Thursday, September 04, 2008

Score One For Carrie


When you are Carrie Underwood and don't have many friends it allows you to spend a great deal of time thinking, or looking in a mirror. If you have even half of a brain, it also allows you to come up with zingers like the one she just sent to Jessica Simpson. I don't know if Carrie came up with it or her friend or her publicist, but it actually made me laugh out loud which is something stars usually do only when they do something fun, like get arrested.

So, when Carrie saw the People Magazine cover of Jessica Simpson above, she had the following to say about it to OK! Magazine. "It’s the same one Jess did about John Mayer — same smile, same look, except she’s a little fatter.”

Nice. You know that one made Jessica cry a little bit. It is also true. I don't know about the fat thing because, as you know, unless you are Val Kilmer, I don't notice fat. I do notice dumb, goofy smiles though, and professions of love. You know who you have to feel sorry for here is Tony Romo. Not only is he dating one of the ten dumbest celebrities, but you know she is just calling him up constantly and bugging him. Doesn't Jessica seem like the call every five minutes kind of person? She probably calls him when she or her dog does anything of any significance.
"Honey, the dog just sat down. Isn't that so cool. Do you love me? Do you? Do you still talk to Carrie? Do people at the football thingy talk about me? What do they say? Oh, I have to go, Daddy wants to take some nudes."

Oh, and Jessica. A little side note. Yes, I know Dusty Springfield is dead. However, her ghost told me that she would much appreciate the fact that while she knows she cannot stop you from butchering her songs when you sing them, that perhaps you could at least get her name correct. For such a big fan, you seem to have a tough time with her name. It is not Daisy, or Doozey or whatever other name you came up with in the past week.

26 comments:

Cheryl said...

After Dusty Springfield bitch slaps her, Nancy Sinatra could inform her that those boots are not made for walking and that no matter how many cover songs she does or remakes of old TV shows she slaughters, she will never be America's Sweetheart.

jax said...

so much for going easier on Jess hey?

i may be alone in this but the Jessica bashing is getting old and i dont mean here, i mean everywhere.
i don't see why there is so much hate for someone who hasn't done a fucking thing that affects any of us. IMO.

Mooshki said...

Jax, because she contributes to the obscene popularity of complete vapidity among young women? She's certainly not the only one, but she does her part.

Anonymous said...

I really can't stand Bimbo Jessica. Bimbo should be in Caps when it comes to her LOL.

Wasn't she declaring her love to John Mayer when they were dating???

Wonder how long Tony Romo is going to take to wake-up and dump this idiot. Or is it that she is good in the hay stack LOL. Doubt that very much.

not a famous adrian said...

Make her go away, please.

jax said...

moosh, not since chicken of the sea has that been true. seriously what has she done?

maybe i need to hang up my snark shoes..i really dont see the point on hating someone for no reason other than not being the sharpest tool in the shed. i'd rather point my arrow at someone who really deserves it like Oprah or Paris or Sienna the ho. again IMO.

Gayla said...

That is a hilarious zinger but...we've discussed this before. It's like kicking a puppy. It's pointless and I don't see how it can make you feel any better. Now, if Carrie would face off against someone who was as much of a bitch as she insists on coming off as, then that would be a feud worth caring about. I think Miss Oklahoma needs an open letter from me.

Dear Carrie,

Look. You are very pretty. Ice-queenish, but still. Pretty - gorgeous even. Luscious hair. Great pipes. You have multi-platinum albums, all the important awards and ndustry respect without the typical stigma that comes along with that albatross called the American Idol title - and because you won AI (a contest, basically), I'm guessing you didn't have to sleep with anybody just to get all this awesomeness. Very few people in the industry can say that. And after all the endorsement deals I think it's even safe to say that you are definitely financially secure. You don't strike me as a frivolous person so you probably won't ever go broke and likely have an accountant who made some key investments made to keep you sustained for life.

The only thing you don't have is a boyfriend but your life is SO FUCKING AWESOME in every other aspect right now that I really do not understand why you feel the need to lash out at an ex's current girlfriend. It makes me think less of you if after all that life-awesomeness you have going on you still feel insecure enough to get bitter over a past relationship or stuck on your 'replacement,' if you will.

What I really don't get is why you would specifically be jealous over Romo. you spent 95% of the duration of your relationship with Romo denying it or not acknowledging that you were dating. After it was over you said you two just dated a bit, went nowhere romantically, but that you have a friend for life. Oh, and by the way, it wasn't even a long relationship! You guys dated for like, a few months or something. Half a year at most.

If Chace gets a new beard are you going to do the same thing? All I am saying is, this shit is not cute and I'm suspecting this might be a pattern with you that carries over from being a high school mean girl. This is terrible. You are this close to being everything that Ent railed at Kate Hudson for being, you just haven't hooked up with any Owen Wilson-like fragile guys yet. If you keep it up eventually you will not even be able to be somebody's beard, because bitchiness can only be awesome for so long before it turns around and just becomes annoying to anyone who knows you.

Also, if you continue to be a bitch, people behind the scenes start rooting against you and when you eventually stumble or hit a down point (as all careers good or bad will do at some point), you will find there is no one else there willing to help you get up. Hey, people are rooting for a Kelly Clarkson musical comeback right now. Do you think folks would do the same if a 'low point' ever happened to you?

I'm just trying to help you here. I'm the only person on this board that cares to do that by the way. STOP KICKING PUPPIES and just concentrate on being content with yourself and your awesomenss, and stop being concerned with Jess, okay? Yeah, she's kind of pathetic but by fixating on her it only makes YOU look pathetic for picking such a weak target.

That is all.

- Gayla

BlahFrickinBlah said...

Jessica just has that air of desperation to her. Desperation to have a decent career and a decent relationship now that she screwed up both. Her transition from pop music to country seems so insincere and people pick up on it. That's why they boo her ass off the stage.

Remember, the stench of desperation is the worst stench of them all.

Gayla said...

Ooh, apologies for the long ass open letter. I always get carried away with my longer comments.

jax, when the Simpsons were at the height of their exposure (Jess in particular), they were EVERYWHERE and people basically just got annoyed by them. What really hurt jess was that she had such a cute innocent image on Newlyweds but after the divorce she basically became tabloid fodder. When that happens it's just a countdown until people can't stand you.

I wouldn't say Jess represents the popular 'dumbing down' of women so much as she just represents celebrity worship for nothing and that turns a lot of people off. It's strange, she started out as a singer but she got her biggest fame through a reality show and as such gets treated as a reality star. That is to say, with little respect.

I agree that it's a waste of energy to hate her but some people will carry that hate forever. Paris could join a convent tomorrow and stay there till the day she died, I still won't ever be able to stand the sight or sound of that bitch (OMG, her voice is so grating I'd rather jump off a bridge than listen to her talk, assuming that I'm not allowed to just kill her or rip her tongue out). I can only assume the way I feel about Paris is the way some people will always feel about Jess.

Amanda said...

I'm Team Gayla on this one.

Plus, Jessica Simpson is like a pigeon: if you stop feeding it, maybe she'll go away.

Harriet Hellfire said...

Even though I am a big fan of picking on people who use poor grammar, I am really trying to refrain from calling other people stupid. Even if they are Jessica Simpson.

Kristen S. said...

For comparison - pretty damned hilarious, given that it was only 2years ago

http://storage.people.com/jpgs/20060911/20060911-750-0.jpg

bionic bunny! said...

is tony romo supposed to be a genius?? he's also letting himself be led around by pimpa joe.

i feel kinda sorry for jess. i think she really is a bit dense, as opposed to paris, who is just an ass and plays the stupid card for attention.

kris said...

jax,

As usual I agree with you. I don't see her being a hypocrite - shoot, not sure she even knows what that means and I don't see her as malicious. I don't even think she's as dumb as some of the others....she still hasn't gone to rehab, got a dui or any of the other STUPID things these girls are doing. whatever...carrie's a bitch .

Ms Cool said...

No more Jessica Simpson, please. I couldn't name a song or a movie she has participated in. Wait - Dukes of Hazzard, right? Shoot. I was hoping to really not know. Anyway, if we quit discussing her and reporting on her, maybe we'll see her in 10 years in the "What are they doing now?" portion of People or something.

Ms Cool said...

Oh yeah - I forgot to say that if that quote is true, Carrie Underwood is very malicious and jealous.

jax said...

can we replace all the Jessica posts with bitch snarks about carrie instead? she is a CU next tuesday. lol.

featherbell said...

I once worked for a museum where the director would drop everything whenever his wife called.

Example: he had to drive back home (1/2 hr. each way) because she got her hair brush tangled in her hair while blow-drying. Yes, really.

I could see Jessica making that call . . . probably during the 3rd quarter.

Ashlae said...

I agree with Jax and Kris. I feel as though Carrie doesn't need to be going after Jessica the way she has. There's no reason for it. I don't see why Jessica gets so much hate. She may be dumb but she hasn't done all the stupid things that Paris or Nicole have done. I honestly can't stand Carrie, I think she's a total bitch and would try to steal a girl's boyfriend if she could. She's THAT mean. And she wonders why she's single? BITCH!

Ernestine said...

"It’s the same one Jess did about John Mayer — same smile, same look, except she’s a little fatter.”

Are you KIDDING?! She REALLY SAID THAT??!? That's the absolute CUNTIEST thing I've heard fly from a woman's mouth in months and months. And to say it in an interview just denotes a massive amount of insecurity and immaturity.

Jax, I couldn't agree more about the Jessica bashing and how out of control and MEAN it is. I agree that she's vapid, yes, but she's not PARIS-level vapid, and she's not a whore like Sienna. I mean, can we all agree that she's not EVIL? She's been vilified for dating an athlete (who I'm SURE isn't some braintrust, either) and *gasp!* attending his games. And she recorded a top-40 country album. Wow. String 'er up! Not like that genre isn't TEEMING with SHITTY, untalented people ANYway. Wow. DON'T TAINT COUNTRY MUSIC, JESS. I'm glad she's doing well, too. I don't listen to my local country station, but I also think that she deserves to get a break and maybe have some success, because she's been SHAT on by the media.

Oh, and to be frankly petty about it: Carrie is obviously just jealous of Jessica because Jessica has boobs and (love or or hate her) the girl IS beautiful. Carrie's completely generic looking. Just a little twat with tons of makeup and awful eyebrows.

zandra said...

I think the worse part was finding out that Jessica Simpson was so stupid she didn't realize she was covering a Dusty Springfield song, and said Destiny Springfield instead, I mean she doesn't even listen to music for god's sake.

Can anyone tell me why either of the creeps even has a career, one won a karoke contest and the other is slightly retarded and can't sing well. How is this even happening, are we so desperate for entertainment this is what we have to suffer?

ally said...

That was a really mean spirited comment to make. Don't know the context but it makes her seem like she is panting after Jessica S. boyfriend, so that makes her desperate and mean. Both are undesirable qualities and will probably not endear her to Tony whatever his name is if that is her goal, which it seems to be based on her Jessica bashing.

Anonymous said...

She's so stupid, it makes MY brain hurt.

Anonymous said...

(Poor Tony)

Jerry said...

Not only is he dating one of the ten dumbest celebrities...

Ent, you need to name the other nine.

shakey said...

Carrie's a stalker. To remember another Jessica Simpson cover of People magazine from years ago? I bet if someone goes to her house they'll find a room with a wall of Jessica articles and photos with devil horns and mustaches drawn on them, escalating to targets and DIE JESSICA DIE scratched in red marker.

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