Friday, November 12, 2010

Ted C Blind Item

It's really gotten to be one of the most vicious, Catch-22 romantic situations in Hollywood: poor Toothy Tile's love life. Last we heard, Tinseltown's most notoriously closeted actor last gave his fake-beard ways another whirl—and not in the classiest of ways, either.

Hmmm. Wonder if that chick-patrolling Toothy was up to could be a habit he picked up...

While cruising for guys in West Hollywood? In dark, public places? We think this just might be an affirmative assumption on our part!

Only because not only do old habits die hard (Toothy loves doing it anyplace except a bed, remember?), but it's clear Tooth's recently amped-up, PR chick-dating has made him hungrier than usual for his natural inclination: dudes.

Near the Sunset Strip, Tooth was recently standing not that far from a popular gay club. He was by himself, in the alley in between two darkly lit buildings. A super-cute guy a little younger than Mr. Tile walked by. The young brown-haired guy knew the drill: If he was interested, turn back around. Which he did.

Very nervously, he went up to Toothy, knowing exactly who he was. Toothy replied, "Hey."

"Hey," responded cute boy, barely audible. The wholesome-looking dude added, "How's...it going?"

"Great," said Toothy, who moved further back into the blackness of the alley, somewhere near the—gasp!—trash bins. He placed one hand on his growing crotch, which was not insignificant at this point.

Toothy's man-choice for the night reluctantly took one step toward Toothy, and then he stepped back. It wasn't so much that he had a boyfriend at home he was thinking about, but it was more so the faint smell of eau de refuse that was making him hesitate. He just couldn't go through with it.

He bolted, practically hitting himself the whole way home.

And yes, this really did happen. All 18 tales of our Toothy archives have indeed gone down. As it were.

And It Ain't: Matt Lanter, Ralph Fiennes, Joseph Fiennes

27 comments:

RocketQueen said...

Well if this isn't Jake, Ted sure WANTS everyone to think it's Jake.

MISCH said...

O.K....I don't understand the : And It Ain'ts....such an age spread....so is Jake Toothy....I really hope not, he's not my type...but I think he's adorable..

mikey said...

Jake always looks so clean and well-kept, I can't picture him not minding the smell.

rose said...

I think Ted wants everyone to think it's Jake and will never list him as an aint.

ms_wonderland said...

Ted was specifically asked to 'not' Jake this week and he wouldn't. There's no one else left!

MontanaMarriott said...

It wasn't that HE smelled but that the garbage cans in the alley stunk and made the whole scene unappealing.

mikey said...

@MontanaMarriott - I wasn't clear. I meant Jake would have minded the smell from the garbage cans too. He just gives off too much of a clean vibe. If the story said they decided to go elsewhere I'd be good with it!

Ms Luey said...

Toothy Tile blinds are BORING. We get it, already. It's Jake G and he likes the dudes.

Normally I don't mind Ted C that much, but why is this story interesting at all?

Angie said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Angie said...

is this Hayden Christensen or has he been put on the "not list" already?

Ice Angel said...

http://www.dlisted.com/node/39607

Interesting pic of Jake on Dlisted.

__-__=__ said...

As long as it's not Vin Diesel. Or is it?

Selock said...

He basically admitted in a BitchBack that Toothy himself enjoys the intrigue and publicity of being Toothy. So he knows that we know, even as he trots out the ladies, et al?

How very meta. And pathetic.

And effective?

boston_gyrl_34 said...

Kind of dangerous for Jake to be "dating" Taylor Swift given her long history of writing songs about her ex's. I can imagine he would want her writing a song about why their relationship didn't work out...

sunnyside1213 said...

The ain'ts are getting funnier. Everyone knows Ralph Fiennes is a notorious womanizer. I guess he is running out of people to ain't. (Is that a verb?)

Mango said...

@Mikey, your post made sense to me. And I get what you mean. Jake always looks freshly showered and squeaky clean. I used to work with a gorgeous gay guy who was just like that. And he wore a really fabulous cologne, using just the right amount (hint to guys who bathe in it!). We girls all knew he was gay and all drooled over him. Thing is, it wasn't that he was really that good looking; he was attractive, yes, but was so well groomed and smelled soooo good...

Kristen S. said...

"Jake always looks so clean and well-kept, I can't picture him not minding the smell."

He does?!?! He always looks greassy & unshowered to me.

mikey said...

Mango, there is a refined elderly gentleman who works in my building as a consultant, once or twice a month. I rush to get on the elevator with him - he smells heavenly and looks divine.
If men only knew how important it is.

Anonymous said...

Maybe the Fiennes bros are "ain'ts" because they are actor siblings? A la Jake and Maggie?

kvr said...

mikey... I got what you meant. It is pretty obvious Toothy doesn't smell like garbage!

Em Cue Em said...

Has Ted AIA'd Hayden C? Matt Lanter is the voice of Anakin Skywalker in the video games.

MCH said...

The BIE Girls Keep a List....

Yes, Hayden has been notted.

Bubbles said...

I don't think Hayden was ever big enough for anyone to care about on that scale. And who would really be shocked?

Cindy said...

I still think that Jake G is Bi.

Robert said...

@mikey, et. al.: At the risk of sounding pretentious: I took a hint from gay friends ofmine a long time ago. Just a little bit of effort--shave and shower, tuck your shirt in, lose the gut, etc.--does wonders for a man's relationship with a woman or women.

Gypsy said...

Robert, that is more important than anything you learned in school.

mikey said...

Robert - good for you! Takes a wise man to see what is truly important.

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