Friday, November 15, 2013

Adam Levine Is The Sexiest Man Alive

The publicists that People Magazine works for have determined that at least for this year Adam Levine is the sexiest man alive. Throwing caution to the wind they went with a guy who has a new movie coming out and a new record and is currently in the middle of a television show airing on a struggling network to give the award to this year. Adam will reduce the cover image and hand them out with his phone number to all of the women who come up to him and wonder when he can fit them in to his schedule which also includes a girlfriend.

His girlfriend has to be pretty convinced by now that Adam is going to cheat on her and probably has cheated on her and that hopefully he just won't embarrass her too much and get caught having sex or something which would force her to split with him or change her name to Paula Patton.

Thew news was first broken to Gossip Cop which also works for the publicists and refuses to publish anything not confirmed by publicists because they always tell the truth.

71 comments:

Henriette said...

On what planet? Certainly not mine.

Baka Neko said...

So every other man has died?

Henriette said...

He looks like a smelly toothpick junkie you crush in bed. Yuck!

TalksTooMuch said...

Whaaaa?? Ewww.

Sorry, don't mean to yuck anybody's yum, but he is not at all my cup o tea. More for you guys!

Kristin Wigs said...

Bahahahaaaahahaha
(Breathe)
Bahahahaaahahaa

VIPblonde said...

Not too shabby

Whatzmyname said...

He is engaged. He has a fiancee. Not girlfriend and yes, he will probably also cheat on her. A leopard never changes its tattoos....errr I mean spots!

Renoblondee said...

Dude is hot. He oozes sex!

Steampunk Jazz said...

I only agree with the whole Sexiest thing if they star in my fantasies, this guy is more "the best friend of my fantasy that is mocked by all" ala Barney ( HIMYM)

cubsfan1990 said...

Why is the eny laywers on mags so bitter all the time?

Henriette said...

That poor hand model in that pic. Could you imagine her agent's call,"I got a great gig for you and it pays well. You basically have to hold some guy's privates, but it's for a magazine cover."

Ms Cool said...

Not according to me.

discoflux said...

Whatthefuckever.

Mark Ruffalo should get it every year.

Sexy is subjective and I just find Adam Levine to be nasty with an exceptionally annoying "singing" voice.

lemurskank said...

He's dirty sexy to me. He seems like a douche but I would hate eff him anytime.

TalksTooMuch said...

That's two votes for Mark Ruffalo, in case anyone is counting

8====D KermitGossnellKnobjob said...

Goopy and this douche are the sexiest people in the world. Yeah, right.

cece said...

His girlfriend at the time, Anne V, was the model holding him.

Henriette said...

Oh he was copying Janet. How unoriginal of him.

IceQueen said...

I would hit it, come before he does and not let him finish, then smoke a cig in bed without offering him one. After that, I'd get up and get dressed, and walk out, leaving the door open. That's my way of telling a guy he's a piece of shit. Works the few times I've done it.

Steampunk Jazz said...

Let's face it. All the Bestest etc covers are bought and paid for. I always feel naive when my secret heart believes that awards are earned and accolades are meant by all.

auntliddy said...

Now I know this is a purchased "honor"!

VIPblonde said...

Make that three votes for Mark Ruffalo

surfer said...

Make it four! And I totally agree with you, Disco. Blech.

Susan said...

Ooooh. Mark Ruffalo is a hottie.

Yeah, Adam Levine is too thin for my blood. I need something to hold onto. And his voice is so whiny/high. I just can't with that. Don't get me started about the body tatoos.

When thinking about Hollyweird, I feel like Matthew McCaughanahay (fuck I can not spell that and I am NOT looking it up), is perpetually hot. But, I know he had to lose 9 thousand pounds for a role recently.

Don Draper does it for me, too.

Glad to see it going to a musician, I guess. That's kind of rare, right?

Seven of Eleven said...

I find him dirty hot, too. But he's been too many places.

Mark Ruffalo.... oh my.

discoflux said...

Ooooooo! You just gave me the giddy giggles, VIP! Thank you!!

TalksTooMuch said...

The only thing I worry about Mark is that he gives off a bit of an"artiste" vibe, you know, like someone who would spend three hours going on about his "craft" while you are trying to get him into the hotel elevator for sexy times, you know?

Susan said...

TalksTooMuch - Word!! Ha ha.

Cheryl said...

NO!

Anna Katherine Nonymous said...

Not hot at all to me. Guy can sing tho.

austin said...

+1 @ both VIP and Reno, and I bet you're both hotties...
...and I'd bet every one who dissed Adam in this thread couldn't pay him enough to convince him to...
...because that's just how life generally is

discoflux said...

TTM - No, he'd talk your ear off about the consequences of fracking and the need for greater water resource preservation. That's fine with me. I've mastered the art of selective hearing. He can talk about fracking all he wants if I'm on top doing some frucking.

MBK said...

meh.

MISCH said...

Good Grief, he's a pig.

Merlin D. Bear said...

I'll give him cute, in that one off kinda way ... but Sexiest Man?
How much did NBC pony up for that one? Or do they own Kneepads?

Marieeee said...

I can get behind you on this one, People Magazine.

TalksTooMuch said...

Bwahaha disco!! I could totally see that: "oh yeah, Mark, that really is terrible, now I'm gonna get you to go ahead and move that right over there, now, yep, okay, go on, um hmm"

Hold up, did we just himbo-ize Mark Ruffalo?? The Count is gonna be all Blah Blah MANsogyny this, he's more than a piece of meat that

Unknown said...

I assume this was a poll in the Advocate.

SueRH said...

Adam Levine looks like an alien. The bottom half of his face is gigantic and then he has little beady eyes on top.

A - You're awesome!

I'm on the Mark Ruffalo train also.

Sugar said...

Aw, hell nah.

Lisa said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
rajahcat said...

People has fallen off the cliff with this pick

he is not sexy-he is an ass who serial screws models to prove his manhood to himself

worst pick of all time...........

Channing Tatum has to be laughing his ass off.......

Bleu said...

I remember when John F. Kennedy Jr. was Sexiest Man Alive -- I'm sure that wasn't bought and paid for. It was fascinating because, frankly, being younger and born years after the assassination attempt, I had no idea JFK had a son (and that he looked nothing like his father). It was like JFK Jr.'s debutante ball/social coming out or something.

rajahcat said...

I'll get on that Mark Ruffalo train though.......

he's hot and has a brain and funny too

best combo there is

rajahcat said...

and yes to the Hammaconda also

Brian said...

Adam Levine is an overcompensating dweeb whose music sucks donkey balls.

tara17 said...

Just adding my "yuck" to the pile. Plus he seems like a jerk to me.

Tempestuous Grape said...

Gross.

surfer said...

Haha, Disco. Frucking! Love it!

Biloxi Native said...

I think he's HOT! Not the sexiest guy in the world - but he has a sexy, dirty, no limits vibe! I'd def put him in the NSA fling category! Whiny voice? A ball gag would stop that!

jadetoo said...

I actually like that picture of him. It's hot.

Don't judge, lol.

amused bush said...

Amy - JFK Jr RIP. If only he had left us an FFF pic for posterity...

Eros said...

Nope dont agree with that judgement. Hes ok but I don't get sexpot from him. If he was a little less self absorbed maybe he would give mote sexy vibes for me

RowdyRodimus said...

Mark Ruffalo gets my vote for not his looks or whatever (I seriously find every guy ugly, including me) but because of the conversation we had on Twitter.

He was supporting a piece of legislation I felt was wrong (it was the Obamacare bill) and we got into it for a few tweets, then we both started just talking about our beliefs, seeing each others points of view and actually becoming sort of friends after it.

Coolest fucking guy in Hollywood.

Topper Madison said...

Eh. He's not that hot, but at least he's better looking than Nick Nolte was when he got it: http://search.yahoo.com/search;_ylt=AtJ5QPSW_5poRcUHMEdvqpWbvZx4?fr=yfp-t-900-s&toggle=1&cop=mss&ei=UTF-8&p=nick%20nolte%20sexiest%20man%20alive

Del Riser said...

I'd pick Mark too.
Adam is too skinny, icky looking.

CanadianMiss said...

Sexiest man alive? Um, no.
That said, I would totally shame-f*ck him.

Anonymous said...

@discoflux: and THAT'S why he's sexy
My man is the HOTTEST and also incredibly smart, well read, cultured, but still laughs when we fart. It's a nice balance.

Anonymous said...

@Seven- similar to my opinion on Gerard Butler, sex with him, for me, would be akin to picking up chewy off the footpath and eating it.

MadLyb said...

Seriously? I think they started down that slippery slope when they nominated Bradley Cooper. They may never recover.

To his credit, at least he is not as greasy/slimy/vomit inducing as Robin Thicke. Both give me the major skeeves. They would be perfect f*cks during those dark, self-loathing periods, though.

Molls said...

YUCK!!!!

HellToupee said...

How?? Why?? Chose by the Blind Association?

Unknown said...

I think a poll in The Advocate.

iheartjacksparrow said...

To me, he'll always just be a victim of Modern Day Bloody Face.

Worstcompanytoworkfor said...

He is hot!

AlexT said...

Adam Levine is soooooo average.

I'll toss in another vote for Mark Ruffalo, though.

NaughtyNurse said...

Love. Him.
PS: I wouldn't call NBC a "struggling network."

ForSure said...

Well now all you Ryan Gosling fans understand how some of us felt when he got it (Mr Vanilla for sure).

Adam is a damn sexy in a 'shut the hell up, I know you are a self-absorbed douche but I want you to put me on that white double chaise from the photo shoot at your house and do things to me I would not even discuss with any other male on the planet and once I leave neither of us will ever talk about this again' kind of way. But really, I haven't thought about it much.

That photo shoot with Anne V.'s hands over his crotch was for the Prostate cancer awareness campaign that year (2 years ago?).

Slap-n-Tickle said...

I'd ride the Adam Levine train until the wheels fell off! Choo choo!

di butler said...

He looks like my first love all the way to my ex hubby. I'd bang him, after a few HPV shots, 10 day antibiotic course, and quality condoms. But, I'm old, even the 70 yr olds don't date old broads in their 40s out there.

Matthew McConaughey can slide his no deodorant wearing, stinky pits right on over. I can clothes pin the nose, if necessary. All day, any day.

bellaluna said...

Ick Nast.

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