Thursday, June 04, 2009

Shocker! Crunchberries Are Not Real Berries! Woman Sues


It took Janine Sugawara four years of daily eating a box of Cap'n Crunch Crunchberries before she finally discovered that Crunchberries are not an actual berry and not even a fruit. I'm guessing she finally wised up when she went to a Home Depot looking for a Crunchberry plant for her backyard.

Well, Janine was ticked off at The Cap'n so she sued him for fraud in Federal Court and said that most reasonable people would also think that a Crunchberry is a real berry. Ummm. No. Most people would realize that a Crunchberry is a colored ball of cereal called a berry to make you feel better about yourself that you are eating a product where the number one ingredient is sugar.

Now, I myself don't eat Cap'n Crunch. Oh, I love it. Desperately love it. The sugar isn't why I don't eat it. The reason I don't eat it is that it rips the top of your mouth to shreds like car tires in a COPS episode.

The judge in the case also said there is no mention of the word fruit on the box and to his knowledge "there is no such fruit growing in the wild or occurring naturally in any part of the world called a Crunchberry."

50 comments:

Karmen said...

Wow. Our society is way too litigious. Why would that woman bring attention to how stupid she is?

Enty - I love Crunchberries! But you're right - they do tear up the inside of your mouth. My biggest issue with Cap'n Crunch is that they leave that nasty film in your milk from all the sugars and junk. Blegh. Even still, they're pretty awesome.

Oryx said...

lol dumb broad.

sunnyside1213 said...

I knew I was official old when I went down the cereal aisle and didn't recognize anything.

whole lotto luv said...

I loved all the Capn Crunch stuff when I was a kid. I remember that when I'd eat it, I'd take a spoonful and hold it in my mouth a few seconds to soften it up. The Crunchberries were especially hard, and I think Peanut Butter Crunch was the easiest to eat.

I suppose the next cereal suit will involve Lucky Charms, since the "charms" aren't magic.

Sinjin said...

I hope someone that stupid doesn't breed.

.robert said...

Did she have to pay their court costs?

I used to let it soften up and then ate it due to the raw mouth effect, but nowadays that much sugar would give me a stroke I think.

A Pimp Named DaveR said...

Is she also sueing Cheerios because they are not, in fact, cheery, and are actually circles made out of oat flour?

Anonymous said...

I'm on board with ya there, EL--Love the Crunchberries, hate what they do to the roof of my mouth. I always ended up bloodied and battered. Couldn't eat them two days in a row! And who wants to wait until they're soggy? Not I!

ItsJustMe said...

This story just made my day. Bwahahahahahaha.

MontanaMarriott said...

Is she suing Fred Flintstones because there are no PEBBLES in fruity pebbles?

MISCH said...

STUPID....

RocketQueen said...

Ha! I've never eaten Captain Crunch, but my bf JUST told me the other day about how it rips the top of your mouth open - it's obviously a widespread problem ;)

Jen said...

And I suppose she believes in the Crunchberry Beast, too.

http://wafflewhiffer.blogspot.com/2007/01/crunchberry-beast.html

annie cat said...

Enty, you are eating it all wrong. You're supposed eat the yellow cereal first and while letting the berries soak up the milk. Its the best part! I do the same with Lucky Charms.

Now! said...

LOL, Dave and Montana. Will she also sue when she finds out that Count Chocula isn't really a count?

I was deeply traumatized as a child because my mom wouldn't let me have all the cool sugar cereals advertised on TV. Now that I'm a mom, I'm ten times worse, of course. My kid gets nothing but unsweetened museli with plain yoghurt.

Damned Fallacy said...

I'm thinking of suing Willy Wonka because the snozzberries absolutely do NOT taste like snozzberries.

redhotpepper said...

I'll bet there will be a disclaimer on the box saying "does not contain real crunchberries."

People like this are the reason that there's a statement on Sevin (a powdered bug killer for your lawn) that says "do not use on genitals." Now, you just know some dumbass with crabs decided to give this a try. I hope it hurt.

Too bad you can't counter-sue for stupidity.

whole lotto luv said...

"Do not use on genitals"? LMAO. Really? That's got to be the most random thing I have ever heard.

ardleighstreet said...

This dipwit reminds me of the lady at drive-thru with the hot coffee.

She better not make them take Crunchberries off the shelf. I'll have to hurt her. They were what I ate in college. LOVED them.

Does she think that the Keebler Elves really bake cookies in a hollow tree?

If yes, I say we find what she's been smokin' cause it must be REALLY good stuff.

Now! said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Now! said...

The lady at the drive-thru with the hot coffee won her case because she was an elderly lady with third-degree burns, and because the McDonalds lawyers acted like arrogant jerks and made fun of her in front of a jury of ordinary folks like herself. And because McDonalds had received several warnings about the extreme temperature of its coffee before the incident.

Anyway, back to the Captain Crunch lady. Do you think she's considered suing the makers of Frankenberry?

swedishfish said...

I loved Crunchberries until they jumped the shark with the blue and green and purple. Same thing with Lucky charms distorting the marshmallows and Trix making its normal round cereal into shapes; it ruined everything. (But what a ground for a lawsuit; Trix is actually *trying* to deceive the public by crafting lifelike shapes! It's only a matter of time.)

sunnyside1213 said...

Trix isn't round anymore? Man, what planet have I been living on. going to Safeway right now to check it out.

ElsieFire said...

Wow, makes me glad Canada makes stupid asses like this pay the court fees if they lose. Cuts back dramatically on frivilous suits.

Also, on a side note, as a child I begged, and I mean BEGGED my mother for Boo-Berry cereal. Whined for weeks. Finally she broke down and bought me a box. I scarfed down those purple marshmallow things and was in glory. Until they made me SO sick, I puked for hours.

To this day, I cannot eat marshmallows or blueberries.

Pookie said...

"Oh, I love it. Desperately love it."

teehee!!!

apparantly i'm missing out! i'm so going to have to try this bastion of breakfast goodness.

Beensie said...

You guys are hilarious. Really - truly scrumptious.

shakey said...

Ha, ha ElsieFire! I liked Booberry the least. I was a Frankenberry fan.

My question to Idiot of the Day is - if you ate that cereal for 4 (four) years, why did you never read the ingredients? Did you mention something about Crunchberries being healthy and someone laughed at you, and that's how you found out? Did you not think that perhaps that cereal has rotted not only rotted your teeth, but your brain as well?

It would have been funny to see someone ask for that plant at Home Depot.

Anonymous said...

LOLOLOL

Angie said...

LOL @ Damned Fallacy - I too was disappointed in the Snozzberries.

lisap515 said...

whole_lotto _luv said: I suppose the next cereal suit will involve Lucky Charms, since the "charms" aren't magic.

haha OMG classic.

And LISA, the stupid ones ALWAYS breed. Many, many times.

lisap515 said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Kat said...

The first paragraph has got me laughing like an idiot.

thisoldbroad said...

Apparently I've laughed myself senseless, because of all the berries that aren't what the name implies, all I can come up with is dingle berries. Must be nap time!

Cheska said...

Enty...the good people at Quaker Oats have listened!! They changed the recipe!! No more ripped mouths!

Tangents & Tangles: said...

whole_lotto_luv - not random about not using the bug treatment on the ol' goods...

Someone trying to treat genital lice might be so inclined.

(They would be pretty stupid for thinking it, and also in for a big surprise, but they might be so inclined if they didn't read the label!)

Suzy said...

Can I sue Trix for discrimination against grown-ups? They do say over and over that Trix are for kids. What about me?

Kat said...

Just to avoid any confusion:

There are no actual Frankenstein flavoured berries growing in the forest -Frankenberry

There are no actual berries that taste like Boo!-Booberry

You're not crunching on an actual sea captains-Cap'n Crunch

And what exactly is going on with 'Grape Nut Flakes'. I have never know what the deal is with that cereal.

Byron said...

In related news, the rest of the world has asked Janet Sugawara to undergo a sterilization procedure. "We can't have someone that stupid breeding," said a spokesman for everyone everywhere.

Sinjin said...

LOL @ Montana's comment.

Pookie, I especially like the peanut butter flavor or original Cap'n Crunch. With milk or w/o, makes no difference to me!

lutefisk said...

Next someone will sue because they might not find Frosted Flakes are Great!
This is so ridiculous.

jax said...

hol-y shit wait till she realizes that Snap Crackle and Pop aren't at the bottom of the box.

Enty- try Corn Pops, all the yummy taste without the oral injuries.

caydian said...

Were Crispy Critters are made of burned animals?

nancer said...

this reminds me of an old leonard pitts column where he said we need to take off all those ridiculous product warnings and just thin the herd. let people dry their hair in the bathtub, jump off the roof in their superman costume, iron their clothes while wearing them and eat rat poison.
get the idiots OUT of the gene pool. we'd be better off if we did it.

Moon Rattled said...

From all the attesting comments, she might have a case for ripping her mouth open but maybe she's a masochist as well as an idiot.

MnGddess said...

My son LOVED this as a kid. Unfortunately he ate it while I was pregnant with his sister and the smell to this day (18 years later) makes me want to run and throw up.

I was a weird kid. I liked Wheat Chex, Cheerios and Bran Flakes.

Dana said...

What??!? Crunchberries aren't really berries?? Well this explains why the cereal I buried in my backyard never sprouted. And here I thought it's just because I don't have a green thumb....

I suppose next your going to tell me that chickens don't really have McNuggets.

Jerry said...

I was wondering why this item made Enty's blog and Google knows all. Janine Sugawara is a Hollywood type.

jagerlilly said...

Crunchberry plant!!! I laughed for 3 solid minutes at that! And yes, god...they tore up the roof of my mouth..still ate them every Saturday though.

Phil said...

I am a huge Cap'n Crunch fan. Eat the original kind every morning for breakfast, if I want something sweet, and sometimes for dinner ...

... and it doesn't tear up the roof of my mouth. I don't recall it tearing up the roof of my mouth as a child (could've been in such a euphoric state). Perhaps I've mastered eating Cap'n Crunch, or my mouth is now tear-proof from years of eating it?

gregr said...

The judge should have taken this woman into custody pending psychological tests to determine whether she would be able to function in the outside world. Someone that stupid could be a danger to herself and/or others.

I still love Capn Crunch w/Crunchberries. I don't get the shredding anymore. I just take smaller mouthfuls.

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