Friday, December 16, 2011

Your Turn

It is holiday party time. I have been to three this week and besides leaving me with a hangover that just does not quit, I have seen some people doing some embarrassing things. I want to know your most embarrassing holiday party experience whether it happened to you or you watched it happen. Hosting one at your house? Find someone face down in the kitty litter because they thought it was coke?


J Slaughter said...

I attended a wedding last December. It was my then fiance's niece. Her brother got her permission to propose during the reception. The girl said no and walked out of the hall. I was stunned. No one knew what to say. The DJ wasn't ready for that. It was horrible. But hilarious in hindsight.

RenoBlondee said...

^That is awful!
I have none I can think of myself (which is weird, cuz I'm a drinker, lol), but looking forward to more stories!

EmEyeKay said...

When I was twenty, at a party at a posh hotel with my banking co-workers, and after SEVERAL drinks, I grabbed my boss' fur coat, ran into the bathroom, stripped, put on the fur coat, and then went back to the party. Someone took photos and showed them at work that week. You could tell I was naked under the coat. I was so embarassed at work for a few weeks afterwards. I still have one of the photos, I still get red in the face when I come across it.

feraltart said...

I didn't start drinking till I was 29. Went to a New Year's Eve party. Vomited throughout their brand new renovation, all over their new carpet, on myself, and was so sick the next morning I had to walk home as I couldn't face being on any moving vehicle (I left my husband at their house - he drove home). Rang the next morning and apologised profusely and offered to pay for professional cleaning. They ended up moving states.

HannahPalindrome said...

I worked at an investment bank in the city, and I swapped spit with a banker on center stage! On a real stage! In front of all the trading floor guys that I worked with.

I went to a fancy New Year's Eve party and fell down a flight of stairs. Lol
I wasn't drunk! I tripped!
I think my date was more embarrassed than I was at the party...haha

Rita said...

This one, I'm still embarrassed to tell.

I was coordinator for an annual finance meeting. It took months to plan, finance executives from all over the country flew in, it was three-day serious summit. FINANCIAL SUMMIT. I had planned everything to the second. Including fun time. As you can imagine, I've been working very long hours, was extremely nervous, and so had no time to eat. Oh, and it was an off-site meeting, so everyone stayed at the same hotel.

First day went perfectly, the evening went even better. I was running everywhere, making sure everything was always ready on time, waking up early the next day, and doing the same f-cking thing all over again.

The last evening. Made friends with some of the executives. We decided after an amazing late supper, bathed in the most amazing wine selection, to go out at a local bar, and dance some of the stress away. Oh, did I mention the cutest guy ever caught coming out of the Ladies room and convinced me to meet him later at said bar?

So we went there, I met the guy, we started talking. My colleagues making suggestive comments, etc. And one of them of course had the brilliant idea, that after so many bottles of good wine, one must cleanse with shots of Tequila. Oh yeah, great idea.

It was 2 a.m. I was smashed drunk out of my mind, and I new, I should say NO. When you are that drunk, you CANNOT make such a decision. See, the cutie was waiting for me at the bar exit, to take me to his room. He had previously in most suggestive details told me what he was offering, and how my pleasure was guaranteed. You know, when it comes to cute guys, I stutter. I'm very shy. I can't complete a full sentence without getting very red in the face, all the way up to my burning ears.

So I asked my esteemed colleagues to walk with me to the hotel. So not to flinch, and take the cutie on his offer. And on our merry way we went. No one was able to walk straight, so I decided to take the lead, and of course show the way, open doors, smile at people, because you know, when you're drunk, you try not to show it, and open your eyes wide, and smile. I think I looked freaky scary with my eyes and Joker smile.

No see, the hotel lobby is very close to the entrance. The front desk is at the left of the elevators. The up and down buttons are between both elevator doors.

I lead the way in smiling, the guy at the front desk gets scared, and asks if everything is alright. I think he had his finger on the emergency security button under his desk. I push the up button between both elevators.

I look again at the front desk, and try to smile even bigger, so to reassure the guy. I hear "Ping" (the elevator doors are opening), and I quickly, still smiling at the guy, walk forward to enter the elevator, and I smash into the wall between both elevators, and swear to God, fly 10 feet back and land on my ass.


Even more silence.

Then everyone at the same time runs towards me to see if I'm ok.

I'm laying on my back, and the CFO tries to push me up,. Of course, that is when all the wine and tequila decided to make a splashy exit out of my body.

Do you remember the Witches of Eastwick, and how they were throwing up cherries? Well, it looked a lot like it, but with a whole lot more torque to it. I cannot believe the amount of red liquid with bits and peaces of food that flew out of my body and into my boss's face!

Words cannot describe my mortification.

The next morning at breakfast I got a standing ovation. Still feel mortified a year later telling this story.

nunaurbiz said...

Getting drunk and going home with a co-worker who had been hitting on me for months and then waking up with an Ewok! (which is what he always reminded me of)

MnGddess said...

No more holiday parties for me. As of today, we don't look like we're getting a day off for Christmas. I give my company about 7 months before it goes under.

Anyhoo, at a company Christmas party about 10 years ago, my supervisor was so drunk she was leaning over to greet her employees and their spouses, showing her ample boobage. Hands on thighs, too. I guess she needed to steady herself. Later that evening she was spinning in a fast dance with a really old guy and almost threw him into a wall. Later, my husband compared her to a fluffer. If you know what that is.

iheartjacksparrow said...

In the mid-1980s I worked for a law firm in Santa Monica that consisted of two attorneys. The first Christmas I worked there, the two attorneys, their wives, me and the other secretary went to a posh restaurant for a Christmas luncheon.

When we got to the restaurant, the tables were so close together, I was expecting the fire department to show up to say the maximum occupancy had been violated. As we were sitting there squished by the other tables, carolers started walking through the room and squeezing past all the tables. There was no room for them so they were practically in our laps.

When the food was delivered, my boss, who ordered fish, takes one bite and says it doesn't taste right. He starts yelling, "Garson, garson!" trying to get the attention of a waiter. This goes on for about 15 minutes until a waiter finally comes to the table. During this time, his wife, is saying, "Brad, you do this every time!"

Finally the meal was done and they started to serve dessert. Two tables away someone had ordered a flaming dessert, and I was thinking, 'It would be really funny if the place caught on fire.' As soon as I finished that thought, the waiter knocked over the flaming dessert, and this column of flames shot up to the ceiling as the entire table starts burning. Luckily, they got the fire under control before anything bad happened.

From then on, we had our Christmas luncheon in the office and ordered pizza.

Rita said...

@mngoodness - Hang in there. Maybe things will get better! Wish you all the best for this holiday season chica.

Sue Ellen Mishkey said...

I work at a bar. How many stories do you want is the question.

There's the time I saw a lady wanking off a co-worker under the table at a Christmas luncheon.

And then there was that one lady who got so wasted she pooped her pants-and she was wearing pantyhose- and knocked herself out falling from the toilet.

Oh, and the best, the time this guy got up on the bar, started running along it, slipped and fell, and told us he was going to sue.

I have more if anyone is interested.

Rita said...

@Sue Ellen, please accept my apology for going under the table.

CridChild said...

Sue Ellen, please share. These are golden.

MadLyb said...

I went to a party last night. It was fun - I had 1 Johnny Walker and diet Hansen's cola, 2 glasses of mixed blend red wine and some absinthe. I woke up feeling great! I don't drink too much these days and was glad not to wake up suffering. I've been at my job for almost 5 years, and finally got moved into a position where I've met some really great coworkers.

The embarrassing part is where I parked on a hill, put on the emergency brake, and some coworkers who were leaving came back and asked who had the silver car. Apparently my car tried to make a break for it, and rammed into my coworkers truck. It could've been so much worse because this was a steep hill and there was a fence and a drop of at the end of it. The other option was taking out the telephone pole across the street and destroying my other coworkers beautiful house.

I totally forgot about turning the wheels into the curb. My coworker was very cool about it, and luckily it was only a small scratch on her bumper, even in the light of day, but my car wasn't so lucky. The good news is, it drives fine, it's just a bit crumpled on the side.

I've already been in two accidents without ever having been in my car. The first was when I awoke Christmas day to find that the parking garage had collapsed on it. I'm not even going to tell my insurance company.

Maja With a J said...

Rita, your story made me howl with embarrasment for you *L* You poor thing! And you know, I have vomited in public too - not at a holiday party mind you, I avoid those like the plague, but one time I was at a bar with some friends...I hadn't even had that much to drink, a beer and a glass of wine, something like that (I'm a cheap drunk, but not THAT cheap). It just wasn't sitting well with me. I went to the bathroom and stayed in there forever until my friends came looking for me. I got out of the bathroom, told my friend "I feel really sick, I have to leave this bar NOW".

Didn't make it to the door. I puked right in the middle of the full bar, right on the floor. A lot. It was AWESOME.

I called the bar the next day and apologized *L* They said I could come back, but I never did. This was like 10 years ago or something *L*.

RubyDust said...

@Rita, I'm dying laughing at your story! Mine aren't nearly as good.

19yo, working at Burger King while going to college. BK plans a swanky Christmas party at a catering hall. I am determined to show one and all how sophisticated I am in my vintage silk Chinese dress and heels. They're going to see what a party girl I am, oh yes.

Last thing I remember is reeling in the ladies room, literally unable to stand and bouncing off walls and the floor. My coworkers said they drove me home (in my mom's car), walked me to the front door, opened it and I just fell in and they ran. I woke up in my bed and to this day I don't know if my parents found me and carried me upstairs or if I staggered up under my own power.

The year I was engaged, a group of couples went out for New Year's Eve. Big 80's, big hair, big makeup, big everything. I had on false eyelashes and my grandmother's fur coat. At the end of the night I slipped (on ice? I can't remember) and landed in a bush and for the life of me I couldn't get up. Everyone else stood around laughing and calling me "Zsa Zsa."

Not A Ninny said...

My "plowed at the office Xmas party" story actually has a happy ending.

I was working for a software company in lower Midtown back in the 80's. They rented The Tunnel--whole place--one of the hottest clubs at the time, in the meatpacking district. Now I'm not a club-going kinda guy and I loathed most of the people I worked with but it was an open bar so I go.

Proceed to knock back as many Wild Turkey shots as I can stomach (which, being a big guy, is a lot) whilst berating my co-workers for drinking like pussies. Finally get bored and bail.

OK, so there I am in Hell's Kitchen, drunk out of my mind, it's after midnight and I'm a white guy dressed in a suit and tie. I might as well have had a "Mug the shit out of me!" sign on my back. But I decide that I'm gonna walk (stagger) to Herald Square and catch the subway home to Flatbush.

This is the late 80's, at the height of the crack wars. I've already witnessed one guy get capped in the head, and many of my grad school classmates and profs have been mugged badly of late. Yeah, I'm gonna take the train, drunk off my ass.

Which I do. Walk all the way to Herald Square in dead dark. Stumble onto the right train. Change at Atlantic Avenue, which is wall-to-wall Thug City on weekend nights, puke on the tracks waiting for the 2...and somehow make it all the way home to my basement dive unscathed. Oh yeah, and then I had to direct rehearsals of a scene from Glass Menagerie the next day with a hangover so bad I erupted with dry heaves if I levered myself up from dead horizontal.

NYC is a rough town, but I swear there's a guardian angel who looks out for momentary losers doing idiot-stupid tricks. If Johnny Thunders could survive all those years, there has to be a reason.

kelly g said...

Sue Ellen. Please do not tease. I was gasping for air at the lady who pooped her pants and knocked herself out falling off the toilet. Laughing now as I am retyping. More please!

Henriette said...

These stories are why I never went to Christmas parties. I was always afraid of these stories getting out and with facebook it's worse.

Ari said...

My friends have a traditional New Years party that started the first year of college. Everyone who is home for the holidays travels the hour to our buddy in Orlando's home, and we make sure the O-ville kids know they can't hold a candle to the Melbourne crew.

Within the first half-hour that first year, we brought the whole party outside on the patio with us, started a conga line that stretched the length of the neighborhood, got into a solid fist-fight, and woke up the next morning with all seven of us piled up in bed, with the bed's owner and his buddies passed out on the floor. Apparently, a bed full of drunk half-naked girls was the main attraction for those still awake after 4 am.

Every year, we cause some kind of drama. Our darling hosts all broke up with their girlfriends after midnight, fist fights, disappointed paramours, etc. My most embarrassing moment is the relatively tame 'caught have sex in the bathroom'.

Oh, youth.

Rita said...

@Maja - The simple fact your embarrassment for me make my ears burn even more! I've learned my lesson since then. NEVER did I drink again with people from work.

@RubyDust - Honestly? If only that one was my most embarrassing drunk story. I, unfortunately, am accident prone, so a bit of wine, goes a long way in destroying a small country.

BTW, your Zsa Zsa is HILARIOUS! I have this picture in my mind of a hanging butt, fur coat, and big hair lying face first in a bush.

Sue Ellen Mishkey said...

Sorry for the delay.

Just an additional tidbit about the lady who pooped herself. Not only did she poop her pantyhose and knock herself out in the toilet stall, we also had to call her husband to pick her up because she was too wasted, bloody, and an all around fucking mess to go anywhere that wasn't her home. So her man came, carried her up the backstairs-fireman style-and threw her in the backseat.

The whole time she was passed out in the stall, the manager had to stand in front of the bathroom door and direct people to the other toilet because, obviously, the general public shouldn't see something like that, especially at 12:30 on a Tuesday afternoon.

Oh. And when they finally got her out? Her poop filled pantyhose were on the floor and the stall itself had poop and blood stains all over the wall/stall.

Did I mention this woman was in her 50's?

Chilie said...

I was a waitress at a college bar that was part of a corporation of six restaurants in my medium sized city.

The corp. had a Christmas party and all six restaurants were on reduced service & were closed by 10pm so everyone could attend this party. Our restaurant/bar was the poor cousin compared to the rest of establishments in this chain.

By 1am, we were roaring. The whole smoked salmon on the buffet table was only half eaten. The 10 of us gathered around, like savages, and were scooping the flesh from the bones and popping it into our mouths. Plates? Utensils? No, those were for pussies.

We polished off the salmon and moved onto the rest of the buffet table, hovering over the food, scarfing it with our hands. Each act of over-the-top piggery induced laughter from the rest of the group, and in a way, egged the rest of us on to top that act of vile consumption. We later hit other bars until the wee hours and overall, had a fantastic evening.

Until we sobered up and were back at work.

Our manager was horrified and terribly embarrassed in front of his colleagues by our behavior, and he read us the riot act. Our restaurant was banned from future parties...

Sue Ellen Mishkey said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Sue Ellen Mishkey said...

One time a company rented out the whole bar for their Christmas party, and while everyone was mostly well behaved, this one lady who thought it was a great idea to get up on a "table" (that is really a shelf that people can stand around and put their drinks on) in an attempt to dance like a go-go dancer at a club.

Naturally, the shelf broke and she took a tumble. Due to the massive amounts of alcohol she had consumed, she popped right up, gave a "woooo!!", and continued to dance like a lunatic. Later, she was found in the kitchen (a huge no-no) making out with her co-worker.

ablake said...

Ouch Rita, I actually cringed for you reading that story.
At least you can walk away knowing a couple of things though. 1) you put together a fantastic weekend for everyone 2) you didn't have to worry about next day regrets with cutie:)

I will share one that I observed.
Christmas party and Mitch Albom (I don't know if you guys know who he is, wrote Tuesdays with Morrie and has a new special on for the season) was at the party. He had just given his notice at the radio station where he had worked as a talk show host. This was right around the time TWM was going to be on tv, so as you can imagine everyone was falling all over themselves congratulating him.
One younger guy came up to him (well, stumbled actually) and said "I plan on running my own radio station one day. So I want you to know that if this writing thing ever goes tits up, you will have a job with me."


It was awesome

ablake said...

Hahaha @ SueEllen, reminds me of How I met your mother and the episode they had about the WOOOOOOOOOO girls.

Cripes, I know the kind of side tables you're talking about too. She must have been all sorts of drunk to think that was a good idea.

*CAPTURE* Photography by Sarah said...

Well, this was when I was about 20. So, 13 years ago, but I was going to a holiday party, and I had this black button up dress on.

I ended up making out with my boyfriend in his car. Dress came off.

Show back up to the party. Went to the bathroom about 15 mins later and saw that I had put my dress back on INSIDE OUT.

Tags flapping in the wind, seams showing and all.

I still dont know if anyone noticed. :)

Desert.Fox said...

@Sue Ellen - I had a very similar experience while working at a fine dining restaurant in a hotel at Xmas time.

We had a small Japanese businesswoman entertaining about 17 guests. They started off with drinks and apps in the bar and proceeded to the dining room where the consumed copious amounts of wine and port throughout their dinner.

After their dinner, the businesswoman came back in the bar and sat down at a lounge table - I went up to her, not knowing how much alcohol she had had and offered her a drink - which, thank god, she refused. I went back to the bar and her server from the dining room came out looking for her to sign the bill.

I had seen her go in the bathroom and told the server such. Well about 15 minutes later she still hadn't come out so her server went in looking for her. Come to find her in a puddle of her own urine, feces and "lady time of the month". She was so drunk she couldn't stand and she was so disgusting we had to wrap her up in a bed sheet and take her up the service elevator to her room! To this day I have never seen something so gross - she literally did every bodily function you could think of on herself!

What's great about working at a hotel is when people get stupid drunk and crazy you get to see how they play it the next day. Some are visibly still embarrassed and upset while others are hitting the hard stuff the next night with a vengeance. I LOVE people who have no shame, it's priceless especially when you get to see round two.

Lelaina Pierce said...

My husband's first corporate Christmas party, we get invited out with the boss and his wife (and a few others) to a bar for the after party. I had been drinking for about 5 hours straight and after a few more at the bar, I laid my head down on the table and went night night.

There is this other girl that always gets more wasted than anyone when she goes out. Last year, she was sitting on this buffet thing in the hallway of their office (where the party is held) and she fell off of it and onto me and I had to help hold her up until her oblivious boyfriend looked on.


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