Monday, October 29, 2007

Smells Like Daddy's Watching

In an effort to take more money from people who should know better, Jessica Simpson is launching a new perfume. Simpson has signed with Parlux who is best known for giving the world a scent designed by Paris Hilton which has been known to cause uncontrollable vomiting and a desire to be done up the butt for cocaine. No doubt, Jessica's perfume will be much more subtle. It will be designed to intoxicate Daddy's who like looking at their half naked daughters and setting them up on dates.

Designed to be as cheap smelling as possible while still attracting girls who want to smell like Jessica, it will combine the essence of Bam Margera, a hint of Dane Cook and a splash of John Mayer. True connoisseurs will be able to just get a whiff of that sweet smell of nervous perspiration that Pimpa ekes out when watching his daughter posing for men's magazines.

All in all, what more could you want for $2.95. It will be available at 7-Eleven and other fine convenience stores everywhere. Look for it next to the 6 hour energy drink and the week old red roses.


jax said...

Jesus what is your hate on this morning? Making jokes about Pimpa Joe is one thing but this blatant molesty vibe is fuckin creepy as fuck. Way so more than Pimpa ever was.
Get over it EL,please.

Unknown said...

She's so boring. What was the last successful thing she's done?


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