Tuesday, April 06, 2010

Is A Cleanse A Diet? If It Is Then Gwyneth Is Full Of It...As Usual


Yesterday the internet was all abuzz about how Gwyneth Paltrow has anger inside her and hates some people. Meh. To me that is just a rehash of crap she has said before. We know she hates people. We know she probably loves getting revenge. Nothing there. What no one talked about from the same interview in the UK edition of Vogue is this lovely quote from The Gooper. Her new name. Like it?

"I can eat what I want, as long as I exercise, which is just as well, because if I put the word 'diet' into my brain, I immediately gain a stone." OK, first of all, Gwyneth doesn't even weigh one stone so the odds of her gaining a stone are slim. What is a stone like 14 pounds? Yeah, like Gwyneth even gained 14 pounds when she was pregnant. She just likes to drop British words so she seems like she belongs. Anyway, what she is saying inside all that rigmarole is that she doesn't diet. That is such a crock. How many times have we all suffered through reading about her GOOP cleanses? A cleanse is a diet. If you are not eating any f**king food then it is a diet. If you want to use the word cleanse because that makes you feel spiritual or better than everyday people than use the word cleanse, but Gooper, let me tell you, it is a diet. To tell people you don't diet and all you do is exercise is a lie.

As soon as you gain a pound you are in that newsletter talking about you have to lose it. Yes, you exercise. I will give you that. But, when you gain pounds you immediately tell people in your newsletter you are going to cleanse. Call it what it really is. A fancy term for starving yourself by pretending that cayenne pepper and syrup and salt water somehow is not starving yourself. Unless all of that is on a steak and some waffles it is starving yourself.

29 comments:

Barton Fink said...

Oh Enty, you are 100% correct about her using the word "stone" to be pretentious. It's bizarre. Like the old Kathy Griffin joke about Madonna's fake accent, she's almost ready to lapse into full-blown Dickensian English, with "'e wot?" and "Oy ain't cleanzin' me innards no more, love."

KellyLynn said...

Well said, Enty. I really hate it when any celeb or supposed nutrition specialist tells someone to go on a "cleanse". Those programs are nothing but controlled starving, which messes with your body's natural processes.
It cracks me up when someone says they feel so much better and have so much energy after a cleanse. OF COURSE you have so much energy. You body is saying, "THANK GOD! I thought you were never going to feed me again!"
Too many people try to make treating your body well complicated. It's not. Eat a balanced diet, exercise, and relax. No matter how you package it, that's the key to a healthy body.

Susan said...

OMG. Totally drives me batty when she breaks into brit speak. GMAFB.

Further, are these cleanses aka starvation techniques really good for you? I just don't see how they are a good idea, but I know they are all the rage, thanks in part to pretentious Hollywood fuckwads such as Gwyneth Paltrow.

Borg Queen said...

While I agree Gwenyth is full of pretentious crap, I have imagine a cleanse once in awhile is good for your colon. While Gwenyth prolly has access to better quality veggies and meat than the average person, she might not have to do any many cleanses as she does. So calling it a cleanse is definitely starving herself. How does Chris Martin stand to be with her? How can anyone really be friends with her when she proclaims she hates her friends. I dont know how her mom is so cool and Gwenyth is so uptight.

Shmooey said...

It may well be that she uses "cleansing" as an euphemism for dieting, just like "exhaustion and dehydration" was the euphemism for too-drugged-out-to-function.

But, to be fair, there is such a thing as cleansing as a health habit, rather than weight loss. One of my uncles does it. He's a muscular, athletic man, does not need/want to lose weight, but ever since he was young he acquired the habit of every 6 months or 1 year, doing a week-long cleanse by just eating lots of raw vegetables and herbal teas. It boosts the immune system apparently.

hotchacha said...

Pay her no mind. Really.

It's a bit like Skittles or Big Turk bars. If the last few hold-outs can finally agree to stop buying them, they'll stop making them.

Idiot Watcher said...

Why on Earth would anyone want to live in a world without Skittles?

Babs said...

When I turned 50 (yes, I am THAT old) and had to go for the obligatory colonoscopy, I asked the Dr. about the whole cleansing thing. He said NOT to do it. It really can mess with the natural flora of the intestines. Just eat good food (i.e., things that help you poop), drink plenty of water, and you should be fine.

And while I also agree that Goopy is pretentious (read "better than the rest of us"), and as much as it pains me to say this, I think we need to give her a bit of break with regard to the Brit-speak. My brother-in-law and sister-in-law lived in London for a year or so, and they both said it was really easy to fall into the vernacular. I would imagine that when you are surrounded with it, it becomes automatic.

Harriet Hellfire said...

Full. Of. Crap.

Susan said...

I'm a very active and fit person, but seriously - I love my food. I can't imagine going a whole week with drinking vinegar and eating a leaf of lettuce. If that's what it comes down too, I would just jump off a tall building.

How do you function while cleansing? Don't you need to get energy from some source to like do your day-to-day bizness: children, work, cleaning, socializing, living. You know, the basics?

Thank you to all who are sharing deets on cleanses, because they do pique my curiosity as to why one would do them.

Harriet Hellfire said...

Can't say anything about picking up the local lingo though. I've moved around a bit and I seem to pick up the accent after a while wherever I go. When I first came to Canada, I didn't think there would ever be a reason for me to possibly use the word "eh".

7.5 years later I have this to report:

"I was wrong".

Susan said...

I hear you on the brit speak, Babs. I think I just feel this way regarding Gyneth and Madonna. Anyone else, it doesn't phase me.

I know this is very judgy of me. But, I don't care. LOL.

hotchacha said...

Feel free to eat all of my Skittles. Please. And chow down on The Gooper too.

Blecch.

Apple said...

I really wish it had been Gooper instead of Sandra Bullock who ended up being married to a Neo-Nazi porn sex fiend.

Gooper needs some humility in her life. She was born a lottery ticket.

Shmooey said...

@Susan:

People who do cleanses for health reasons usually do it to "detox".
Too much animal protein, fat and sugar, food additives, etc, are known to be detrimental to the organism, so the idea is to do a full-on "spring clean" of the body.

My uncle picked up his cleansing habits in west Africa, when he lived there in his youth.
His method includes, among other things, eating lots of raw onions and a variety of VERY spicy chilli peppers.

I could never do it like that. I once went vegetarian and dropped a stone and a half (20 pounds) in a few months. I looked emaciated and was having fainting spells, so went back to eating meat.

Currently, my idea of "cleansing" consists of:

- Eating less meat.
- Eating more vegetables.
- Eating whole foods rather than refined.
- Reducing fat and cutting out sugar.
- Drinking a lot of green tea (also great because you can use the used tea bags to reduce dark under eye circles and bags the following day).
- Eating lots of fibres.

It's actually not so much a sporadic cleanse as a plan for healthier eating habits which I am endeavouring to implement in my life. Any time now.

shazzzba said...

SHE IS SO FULL OF SHIT....SHE BARELY EATS...PUSHES THE FOOD AROUND HER PLATE WHEN DINING OUT....
14 POUNDS WHILE PREGNANT ...POSSIBLE, BUT I JUST BET SHE COUNTED EVERY CALORIE...SHE'S OBSESSED AND CONTROLLING, THE PERFECT FRIEND FOR MADGE...
IN FACT GOOPIE AND MADGE WERE MADE FOR EACH OTHER...

Anonymous said...

Can't stand this bitch with her sanctimonious attitude.

Barton Fink said...

I must admit, every time Gwyneth shows her ugly little head, we all start talking about issues of toilet training and regularity. Which is kind of appropriate, eh?

Jasmine said...

The Gooper is the greatest name ever~

this is all

Mango said...

Haaate herrrrr!

TinselSass said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
kathrynnova said...

perhaps she means diet as in something specific like dr atkins, south beach, etc. and these don't actually work long term for most people.

learning how to eat properly is not a diet. it is being responsible and taking care of yourself.

but she is surely contradicting herself. cleanse seems to me a diet as well.

DivineJoy said...

A cleanse is to remove toxins or an addiction. It is not for weight loss. You gain the weight back from a cleanse.

Until she realize its all in what you eat, exercise is for vanity only, she will continue to gain and lose.

Eat Less Food = slim and trim
Eat fruits and vegetables = healthy body

Selock said...

Shmooey!!

Thanks for the tip on the green tea bags! I had no idea I could use them on my eyes...Love it, love it.

Selock said...

Shmooey!!

Thanks for the tip on the green tea bags! I had no idea I could use them on my eyes...Love it, love it.

Shmooey said...

You're welcome!

You have to put them in the fridge, and then cover your eyes for at least 15 minutes (I do it 30), making sure you mould them to really touch the affected area.

It's a bit of shock to the system when the cold bags first touch your skin, but then you get used to it and now I quite like it!

I have dark circles under my eyes that are genetic, so it doesn't matter how long I sleep - they just don't go away.
This cold tea bags method is the only thing that has had any success in reducing them.

Mooshki said...

Shmooey, your uncle's cleanse of raw vegetables and tea sounds like a healthy kind of cleanse, unlike the pepper/lemon one the celebs use. Any benefit you get from those starvation cleanses you can get from eating plenty of fiber, and it's a hell of a lot healthier overall.

Charlie said...

Gwyneth Paltrow lectures anyone that is half-baked enough to listen to her what one should eat. To show you how hypocritical she is, she's a smoker. Gwennie is the type of person who might one day get cancer from smoking yet claim why me when I ate so well. Yikes, the bizzaro world.

Ells said...

my brother tried that cayenne, lemon, syrup cleanse once. he gave it up when he started getting light-headed. I told him not to drive or try to go to work like that.

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