Wednesday, February 28, 2007

I Just Cannot Stop Smiling

I know that every other site in the free world has talked about Paris Hilton being arrested last night, but I think we should all just pray that she does not have Pete Doherty channeling through her somewhere and that she ends up doing some jail time. The odds are long but we can always hope. I am not asking for the entire 90 days. I think a week would be plenty to make her realize that (1) the prison population may not have enjoyed her Paris Exposed comments and (2) that making out with a hot female fashion model is not the same thing as making out with your cellmate. Think positive people.


P.S. How come Paris gets to make a cell phone call during the arrest and the rest of us would be thrown into the back of a car still rubbing the marks left from the Taser?

32 comments:

syd said...

Is there any hope that they can keep her locked up, forever. Far far away from cameras. So I never have to see the wonky eyes again.

NARC said...

I SHARE YOUR MIRTH E.L.


I WONDER HOW QUICKLY HER DELUSIONALLY-MISGUIDED AND TERRIFYINGLY BLIND SELF-CONCEPT WOULD SHATTER WHILE SURROUNDED BY PEOPLE WHO *AREN'T* PAID TO SUCK UP TO HER IGNORANT ASS?

operaghost said...

{{snicker}} Um, *who* is blind, Paris?

When will these people realize, the only reason we take pleasure in their pain is because they're such narcissistic jackasses to begin with?

A person who is known to be on the nicer side of things gets into this same predicament, and we're far more likely to make excuses.


OG

public school bitch said...

I hope she gets fucked up the butt for coke.

Anonymous said...

Nicole and Paris can bunk together for the new season of The Simple Life - They go to County Jail.

GGA

Anonymous said...

the reason the cops are so nice to her is they have all masturbated while watching her sex tape, fans are always a little awe struck when they meet their star.

mookie said...

^^^ *wonders why anyone would masterbate to ph and her wonky eye* wouldnt that just kill the moment?

B :) said...

I understand she wasn't arrested. The police towed her away and she left. She crossed the street to find refuge at The Standard.

B :) said...

I meant to type.
Cops towed her car away.

( I wish they had towed her awat)

mookie said...

does the car not have a tag? (reference the pic where it's on the flatbed)...

Pinky said...

GGA - BRILLIANT! Simple Life: The Slammer!

brendalove@gmail.com said...

"making out with a hot female fashion model is not the same thing as making out with your cellmate."

I love it when you're being naughty, ENT.

Anonymous said...

I predict a $2500 fine, and a 3 month extension of probation. She's such a self entitled retard. I feel sorry for Eliot - he's got to be so tired of trying to defend such a horrible human being.

Anonymous said...

Um...because the LAPD are a bunch of ass kiss over sexed jocks masquerading as law enforcement?

Too much?

Fuck must be nice to be famous and not have to actually answer to same laws that us minions do...

Does anyone know if the benefit program for the LAPD covers Valtrex?

Anonymous said...

I've had the pleasure of being arrested by the LAPD on a warrant because someone didn't file the proper paperwork (yes I am looking at you LA County).

The police officer arrested me, threw me in the back of squad car with tight handcuffs. I am so dangerous apparently. After I told him it was too tight, he took a phone call from his wife/gf while I sat there and waited. Oh and the kicker! They towed my car off of private property without a warrant.

Of course, I don't have a sex video out.

GGA

Anonymous said...

Hey like someone else said, where's the tag on her car. Dont tell me she's exempt from that to!

B :) said...

I redact it all!! I feel in to the spin cycle :(

Anonymous said...

Totally agree. It's only a matter of time before a member of one of the minority groups takes her out.

Best just to sit back at this point and let Karma play itself out.

Yorkshire Bint said...

EL - Is there any way that she wouldn't know if her licence had been suspended? Wouldn't her lawyers point out the terms of her probation, fines etc?

mookie said...

anon @ 3:47: "Totally agree. It's only a matter of time before a member of one of the minority groups takes her out."

i disagree.

i think any one of any group, minority or majority, would be capable of "take(ing) her out" because she's an equal oportunity annoyer. granted, she's best at offending minorities, but the majority is pretty damn fed up with her as well. let's face it, she may be offending minorities, but it's the majority she's making look bad.

Anonymous said...

Last night, Paris Hilton was busted. She was arrested for driving with a suspended license. Her license was suspended last month as part of her probation when she pled guilty to drunk driving. Paris' Bentley was impounded by the Los Angeles Police Department, and towed to an open lot in Watts where it was promptly stripped down to its frame while the night watchman was asleep by crack and heroin addicts who sold its parts to the Beverly Hills Bentley dealer to pay for their next fix. Poor Paris. Poor little rich girl. She was just flexing down Sunset Boulevard to return some XXX videos and the police busted her. She drove only because she didn't have a ride.

It i a good thing the Valtrex Vagina is off the streets. She loves to drive wasted. In fact, she loves to get high while she is driving, as numerous paparazzi photographs attest. She also has a propensity to flee the scenes of the accidents she causes, as numerous paparazzi photographs also attest. Let's face it, Paris Hilton is a menace behind the wheel of the car. She's dangerous, and she is irresponsible. And until last night, she thought she was above the law.

Now, Paris faces a jail sentence for violating her probation. This, too, is a good thing from a number of perspectives. First, she needs to do time to be convinced that she is not above the law. Second, it will keep her from staggering behind the wheel of a car for a bit longer. Third, there are a number of sex crazed inmates who haven't had access to the ParisExposed.com website and don't know of her Valtrex vagina, or who already have herpes and other STDs and don't care if she does. Finally, Paris will finally get laid regularly despite her herpes and other STDs.

But in the interim, Paris needs your help. She needs a lift. Her car was impounded. And she has places to go and things to do. Visits to men who pay her money to fuck her. Visits to her smack dealer to score. Visits to the liquor store. Dates with Stavros. Trips to the XXX DVD store.

It's in our best interests to give Paris a lift, too. It keeps her from staggering from behind the wheel of a car.

Now, one might think that Bluto "Fat Elvis" Davis would give her a lift. But no....Momma Hilton forbade Paris to call Bluto after Bluto made fun of Paul Abdul and told Courtney Love he wanted to jism on her at Paris's poorly attended birthday party. One might think that Perez "Fat Boy" Hilton might give Paris a lift. But Paris really hates him and, frankly, he smells like stale asshole all the time. Stavros's dad won't let him give Paris a lift, because he's pissed that she gave his fine young son herpes.

So let's all help Paris. Let's all give her a lift when she needs a ride. The life you save by doing so might be mine.

Dorothy said...

GGA, fantastic idea! Haha!

Be Adequite! said...

Damn! How many fuc*in Bentleys can a person wreck/get impounded/buy in one lifetime? I second the prayer that she "gets fuc*ed up the butt for coke" (preferably with a chainsaw!)

fogcitykitty said...

As much of a kissass as Paris is, no wonder she got to use her cell phone. She passed what we in public safety refer to as the "attitude test". She probably called all the deputies "hot".

fogcitykitty said...

Oh, and she won't see five minutes inside a real jail. Home confinement, maybe. There's no way that the county could keep her safe, every woman in there would be looking to take her out and escalate their standing in the house.

Anonymous said...

Last night, my Bentley was impounded by the Los Angeles Police Department, and towed to an open lot in Watts. My Bentley was stripped down to its frame while the night watchman was asleep by crack and heroin addicts who sold its parts to the Beverly Hills Bentley dealer to pay for their next fix.

I was just flexing down Sunset Boulevard to return some XXX videos and the police busted me. I drove only because I didn't have a ride.

It's probably a good thing I'm not driving. I love to drive wasted. In fact, I love to get high while driving. I also am known to flee the scenes of the accidents I cause. Truth be told, I am menace behind the wheel of the car. I'm dangerous, and I am irresponsible. And until last night, I thought I was above the law.

Now, I face a jail sentence for violating my DUI probation. And I need your help. I need a driver. My car was impounded. And I've places to go and things to do. Visits to men who pay lots of money to fuck. Visits to my smack dealer to score. Visits to the liquor store. Dates with Stavros. Trips to the XXX DVD store.

You might think Bluto "Fat Elvis" Davis would give me a lift. But no....Momma Hilton forbids me to call Bluto because Bluto made fun of Paul Abdul and told Courtney Love he wanted to jism on her at my poorly attended birthday party. One might think that Perez "Fat Boy" Hilton might give me a lift. But I really hate him and, frankly, he smells like stale asshole all the time. Stavros's dad won't let him give me a lift, because he's pissed that I gave his fine young son herpes.

So please help me. If you need a job as a chauffeur, please email me and apply. I can pay in cash or in kind. The life you save by doing so might be yours.

Fondly and fondling you,

Paris XOXOXOXO

Anonymous said...

Paris Hilton is a junkie. She was an apartment prostitute her first year in Los Angeles. Since then, she works as a high end prostitute when the money's right.

Just ask Paul Allen, who hired her as a whore on his yacht during the Cannes film festivals before it became public knowledge that Paris was THE Valtrex Vagina of Hollywood.

Look at the drug kit found with her belongings on ParisExposed and Cityrag. It's a kit to shoot heroin. The eyedropper is used in lieu of a needle - one opens one's skin with a safety pin and drops the smack into the wound. Paris is a stone cold junkie.

We've all seen the photos of Paris smoking weed while driving. We know she was arrested for DUI and had her license suspended. We know she thinks she is above the law. It's about goddamn time that the LA authorities throw the book at her and put her in the slam. No one else would ever have been cut the slack she's been cut by the LA Police. She is a menace and she is dangerous to the public behind the wheel of a car. She needs to do some jail time, like the hooker she is, to learn that she's not above the law.

It amazes me that she got probation for driving drunk when us mere mortals get time for the same offense. Fuck this cunt. It's time for the criminal justice system to work to protect us from this asshole.

Anonymous said...

Someone needs to lay off the spray tan in a can. She always looks like shit though...

Anonymous said...

It would be such a marvelous payday if she was thrown in the klink.

operaghost said...

Oompa Loompa Doopity Do
I've got another puzzle for you
How can I call off the LAPD
They're so rude, they won't listen to me.

Bentleys are rare, and expensive, too
It isn't fair, my life's going down the loo
All I wanted was to return a movie
It could happen to you, too, like me...

I don't want to sit in jail...

Oompa Loompa Doopity Dee
If you are wise you'll listen to me
Keep your licenses up to date
Maybe then you'll avoid my fate...



OG, heh ;>

Virgo74 said...

http://movies.yahoo.com/movie/1800026332/photo/536839

This is going to be Paris in about five more years!!!

Bionic bunny! said...

hmm.
y'all should know that's the CHP, not LAPD.