Friday, December 04, 2009

Your Turn

I was planning on having this great moral dilemma question today based on something I saw on the news this week. However, several readers suggested that with all the cheating stories this week that something related to that topic would be more appropriate to discuss. Never let it be said that I don't listen to everything you say. So, without further ado, have you ever cheated, been cheated on, have a great cheating story. I am also interested in what you think is considered cheating. Where is the line drawn?

121 comments:

Anonymous said...

I've cheated, been cheated on and at times think of cheating even now and I'm happily married!

I've never cheated on my husband, though like I said I've thought of it, but every relationship before him, I've cheated.

I am ashamed because I think it's wrong even if we're just human it's wrong.

Do I believe it's possible to stay faithful? I'm sure hoping it is for my marriage's sake!

Anonymous said...

ok, i will start this little ball rolling. I have cheated 1 time. I was 19, had been with the guy 2 years. I cheated with a friends brother I didn't know. I felt so guilty I broke up with him about 2 weeks later. Have never cheated since, although my husband is completely convinced i cheated numerous times in the beginning of our marriage (20 years ago).

I have been cheated on-lots.

Anonymous said...

It's sad to say, but I fell for the whole "my wife and I are having trouble, we don't have sex anymore, we are just waiting till summer to tell the kids" BS. Heck, he even told me they had gone to a lawyer and he was looking at houses. Luckily, I realized this was bogus. Sadly, not before making the mistake of having a 2 month long relationship. I have tortured myself over this one for years and years. My biggest regret it that his wife might have somehow found out and how hurt she would be. No one deserves that. People often assume the "other woman" is AFTER the married guy. While this is certainly the truth in many cases, just a frequently you have some young person duped into believing that they are bringing another person happiness after a long and painful relationship. It's sad. I hate it for all who don't realize what is actually going on. They lie to themselves so much. I hate it for the wives who's husbands think it is ok to spin these tails. Mostly I hate it for the children who don't understand why there is such tension in the house. If you feel the need to cheat, than either go to counseling or end the relationship BEFORE starting a new one. If you have someone tell you they are having trouble, or are GETTING separated....question it alot before you do something you regret. It is a cheaters biggest con.

selenakyle said...

Ooooooh, this one's gonna raise a lot of stink! We've discussed this before IIRC...

Anonymous said...

I love my cdan fam, and specially u Enty!
Ok guys is phone sex cheating? I busted my ex
doing this with craigslist ho's, and I said cheater, he said oh no I never did the deed in person. What do you all think?

Anonymous said...

I cheated on my live-in boyfriend when I was 26. After I realized how much I had hurt him and damaged our relationship (beyond repair - he never fully trusted me again), I learned my lesson. I never cheated again after that. Never even had the desire to after that experience. We went to couples' counselling and mostly repaired our relationship but it was never ever the same as before. Eventually we broke up and he was convinced it was because I was seeing someone else. He couldn't have been more wrong, but I couldn't convince him of that.

Cheating is absolutely not worth the damage it inflicts on everyone. If you feel like you want to cheat, ask yourself why. And then don't do it.

Anonymous said...

phone sex is cheating....sorry but it is. He would flip if you did it.

Anonymous said...

I've never cheated, but I've been cheated on, and once I was the "other man". The former happened when I was young, the latter when it involved someone I had a long-term on-again/off-again relationship.. but when it happened, it had been a long time. Anyway, I felt absolutely terrible about it - Catholic guilt maybe - and shortly thereafter torpedoed the relationship. That couple ended up back together, and from what I've heard, they are happily married. I'm glad that they are.

Anonymous said...

Phone/net sex is cheating, and a classic sign of a cheater or soon-to-be cheater.

Harriet Hellfire said...

12:30, I think that is cheating. he has given something that should be between you two to someone else. If he kept it from you and it hurts you, then I think it's cheating. Having said that, I know a few people who are in relationships but still sleep with other people and their partners know and it's fine. That wouldn't work for me personally, but as long as it's out in the open and there's no sneaking around, I suppose it's alright.

Anonymous said...

PHONE SEX IS CHEATING.

How would he feel if you had phone sex with someone else?!

nunaurbiz said...

I've never cheated, but I have been cheated on and twice, got to see the bad karma come back on him. First time, this chick kept coming on to my guy and he fell for her. They thought they were so clever, but I knew what was going on. So I dumped him. That chick, she thought she was getting something real special (well, he WAS nicely endowed!). When his stepmom died, I went to the funeral cos his stepsister was my best friend. His gf about had a heart attack when he saw me and came over to thank me for coming and seeking a bit of comfort she couldn't give him (just a hug, folks!). Whaddya know? The cheater chickie then began suspecting he was cheating on HER (can you imagine? LOL) ... with ME! Like I was gonna take him back.

Another time, my bf started showing up at OUR karaoke bar with another chick. I was there one night singing my best country cheatin' songs (oh country music is SO GOOD for that kinda music therapy!) and just when I sang "Somebody's gonna give you a lesson in leavin', somebody's gonna do to you what you been doin' and I hope that I'm around ..." they walked in! Yup, they got the message. And again, at some point, she started thinking he was cheating on her!!!!

Once a cheater, always a cheater. I call it the Marla Maples syndrome. THE most essential element of a relationship is TRUST. Once that's gone, I won't continue the relationship, whether it's love or friendship. I'm big on loyalty!

Lisa (not original) said...

Phone SEX... the answer is right there in the question.

I dated this guy for about 6 months, and his brother hated me and was hostile from the beginning. This guy took me everywhere and was the sweetest person in the world. One night I ran into him at a restaurant, and he introduced me to his WIFE. I was absolutely floored and could have killed him on the spot. Instead I smiled sweetly, walked away, and never spoke to that asshole again.

Syko said...

While not a Jimmy-Carter-lusting-in-my-heart type of mentality, I do think phone sex or cyber sex is cheating.

I've never personally cheated on anyone, though I have dated some cheaters in the past. I was cheated on during my marriage CONSTANTLY. My husband had that Madonna/whore thing going on and once I had kids I was just too pure to f**k in his eyes, so he did it with all my friends, a lot of people who were not my friends, and even tried to seduce my own mother.

My feelings are that it can happen to anyone. In that event, forgiveness is up to the parties involved. However, if it becomes a habit, throw that jerk to the curb.

Anonymous said...

I've never cheated, and I think I was cheated on a few times.

Once was at a bachelor party and the other was with the secretary of the company he delivered to (he was a trucker)... also, being on the road all day probably got him lots of additional std's. He's in prison now, and I'm happy with a guy not cheating and not being cheated on.

Take that, prison bitch.

Anonymous said...

I got SCREWED by my first husband. Moved up to Washington State right after college to be with him. Knew absolutely no one. Got married that October. He started cheating on me that February. I didn't even have the money to move home after I left him so I stuck it out at a job up there just until I had enough money to leave.

The thing I don't understand about cheaters is how they get to the place in their minds where they can actually blame their spouse for it. He told me, when I confronted him, that I "drove him to it." Um, we'd been married less than 6 months and I'd only been living with him less than a year. I didn't have time to drive him to do anything.

Left him while he was on a "business trip". Cleaned out the house and moved everything into storage and had an attorney draw up the divorce papers before he even got home. I know we could've done an anullment but a divorce was faster and cheaper and I just wanted out. I never saw him again after he admitted to me what he'd been doing.

Anonymous said...

I can't cheat,I just can't I prefer to put end on a relationship. My family has a looong history for cheaters (mom,grandpa,uncles,aunts) and not just boy/girlfriend type but marriage with kids and everything.It was always awful!

The last one was my mom with my dad's best friend and for some time now I found out that my brother is the result of that relationship. That doesn't change my feelings for him but It gives me answers for a lot of things, It's just so hard when you see that your family doesn't respect each other

Anonymous said...

Love the anonymous option.

I also love that you have the "Where is the line drawn?" question, because here's the sticky thing about my situations. I was seeing a guy, but I didn't consider him my boyfriend. There was another guy, and I fooled around with him. I told the guy I was seeing and he didn't care in the least bit. We weren't committed to each other and he was OK with it, so I can see how it's a gray area.

Few months later, I was seeing a guy. I asked him if it was OK if we kissed other people, and he said "Sure." I did kiss another guy a while later after we made that agreement. I knew he'd be upset, so I talked to him about it, and we decided to make ourselves official. Oh, college relationships. We were with each other for a year.

Have I ever cheated when it was a committed relationship? No. Did I kiss or fool around with other guys while seeing someone? Yes. Is that cheating? I don't think so, but I'm sure some tightasses might disagree.

I've unfortunately been the other woman before. I didn't even kiss the guy, let alone hook up with him, but he broke up with his girlfriend because we liked each other. She got CRAZY, and he was an ass, so I ended that. I refuse to be the other woman. It sucks and it leaves a nasty feeling in your stomach and conscious. Best part is that he sent this really long and weird message at 7AM on Christmas day three years later telling me how sorry he was. He was a whack job, and I'm glad that it never worked out.

Anonymous said...

A while ago, I looked in my husband's email. They say that you should not go snooping unless you are ready for what you might find, and I knew I shouldn't do it, but at the same time I didn't think I would actually find anything. But I did. Some girl had sent him a couple of topless pictures of herself from her cellphone.

I had looked in his cell phone a while ago too (before the email...and again, I know I shouldn't have gone snooping) and seen flirty messages from this number. Some details about where this person worked and stuff my husband did made me realise that this is his high school girlfriend. I knew she had moved to town and that they had run into one another, but I did not know that they had been keeping in touch this whole time since she came here. I don't know if they still are either, some stuff happened (I can't really go into details here) and they might have had a falling out because of it. Officially, I don't know about any of this so I can't really ask...

I still haven't figured out what to do. I want to confront him about it but I don't know how (I went through his emails and his phone, remember?). I have her topless pictures, her cellphone number and I know where she works.

I also found a picture of his dick that he emailed to some girl. For a while I thought it was the ex and was going to confront him then but decided to send a message to the email address instead, and no, it is not the same person. This girl actually sent me a picture of herself so I could see that it was not her in the other pictures...and let's just say, this lady is not exactly a threat. And also, send me a nudie pic without me even asking for one, so I'm thinking "internet slut".

My husband was, and is, very loving and sweet towards me, always tells me I'm beautiful, that he loves me etc, and that has not changed at all.

So anyway, any suggestions as to how I should approach this situation - keeping in mind that it might be over - would be nice. This might turn into a great "Your Turn".


And no, I have never cheated.

Anonymous said...

I was cheated on in my first relationship. I should have seen the warning signs but at the time I was so smitten with her I completely ignored the big flashing neon sign in front of my face telling me to "run, run, run". She told me, we broke up, we got back together and then she promptly dumped me three days later and went back to her supposed ex who beat her, etc (don't know if it was true - she was a real story teller).

That left me a wreck and then after a time I met a girl and less than a week later she slept with some guy and told me all about it. I know we weren't official or anything but that just killed it. A couple of years later she slept with my friend to get me to come running to her. It didn't work.

Years passed, I stayed single and then started talking to some girls online and got involved in some stupid online romances. One "cheated" on me multiple times because she wanted me to brood over her and also "come running".

I've never cheated. I couldn't live with myself. I'd feel too horribly guilty.

I have looked at other women, but nothing too horrible. I may look and say "oh wow, she's pretty" or something (to myself) but that's the extent of it. Most people do that - they'll look at someone and say "damnnnnnnnn" and then move on.

As for cheating - I would think touching certainly applies, but anything that produces an orgasm of some sort DEFINITELY applies.

Anonymous said...

I fell completely out of love with my now-ex-husband (if, indeed, I ever did really love him) about a year before I finally grew a backbone and asked him for a divorce. I did cheat on him, technically, by hooking up with someone who was until that point just a friend. I finally got the courage to tell him I wanted out about 2 months later. While I don't feel proud of cheating, I don't regret it, nor ending my marriage.

Anonymous said...

I was in a bad marriage, which I chose, knowing that the guy was bad news. I like to say that I was committed to self destruction when I was younger, and I have the evidence.

My ex-husband emotionally abused me (his nickname for me was "BW," for "Beached Whale," told all of our friends that he had never been in love with me and that he planned to divorce me when the kids turned 18, and almost constantly berated me in front of our children. After several years, he started to get physical--kicking me, slapping my arm, that kind of thing--and I was afraid that would escalate. Not to mention the horrible example I was setting for our kids, just by saying that the way he behaved was ok, sometimes even defending it to them.

He wouldn't go to counseling. I tried and tried to change the dynamics of our relationship, but it didn't happen.

That doesn't excuse what I did. I should have just left. But after years of being treated as an undesirable idiot, I was done but didn't have enough self confidence to leave. So I nuked the marriage by having an affair. I didn't do it consciously, but as soon as it was possible for me to leave my husband because he was so angry, I dumped the other guy. So not only did I hurt my husband, but I also used the other guy.

I'd never cheated before and have never cheated since. I've apologized to my ex about it, saying that it was reprehensible and that I was sorry for the hurt I caused. In his typical fashion, he said, "I didn't expect anything good from you anyway."

Anonymous said...

I was once the 'other' woman. I didn't know it though. When I found out, I ended that relationship immediately. I told him I could never do that to another woman. He called me for a long time after that, but I never took his calls.

I know I sound all noble and shit, but I'm really not. This situation was the only one where I didn't go back and forth with my feelings and opinions vis a vis a guy. I felt very betrayed.

sunnyside1213 said...

We have talked about this before. My first husband, El Creepo, used to beat me up a lot. Every time he did, I would cheat on him. He never knew, but I always felt better.

So the answer is yes and yes.

Anonymous said...

highs school boyfriend cheated on me. so i slept with his best friend to piss him off. no, i am not proud of it. i was a dumb teenager.

been with my hubby for almost 15 years and we both are committed to never cheating, and if we find ourselves desiring to go elsewhere we will end the relationship first. unforgiveable in our books.

Anonymous said...

Anonymous 12:48 PM - I think you should confront him. Who cares if you were snooping if he was cheating? It doesn't matter how often he calls you beautiful. If he's cheating on you, it means he doesn't respect you or your marriage. You shouldn't be second rate to some internet skank.

Anonymous said...

My Mother slept with al 3 of my husbands. Nice huh?

Anonymous said...

I cheated on a former boyfriend.
It was a really abusive relationship - he would beat me up if we had an argument and I'd turn around and hook up with some random guy to get back at him.
Did that for 2 years and one day shortly after Christmas that year I woke up and told him I was done.

Got up, walked out, went to therapy for 2 years - I am now living with the most wonderful man in the world and we would never cheat on each other..

Anonymous said...

I've neither cheated nor been cheated on. One of my exes did dump me suddenly and immediately began seeing another woman. He didn't cheat technically but it damn well felt like it did. Still, in the end, I respect him for being honest and telling me where he was at and wanted to do instead of lying and deceiving.

Anonymous said...

I slept with Joe McIntyre from NKOTB. I didn't realize at the time he was in a relationship but a couple months later there were pictures of him and his wife a their wedding. It even gave the date they met, which was well before our evening together. They are still married as far as I know.

Anonymous said...

I've never cheated but sad to say that I think that if I had the opportunity to with someone really nice, I would. :/ I definitely don't go looking for it though.

Anonymous said...

Cheated on multiple times by my now ex. Knew something was up, but couldn't put my finger on it. I was made out to be crazy. My ex never owned up to it. Tried to justify it actually. Cheating is disgusting and immoral. It also hurts like hell. Good knews is, karma always comes back for them.

Anonymous said...

12:48: I have been in your EXACT same shoes! My husband had been acting sort of distant toward me, and I couldn't figure out what was going on. Until one day, I glanced over while he was looking at his emails, and I noticed the same girl's name pop up several times via myspace messaging...
Since he's never been the greatest at making up passwords, I figured out his myspace pw and logged on. Well, well... I found out that he had discovered his long-lost ex-girlfriend on myspace, had changed his status from Married to Single, and had been sending some pretty racy messages to her!
I didn't confront him right then about the messages, but I did ask him why he had changed his status to Single, and why he wouldn't Friend me. Instead of changing the status and friending me, he said he would just delete the account. (No, that's not suspicious at ALL!)
I left it alone after that, until I later discovered that the dumbass had SAVED THE MESSAGES that they had sent each other onto his computer! He had also saved a bunch of her photos. Asshole. So, since it was on his computer, and I had "innocently" discovered the messages, I let him have it. Surprisingly, we are still married, but he knows that he is not allowed to be on MySpace or Facebook because of his shennanigans. Grrr...
And no, our relationship hasn't really been the same since. I still don't trust the little weasel.

Anonymous said...

These days, in a society where we are inundated with sex, sexual images, etc... anyone that bases the quality of their marriage on "fidelity" is absurd. I think Elin was absolutely living in LaLa Land to think Tiger would only have sex with her. Once upon a time people actually waited until they were married to have sex - in those cases, yeah, I think expecting your partner to only do you is reasonable. Today, not so much. However, when you have had mulitple partners and sex before marriage thinking that your partner will never want and act upon another is akin to wearing blinders. Sure, it is a nice ideal but we are a sexual society - look at the picture under this post of Eva Longoria. Seriously people. If your partner is a good partner other than cheating on you, I think you are a fool to throw the relationship away or feel slighted. Set some ground rules so you are safe, make sure you are satisfied first and count yourself fortunate that you are committed to a good person whether or not they only have sex with you for the rest of eternity.
Grow up everyone - this isn't your grandparents reality. Quit your whining and crying and feeling bad for yourself. Love is what is precious and that has nothing to do with sex. And just for the record, I have been married for 11 years and never cheated and so has my husband. However, I wouldn't end my marriage if he did.

Anonymous said...

I was in a 3 year relationship (I was 20 at this point). I met him at Senior Week (the summer vacation for the seniors that just graduated from HS). Well this was THE relationship, THE guy you think you are gonna be with FOREVER and you can't wait to get married, blah blah blah.

Well I was in college 2 hours away from home (I came home EVERY weekend, he visited me there once). He drove up to Boston with his best friend one weekend to go see some bands. My best friend forever lived there. (I already had a self-esteem issues specifically with my BFF and the fact that EVERY guy wanted to be with her and not me did not help) Well, when he drove up to Boston, he of course lied about where he was staying and stayed with my best friend. Apparently, they had been having an internet relationship and had this whole Hook-Up thing planned.

They had sex numerous times that weekend and they planned on telling me together. (How fucking nice, thx guys). Well I had this funny feeling that something had happened and that my worst fear (next to my parents dying) was having these 2 assholes hook up. The following weekend I lurked his porn folder on his computer (I was aware of this and didn't care, he was a creepy masterbator 24/7 anyway so whatevs). I found nude pics of my best friend all over the place. I obviously confronted him and that is when he confessed that they had sex.. and that they were going to tell me the news together. This was at like 11pm at night and he still lived with his parents. Well, to say the least I started beating his ass in the hallway outside his room. His mom (who is a saint and I don't know how she gave birth to this piece of shit) woke up and came out into the hallway to see what all the noise was about. I screamed "Your son is a fucking whore" and told her what he had done. She didn't say a word and turned around to go back to bed. She understood my pain (she had our wedding planned) and let me beat his skank ass. He was just rolled up in a ball on the floor at this point, crying and apologizing.

This was the worst pain I had ever felt in my life. When your young you are so naive, but I wouldn't change a thing about this situation. It made me stronger and made me think twice about who I chose as my best friends. I didn't talk to her for years and he eventually started dating a 35 year old with herpes (seriously, no exageration). THE END.

Anonymous said...

I moved to a different state when I was 22. I was alone and sad and I worked with a guy who was cute and interesting. No mention of him being with anyone. I started going out with him after work and he told me that he lived with his child's mother, but they lived in separate parts of the house, and only stayed together in the house for the children--they each led separate lives. Never married. Anyway, we dated a few more times. Slept together. Then I find out that that was not the situation at all (duh!). I was the other woman. To top it off, I met his brother who was a stand-up awesome guy. He asked me out, but I came completely clean to him. He accepted me anyway, and we have been married for years now. I just hate to look at my sister-in-law and want to come forth with my secret but I think it will do more harm than good. By the way, she knows about other flings that he has had and stays with him anyway. oh, and I agree on two things: Catholic guilt sucks, and phone sex is cheating.

Nutty_Flavor said...

I'm at a point in my life when I'm not looking for a relationship - too busy with career, child-raising, etc. - and would like to have a nice casual attachment to a pleasant guy about my age (45).

You would not believe the number of married men this attracts. I tried to meet guys online and ended up again and again with men who would mention after a couple of dates that, um, by the way, they were married. Or just casually mention their wife in the conversation, like "Well, my wife really likes mystery novels," etc.

I've given up for the moment, which is kind of sad, because I'm sure some single guy out there is looking for exactly what I'm looking for, but damned if I can find him.

Anonymous said...

Yes, I cheated. It went on for more years than I care to admit. It began as office flirting. We both are married and never had any intention of leaving our spouses. What started as emails turned into after hours drinks, then physical then sexual.

I was bored, he is always bored. During the 8 years it was sexual, he always told me about discretions he had during our time together and before me. I am sexually open and do things his wife won't. I would do anything he wanted and so would he.

It never really ended, we just stopped calling each other. It started to get weird when his wife and I started running in the same circles. I didn't like getting to know her. She became real.

Don't try to make senses of it. It's too messed up to make any sense.

Anonymous said...

I have cheated with a married man for 5 1/2 years. Not proud of it, but I did it. He too asked me to remove my voice msg so that the wife couldn't track who he was calling so often. She never found out about us. I was not interested in contacting her. I would meet this guy on his business trips in the midwest...he would even call me everyday when he was on vaca with his wife and kids....it was horrible for me, I cried everyday and now looking back I was a complete fool. Never, ever, again...it's not worth it and I wasted 5 1/2 years in my 30's. I learned my lesson the hard way. I ended up leaving the situation, it was just too agonizing.

Anonymous said...

Never been cheated on (as far as I know). I was never with anyone else since getting married but I used to get massages with "happy endings" every now and again. Do you think that is cheating? I haven't done that in quite some time.

Anonymous said...

What do I think of cheating? It's a shitty thing to do to another human being. But what if it's revenge-cheating?

A friend (whom I'll call Sophia) was dating a jerk (whom I'll call Asshole) and during a party, not only hit on everything that had tits but also slapped her across the mouth when she got mad at him for trying to pick up chicks.

Luckily, one of his high-school buddies was also attending the party. Did I also mention that this guy was leaving for army camp the next day and had to leave the party early?

So she left the asshole there surrounded by his lil honeys and hitched a ride home with the hunky army dude and gave him one hell of a sendoff.

Oh, and she told the asshole that very next day what she did.

I always loved that story.

Anonymous said...

Pinup_Pretty here..

I've not "cheated" on anyone, but I've cheated with someone. No justification - just the story. My ex and I David had just had a really heartbreaking breakup and a month later he was with another girl he'd met in a bar. But our draw with each other was still there.. they began dating seriously and we began sleeping together seriously.. every chance we got.
I being the sweet girl that I am decided to spill the beans for who knows what reason other than to hurt them both - yeah, foolish.. I still wanted him, but a step back and a deep breath would have told me I was no longer in love with him.
They stayed together - months later we hooked up again. I then broke it off and they ended up getting married a few months later (not the wisest of choices on her part, but I guess she felt like she'd won or something..) 2 years later they divorced - I was honestly sad for them.. and now 5 years later I am happy and healthy and in a great relationship with someone who would never cheat and someone whom I would never cheat on..
I regret what I did to this poor girl - the heartache I caused her.. and I hope that she finds the MAN who will be true to her and love her the way that she deserves.

Funny thing - I was engaged for a bit to someone 6 months after that and found out he cheated on me and it didn't phase me.. another clue I didn't really want or love him.. for anyone who wants it there is a nice diamond engagement ring on the side of the 5 freeway in Orange County that I promptly tossed out the window doing 75 mph after I broke up with his loser ass.

=)

bloodonthescreen said...

How many "happy endings"? I always have been curious about those... What does the Happy Ender Provider do when it's over? Do they clean you up? Is it awkward?

pomme said...

one of my best friend cheated his fiancée the day of their engagement with her sister.My boyfriend surprised them in the garage.
We never said the fiancée or others and never talk with the cheaters.

Anonymous said...

My husband and I started dating in High School and I followed him to College afterwards. We had a very hilly relationship those years and he cheated on me the first two years of college. We ended up getting married after graduation and after pre-marital counseling. We have now been happily married for 16 years, but it was a long, hard road to trust and forgiveness. Maybe because of my past, I can't stand a cheater.

Anonymous said...

my husband left me for a twenty year after i had a heart attack and lost both legs nowhe whines about paying me alimony we were married 28 years he is SOB

Anonymous said...

Proof that Karma works:

Several years ago, I was engaged to someone who cheated on me. The cheating started SIX MONTHS after he asked me to marry him!

He had started acting strangely toward me, and I had suspected that something was up between him and a (hideously ugly) girl that he worked with, but I had no proof.
(Unless you count the time she came over to pick up a desk he gave her and was staring at his ass every time he turned around)

Until...

I went to work one morning. As soon as I got there, I got REALLY sick and turned around and went home. And saw her car in my driveway.

I opened the door and was greeted by Asshole, stark naked, standing in the doorway of our bedroom. Bitch was under the covers, hiding from me. I yelled and screamed at the two of them as they got dressed and ran out of my house.

I later found out that they had been fooling around for at least 4 months longer than Asshole had said they were. (From Bitch's soon-to-be-ex-husband!)

Asshole ended up stalking me for TWO YEARS, sending letters to me, leaving gifts on my doorstep, sending letters to MY MOM(???WTF???). The stalking finally stopped when I told him that I was going to get a restraining order against him and tell his girlfriend what he was doing. Loser.

Oh, for the karma part: A few years later, I saw Asshole at an event. He was walking with a cane. Through mutual friends, I found out that he now has some sort of auto-immune disease like Lupus or something, and his spine is degenerating. I know that this may not exactly be karma coming back to bite him in the ass, but I kinda like to think it is! Mess with the bull, you get the horns...

Anonymous said...

More "happy endings" than I should have gotten. They clean you when it's over and sometimes finish off the massage. It may have been awkward the first few times but after a while it was not. It is something that I am glad to have put in the past, though. I felt more guilt for the money I was spending on it rather than anything else. I do love my wife and kids very much and it was a horrible weakness that I've put in the past.

Quintessential Southerner said...

i need to know how do you decide on which guy to choose when you want them both. all three of us are single, but umm 'friends'. i know that i will eventually get the 'talk,' and i'll have to choose one.

Anonymous said...

I have been cheated on and I have been the cheater also. I cheated because there was something I was lacking from the relationship and I believe that's why most people cheat. I have been the other women also wether they were in a long term relationship or marriage. I am currently having sex with a married man now and I think he kid saw us having sex. I think this is why I know not to just marry anybody but it has to be the right person. It's about the lessons of life.

Sylvia said...

Anonymous 12:48 I agree with what Anonymous 12:55 wrote. Also their was must have been a reason in the first place for you to start checking on your husband.

Anonymous 12:51 with everything that your asshole of a husband did why did you even apologize. Why are you still married to him?

BlahFrickinBlah said...

I've never cheated on my boyfriend or spouse but I've been cheated on and have been the "other woman". It sucks to be in all of the positions that I have been in except for non cheated on person. Why don't people just leave instead of cheating? Some because they don't want to fuck their whole life up over a one time slip all the way to they are a total asshole, plain and simple. I've given up hope that I'll ever be in a relationship where the man will ever be 100% faithful to me. So far, the longest record I'm aware of is 9 yrs and I'm sorry, that just sucks.

I AM A BAD FRIEND said...

ever cheated but I knew my best friend's husband had cheated on her and I didn't tell her. Once was when we were still in high school and they were just dating and we were not friends at the time because of a fight. We fixed our friendship and I always felt guilty about not telling her after the fact. For the next few years I heard rumors about him I never saw it for myself or spoke to the mistreses just rumors. She has left him several times over other issues so she clearly was never going to leave him even if I did tell her, or that's what helped me sleep at night. We are no longer friends because of some stupid mishap and guess what I heard he is still up to no good. I know I am awful and I hope karma doesn't come back to bite me but I just never knew what was the right thing to do

Anonymous said...

I have been the Other Woman. It sucks. Mainly, it sucks because the wife/girlfriend will *always* have priority over you. It's very lonely.

Anonymous said...

My husband had a long history of inappropriate internet behavior and just bad behavior with women in general but none that I could actually say ever turned into physical cheating. A lot of flirting, boobie pics internet hoes would send him, and naughty talk in the chat rooms with them.I knew it and kind of turned a blind eye to it.

It is still a form of cheating and its not right. I am not totally sure why I did this? Because I loved him, because my self esteem wasn't good enough in spite of the fact I am told how beautiful I am all the time?

I knew he loved me and much of the time in those early years I wasn't the sexual creature I am now, lol. Too tired with young children, life's stress, etc.We got married when I was 19. Had children quickly.

Then last year he had an actual affair with a co-worker which started out as emotional but then later turned physical.Before that we agreed to separate while he decided if he actually wanted to be with her.

The entire time we still lived together and our physical relationship hit a new level. I got to remember the side of me that was sexy and young, the total girlfriend personality.

Still, it was awful knowing that emotionally he was tied to this woman in anyway. He was always so concerned about her safety. I knew I hadn't always been kind and the emotional beacon he craved so I had to do the changing I was aware was necessary.

Once he saw how committed I was to him and our family again we got back together very quickly and decided to put our all into making us work.

The other woman did not deal well with this tho, she turned into a crazy stalker that would not leave him alone and even several months after we were back together told him she was pregnant which is how I found out their emotional affair had turned physical. Just once when we were still separated.Which is what made him realize the mistake he was making.

She told him she just didn't realize she has been pregnant. We sort of believed her for about a month, then she came clean it was her husband's kid. The dates were months off, lol.

By the time we found out any of it we were well on our way to being fully reconciled. I was more in love with him than ever. I was even willing to accept the child should it be his. I forgave him and chose to move forward.I learned a lot thru this experience.

Do not ever think that men cheat with women more hot than yourself. She is unattractive. I mean very much so.When I realized it was HER I was dumbfounded. My husband is very good looking and could have had someone much more attractive.She herself had a bunch of kids and a husband.

He said she was nice to him while I was bitchy having to deal with real world stuff, like bills, disobedient children, things of that nature. They both got caught up in a fantasy, one where he was treated like a king whereas I had been lacking in that department, and one where she could say whatever she wanted to get him away from his much hotter wife.

Her ace in the hole was to claim she was an abuse victim and that her husband raped her which is why he felt sorry for her to begin with. That is what it started out as. She just got under his skin.

At any rate we survived stronger, wiser, and more in love than ever. I chose to stick with him, and I'm glad I did. An affair does not always mean the end of your marriage. For us it was a much needed wake-up call that we really did love one another.

Pookie said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Anonymous said...

To 1:05
just because you don't allow him to be on myspace or Facebook doesn't mean he isn't doing the same thing with text or emails the only thing now is that he knows not to make it so you can easily find out what he is doing. I'm saying he didn't change just saying it happens. I'm 1:23 I know.

whole_lotto _luv said...

I've been the woman with whom the guy cheated. Wouldn't do it now, shouldn't have done it in my youth.

As far as drawing the line is concerned, I believe that anything that causes the other person in the relationship to feel betrayed is cheating, whether it's actual sex, cyber/phone sex, or kissing/heavy petting. I was once in a relationship with a man who loved his porn, and the porn didn't bother me at all, but if a person felt betrayed by their SO's porn usage, then it's cheating.

Anonymous said...

I have never cheated or been the "other woman". I usually date guys I already know or meet through a mutual friend. I don't think I have ever been cheated on. Usually when I see a sinking ship, I bail. I have had friends who I knew their bf's or husbands were cheating and never knew if I should say anything to them. I had a neighbor whose husband was sleeping with the slutty wife down the street. I wasn't that close to her to tell her, but when she found out it wasn't pretty and she was arrested for attempted murder of the slutty wife. I always wondered if I had said anything to her she would have gone ballistic with me for telling her and would have tried to kill me. After that, I have no problem keeping my mouth shut. No one told my neighbor, she found a hotel receipt in his jacket.

Anonymous said...

I have my brother's email password and because of that found out about him cheating on his wife. He also has an account the one of those sex search websites but I'm not sure if he's ever done anything with that.

So, should I be telling him I know? Giving my sister in law the heads up?

Anonymous said...

He was my boyfriend, we broke up, he married someone else. When the marriage thing started going south we had an affair. I was stupid to have done it, but I thought I still loved the jerk. He was never faithful to me--not ever and why I ever stayed with such a big loser for too many years is beyond my rational thinking. It ended simply because I grew tired of the head games and drama he caused.

Anonymous said...

My motto is keep out of it.

NotSoAnonMom said...

I've never cheated, but was cheated on by my ex-husband and it was the worst feeling in the world. The worst.

I don't care what justification anyone can give for cheating, there really is none.

Anonymous said...

I can honestly say I've never cheated.

I have been cheated on - I walked in and caught my (then) boyfriend in the shower with another woman. I also sat at a party and my (other then) boyfriend started talking about his prom date - he told me he was sick. F*cker.

Anonymous said...

12:48 here. What I meant when I said how my husband is and always was very sweet to me was not an excuse for letting the whole thing go. It's just that his behaviour never changed. Had I not decided to check his email I would have never guessed anything was wrong. He always leaves the computer logged on when he's done, with his e-mail and Facebook and everything open. I always thought it was to show me that he could be trusted and because I would never find anyhting suspicious...but now I figure he's just sloppy. Or he wanted me to find those pictures. Who knows.

I kind of want a little bit of revenge. I want to scare them both. That's why I kept the pictures. I just haven't figured out what to do with them yet.

Jesse D said...

I have been cheated on and I have cheated. I've never dated a married man. I think cheating starts in the heart, so oral sex, phone sex, internet sex, it's all cheating to me. After being married to someone that nailed everything in sight, including relatives (his and mine) and friends (his and mine), it took a lot of time and much therapy to learn that the problem was also with me, not just him. I learned how to choose better partners and treat them well. I'm with a fabulous guy now and we both understand what loyalty means.

Anonymous said...

I've never cheated, however my husband accuses me of it constantly. Makes me wonder if he's a cuckold and trying to push me into doing it. Paranoia or fantasy? Either way it's getting old. Sometimes I'm tempted to "cheat" just to see what happens. BTW, there was 2 years of our marriage he refused to have sex with me & would freak out if I questioned it... hypocrite probably has a guilty conscience.

Anonymous said...

I was the cheater twice and cheated on once. Emotional affairs are cheating. It's easy to tell yourself they're not when you won't have sex.

The cheater was my college boyfriend, who unknownst to me, was still seeing his old girlfriend. She had graduated and came up to visit one week. He told me one night that he couldn't see me because he was going somewhere to think about his future or some crap like that. I knew something wasn't right, and neither did my roommate. We looked at each other and shot out of the room.

We followed the campus bus to his stop, where we caught him getting on the bus with HER. I burst into tears. We followed the bus for a while, then they got out at a Chinese restaurant. We went into a parking deck, and she said she;'d wait for me if I decided to go after him. Well, I did.

I'll never forget the look on either of their faces. This girl had no clue he had another girlfriend. He came out to talk to me, and we were out there for a whole hour. I don't think he got any sex from her that night (I didn't have sex with him).

We broke up for two weeks, then I took him back. Why, I'm not sure, even 20 years later. And he kept calling her. I confronted him with one of his phone bills, and he just got mad at me.

I finally dumped him after 8 on and off months. At that point, I felt, if she wants him, she can have him.

As for cheating, I'll never do it again. It filled holes in me, but at the expense of other people. That made me feel like crap. Never again.

Anonymous said...

I cheated about 3 years ago, but I told my husband about it (sort of) before hand.

Basically, he stopped having sex with me - no physical change on my end - his libido just upped and died. I tried to get him to talk to me, I bought fancy lingerie, I took over ALL household responsibilities to take away some of his stress, even tried to get him to go to therapy with me.
He wouldn't do anything to help himself and he wouldn't have sex with me.

So, after a year (A YEAR!!) of no sex, I sat him down and told him that I love him totally and want to be married to him and only him forever and ever amen, BUT, if he didn't bone me at least once in the next month I was going to find someone else to meet my sexual need.
He was upset and said he didn't want me to sleep with someone else, but not enough to get 'in the mood'. I gave him his month and then found a charming, very attractive single man to play with a few times a month.

We were both incredibly discreet and while I didn't tell my husband it had started - he KNEW something was going on because I was a lot less stressed and unhappy. I was able to enjoy my marriage again - all the parts that have nothing to do with sex.

After about 3 months, my husband woke up from his sexless coma and was back to normal. I stopped seeing my boy on the side and things couldn't be better with hubby. We have fantastic sex and REGULARLY.

While we always have had a GREAT marriage since day one, the 'Year of No Sex' ate away at our marriage like a cancer. Having a guy on the side to fulfill me sexually allowed me to go back to loving and appreciating my husband for all the ways he is awesome instead of only focusing on the flashing neon NO SEX sign.
If this ever happens again - I won't wait a year to find a partner.

Anonymous said...

My dad cheated on my mom and I can't tell you how painful, embarrassing, humiliating it was for me as the teenage daughter. I was super-protective of my mother and hated my dad for many years. Cheating tears families apart.

I have never cheated but have been cheated on by a boyfriend and fiance. I am fortunate to have chosen the right guy for me as my husband and never once wonder if he would cheat. We are devoted to each other.

Anonymous said...

I had 17 years of no sex and never cheated once. Then he left for the much younger woman. Wish I had been cheating on him the whole time.

Anonymous said...

PS - my 'affair' was a sex only deal. I never got emotionally involved with the guy. No pillow-talk, no dates, no snuggling.
Purely physical.

I definitely could never give my heart away to another man.

Arachne said...

Funny you should post this today, Enty. Just this week, I found out that an ex of mine cheated on me while we were together ... with another man. It was a long, long time ago, but I was VERY freaked out when I found out.

Lisa said...

I have been cheated on numerous times. I was given an STD by the first loser that cheated on me and the second loser that cheated on me did it while we were living together and he knocked up someone else. I have been the other woman, I didn't know it at the time until my friend was driving in a car with the guy I was seeing and a cop car drove by and he ducked because his father in law was on the force. That ended that relationship. I have cheated but I am not proud of it and I was young now I wouldn't do it. The guy I am with is wonderful and I am so happy I found him.

Anonymous said...

I got pregnant very young with my cheating-ass boyfriend...we had already broken up (because he cheated on me with the new girlfriend) and I had to confront him and tell him. They broke up and we tried to make it work, but it wasn't meant to be. He would get back with the girlfriend and then cheat on her with me, then get back with me and cheat on me with her. It was terrible. She finally dumped him for good because he came to the hospital to be with me when I had my son. We tried to make it work for the baby but I finally dumped his ass for good when he beat me up when the baby was less than a year old. It was awful, but I am blessed with a wonderful son who changed my life and made me a better person.

I am now happily married and we both pledged on our second date (!!) that we would never cheat on the other one, that if we wanted to be with someone else we would break up and be honest with the other person. It's not about our grandparent's morals or whatever - it's about being a decent person. If you make the committment of marriage, then you shouldn't be with anyone else. Otherwise, why get married?

I have to admit I've been tempted, and I've had a number of opportunities, but I haven't been temped enough to destroy the relationship I've built with my husband. I think it's just the lure of "something new" that makes a lot of people cheat. But we have MUCH MUCH better sex now than we did when we were first dating/married, because we know each other and each other's bodies, needs, wants, g-spots, etc and we're completely comfortable together.

All that said, there is a member of my husband's family who cheats on his wife all the time and I know about it (and who has made it known to me that he would fuck me in an instant if I'd let him). I feel so much shame when talking to his wife, because I know and don't say anything.

Should I tell her?

Anonymous said...

Never tell anyone they are being cheated on. Best recipe for ending a friendship.

Anonymous said...

This may be said already but whenever there is a grey area I say cheating in a relationship is whatever you would NOT want the other person to do to you.

Phone sex/sexting? I don't do it because I would be pissed if my S.O. did that.

On the other end of the spectrum, if both parties are ok with sleeping with other people then it isn't cheating

Cheating is just that cheating, so the rule of thumb is it different for every couple because the rules are different too.

silenttype said...

"My Mother slept with al 3 of my husbands. Nice huh?"

Can I have her number, I need a drought breaker :)

Anonymous said...

Ooh, such an interesting question. My first boyfriend cheated on me, or two timed me to put it more accurately. I then got into a more stable relationship, but only after I had been with a real asshole. Stable relationship wasn't all that great and one evening me and stable relationship were in Prague. This guy came on to me and told me that me and stable relationship just didn't have the magic but that we did. He then invited me to dance with him downstairs in that bar on the dancefloor. We never kissed or really touched intimately but it did really ruin my relationship with stable guy. I also could not read 'The unbearable lightness of being' part 1 with a clear conscience until the relationship ended. 6 months later me and stable relationship, still together, were in Glasgow and lo and behold, who should come along but the second incarnation of prague bar guy, glasgow hostel guy. Same situation, same deal, same result. Ultimitely my relationship ended and I was single and free and without entanglements for many years. In the last few I have been the other women as a kisser or a lover on a few occasions. I've been the lover with only one guy in particular and although we have behaved disgracefully on one or two occasions and although it was also fun I still feel bad about the whole thing. I'm also aware that we will have to manage our attraction probably for the whole of our adult lives, given that we share common friends that we love almost as family members. So by now I figure we have learned how to behave like adults and just stay out of each other's way. Others I have kissed, but to me the occasional kiss shared in the darkness, once it is occasional doesn't even really count. I'm sure though, that others have a very different opinion....

Kim said...

I have never cheated and never been cheated on. I think that what is probably the most hurtful thing to the person you supposedly love the most and who loves you the most is probably the worst thing a human being can do. I believe that any sexual or romantic interaction with anyone other that the person you're are committed to is cheating.

I have been married twice (widowed at 36) and because my 1st hubby and I had parents with great marriages, we assumed that their example made us so committed to having a great marriage.

But there is nobody more against cheating than my 2nd husband because his dad cheated on his mom for quite a while when he was young, divorcing when he was 12. My hubby's dad's example also made him committed to having a great marriage (although a little afraid of it).

My sister is married to a divorced man and did it the way I think anyone in my family would. He asked her out while still married with the "we are getting divorced" story. We knew this was true and they hadn't lived together for some time and were only about a month from the divorce being final. My sister had been friends with him (and his first wife) for quite some time and thought he might be the one. She told him to come back when he wasn't married. They went on their first date the day his divorce was made final and have been incredible happily married for over 10 years.

I do get hit on occasionally and when it is by someone who knows I am married, I am offended that they think I would cheat. When someone who is married hits on me, I am extra offended that they think I would think they a cheating husband is my type.

There is a right way to do things and a wrong way to do things. How we do things is our own choice, so choose right and your life will be much happier.

ardleigh said...

I HAD a friend who was a serial cheater with married men because they were easier to deal with. I know of 6 married men she cheated with (four of them were cousins). The second time being with her out somewhere almost got my ass kicked I stopped hanging with her.

She is married with a toddler now I would dearly love to ask her "SO when John cheats on you someday, will that make you the "hag wife"?

"Hag wife" is what she called
every man's spouse.

Anonymous said...

I cheated on a fiance because I didn't want to marry him and told him. He would not take no for an answer and would not take his ring back. I was not strong enough to make him leave me alone so I cheated on him. Even after I cheated on him he wanted me back so I made the guy I cheated on him with make him leave me alone. For a long time, every time I saw my ex-fiance out, I would run away from him because I didn't want him to think that I was interested. He was a psycho.

I have been the other woman and I was totally in love with the guy. He was never going to leave his then girlfriend, now wife for me and told me so, but I always thought he would. I would cry when he left. He told me I was too emotionally cold for him, but I guess sleeping with me was okay!

My husband cheated on me with this awful woman when we first started dating. Ugh. She was really awful. I forgave him and we joke about it now. She was really gross. What the hell was he thinking? He couldn't have picked someone hotter?

I always thought that people cheat because they are missing something in their relationships. At least that is why I did.

Anonymous said...

Never technically cheated on any previous boyfriends. My first relationship ever, we went out for 9 months. It was the worst first relationship EVER. Never took me on a date, always borrowed money from me, always said that my life was handed to me on a silver platter (he wished), and emotionally abused me at the end saying I wasn't good enough for him. All my fault for staying with him (being my first BF and all) but he was 12 years older than me, didn't have a steady job, came back to college and joined the fraternity (and was the oldest guy there). Good Lord. Who in their thirties and borrows money from an 18 year old? He did. Oh yea, he said borrowing the money didn't matter anyways since my parents gave it to me and it wasn't really mine since I didn't earn it. OK and this is coming from a guy who didn't have money? Sorry dude but thats all the money I had since I was in school full time (19 credits vs. the 12 recommended)He didn't like that response...Sorry, I digress. Towards the end of the relationship, I met someone else. Was a friend of a friend and we started to hang out. Drinks, Lunches, Dinners, movies... We then realize we wanted to be more than friends so I dumped the first BF. I never kissed the other guy until I dumped the loser. Till this day, I never felt guilty of it and dumping him was the best thing ever. I literally felt the weight come off my shoulders. Whew! I heard later that the first BF lost his job, car was repossessed and moved in with his parents. Ah yes, I ran into him at the mall during the holidays (about two years after we broke up). He was working there and asked me to come by to hang out with him. I said sure and NEVER saw him again. Another detail - Friends tell me that the girlfriend after me looked exactly like me. Aww! I took that as a compliment.

WBotW said...

I've been cheated on, and more than once. I have been the other woman with one man and will never, ever go there again. Proud to say I have never cheated on anyone in my life. I'm a firm believer in ditching the dead weight before looking elsewhere.

Anonymous said...

My ex cheated on me with a gal from work that I'll call, Melissa. I hoped we could move past it, but he kept saying if he didn't leave to be with her, he "would always wonder what he might have had with her." Well, he left, we divorced and 2 yrs later, we started sleeping together quite regularly. I found out later it started around the time Melissa got pregnant. This went on for over 5yrs, til he decided, finally, to marry her, because he "owed it to her." It had been 5 months since we'd last had sex, and 2 weeks before his wedding, when he asked me if we could get together one last time. No, I didn't do it, but I will admit, I miss the sex, it was spectacular. Now our son is 15, theirs is 6 and he's miserable and stuck. Life is good, lol.

Sis said...

When I was 17 years old and still in high school I started seeing a
4th grade teacher (his roommate was my hs history teacher and our basketball and volleyball coach), this guy also was the junior basketball coach. After he "had" me he cheated on me with the woman whose kids I was babysitting and it was his money that paid me, when I found out I was absolutely livid and heart broken.

My dad cheated on my mom with three of her nieces on her moms side, and then he married one, and his brothers were all cheaters too! In fact one of the girls (also my cousin) had twin boys that she put up for adoption that we all think are really my dads kids. Two of the girls were raised in a very strict catholic environment, the other one (who he married) was also married at the time.

It is amazing that my sisters and I have decent relationships now and have been put through the wringer since as teen girls, I am 48 years old now.

My mom never really trusted anybody again she was so betrayed not only by him but also by her own family. Now, she looks upon it as a far ago memory and some things still come up because he had to marry one, it never goes away.

Anonymous said...

I've been involved with a married man for 2 years. Have only had sex3 times. I know it's wrong, am tortured by my Catholic guilt and expect nothing out of it. We're more emotionally tied than anything. ***hangs head in shame***

Anonymous said...

My college boyfriend cheated on me with his ex. Three days later, she killed herself. After they had determined the time of death, to my horror I realized she was across campus dying while we were having sex for the first time. And I had been a virgin.

They say you never forget your first time.

The kicker is that for YEARS he never fessed up. Instead he told me that it was probably my fault that she killed herself, since she was jealous of me. When I found out that he had slept with her all the pieces came together.

Needless to say, I am scarred for life. I have never, ever cheated on anyone -- and man, have I wanted to at times -- and I never will.

Anonymous said...

I've been the other woman, once in my life. We were both married at the time, it went on for over a year. And it absolutely destroyed two families, and its something I regret every single day of my life. No excuses from me, it was a horribly selfish and fucked up thing to do. It was more than 12 years ago, but I still think of it often and still hate myself for it.

I don't know for sure if I have ever been cheated on. I think there is cheating, which in my mind is physical, and being unfaithful, which is emotional. Putting your emotions and energy into a person who is not your partner, taking them from your partner or relationship, is being unfaithful. That includes online chats, texts, photos, etc. In that respect, yes, I've had guys be unfaithful.

To me, it is now very simple. If I wouldn't want it done to me, I don't do it to him. Ever.

Anonymous said...

I have always wonder about married men who are serial cheaters.

The older I get I come to realize there is really something awfully screwed up with a married man that cheats.

Is it a Daddy issue? A Mother issue? Or are they just that damn narcissistic that they need a female near them 24/7?

I work in the car industry and I have known oodles of cheating married men. Seriously. I never knew a married car guy, that was not a cheater. Period.

And not one of them married cause they were in love. Nearly everyone them got married cause someone was knocked up. Or she made enough money to support the mans bad habits.

So needless to say I get proposition daily by these lot lizards. But I have avoided these men like the plague. But I see women fall over all them knowing they are cheating dogs.

So the real question for me... is why do women stay with a cheating spouse.

A obvious p*ssy hound.

Do you really feel it is worth being their maid just so you can say you have a husband?

Terri said...

I was engaged back in 1984 to my college sweetheart. He graduated before I did and we had a long distance relationship for a year. One night he called me unexpectedly and just told me over and over again how much he loved me. he sounded very down. The next night I called to check on him and his mother asked me when he last spoke to me. I told her the last night. She then said the words that haunted me for 20 years:

"Then you know he got married yesterday"

I was speechless. He met a girl 3 weeks earlier and they just decided to go to the courthouse and get married. He had tried to tell me the night before but couldn't.

I never trusted men until I met my husband.

So yes, I have been cheated on.

Anonymous said...

The first guy I was ever with didn't cheat per say. I lost my v card to him and waited 11 months while he went to do Iraq or Afghanistan or wherever, he came back and we continued then a few months later he said he didn't want to be with me anymore and I came to find out he was in love with another man's wife who had just had a baby and he was in the service too.

Guy #2, I didn't know he was cheating cause it was long distance, until I found out he had 2 children while we were "together"

Guy #3, didn't cheat per say again, but said that he didn't want to be in a relationship so he slept with me so he slept with the ex. Point taken.

My current boyfriend cheated in the beginning with somebody but refuses to answer any questions I ask about what happened.

I have come to realize the common denominator is me and I won't leave current bf because my self esteem is low and I am afraid of being alone and I am afraid I won't be able to find somebody as cute.

Anonymous said...

I have been married 22 years and I do love my husband dearly. About 15 years ago he started fantasizing about being with men. He started wearing my lingerie and heels. He wants me to dress like a guy so he can suck and fuck my rubber dick.

Over the years I have gone from totally disgusted, to indiferent, to playing along to keep him happy. Normal sex never happens anymore and he never wants just me, always the kink.

I got very, very depressed. I felt horrible about myself, because he didn't want ME. We have a child together, now almost grown, and come from unbroken families. I couldn't see leaving him, his family has become mine and vice versa.

Three years ago I met an a few older married men through some volunteer work I was doing. We would have a professional lunch occasionally and we got to know each other pretty well. Six months ago we were at a social event and one made a pass at me after a few drinks. It happened to be the one I really liked and was attracted to. I turned him down and he apologized, I accepted.

After that I couln't get him out of my head. One night about two weeks later, I helped him out with somthing and he gave me a thank you hug. I wouldn't let him go. He burried his face in my neck and kissed it ever so tenderly. He had no idea that spot was my favorite spot to be kissed, one my husband had ignored for over 20 years.

Ever since our relationship has progressed to a full blown love affair. We make unbeliveable, mind-blowing love every chance we get. I have never known such passion before. I adore him.

I have no intention of leaving my husband. My lover has two very young children with his wife, and no plans to leave anytime soon. Who know what time will bring for us. For now, we are happy with the way things are.

Vicki said...

I was unknowingly the other woman about 6 years ago. Didn't know he was married until I got messages from his wife. I kept telling her the absolute truth and she finally believed me and we became friends.

Last I heard from her, they're still together and he's still cheating. He gave her two STDs and they're still together.

I haven't trusted a man since.

Lissa THEEE Pissa said...

In reverse order:
The line is drawn when it is anything that hurts your mate.
Here's my great(ly) sad cheating story:
My real mother cheated on my father constantly. They had been together since she was 16 and she slept with everyone, on the day that he died he had called a list of 23 of his friends my mother had slept with, and confronted them. He was found dead of a supposedly self-inflicted gunshot wound to the heart the next day. They ruled it suicide, but most people believe it was one of his friends he had confronted.
Here's my own cheating story:
I have never cheated and will never. I grew up detesting my mother for that very reason (it didn't end with my father's death) and vowed to never be liker her. Ever.
Here's my 'cheated on' story:
Everyone I've ever been with, male or female (I'm bi, but married to a male) have cheated on me. Everyone except my husband. He is as faithful as they come. The only man who's never broken my heart.

Anonymous said...

HI! Long time lurker and this is my first post!
Well, I'm a guy... Sometime ago, a guy cheated his long term girlfriend with me for a year, after that, he cheated both of us (me and his girlfriend) with ANOTHER girl... So, he cheated his girlfriend with me and I was cheated with another girl, 3 in a row :S
Sorry for my english and greetings from Argentina :)

Anonymous said...

My best friend is married to an alcoholic who is a total jerk to her and never seems to want to have sex with her and spends many nights sleeping in his office, by his own volition. His initial reasoning was his fear of her getting pregnant since they're not in the best place in their relationship because of the excessive drinking. I can't figure out if he loves himself, the alcohol or someone else as to why he won't sleep with her. Anyway, a few months ago she went on a trip doing some humanitarian work and emotionally connected with another man (married) in their group. She ignored me for a few days after she had gotten back, which made me suspicious since she was gone for about 2-3 weeks and we never go that long without talking. Their relationship progressed fairly rapidly, from sneaking away to talk, to holding hands, to full blown making out to the point where he came. The whole time I told her she needed to stop and that what she was doing was wrong, but she was so deprived emotionally and physically it was a real battle. She did eventually break it off not too long after that and even had the decency to talk to the wife (per the wife's request) and answered any question she had.She's still married to the alcoholic who can't seem to decide if he wants to be with her or not; sometimes he is relieved she found someone else and at other times he is pissed but my bff has been doing whatever she can to save their marriage and I admire her courage and strength. ]

Anonymous said...

Me and my (now ex) husband were sharing a house with another woman. We were in our mid-20's and she was 49, but looked older than my 60-ish mother because of an off-and-on meth habit (living with her taught me never to use meth because of her rotten teeth, horrible skin, etc.) At the same time we were going back and forth to my husband's mother's home. She was disabled and needed our help. Sometimes I would stay with her while he went back to the city to work or go to a goth club (I am very much not a goth.)

One night I was at the house we shared with the woman while my husband gave her a ride over to a friend's house. He was gone longer than I thought, but he was flaky, so I didn't think anything about it. I was ridiculously trusting, maybe like Elin probably was a month ago.

Suddenly he came back and said we had to get our stuff and get out NOW. As in right then, in the middle of the night. While I was helping to haul our futon out, I innocently asked why we were packing our earthly possessions into a car as fast as possible. He took a breath and said, "I just need to go ahead and tell you the truth before anyone else does. I slept with (Woman) and she said was going to tell you and started hitting me, so I left her on the side of (Large highway in city.)

From what he said, the two of them went to the goth club one night while I was at home with his mother. They ingest unknown drugs and end up having sex, then they both woke up the next morning and realized that they were doing something horrible to an innocent person (i.e. me) and said that nothing would be said of it again. Until that night, when she apparently got hyped up on meth and decided that my husband had to pay for being a cheating scumbag. So she "went ghetto" in the car, trying to wreck the car and beating him. He then pulled over and kicked her out on the side of the road, which was in a rather rural area.

I never saw that woman again. I have no idea how she got home. But I was in a real sort of shock and went mute for a couple of days while the hubby cried and begged forgiveness. Finally, I guess I just decided the only way to cope was to pretend like it never happened. At that point me and my family were pretty much estranged (shockingly enough, over the hubby) and I guess I felt like we had to be together because no one else would have us.

A year or so down the road, we began going to raves, and the hubby started dabbling a lot in drugs and wanted to have the full party kid experience. He decided that it wasn't cheating on me if he told me about it. So he would go out at night, stay overnight with women and then come home and yell at me for being upset, because he was being honest so I had no right to deprive him of happiness.

After seven years and God knows how many affairs (because over time I figured out he'd probably been doing crap behind my back before Crazy Meth Woman), I finally told him I wanted a divorce. Since then he's kept at least 2-3 girlfriends at a time and I've stayed as far away as possible, because someday I'm afraid he'll want to come back. And I've stayed single. Mostly because I can't trust men anymore. Or other women who think it's fun to be the other woman.

Anonymous said...

I was the other woman for years, nearly 22 years, longer than many marriages last. We were good friends for a long time, but I knew he would never leave his socially acceptable wife. I was his tomboy "buddy" no one would have ever suspected since his wife was a beautiful woman, cold as icy but beautiful. I broke it off after I met a wonderful man, we thought we could just be friends but it was not that easy - we ended up having a fight over his office trying to steal one of my staff - I told him I would never speak to him again. I miss him but I'll stay away because I fell in love with that wonderful man and married him.

Anonymous said...

The thing that pisses me off about most cheaters is when they lie to get sympathy. I just wish more people would realize that when married people play the "poor me, my spouse is so (fill in the blank)" card, there is always another side to the story.

While my husband hasn't physically cheated (most likely because the woman he's been emailing lives across the country), the things he tells this woman about our relationship are so slanted to suit his side of the story. According to what he told her, I am a lot younger than him and was probably "too young" and not ready when we got married and that might be one of our problems. Of course he fails to mention that I supported us for a year while he was out of work, working 65+ hour work weeks just to keep up with the bills. And that I burned up 2 and a half weeks of vacation time from work to take care of his ass after surgery AFTER I had already found out about his little email affair. I honestly should have left his ass and told him to ask his parents to take care of him. He's recently started working again and he's already started to plan his vacation days according to when video games come out. And then lies to her that he's been working 60 hour work weeks. Ugh, so frustrating. I've been tempted to message her on Facebook just to let her know to keep in mind that there are two sides to every story.

This whole situation has been going on for almost a year. I've had a lot going on and have just been working too much to even thing about dealing with this. When I was driving home from work the other day, a radio station played that voicemail Tiger Woods sent to that girl he was banging about changing her voicemail because his wife found her number. I started sobbing like a mofo because I just imagined that my husband did something similar after he found out that I knew about his "internet affair."

Hahaha! Can you tell I'm angry and needed to vent?

And if you couldn't tell from what I've already said: no, I have never cheated.

Anonymous said...

So I was 13 years old, and me and my best friend went with a couple of cousins to their house. The guy I hooked up with decides that he is going to try to fuck me. I said nope, no thanks. Next thing you know, I'm in the living room alone. So I go in to see what is taking so long, and yep, my best friends legs are completely wide open with my date between them, while the cousin waits his turn. Yep, they took turns with her, and left me in the living room. Then the guy I'm with decides he wants to hang out with my best friend, and leaves me with his doofus cousin. The night ended quickly, and so did my friendship.

Anonymous said...

My heart is breaking for so many of you, wish I could be your friend and say off with their cocks!

genesis said...

Psh, I was cheated on by my first bf, Of course I only found out AFTER I dumped his crazy ass. I'm still waiting to seek revenge.

genesis said...

Not a cheater btw

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Anonymous said...

i can't love, so cheating doesn't bother me - whether i'm cheated on or i'm cheating - it means nothing to me. i think people take it a little too seriously. life is just coming and going - we never know when we or those we love will die, we never know what life will bring and we really only have control of ourselves (if that is what can be considered as 'control'). so i think that the 'til death do us part' is a ridiculous thing - it is a job, actually - finding an ally in this confusing and difficult life - to help survive and pro-create. but everyone has their own feelings about marriage, cheating, etc - and everyone is entitled to those feelings. but, as far as the definition of cheating is concerned - i think that even a thought or a brief daydream can be classified as cheating. and who hasn't had that happen before? hmmmmmm..... i think just about everyone has. so i pose the question - is it the cheating or the institution of marriage that is not natural? cause there is sooooooooo much cheating and by saying that "those cheaters are the bad ones" is not enough - because in one way or another we are all guilty.

Anonymous said...

1st boyfriend, love of my life, blah blah..after 2 1/2 years, and my virginity, decides to have his neighbor give him a nice send off to college. hours of crying in my room, him apologizing up and down. tried to make it work, no trust left..whatev.
3 years later the guy i'm dating (with whom, incidentally, i was the 'other woman' until he broke up with his gf) starts working at same place as me, starts messing around with a co-worker, and i have to hear it from another one. we tried that on and off and finally one night i found my revenge and slept with my favorite (not mentioned) ex bf. he still didn't want to break it off and a few months later i ended it for good. that one had chairs thrown through windows and awful things.
long story short now happily married, would never ever consider cheating and i know hubbs feels the same. <3

Anonymous said...

I was cheated on by my husband while he was deployed to the desert and I was at home taking care of our very young child. Once he returned home, he kept talking about this one girl and I just got this wierd feeling about the whole thing. So I decided to do a little "investigating". I checked his email, wallet, laptop bag, etc. I found alot of increminating emails, a dollar bill with some juicy things written on it and her phone number to the room she was staying in (she was still in the desert). Needless to say, I confronted him and he said that they didn't have any sexual contact, it was just emotional and words. I was so hurt that I just wanted to end it there but we are/have been working on our relationship. I am very hesitant about any females he works with and about him going on any deployments again, but such is the life of the military. I have alot of things to work through before I can actually trust alot of people again. I consider cheating, anything that is emotional or physical. If it is going to hurt your significant other, don't do it. My motto is: If you don't feel comfortable doing or saying something with another person while your significant other is standing right there, do not do it. Also, if you wanted to screw around, you shouldn't have gotten so far into a commited relationship.

Anonymous said...

I'm sort of cheating right now. I've been seeing my long-time friend, which turned into dating this summer. When he was being reluctant about heading into it, I kind of made him actually date openly, even though I knew I had doubts about it. During one of our downturns a few weeks ago, I met someone else who fits into my world really well, and I like him a lot, and I have to break up with my friend, who I love. I feel guilty and scared that I'm going to lose my friend. oh, and sort of like a ho.

Anonymous said...

I don't do it anymore, but when I was younger I had more than one relationship with older, married men. I never wanted more, never asked them to or expected them to leave their wives, just enjoyed being the "one for fun". One thing that used to shock the shit out of them was that I always asked them what type of soap they used when showering at home, because I remembered my mother telling me that was how she caught my father cheating on her when I was young - we used Dial soap, and his girlfriend used Coast, so he would come home smelling totally different than he should have. They all found that quite interesting that I would be that mindfull of them getting caught.

Anonymous said...

Hi, 12:48/ 2:11 here again. From reading some FB comments yesterday I put two an two together and figured out exactly who the girl is and I saw some regular pictures of her. She is a GRADE A SKANK!!! Seriously. She is UGLAY! Kind of weird and shapeless and floppy, and just looks like she put new makeup over old makeup because she was too lazy to wash her face. I just don't feel threatened anymore. Now I can focus on REVENGE!!! LOL

Anonymous said...

With all this cheating, something tells me maybe monogamy was never meant to be. Perhaps it is one of those ideals that sounds good on paper but never truly comes to fruition.

Anonymous said...

Yeah I've been cheated on. I was 18, he was in his mid/late 20s when we met; my first boyfriend and the only boyfriend I've ever had. We were together for about 5 years. He cheated on me with at least 3 women, and he was scum for sooo many other reasons that are off the topic of cheating (and much worse than cheating), but I stayed with him. He didn't have his own car for much of the time we were together, so I constantly let him use mine and, because I was (perhaps still am) an idiot, I was basically inadvertently providing him with the transportation to go hookup with these other women. I knew for sure he was cheating when I caught an STD from him... not the kind that disappears with antibiotics. I never so much as flirted with anyone else for all those years we were together, though he was the jealous type and was always very suspicious (probably due to his own guilty conscience.) It's been about 3 years since I left him, I'm passing through my mid-twenties, and I've yet to even go on a date.

When my mind drifts to those years, I'm filled with rage not at him, but at myself. Because as big of an asshole as he was, I was an even bigger idiot. I can only blame myself for wasting all those years on him, letting him treat me the way he did, paying his bills while going to school full time, and allowing him to prevent me from achieving my goals instead of kicking him to the curb at the beginning like I should have.

Anonymous said...

Married over 20 years, together for over 30. Thought I had a good marriage. Internet Porn ruined it and started my husband on a downhill slide ending with him cheating. Not only did he cheat but my idiot husband lost his job because of it. He says he's sorry and would never do it again (can't trust that now can I). He's been unemployed over a year now, lots of interviews that always fall through. Would love to leave but we have kids, one disabled and I don't want to screw up their lives. However, I'm working two jobs, we've already had to file for bankruptcy and will soon be in danger of losing our home that we saved and struggled for so that may be the final straw. Think Cheating's bad enough...look what it can lead too!!!

Anonymous said...

i'm currently with the most amazing guy in the world. and he's the only guy i've felt like i could trust. but still, i worry that someone else will turn his eye. i get jealous when makes friends with girls. but i won't say a word of this to him because i risk pushing him away. i'm not sure he has any idea to how close i've come to betraying him. this guy, i work with, he's very flirty. everyone noticed it but me, i just never thought much of it. but it continues. and when i'm at work, i can't wait to see him. he makes me smile. but i promised to myself and to him that i would NEVER cheat on him. that is a promise i will never, ever break. but i'm finding it difficult because i think i'm in love with them both.

Anonymous said...

Men are not alone in the scumbag department. I know a woman who is married to a hard working business man. They just moved into their luxury custom built home. She has been screwing around on her husband, with the superintendent that built their home for over a year. She's now about 7 months pregnant & is still screwing around. Dispicable.

Elle Kaye said...

I was cheated on when I was pregnant with my son. I didn't really mind b/c I was hoping the relationship would end. The thing that pissed me off was when I finally broke up and moved out he acted like he was going to kill me. It's amazing how one person can make their ego more important than another person's health, dignity, and happiness.

Elle Kaye said...

Oh, and when I say "cheating" I mean fucking. He was fucking other women and threatening to take my son away if I didn't fuck him. I did, just not the way he hoped.

Kim said...

I have never been monagamous, I don't even know how. It's a completely foreign concept to me.

I have cheated and been cheated on, even in an "open" relationship, such as the one I'm in. Cheat to me is not about the pink parts or anything at all sexual. I couldn't care less about that, as long as everyone is being as safe as they can be.

It's when one or the other partner dishonors the relationship or themselves that is cheating for me. If I were to say he were a bad father or a mean guy who hit me, that would be cheating.

Ginger said...

God what a self indulgent, pious load of shit from the masses.

No one gives a shit about your country music balls. What is about weak people that disgusts me? Oh yeah- their inability to leave / say no.

twats.

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