Louboutin sales are down or something. Although I rather doubt it from the looks of every frikken celeb's red-backed heels in photos these days.

But maybe that's the point--once everyone has them (or can afford them) how important can they BE?

selenakyle said...

And this is one instance where a little culture would've helped. Money certainly hasn't helped this pwerr-o-REEK-in gal from the block pronounce any GD French words correctly.

At least Madonner tried to (over) pronounce sh*t correctly...

witwritergirl said...

I made it to the 1:16 minute mark and began to pray for my computer to explode. I'm actually embarrassed for her. Good lord, that was horrible.

Mango said...

You were not kidding, Enty. Gah, what a frivolous light-weight piece of shit song. J-Lo should be ashamed of herself for releasing a POS like this.

FB @ FabulouslyBroke.com said...

It's just to sell Louboutins.. obviously.

She sold out. Just like how other people rap about Cristal or their Air Force Ones (Nelly)

*rolls eyes* The song is awful...

TinselSass said...

It's 4:19pmPDT... someone is in the storytelling process of outing JLo as MV on eonline.com:

http://www.eonline.com/uberblog/b154822_jennifer_lopez_really_really_loves_her.html#comments

Caroline said...

I really liked Out of Sight, but that is the only thing I have liked with her in it. She is just awful. She can't sing and she can't act.

missanonymous said...

This really made me want to believe JLo is MV, but I just went over to Amazon and was listening to her previous albums. Unfortunately, the songs on "J.Lo Explicit", released in 2001, sound just as bad as this one. I'm just not buying it that it's her.

The Goon said...

If this chick is the true identity of the blind item for ‘MV,’ the singer who lip syncs, then I’d just like to ask why the hell anyone would pay a singer to sing that badly, and then pay Jennifer Lopez to lip sync to the horrible singing? Why not just cut out the middle man and have Jennifer Lopez do the singing?

What I am trying to communicate here in this comment it that JLo sucks too badly to NOT be the honest singer of her own sings.

She should name her album: JLo—authentically bad.

Or, JLO: I suck for real

Anonymous said...

The song, like all her others, is godawful.

Her voice on this one is different than her previous shitty songs... so I fully believe this bitch is MV.

No1uNo said...

I thought the "15 years" thing was an extra hint that JLo IS MV. Her successful albums were 10 years ago at most. Maybe 15 years ago she was peddling some crap that sounded like this Louboutin song, but no one was buying. Then she got some fame (from that Out of Sight movie? Is that why she first got well known?), so people were more willing to help her "make it" in the music business by any means possible. I may be reaching, but there's a big difference between 15 years and 10 years, at least in pop music.

lalou1970 said...

I am so lost. Who is MV???

Sporky said...

I made it to :26. That's all I could take.

mngddess said...

I think she's jones-ing for some free shoes, if you ask me.

(sigh) I used to love her videos. Not anymore.

Femme said...

I find it hilarious that in her song she promotes Louboutins instead of her shitty ass JLo line of shoes.

This is the reason I will NEVER buy any item clothing, shoe or accessory that is by the JLo line.

brooklyn040204 said...

@beth and no1uno:

okay, that is just what i needed to hear. i am certain she is mv and got thrown by this post.



hee hee, she fell on her bum at the ama's. i bet she was super pissed. i wonder who she blamed it on?

brooklyn040204 said...

oh, and guys, don't forget that s didn't die from breast cancer, she had surgery and then she and mv had a nice talk.

so i don't think it is totally outside the realm of possibility that they struck a new deal...

Dawn said...

From Lainey Gossip re: Lopez
"Once upon a time, Jennifer Lopez was a pretender who faked out the music industry, tolerated for a while because she recorded catchy songs written by other people, until the sales started dropping and the novelty wore off."