Tuesday, March 20, 2012

What Happens When A 35 Year Old Retakes The SAT


One of the funniest things I have read in a very long time is over at deadspin.com. It is the story of a 35 year old man who decided to retake the SAT. Previously when he had been in highschool, the man had taken it once. If you want to relive the nightmare that was the SAT, then you have to read this. Seriously, it will make your day. Here is the part on the author filling out the forms at the beginning of the test.

Pre-Test
Before you even begin taking the SAT, it's already worn you down. There's an entire form you have to fill out at the front of the test booklet, including a bubble sheet with your name, your DOB, your ZIP code, your test center code, your form code, your test-book serial number, your registration number (???), your gender, and OK WE F**KING GET IT. I think you have more than enough information, College Board. Would you also like the results of my most recent HIV test? God forbid you simplify this so students have to enter only one code. About the only mercy they extend to you is that you're required to fill out only the first six letters of your last name and the first four letters of your first name. When I was a kid, you had to fill out your full name, and if you were unfortunate enough to be some Polish kid with a 30,000-letter last name, you were dead and buried before you'd even reached the antonyms.

To read the rest, click here. (Thanks Christina)

28 comments:

EmEyeKay said...

This was awesome. I read the whole thing to find out if he scored higher than his original test. (No spoiler here.)

nettalovesrobin said...

I wouldnt want to take that shit again!

Ms Cool said...

Hilarious: The SAT is an ASSHOLE.

I know I wouldn't do better. Just his math examples scared the socks off me.

alyssastinks said...

So happy I don't live in the States. That test is crazy.

dia papaya said...

Seriously can NOT start my Tuesday this way! I'm having panic attack flash backs from that damn test. Now I need a drink...

MISCH said...

Once was enough...

Seachica said...

While Lisa stressed over it and Dave spent all night playing video games the night before. Ah, one of my favorite episodes of Newsradio (but without a writer who thinks cursing is a substitute for well crafted prose)

lifeiscrazy said...

1070 here; 600 on verbal both times - 460 on math the first time, took a 4 month course, ended with a 470 on math (this is back before the new scoring system BTW). What a waste - didn't mean diddlysquat in terms of college acceptances (or performance in college, for that matter).

My oldest son is 2 years away from taking his SATs and I am already nervous for him - this just enhanced that, especially with how cutthroat things are these days.

Henriette said...

I never took it! I went to community college the first two years and transferred to a four year college. Even back in the late 80s, when I was in high school, the SAT and ACTs were scary.

Maja. With a J. said...

So glad I never had to do this. I would have failed miserably.

Danielle said...

I just had to post this on my FB.. this was SO good. LOL @ "Jesus. Chill the f*ck out."

Lori said...

I'm just starting my studying for the G.R.E and G.R.E. Psychology subject test...like the S.A.T. on crack!

Abby said...

I'm 41 and just enrolled in a PhD program... had to retake the GRE a year ago because my scores were expired. It sucked but at least it was on computer, no bubbles to fill in!

jetfuelgenius said...

That article was HILARIOUS! I didn't do that well on mine because I overthink the questions too much...but it really hasn't affected my life, I went to a state school & got my BA...no fancy Ivy League degree but no fancy Ivy League debt either! :)

Susan said...

Yeah. The SAT is total bullshit. I think I took it like 4 times because I was had OCD even as a teen, and I so wanted to get my verbal up. My math was way better than verbal. This was before the days of the essay on it. They still do that now, right? I remember all of my friends in high school would take a course on the weekends to improve their scores. I begged my parents to enroll me (I'm showing my true colors of dorkiness right now). My parents were like, Fuck no, you're not taking a class for this stupid test. Do the scores still weigh heavily on college acceptance?

MommaBear said...

Oh God, I'm still laughing! I'm so glad we don't write those exams in Canada. My palms get all sweaty at the though of having to go thru something like that.

flip said...

Lots of people in my town do the private tutoring route. $240 per class, 2x per week for a couple of months. I understand the pressure from the parents/kids point of view -- if everyone around them is doing special prep, how will they have a chance (and this is to get into state flagship U, not just the Ivies)? I blame the whole mess on US WR college rankings -- colleges want lots of applications so they can deny more, thus having a higher selectivity index. We only accept 14% of our applicants -- we're special! Poor teens. Make it a lottery-- any kid meeting certain criteria for grades, scores, extra curriculars get put in a pool and then luck takes over. It would be easier on the kids.

Sis Cesspool said...

Deadspin? More like Denton spin....

auntliddy said...

I never cared or minded taking SATS, because I didnt give a shit. Tough math questions.? Thats the time to make pretty designs with the bubbles and your #2pencil! Even then I knew this was bunch of bullshit. I always aced the verbal and essay stuff because I like it, but even guessing and screwing around with bubble designs, i did ok on math. I couldnt believe years later when my kids got so twisted about this test. I refused to pay for tutoring, and they were very upset. My thinking is, these are basically IQ test, and what it is is what it is. My son insisted on taking it like 3-4times and pretty much got -1200 something every time. So u teens-its bullcrap, dont sweat it. I have never once in my life been asked my SAT scores, and Im retired now!

Lelaina Pierce said...

I loathe standardized tests and also find them to be total bullshit. I did so-so on the SAT and I did fine in college. I didn't do well on the GRE or GMAT, but yet, had no problems in the masters level classes. I totally identify with this guy.

My husband is one of those assholes who, on the other hand, is GREAT at tests like this. I think he told me he took his SAT while hungover and still had a fantastic score. Bastard.

Lelaina Pierce said...

P.S. This whole post is fantastic. I just spit my water out laughing about Genevieve. ;)

Jessie said...

I've not read the whole thing but in Aus we only have to write our student number and I think school ID. But we have multiple tests. Is there a reason for all the names and numbers?

FingerBinger said...

Retaking the SAT would kind of be like trying to take your drivers test over again after you've had your license for 20-30 years.

ardleigh said...

I wouldn't take that thing again on a bet. ...OK maybe if I got paid to take it.

WUWT? said...

I would like to take the tests again, both the SATs and ACTs. I know I am smarter than I was in 1988-1989; I just don't know if I am as good of a test taker. I also want to see how much "easier" the test got in the early 1990s, if at all. I got a 1330 on the SATs (out of 1600). I don't think I ever would have known that first math question, but we weren't allowed calculators, either. So maybe the math questions are "allowed" to be harder now.

I also loved that NewsRadio episode. I watched it a few years later on DVD and was surprised to see Leelee Sobieski in it.

jadetoo said...

OMG, that article was hilarious. I had to stop myself from LOLing, I didn't want to explain to my kid what I was laughing at. ;)

Henriette said...

@Abby
The new GRE sucks! They just started doing them this year.

Mooshki said...

"My thinking is, these are basically IQ test, and what it is is what it is."

Yep. I took it in 6th grade as part of a special program, and only scored 120 points less than I did when I took it at 17. It's all pretty silly.

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