Friday, November 02, 2007

Ted C. Blind Item


Dorrell Sausage usually loves getting attention, but this time could be different. See, Dorrells a fairly good guy (depending on whom you ask, course). Hes pleasant enough looking, in an old International Male catalog kinda way, thats fer sure, and, supposedly, Dorrells well endowed. But isnt that comparing biz usually best left to the eye of the benefactor? Regardless, what is Sausages claim to fame? Were not exactly sure.


But lets see. D.S. is from semifamous lineage, does some boob-tube work now and again and he dabbles in music and design. What fun! But natch, he also loves to date the famous femmes, which is probably why we started talking about him in the first place.


Except that our boy Dorrell has gone and gotten himself in a pickle, as it weredue to his very own pickle, as it further were. Seems Mr. Pee bedded some random, nonfamous babe and didnt use protection. And he didnt get (or give) any nasty hickies, but he did go and get the girl knocked up. And guess what? She wants to keep it! D.S. is terrorized in his tidy whities at the paternal prospect. 'Cause if she does, itll be the one time Dorrell'll be wishing he didnt have headlines harkin all about him.

25 comments:

Jo said...

Brody Jenner

Moosefan said...

I am thinking Jenner too...Hmmm, who else?

playla said...

Cisco?

playla said...

Although it's not so much his sausage but his...erm, I can't think of anything elst to call them right now....balls, he's well know for.

radiomagica said...

i seriously doubt Cisco fits the "pleasant enough looking, in an old International Male catalog kinda way"

Jo said...

I'm not thinking that Cisco would fall into the realm of 'pleasant looking'.....anyone who has been unfortunate enough to fall upon his nudi pic has had a good year shaved off of their life by the cruel shock of the moment. Yikes & yuck

pisly said...

Evan Ross? (Diana Ross' son, and booty call for all the celebutards out there)

Jolara said...

I too like the Brody Jenner guess.

Isn't it rumored that Evan Ross is the "love child" of Ross & Michael Jackson?

JustinD said...

It's a bit suspect that this is coming out just as the Jenner's Halloween pics came out.

I wonder if dabbling in design is a strong clue. Not too many male celebs from a semi-famous family involved in that.

k said...

Evan Ross is so obviously the offspring of that thin, fey, Count from Norway (?) and Mz Ross.

playla said...

I think Cisco's cute...I know I'm gross.

Jolara said...

Oh. Thanks for clearing that up for me K. :0)

Sorry playla, but Ewwww! Cisco is so icky! He ALWAYS looks like he needs a bath. ~shudder~ ...but, to each his own...

jax said...

Totally Jenner..he has a jewelry line..his step Dad was David Foster..music and is on the Hills.
All fits.

DNfromMN said...

It's gotta be Jenner. Cisco doesn't have the body for International Male (aka: porn for gay teenagers before the internet). And his dad is Bruce Jenner (Olympic athlete)

playla said...

Ugh, okay I get it I'm the only one...

Melissa said...

hahahaha awww poor playla. :)

sarah said...

Cisco's testicles were kind of International Male, weren't they? (that word's even gross...testicle...testicle...ewww)

jax said...

MAybe if he dressed his balls up in bad Arsenio HAll 90's clothes and Dr. Huxtable sweaters.

Kristen S. said...

I immediately thought Brody Jenner, and I got a stronger feeling it was him with all the semi-famous lineage (Bruce Jenner & that Kardashian woman).

sauvage said...

I had huge problems to stop laughing after I had seen Cisco's naked pics. The ... and ...! i can't even use the words because they seem not right for his proportions down there.

brendalove@gmail.com said...

LOW RIDER!!!!!!!!!!

Kelli said...

It's definitely Brody Jenner b/c Ted usually posts a picture of the subject in the blind item sometime that week. He posted a picture of him on Wednesday I think.

Dee said...

And he had a blurb about him in that column where he said something about how he was "shaking in his booties" about something, which was probably a reference to baby booties

KS said...

Here's an item from Ted C. awhile back....

There’s no denying that Dorrell Sausage is hot ‘n’ hunky. His semi-famous name and chiseled mug have been increasingly featured in the rags lately, thanks to a string of high-profile romances. And this ain’t by accident,
damn straight.

D.S. went from dating a cute, fairly well known chica to supposedly seeing Pixie Mixie, tabloid darling. See, the D-man wants to be (more) famous himself, imagine that in this me-me-me enclave! And after a halfhearted stab at the spotlight on his own not so long ago (prior to Pixie time), it seems Mr. Sausage–a somewhat cognizant realist with thin lips, thicker things elsewhere–realized it’s way easier to get press when you’re attached to an It creature.

Indeed, Dorrell’s latest cutie-coupling has gotten tab headlines, fer sure. “It’s getting serious!” all the rags proclaim, alongside pics of the two honeys holding hands and swappin’ spit.

Howevah, just reminds me of one of those Teri Hatcher spreads–all pose, no meat to go with the paparazzi potatoes.

See, Dorrell has been sober for a while, even though he “used to drink entire bottles of tequila,” said one of D.S.’s ol’ imbibing buds. Nevertheless, Mr. Sausage has since cleaned up his act and is now busy denouncing drugs and hard partying. More unhungover intrigue: Pixie is D.S.’s sober sponsor, which explains why they’re spending so much time together.

“They’re really just friends,” according to my chemical-free source.

But this tricky twosome so knows that playing coy with the press and letting themselves be linked equals double the headlines and even more media attention.

Seems good old-fashioned fame is the real drug of choice for both of them these days!

Oh, and if you need the usual fornicating-where-one-shouldn’t-be stuff (as if last Friday’s mailbag from adventurous and horny readers wasn’t enough), then let me leave ya with this gross thought:

Bitchy Snitchy, no stranger to these smut-tarred pages, is not only unapologetically stepping out on his spouse (not his first, either), he’s stepping out on his stepping-outtee! The Viagra-powered nerve.

Not half as nervy as the fact that all of the female steps, as they might be, work for B.S. Turd.


This was when Brody was dating Nicole, aka Pixie Mixie.... it's def Brody

eileeny the meany said...

It's brodie.

dating a cute fairly well known chica = kristin cavallari from laguna beach
pixie mixie = nicole richie, tabloid darling
half hearted stab at fame = princes of malibu, quickly canceled
attaches self to famous femmes = kristin c, lauren conrad, nicole richie, etc. etc. etc.

.S. went from dating a cute, fairly well known chica to supposedly seeing Pixie Mixie, tabloid darling. See, the D-man wants to be (more) famous himself, imagine that in this me-me-me enclave! And after a halfhearted stab at the spotlight on his own not so long ago (prior to Pixie time), it seems Mr. Sausage–a somewhat cognizant realist with thin lips, thicker things elsewhere–realized it’s way easier to get press when you’re attached to an It creature.