Monday, July 21, 2008

Are Photos Included? - Warning - Extra Snarky

If you are a pedophile and have been drooling over Miley Cyrus' photos, now is your chance to finally meet her. Of course you have to be rich. Apparently Miley Cyrus is selling herself to the highest bidder. No, it isn't another get rich quick scheme from Billy Ray, but rather an auction to raise money for a charity named after Billy Ray's dad.

So, if you have the funds you can accompany Miley as her date to the premiere of her new film "Bolt." From what I've read so far there are no age limits she has imposed so if you are some 40 year old guy who has always wanted to pay for a date with a 15 year old but couldn't figure out how to do it legally, now is your chance. Whoo hoo. Just make sure you take a shower.

Now, if you spend so much time locked up in your house that you can't afford a date with her, she is still going to let you get close to her without actually risking a trip to jail or a restraining order. She is auctioning off some of her already worn clothes. Now, there is no word whether any of the clothes are the ones she has worn in some of her photo scandals, but hey, let's be honest with each other. She has taken so many photos that the odds are good that someday you will see a photo of her wearing what you bought.

Now the sale starts tomorrow on eBay and goes through next Tuesday so make sure you get your bids in early and often. Stop all your kiddy porn subscriptions and just roll the dice on this one. Oh, and bring your camera on your date because you just know she loves to pose.


MontanaMarriott said...

I can see Nickelodeon Executive producer and rumored baby daddy to Jamie Lynn, Dan Schneider just dying to enter his winning bid for this one. lol

mooshki said...

So dumb. I know this is mean, but I don't think she has the looks to be a sex symbol actress. I think her daddy is trading her long-term career for immediate publicity gratification. Once she's legal she loses all this interest overnight.

mooshki said...

MM, I thought we had ruled out DS as the answer to that blind and decided to stop trashing his name. :( (Well, maybe that was just my decision, but I thought it was a good one.)

Ayesha said...

That's just wrong. And I bet that "charity" isn't even legit.

Anonymous said...

When will the duck lips and big dumb eyes go away?!?!

*slamming face again and again on desktop*

Why do these little girls think it's sexy to pooch out their lips like that and make with the big innocent eyes? Most men I've ever met prefer a knowing wink and open mouth. LOL

mooshki said...

"Most men I've ever met prefer a... open mouth."

Definitely! Hahaha

Rachel said...

Dear Miley,

The ridiculous look you have on your face in every "private" picture that is plastered all over the internet is NOT cute. NOT. CUTE. AT. ALL. You just look stupid.

Murphy Brown 2020 said...

You're not mean, Mooshki. You're right. Miley's honestly pretty fug, and the only way she can garner any collective male media attention is to pull her shirt down, partly expose her lil' nubs, and make that horrid duck face that I just want to SMACK off her LITTLE pubescent HEAD.

Okay. *phew.* I'm gonna go eat something now. I'm done.

Marnie said...

She looks like Huey, Louie and Dewey.

bionic bunny! said...

it never fails. "bolt" was going to be HUGE because they signed this brat. feature animation was finally going to have a monster film. maybe they would bring back bounuses (naw, scratch that).

now because of this one stupid, stupid girl, the movie will bring in the same old tired dollars, no matter how good it is (and it WILL be good), the cast and crew party will be the same old caterers, and next year's raises will be another lousy 1-1/2% across the board.

ah, well, at least there are always the multiple open bars.
who, me? bitter?

Unknown said...

I honestly believe that her parents are behind this, setting her up to transition out of child roles, Nick, Disney, they want her ready to jump ship into some huge money that current deals aren't going to give the family. To bad she has that classic kiddie gummy smile that won't work as a sex kitten in more adult roles.

What makes her cute, which these photos are not, is that slightly homely girl look, that improves with make up and a wig. Sad little prostitot being pimped out by mommy.

RagDoll said...

Zandra, I think you're right. I also think that it's F***ing SCARY.


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