Wednesday, June 03, 2009

If, If, If, If, If, If Then Brad And Angelina Are Finished - Oh and The Obama's Also

Last week the National Enquirer talked about Brad and Angelina being in love. I'm guessing the issue didn't sell very well and so this week they have them divorcing. I mean one of the options has to work right? It's funny that much of the same information they cite in this week's issue as a reason for a breakup was available last week also when they spoke about their love.

Here is what The Enquirer has to say with my commentary added.

After months of behind-the-scenes battles, it’s finally over between Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie.

Don't you love behind the scenes battles? They are the best.

Hollywood’s most glamorous power couple - who never married despite having six children - have grown tired of trying to gloss over their problems following five tumultuous years together, say sources.

I love how they take a dig at them for not being married despite having kids. The funny thing is the way they use sources above it could be the source told them the couple was together five years or they never married or that it was tumultuous. I guess it is up to us to decide what they meant.

Brad and Angelina are going their separate ways with the hope of reuniting in the future if they can repair their volatile relationship, disclosed an insider.

See, here is the first qualification. IF they can repair their relationship they will stay together. I find that to be true with most people.

“They will make it official. It looks like Brad will be shooting two movies in California and in the Amazon, while Angelina is retreating to their French chateau with the rest of the family.

“It’s an official split.”

Well you could call it a split right now. There is a huge difference between a split and a divorce or legal separation. She is in new York and he is in LA. That is a split and it is official. They want to make it sound like they have confirmation from spokespeople which is why they use that word.

If the strong-willed couple can’t find a way to get back together, sources say the breakup could turn into an ugly court battle over their $200 million fortune and the custody of their six children.

Qualification #2. IF they can't find a way to get back together. It is the same damn line as above except they used a different word for repair. Qualification #3. IF they can't get back together, there COULD be an ugly court battle.

The deciding moment for the pair came when they had strained words with each other while in Cannes, France for the screening of Brad’s new movie Inglourious Basterds.

Umm, has anyone here not had strained words with their significant other. They didn't even try and use the word argument. What the hell is strained? Did one of them have a sore throat and couldn't get the words out?

They put on a romantic show in front of the media, but Angie, 34, and Brad, 45, become frosty as soon as the spotlight was off, say friends.

Become frosty means they don't fake smile for the cameras anymore. Notice also they don't say they become frosty to each other, just frosty.

A jealous Angelina was said to be incensed over the attention Brad was getting from other women, having argued recently over Brad’s continued contact with ex-wife Jennifer Aniston.

Please. They both have people always wanting their attention. I love how they managed to get a Jennifer Aniston reference in there though. I'm surprised they didn't put her on the cover saying she was the cause. That is how they want it to appear in this sentence.

“Brad and Angelina will make appearances together from time to time, and he’ll meet up with the kids when he can. But make no mistake, this is a major split,” disclosed the insider.

Now it is a major split. If it is an official split or major split why would they need to make appearances together? I will tell you why, because that way even when you see them together you will know it is all for show. This story makes no sense at all.

And in case you are interested they say that the marriage between the Obama's is a sham.


mooshki said...

LOL Enty!!!

I can't figure out why the internet appears to be taking this article more seriously than the last 20,952 "Brangelina Are Breaking Up" stories released this year. Does the Enquirer have its own PR machine?

Also, don't MESS with my 'Bamas, Enquirer!!! I WILL cut a bitch!

Kat said...

You know, I hate the Enquirer. Also, of any celebrities out there, Angelina is on my list of people who officially don't give a damn what people think, otherwise she wouldn't even be with him in the first place. She has other stuff going on and doesn't come off as someone who really wants to snow the public. She doesn't need it. She's not a reality whore. Also, the pics I saw of those two at Cannes were candids which clearly caught them unawares, and it must be said, they were indeed canoodling.

I think those two genuinely dig one another, just like the Obamas. I hate when one of the few solid relationships out there is trounced by a bunch of no talent hacks who couldn't get a real writing gig. Where's your soul!


MISCH said...


Pookie said...

meh. brangelina will split at some point. it always ends how it starts. it's only a matter of time.

and meh about obama's marriage. indifferent. don't care one way or another.

bits of moxy said...

Well said Pookie.

jax said...

what a crock of smart water covered bullshit!

RocketQueen said...

I'm with Kat. I think this is nonsense. I watched the whole damn video of the two of them at Cannes (*blush*) provided courtesy of Lainey and I think they're solid. For now.

sunnyside1213 said...

Would they be stupid enough to mix money?

nancer said...

brangie and the obamas: solid and solider.

whole lotto luv said...

Would they be stupid enough to mix money?

That's just it - they don't. The tax returns for their Jolie-Pitt Foundation show individual donations from each of them, which means that at least in an accounting sense, their money is separate.

Jade, That Girl said...

all right, they took this too far. brad and angelina, who someone said, there come a day--maybe not this year, or the next couple years, but there will come a day when they will break up and it will be the biggest media sensation in the history of our existance. we will get headlines about custody battles, allegations of cheating which will then become stories about "angelina is moving on & having fun--oh my god she looks so happy!" and brad marrying selena gomez and she is pregnant... yada yada yada---and i still won't care. jennifer aniston will, because everyone will forget her name and she will be 'that one that brad married before angelina.' dare they go after the obamas. those are some fighting words.

Lisa (not original) said...

Well, they can't divorce or separate, since they never married. They can only split. I guess NE considers 3,000 miles major. Have they ever been credible?

Jenny S said...

Enquirer busted John Edwards when no one else would touch that story (him knocking up some woman then having a campaign worker claim the kid as his while paying the mistress lots and lots of money.) And, during the Clinton/Lewinsky scandal, they had more correct stories than any other publication. I figure, they shoot at enough targets and, sometimes, they hit something that is correct.
As for Brange, good riddance. I am so damn sick of hearing about them. I realize that the media will explode when they break up. At least they will bump the Gosselins off the cover of the tabloids.

Tax Attorney said...

Jolie Pitts, Gosselins, Octomom, I'm sick of the whole lot of them monetizing innocent children and giving not one whit about their mental stability and well being. It's simply unbelievable to me that this kind of exploitation is permitted in civilized society.

Babs said...

I don't recall anyone up in arms when the tabloids questioned the fidelity of George W. and Laura, so why the outrage over any discussion of the new Messiah and his wife?

As for Pitt family - who really cares? The Enquirer just needed something to print, and they are the current 'beautiful couple' that gets the front page.

Lisa (not original) said...

No one was up in arms about Dubya, because everyone knew it was crap. The only one who would hook up with the shrub married his ass. Obama could actually tap some strange if he felt so inclined. Just mho, of course. :)

vitazza said... know your wrong right.. if Barack tapped anything other than Michelle we would all see the bloodletting...

Oh and please don't be put out with "The Messiah" for tapping his wife and not someone elses.

ElsieFire said...

Tax Lawyer, I think the obvious difference between the Jolie Pitts and the reality whores that are the Gosselin and Octomom parents, is they are in reality shows pimping out their kids.

Pretty sure the Jolie-Pitts don't do that. Aaaand, I'm pretty sure they won't in the near future.


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