Thursday, June 02, 2011

Ashlee Simpson Has A Savvy Rocker Edge


At this point, after reading the headline above, many of you are probably trying to pick yourselves up off the floor after laughing so hard you fell. I want you to know that the words above are not my own. I, in no way have ever thought, nor will I ever think that Ashlee Simpson is a rocker, savvy or has an edge.

But, thanks to her sister Jessica, Ashlee now has a job. After Ashlee whined to her dad that Jessica has all the money and that she wants some too, Pimpa Joe, took one look at his daughters breasts, and then went and found Jessica, and after taking a long look at Jessica's breasts, told her to find something for Ashlee to do.

Hence, a new clothing line was born. Jessica, with the help of Ashlee is starting a new fashion line aimed at Tweens. Apparently it is supposed to have a girly playful attitude which is why this quote about bringing on Ashlee makes no sense.

"Creating a tween apparel collection was a natural extension for the brand. I'm excited to bring my sister, Ashlee, along as co-creative director of this division, because she brings a savvy rocker edge that defines today's tweens."

First of all as I said above, Ashlee is none of those things, but even if she were those things, how does that mix with girly and playful? It doesn't. But now Ashlee has a job and a purpose and Pimpa Joe has one more way of keeping her under his thumb and his 20% management fee to keep rolling in.

26 comments:

Patty said...

Savvy is the most ludicrous word in that title. Running a close second is implying that either sister has anything to do with the design of the line. I'm firmly convinced they are show sample drawings and pick what they like the best. Then allow their signature to be placed on the product. Ta-da! She's a designer.

I also think implying that Jessica and now Ashley are designers is a huge insult to anyone who studies and truely works hard at this craft.

pdxbellarocks said...

and when this line fails who is to blame?

RocketQueen said...

That should keep her supply of cocaine flowing, but I have no doubt she'll be just as mediocre as a "co-creative director" as she was a singer and actress.

BigMama said...

Not that I like her - but I secretly think Jessica is actually alot smarter than she lets on. But then, I also think Jennifer Aniston's movies aren't half bad so clearly I have issues.

lanasyogamama said...

Geez Ashlee, do you always have to ride Jess's coat tails, as meager as they may be?

__-__=__ said...

Is that a chin implant and lip enhancement?

RocketQueen said...

lol BigMama! Have you seen The Bounty Hunter, though? I thought her movies were okay, too, until that one. It was EXCEPTIONALLY bad.

_-_=_ - She's always had that chin, but I think you're onto something with the lips!

Cindy said...

She must have gotten her "rocker edge" from her "rocker ex". He was the only musician in that family.

The Nightmare Child said...

It's funny, before she got all the plastic surgery to look like the long lost fourth Olsen sister, I would have WRECKED Ashlee Simpson. Especially when she had the black hair and the black fingernails & toenails and looked like the keyholder at the local Hot Topic...yeah. But now...no.


And I don't think either one of them is that smart...but Jess at least has a shred of business savvy. I don't like Asslee...but I hope she keeps her surgically repaired mug out of my city and sticks to making shitty clothes.

Majik said...

"...natural extension of the brand..."

Are you fucking kidding me?

If I hear one more person refer to themselves as a "brand", I'm handing in my humanity card and moving to the mountains.

MadLyb said...

Marketing to 'tweens' is much like marketing to 'hipsters'. Neither group actually exists, or at least no one would be caught dead admitting that they were a 'tween' or 'hipster'.

Maja With a J said...

Didn't she have that "Request" line? I have a pair of pants from there. They're decent pants. *L*

Caprica said...

Yeah she had some line with Wet Seal I think that had 'rock star' 'style' shirts with lame graphics that they were originally charging something like 25$ for (which is like 4 regular shirts at Wet Seal) and it all ended up on their clearance rack.

timebob said...

so let me get this straight, someone is going to design the clothing and she will trot it out like she did all the work. Just like "acted" like she wrote all her own songs and it turns out Kara DiGuardi really wrote them.

And she is still going to go after Pete Wentz for alimony.

God she is a talentless piece of crap like her sister.

BigMama said...

@Rocketqueen - yeah, I did...it was a fluff piece but not terrible. I actually liked her in the one with jason bateman. As a rule I usually hate romantic comedies but it was cute

mooshki said...

Actually, she did get a small chin implant in addition to the lip crap. Which is funny, since she had her chin reduced way back when.

mooshki said...

It's sad, because she was one of the very few examples of great plastic surgery, then she went and took it too far and now her face is as messed up as most everyone else in Hollyweird.

Sherry said...

These two kill me. The only ambition they possess is to be famous. Bet me $ she finds another more hip rock and roll boy. Somewhere the Fallowills are deleting her texts.

PotPourri said...

She used to have an edge, but when she named her kid something stupid to get attention, it was too much for me.

Jason Blue Eyes said...

Well, when you can't act, sing, dance what else is there to do but start designing stuff?

ForSure said...

We need to get a pool going... when is a story about Pimpa Joe going to break like that molesting daddy of that family musical group in Utah. Or is this going to be like the Jackson family, and we won't know the truth until the perpetrator has died?

Meg said...

@BigMamma - I kind of liked The Switch, too. :) That kid was adorable.

I don't understand why every celebrity on the planet feels the need to have a clothing line? Especially considering I don't think many tweens are coveting her look lately.

parissucksliterally said...

oooh, "Coke Mom Jeans". awesome.

I see now Jess wants to help teens look fat now too.

Mango said...

I don't think that tweens and teens even know who she is, let alone like her.

Way to go with that name recognition, Ashlee.

SallyTomato said...

LOL @ Sherry!

Anonymous said...

Sweet mother of God, Ashlee makes Jessica look ridiculous talented.

*head desk*

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