Monday, July 13, 2009

Happy Birthday - Lets Break Up


In one of the more creative ways to avoid buying a birthday gift, Tony Romo broke up with Jessica Simpson Thursday night. It was the night prior to her 29th birthday. According to Kneepads, who used a Jessica source, Jessica was heartbroken. "She loves Tony. But it's been difficult lately. He's busy with his career and she's getting ready to shoot her show (The Price of Beauty). They decided to part ways." Uh huh.

I'm guessing that source Kneepads used has the first name of Joe and the last name Simpson. Jessica had been planning a Barbie party for her birthday and I think that was probably the downfall. It is one thing for Jessica to have a Barbie themed party but she wanted Tony Romo, an NFL quarterback to come to the party dressed as Ken. Umm, she does know that he would never live that down right?

"Barbie party didn't happen, but I turned 29 and feel like I am on top of the world yelling I LOVE GETTING OLDER!"

How long until the tabloids are filled with her new loves? I smell a Bradley Cooper date and a return of John Mayer.

Tony didn't seem to be feeling any after effects of the breakup. He was at an LA club Friday night. "He had quite a few girls stop by his dance floor table," says an onlooker. "Romo was sipping Grey Goose and having a fun time with the boys." And not dressed as Ken.

40 comments:

shazzzba said...

AH...I BET SHE THOUGHT SHE WAS GETTING A BIG SHINNY RING...PRESSURE.

Moosefan said...

FINALLY!!! Lets just hope some sex tape does not pop out (I am leaving it!)

jlb said...

Maybe he really wanted to go as Skipper and she said no.

lutefisk said...
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lutefisk said...

I want to see how much longer she will be walking around covering up her stomach.

Janepod said...

How is she only 29? She looks mid30s and it feels like she's been around my entire life.

Little Miss Smoke and Mirrors said...

Barbie party? For a 29th birthday? Is she Mariah Carey? Does this stupid bitch know nothing about men? Ken Paves might agree to that shit, but not a professional NFL player. Jesus, Jessica. Pull your head out of your ass and grow the fuck up. She totally deserves whatever humiliation is coming her way. Can't wait to see what Papa Joe desperately cooks up for her next. Options are running thin, so it should be hilarious.

BigMama said...

Hmmmm, didnt we just read that Nick had broken up with his girlfriend? Are we sure she didn't dump Tony? Or papa Joe let him out of his contract? BTW, if your in the industry and your father is named Joe, I am thinking letting him run your career is not in your best intrest. Just sayin.

Impertinent Vixen said...

A Barbie-themed party for anyone over elementary school age is just sad. Poor Chestica will have to party with Midge, Skipper, and Francine now.

captivagrl said...

i think its been over for many months.

brendalove@gmail.com said...

Dear God, is that girl really that stupid?

nunaurbiz said...

She could have given him an option. For instance, my parents never let my sis and me buy a Ken doll, so when our Barbies got married, we had to steal our brother's GI Joe doll, which sometimes dressed as Batman. So our Barbies married GI Joe or Batman.

Tony, would ya like to come to MY party and be GI Joe or Batman??? ;-)

Judi said...

I think we all knew this wasn't going to last, and I don't even know what to say about the Barbie party. Scratching head and wondering what is true.

equinox said...

I can't believe it lasted this long.

A Pimp Named DaveR said...

Little Miss S&M: She has the mental capacity of a turnip. What did you expect???

califblondy said...

OMG, I was just going to write how my Barbie made Ken jealous by screwing around with my brother's G.I. Joe.

I didn't think anybody else remembered Midge besides me. My Midge was the town ho and Ken always went back to Barbie.

Ya, I was obsessed, but I never had a damn party.

I think Tony knew he couldn't go through another season with Barbie cheering him on in the stands. Smart move Tony.

adore said...

My Barbie got it on with Rambo...

kay said...

Good Heavens. How can a 29 year old grown woman be so dumb? okay okay I know I is Simpson we are talking about her...

Cheryl said...

My sister had Growing up Skipper who grew boobs when you raised her arm.

gossipmonger01 said...
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gossipmonger01 said...

I am sure the fact that broke up has nothing to do with the fact he has been cheating on her in Dallas habitally. Actually, I kinda thought maybe she knew and didn't care bc she was so desperate to keep him.

Dianne P said...

Cheryl, my friend's mom used to pretend to swing her arm like Growing Up Skipper so she could get bigger boobs, but it never worked.

Everyone is right. She could have deployed the GI Joe option.

Expect either (a) reconciliation with Nick L and a new reality show called Newlyweds Again or (b) skanky hook-up (is there any other kind) with John Mayer.

selenakyle said...

She's better off without him.

She first needs to do a kick-ass Playboy spread.

Then a rich, elegant older man who really knows how to satisfy a woman needs to court her properly and lavish her with jewels, cars, furs, praise, blah blah blah, then have a fairytale wedding, then pump out a couple of trust fund anchors and she's set for life.

It can't be that hard for a gorgeous H'wood celebrity to accomplish such a task, for chrissakes!

And no, I don't think she should think for herself or try any other feminist-based or even feminist-hinted-at techniques for finding her happiness in life.

She is the perfect candidate for the above-described scenario. It IS obviously what she was raised to do, would it not seem?

leeloodallas said...

boob growing skipper eh? makes the mind reel. (sp?)

i wonder if jessica realizes how she looks in the media.

nunaurbiz said...

Hey, you know what? Now all the "covering her belly with a handbag" makes sense if she were really desperate to hang on to him and start pregnancy rumors without saying a word!

shakey said...

I'm so glad I'm not the only one who remembers Growing Up Skipper.

I actually feel sorry for this girl. Selenakyle is right - she needs to marry well then shut the hell up and fade away. Let her go, Papa Joe, let her go.

Missjenny619 said...

I was at the grocery store over the weekend and Jessica's version of "Take My breath Away" came on...

It was killing me, I could not bear to listen to the entire thing, so I actually left the store for several minutes before coming back in to finish shopping!

I left my cart near a check stand and told the cashier I would be right back! Ha haaa, Jessica murdered that song! Worst cover of a song ever.

Caroline said...

I liked PJ better than Barbie. My brothers broke the legs off my Ken doll, so he had on a permanent masking tape cast. We used to decorate it to look like boxer shorts.

jax said...

don't even get me started on what she did to Angels.

Pookie said...

i actually feel sorry for the poor girl...

bionic bunny! said...

heh. tony dressing as ken.
what red-blooded male WOULDN'T leave at a dead run if asked to pose as "not-anatomically-correct ken", or is jess trying to tell us something?

Amanda said...

I know I'm the only one who would probably be interested in this scenario, but Nick Lachey is single.

Monalicious said...

Was Jessica dropped on her head?

ardleigh said...

@ Selena "I don't think she should think for herself."

I don't think ,the girl CAN think for herself. ;)

I think her creepy Papa Joe does all her thinking for her. When she was married to Nick and Papa Joe asked what went on during her wedding night(in detail). I shuddered to my soul. He creeps me the hell out.

dvz said...

I think she's far past the "marry well" option. She doesn't have an ounce of charm or wit and she's become a joke--not exactly trophy wife material. This Barbie and Ken party screams "arrested development" on a terrifying scale. (At least Mimi can sing--let her have her stupid Hello Kitty crap, she's earned it.) On top of that, she brings nothing to the table but baggage. Most notably that monster of an albatross named Joe.

What man wouldn't run screaming?

This poor girl is screwed, unless her and Lachey hook back up which makes the most sense.

Which makes NO sense at all is why I'm giving enough of a fuck to leave any comment at all about this silly twat, let alone a twenty-pager. Kill me now.

Jerry said...

In one of the more creative ways to avoid buying a birthday gift...

Nah. I do that a couple, maybe three times a year.

Carrie S. said...

I don't picture Tony as being a complete jerk, so you know she must have been unbearable for him to dump her before her birthday. In fact, he earned some brownie points for not playing the game, showing up and pretending to care for the sake of show. I cannot believe she's only 4 years younger than me - a Barbie & Ken party? Gosh, grow up. I would have been embarrassed to have that kind of party when I was 8. I will be so happy when she disappears from view. It's somewhat sad because it's obvious she has no identity at all, she just molds herself into what the guy she's with wants...or what she thinks he wants. Then her true colors come out and they realize what she is. For all of the "success" she's had, I get the feeling she will live her life in misery. If you have no identity of who you are and what you do have is nothing but vanity, shallowness and the maturity of a 4-year-old, all the money in the world won't buy you happiness.

selenakyle said...

@dvz---hahahaaaa! I love it! Soooo funny when we catch ourselves analyzing somebldy's sh*t and then we catch ourselves and think "who really gives a crap??!?"

Love it. That was great.

But I don't think she's past the marrying-well stage. She's prime pickings for an older man. Not a younger *stud* like Romo or other similar sports figure in his own prime.

When I went from my younger ex to marrying one 9 years older, I am forever HOOKED on older distingushed men. The young gals can HAVE the young guys.

Believe me, plenty of older dudes can still get it on just fine without help, and need it very often..... *gotta go now*

libby said...

THANK YOU everyone for saying what I was thinking... Men don't want anything to do with some stupid theme party and costumes! Especially an NFL player with a public image of his own. Good god!
Men will tolerate Halloween costumes if it means their girl is dressed slutty. Only.

ITA about JS needing a sugar daddy. But most of those rich, older guys are not celebrities. I think JS has forgotten that non-celebrity men exist. If she would just give up the 'Hollywood power couple' nonsense, she could find a decent guy. And RETIRE like we (and she) want her to!

warmislandsun said...

My Barbie dated Stretch Armstrong. Thank the gods above that this is over. In every photo of them as a couple, he always looked in pain.