Friday, December 04, 2009

Tiger Woods Is Mr. Kinky


When you put the journalistic efforts of the world all one story you get some great stuff. Whether you would like to see naked pictures of Jaimee Grubbs or see her sex tape or read e-mails from Tiger to Rachel Uchitel it is all available. It turns out that within all this information is a picture emerging of Tiger who is Mr. Kinky. Not only does he enjoy taking Ambien right before sex, he also has secret fantasies about watching Derek Jeter and David Boreanaz have sex with Rachel while he watches. Really? Do you think he thinks about that stuff while he is golfing? Million dollar putt and he is thinking about who his mistress used to f**k.

US Weekly saw one of the e-mails Tiger sent to Rachel and it says, "I had a dream we were married and I was leading the tournament. I came home, excited to see you, and there you were in the bedroom getting f--ked by Derek and David [Boreanaz]. Some part of me thinks you would like that. Now I can't get back to sleep. My body is tired, but my mind is awake. Need an Ambien."

Meanwhile his wife was home taking care of their kids. F**ker.

51 comments:

austinrob said...

Uh-oh....I think this might be the proverbial straw.

Anonymous said...

I soo didn't need to know that about Tiger, what a naughty boy!

BigMama said...

awww, why did you have to drag DB into this? I have a hard enough time trying to forget he is a douch bag...

Judi said...

I'd like to know exactly how US Weekly was able to see any email?

Anonymous said...

Agree with you BigMama. I heart DB.

Sylvia said...

Wonder how much the wife is getting paid to stay??

Alice D Millionaire said...

Isn't Rachel the one that isn't talking...or is only talking to her lawyer? I second Judi's question.

lutefisk said...

The fact that she saved the emails shows that she was planning on using them for an ulterior motive, like maybe making a few million off that putz.
Elin needs to get the hell away from him, ASAP!

sunnyside1213 said...

Elin, take the money and run.

sunnyside1213 said...

I still love the stories about Tiger needing to be punished.

Anonymous said...

maybe the wife was just not satisfying Tiger. Is part of this her fault ??

Anonymous said...

No, it is not the wife's fault for her husband cheating. If he isn't getting what we "wants" at home, do the right thing and divorce her before you start screwing ever skank in town.

Go grab a bottle of Jergens and head to the privacy of your bathroom Tiger.

Quintessential Southerner said...

not surprised about tiger's sexual proclivities.

RJ said...

I'm wondering if Tiger has a "madonna/whore" complex when it comes to sexuality. It might not be that his wife wasn't willing to satisfy whatever fantasies that he had, but that he is one of those men who cannot become easily aroused by a woman once she is a mother. If you look at the timing of his affairs, it makes sense. His 31-month affair began when Elin was seven months pregnant. Didn't his affair with the hostess he flew to Australia begin sometime around the time of his second child's birth? His other women certainly fit the "whore" part of the equation. I'm not going to bore everyone with the pathology of men who have this complex, but if you do some research on your own, I think you'd agree that he fits the profile. Poor Elin, he's most likely been rejecting her constantly while chasing after all these skanks. I hope she's able to get a lot more than the measly $5 million of the prenup.

Tax Lawyer said...

Ah, yes. But Boreanz was reputedly texting Uchitel status updates from the delivery room where his wife was giving birth to their child. Now that, my friends, is the ultimate f**ker.

childeroland said...

Isn't the $5 mill essentially just a signing bonus and the new prenup something like 80 mill instead of the original 20?

GladysKravitz said...

I think that RJ is on to something. I hadn't noticed the timing of the extramarital affairs (so close to pregnancies), but I did notice the difference in the way the women look. Elin looks classy and somewhat innocent. The others look like they've been around the block a couple of times.

But if he has some Madonna/whore thing going on, maybe he ought to get therapy instead of just acting on it and ruining his children's lives, his wife's life and even his own. Not only is cheating cruel--which it is--but in his case, it was financially a stupid, stupid move.

Ms Cool said...

Aw man, I feel so sorry for his wife. And then I remember she gets a lot of dough if she leaves so I hope she does and gets her dignity back and a serious amount of cash.

RocketQueen said...

Thank you Anonymous 1:26 for addressing Anonymous 1:23 - that was an offensive thing to say.

This girl is a starfucker, plain and simple. She obviously has no compunction about sleeping with married men who have pregnant wives, and she sickens me.

Tatum said...

I just keep hoping the news reports that Elin has left Tiger, and the country, and returned to Sweden with her children. I also wish the press would take the limelight off of these mistresses. It's like they are being congratulated for bedding Tiger and duping his wife. In five years they'll just be remembered as gross if they are remembered at all.

whole_lotto _luv said...

"I had a dream we were married and I was leading the tournament. I came home, excited to see you, and there you were in the bedroom getting f--ked by Derek and David [Boreanaz]. Some part of me thinks you would like that."

My interpretation: "I fantasized that we were a legitimate couple. I came home with wood other than my clubs, and there you were getting all slutty with 2 men. Because this scenario is believable, as I know you are hoorish like that. I liked it, because I know you'd agree to allow me to explore my latent bisexual urges and would never require me to be monogamous, like SOME PEOPLE would."

Pookie said...

omg, whole-lotto...i loved that!!! omg, funny but quite possibly TRUE.

Dianne P said...

A lot of 'stuff' comes up during pregnancy and afterward, and it's not just the virgin/whore thing. For some men, it is really disconcerting to see their wives' attention shift from them to the impending child. Their wives may also suddenly become the center of attention (or at least, more so than before) because of their pregnancy.

They may also have a problem with the body that they feel they 'own' being taken over by someone else.

Women are also at greater risk of being abused or killed by their partners during pregnancy. Psychologically, I think there's a lot going on with men during that time that is not really understood.

During most parts of pregnancy, many women feel hotter and more sexual than usual, so the old the pregnant woman does want to f* excuse is not necessarily valid.

Regardless, at this point I really wish he'd just go f* himself. I never liked him--this just cements it.

Anonymous said...

It's easy for me to say this since I am not involved, but Elin should head for the hills NOW. Clearly their entire marriage has been a sham since he was banging every piece of a** around for years.

classalpha said...

... @ GladysKravitz = Madonna IS a WH0RE.

... not that I care about Tiger Woods... Golf... or sports "Em" general... but I bet there's a TW *p0rn tape* out there somewhere. Sooo... "beating" (pun intended) them all the punch - here's some catchy names I "came" (pun also intended) up with for *it*... ahem...

... 'Crouching Tiger's Wood'

... 'Tiger Brings His "9 Iron" To Bed'

... 'An Ace In Her Hole'

... 'Tiger Hits A WH0RE In One!'

... 'Caddy A$$' (pun on
'Caddy Shack') Okay... that one's weak, but if Tiger likes to watch pro Basketball players f'-ing his chix too... we can name it 'Caddy Shaq'...


... so... anyone else got some?

Quintessential Southerner said...

lol @ classalpha. i heard that tiger is hung though.

classalpha said...

... why Thank You QS... and not that I'd "know" re: the "size" of TW's golf *club*...

curlysue2u2002 said...

I think Tiger is pond scum, his innocent wife is home raising their children & he's out with ho's. I know how badly it hurts to be cheated on & I hope Elin makes him eat a lot more than just a five iron to the head!

figgy said...

I've no doubt that Elin is huddled with her lawyers as we speak.

DEFINITE Madonna/Whore complex.

I hope he contracts several STIs from all this fucking around. The kind that make peeing burn like hell.

B626 said...

Isn't always the homely celebs that go out there and get laid double time cuz they KNOW they wouldn't have a snowball's chance in Hell of getting any in a parallel unsuccessful universe?
Tiger's right up there with Jmes Woods for me. ICK!

figgy said...

Just heard--Rachel Uchitel lost her fiancee in 9/11. He worked in one of the towers. And there's a famous picture of her walking around with a picture of him, trying to find him, crying.

Almost makes me feel sorry for her. Must have turned her into the pathetic whore she is now.

Anonymous said...

Tiger is human stop putting him on a pedastal. No one knows the relationship he and his wife have. Most celebs cheat on their spouses why is everyone acting schocked? I want to know what vitamins he takes having 2 and 3 mistresses and a wife and he still kicks ass on the golf course. All kidding aside the media should respect his wife and stop focusing on the whores and Tiger needs to ask God for forgiveness not the general public.

Squeezebox said...

About a year or so ago there was a BI somewhere about a golfer's wife who deliberately had kid number two as financial insurance, even though hubby had made it clear that he did _not_ want another child. He was reportedly very bitter over her second pregnancy. At the time everyone figured it was was Tiger. If it was, then both of them were pulling shit on each other - she, because she _knew_ she'd married a horn dog and decided she had to look out for herself, and he, because he thought he could do whatever he pleased, _and_ dictate to her what she could and could not do.

ardleigh said...

I'm with lotto_luv. While most men are dreaming girl-girl-man (mostly themselves) Tiger is dreaming man-man-girl and he's not part of threesome? Yep, Tiger got ISSUES.

Well if he did lose sponsorship, I'm sure Viagra would sponsor him or Enzyte. They could change their tag line to "You too could have wood like Tiger." or " Wouldn't you like to score women (whores) like this Tiger?"

Goodgrief said...

I think there should be some toilet paper named after him now, since he is an asswipe.

Sis said...

Yep a total a-hole! I hope Elin takes him to the cleaners and has a truly good life with herself and her children and Tiger's mom. Tiger's mom has got to be pissed off! And lastly, I am secretly thrilled she took to beating his lying sorry ass self.

c17 said...

Y'know, Ambien can make you have some weird dreams. Just throwin' that out there. Wonder how many he takes a week.....

Eileenie McMeanie said...

My gaydar has always seriously gone off on Tiger. Can't put my finger on it, so to speak, but I always thought he was a bit gay.

Anonymous said...

******"I had a dream we were married and I was leading the tournament. I came home, excited to see you, and there you were in the bedroom getting f--ked by Derek and David [Boreanaz]. Some part of me thinks you would like that."******

For what its worth, he doesn't say HE would like it, he says he thinks SHE would like it.

Lisa (not original) said...

Do we know anything about Elin? Why assume that she is a completely innocent Donna Reed type wife, and he's complete scum for taking her innocence and destroying all her dreams in the process?

I agree with Anon who said stop putting him on a pedestal. Crucifixion is a bit harsh of a punishment for banging a few skanks. I think he's being judged much more harshly than others who have cheated.

Dr Spaceman said...

^^ I disagree. I don't think he is judged more harshly for cheating than others. He is more famous and therefore more people have an opinion on the matter. Also, he cheated with multiple semi-known women for an extended period of time. He has led a scandalous secret life and this plays beautifully in the media.

I think when celebrity men cheat on their wives it gets a lot of attention because it unleashes the very real fear that the men and women in our own lives could be doing the same thing ("well if it happened to the Golden Couple then it could happen to us!") - and that sucks.

Mango said...

Blogger RocketQueen said...

Thank you Anonymous 1:26 for addressing Anonymous 1:23 - that was an offensive thing to say.


I think they were the same person, but hey, I'm jaded.

Y'know, Ambien can make you have some weird dreams. Just throwin' that out there.

You ain't kidding. I had weird dreams, sleep-walked, and ate in my sleep and left food sitting out in the kitchen. I won't touch that stuff again.

GladysKravitz said...

Another thing I just figured out: if Jamiee Grubbs has been seeing Tiger Woods for three years, she was cheating when she went on Tool Academy Season 1 with Shawn "Loudmouth" Tool in about 2008. So she was fu**ing Shawn and Tiger at the same time. Nice. Hope Elin is making a doctor's appointment between her attorney appointments.

Goodgrief said...

Next, the baby mama's and love children will start coming out of the woodwork. I agree I hope Elin got her shots. He was with some pretty skanky women.

Choice said...

Wot a sleaze bucket. I wouldn't have expected this from Tiger.

http://nicole-kidman-journey.blogspot.com/

cibele said...

Derek Jeter. Ew.

Anonymous said...

I found anonymous 1:23's comments about it being partly her fault very, very offensive. I was cheated on when I was pregnant and it was very hard to deal with. Not only were there all those pregnancy hormones, but you have to deal with the fact that the person who you trusted most in the world has completely fucked you over. And they did it while their child grew in your body. I was a mess for a looong time.

I will say that any problems in our marriage were partly my fault, but the choice to cheat was definitely NOT.

Barton Fink said...

Me, I'm just shocked that Tiger Woods has introduced the extremely specific image of David Boreanz and Derek Jeter in bed with his totally-enjoying-the-limelight mistress (whose name I never caught). I mean, it's quite an image. At least he didn't fantasize about her and that creepy Screech guy, with a naked and greasy Brandon Davis providing extra grotesque horror.

Barton Fink said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
shakey said...

Too bad all cheaters can't be caught so publicly.

And what's this about having Ambien before sex? It's sexy to fall asleep while doing it?

bionic bunny! said...

i actually thought "caddy shaq" was kinda funny.
good one, class alpha.