Thursday, March 20, 2008

Positive Energy Makes You Pregnant


Here I thought a sperm and egg needed to get it on so someone could get pregnant. Turns out it is actually positive energy that does it. If you think it sounds like something a Scientologist would say, give yourself some kibble because you are correct.

Now Magazine is reporting that Katie Holmes wants to try invitro to have another baby. She wants Suri to have some friends. It must be kind of tough when you only get to see other kids when cameras are around and daddy is using you for publicity.

Katie is really concerned that Tom hasn't managed to knock her up again. Well, it is pretty tough when his bedroom is on another floor. People don't have sex when they share the same bed. How often do you think a couple would have sex if they had to go to a different floor or decide which bed to use, or make the trek back to their own bed after it was over. Hell, there would not be a population in the world but porn sales would go through the roof.

Tom says that invitro goes against the teachings of the Church. Well, since he is second in command I'm thinking he could go ahead and have a vision or fart or something and get that changed. A source says, "Tom keeps telling her to focus on Scientology methods of creating “positive energy” to become pregnant, which he's convinced worked the first time around, but Katie's losing patience."

I guess he means something like "I'm positive we are out of L Ron's sperm, so this isn't going to happen."

18 comments:

mngddess said...

... "I'm thinking he could go ahead and have a vision or fart or something and get that changed..."

LMAO!!!!

Rebecca said...

Or she could have a nooner with Chris Klein or Jost Hartnett or whoever it was in London that knocked her up the first time.....

Twisted Sister said...

Gays are probably against the Shit of Scientology, too, but that doesn't seem to stop some of them.

How fitting, given my avatar.

DNfromMN said...

lol ts.

Gotta wonder if Katie wants a new toy for Suri or for herself. Posh probably isn't much for talking. Jada just wants to get in Katie's pants, so she really has no friends.

jax said...

aww EL's first fart joke.
single tear...

Why they need another brat anyway? they're only going to ship it away to Cult Classes the second they are old enough like Suri, the other Cruise kids and Kirtstie Allie's kids too.

or pretend they practically don't exist like John travolta if they are less than perfect lil aliens.

Kristen S. said...

YOu have to be generally healthy & well-fed to get knocked up. Scientology's "methods" drain the ever-lovin' shit out of you. So, even if she had access to some super sperm, it might be hard for her to get preggo with all the Purifs she's been doing.

Grace said...

Just a month or two ago stories were that Tom and/or Scientology wanted Katie to get pregnant but she was too busy training for her marathon. So which story is correct?

Maybe both are false stories just to keep the rumor mill stirred up.

Syko said...

Why is he always CLUTCHING her?

Twisted Sister said...

Syko, so she doesn't escape.

chickenrotini said...

Enty you are particularly snarky today. Loves it!

Tour Wonk said...

Long time lurker piping in...

I think it's just a ploy to get them having "difficulities in the marriage.." then it'll all fake "blow up" and she can fulfill her contract and go on with her life.

Just my opinion...

Judi said...

"Positive energy." Yeah, that's how women become p.g. That'll take care of all the problems... along with the requisite relaxing, doing it right, doing it more, doing it less, eating more beets, eating less beets, etc. People are so f***ing stupid.

jenner said...

Grace said...
Maybe both are false stories just to keep the rumor mill stirred up.

12:19 PM


That's what 99% of these stories ARE. 1% = true, 99% = what the publicists send out to stir up publicity. It's no big secret.

Amber said...

I'm sending you positive energy Ent. You should be pregnant by Friday.

Twisted Sister said...

Amber, the energy waves missed EL and hit April. Be careful next time...lol.

AMD said...

I had a dream the other night that I snuck into a Scieno compound where all the celebrities were living. I tried to get Katie to leave with her kid, but Martha Stewart stopped us by saying a really guilt-laden prayer during the Thanksgiving dinner. Then as I was leaving (I snuck out through a hidden panel in Val Kilmer's bedroom), I passed Tom Cruise and he gave me the dirtiest look.

Fuck I need to lay off the crack before bed.

Moonmaid said...

What is the Church of Scientology's official position on turkey basters?

Yancey said...

That last line was pure gold. I just discovered this site & I have never been happier to add another blog to check to my daily routine. the snark is delicious!