Thursday, June 11, 2009

The Ridiculous Katie Holmes Story Of The Week

I'm guessing Life & Style have been wanting to use the picture above of Katie Holmes for awhile now and so they came up with a headline that says, "Life & Style exclusive: Katie to dance for America!"

Of course it is exclusive because it is the funniest bunch of crap I have read since the official split of Brangelina. Life & Style says they have discovered the reason Katie keeps going to a dance studio all the time. Want to know what they discovered? Here it is word for word.

"Life & Style has learned exclusively that Katie is in serious talks to make a special performance on Fox's So You Think You Can Dance! "She's met with judge and producer Nigel Lythgoe and everyone hopes she appears on this season or next season of the show," a show insider tells Life & Style. Here's to hoping that all her practice pays off!"

OK, so from the headline it would appear that Katie is going to dance for America and so you would get all excited and maybe if you were at the checkout counter you would buy the magazine because you didn't have time to read the entire article because the people behind you in line are grumbling that you need to start unloading your groceries.

I hate these kinds of stories because it isn't even speculation. It is just people putting together words that appear to say something but actually don't. Katie is in serious talks with who? It doesn't say. Is she in serious talks with Suri? Do they hash this out back and forth every morning while mommy pretends she loves her life?

Katie has met with Nigel. But it doesn't say she has met him in relation to this show or this premise. It just says she has met him. Well, yeah. Didn't Katie go to American Idol? I'm sure she has met Nigel several times over the years. She has also probably met Simon, but it doesn't mean she is going to audition for American Idol now does it?

Everyone hopes she appears on the show this season or next season? Well the reason you said she was rehearsing every day was to be on this show so are you saying that she is going to have to rehearse every day for another year before she will come on? I thought she was in serious talks so why would she wait a year before she goes on the show? You will also notice that they don't actually say she is going to dance on the show. They talk about her dancing and the headline says dancing, but what insiders are really hoping for is that she will make a special appearance on the show. Like the special appearance she made on Idol where she sat in the audience?


whole lotto luv said...

Will she have tinfoil on her head and perform a ballet with Tom Cruise?

Because I missed the part where Katie Holmes was revealed to be some great dancer that America is dying to see dance.

jax said...

Maybe it's all part of an elaborate plan like the Von Trapp family where KatE and Suri escape during the show and run away to the safe embrace of a deprogrammer aka Matt Lauer.

phaballa said...

I was in a dance company called O'Connell's Hot Shots with Katie when we were both in high school. And she isn't that good of a dancer. She's okay. She's not terrible. But I danced with her three or four times a week for three years, competed with her at dance conventions and performed with her at recitals, and there's no way she is good enough to be on SYTYCD. None of us were anywhere near as good as those kids are; she'd just embarrass herself.

Someday I will transfer my old recital VHS tapes to DVD so I can post the video of us doing a dance to the HokeyPokey while wearing bedazzled tutus.

califblondy said...

I wonder if Mary will give Katie a WOOHOO and tell her she's on the "hot tamale train?"

I love Mary. Her Botox comment last night was hilarious.

RocketQueen said...

lol jax - you rule

Sinjin said...

Andrea: DO IT! DO IT! DO IT! LOL

Enty's really fired up today!

Ayesha said...

I thought KatE was supposed to be A-list.

Dance shows on television are NOT A-list.

mikey said...

I heard something about her wanting to dance in some show - Chicago? 42nd Street? Whatever. She sang and danced on some TV show not all that long ago. It was not impressive. The delusion lives on. Suri takes ballet - maybe together they will do Swan Lake.

*girl said...

Yes yes yes Andrea.... please do it!

thurbers said...

The photo is from Eli Stone. She 'sang and danced' in Eli Stone. Okay she supposedly sang and a lot of male dancers danced around her.

And her appearance really made the difference to the show. No, wait it is still canceled. Too bad, the show was good.

McDooks said...

I am not the least bit interested in KatieBot Cruise. Those two can just vanish for all I care. In fact, I WISH Xenu Cruise WOULD just vanish. Take him and his sorry-assed space alien worshipper cronies with him.

Jungle007 said...

@ Califblondy- oh dear gawd, I have to disagree. I need to mute when Mary is talking... her shrieking has gotten soooo fucking old.

As for Katie, hell, maybe she'll be able to put on a good show. In fact, i hope it's just mediocre so Mary doesn't start her hyena-shrieking.

ItsJustMe said...

KatE needs to ask herself this: WWNKD -- What would Nicole Kidman Do?

GoddessNow said...

OK I get it, summer is here. Celebrities are headed to Italy and other vacations spots, so let's just make up shit until we can stalk them again.

Pookie said...

come one, enty, where's your sense of patriotic duty? she's doing it for america!

(precious little suri must be dying of embarrassment tho.)

MnGddess said...

Jax, your scenario is the ONLY way I would watch that show. Otherwise, who gives a flying fuck about Katie Holmes??

MnGddess said...

And I STILL think Suri looks exactly like the guy she dated before Tom.

ardleighstreet said...

@jax Oh I would SO love to see that as long as she sings the song ---So Long, Farewell.
With slightly diff lyrics of course.

So long
I have to go and leave this crazy guy.

sunnyside1213 said...

Will Tom allow her to do that? She would have to touch another man. Only he gets to touch other men in the contract.

Judi said...

It was probably Tom's idea - because he knows f*ck all about dance and thinks it's easy, i.e., anyone can do it. And he's delusional about his wife's pull with the public.
Flat out: If you don't know how to do something well, if you haven't been properly trained in a performing art, stay the f*CK OFF a stage. There way too much mediocre crap in the industry. No one wants to see you doing anything.
Thanks, Andrea for the history.

mooshki said...

OMG, Andrea, that would be priceless. On second thought, I bet you could get some $ from TMZ for that video. :)


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