Thursday, September 26, 2013

Lindsay Lohan's Half-Sister Spends $25K to Look Like Lindsay

If you want to look like Lindsay Lohan, I can tell you how to do it without spending $25K on surgery. The great thing about my plan is you don't have to change your hair color because Lindsay changes hers all the time. The first thing you need is a friend who will use a Sharpie to cover your body in freckles. Head to toe. While they are doing this you should read a copy of Cat Burglary For Dummies and make an appointment with your doctor to get hooked up on some Adderall prescriptions. To be more like Lindsay you should crush it and snort it rather than just take it by mouth. While your friend is applying the freckles have them take some naked photos of you while you wear a blonde wig like Marilyn Monroe. Use the photos and place an ad on various escort sites around the world but say you are only interested in Middle Eastern guys and they need to host and to provide a car.Walk around chain smoking cigarettes and use makeup to make sure you look 30 years older than your actual age. Throw your bras in the trash and use that money on water bottles which you will fill with vodka. Walk around all day and tell people you are going to win an Academy Award and that you are working on several projects but remain vague about whether any of them involve acting or if you will actually get paid.

Lindsay's half-sister had five separate procedures and got in a tabloid. Next step is a porn video or reality show.

23 comments:

Just Another HR Lady said...

Unrelated to the sister, it's too bad what Lindsay did to herself, she was a beautiful girl once.

mynerva said...

Guess we now know that the stupidity comes from Michael's side

Kate said...

Hateful enty is on a roll today. These last two posts have been amazing.

Patty said...

I don't see any resemblence, other than the pose.

Renoblondee said...

@Kate I thought it was funny cuz it's true.

Sherry said...

I don't see the resemblance either. Is this the half sister he was trying to hug and she freaked?

Why do I get the feeling this was.Michael's harebrained idea and she went along with it? And where did she get the 25k?

Suzie P said...

You would think that being rejected by this asshole sperm donor and growing up free of his influence would be the best break a kid could get in the game of life. But no, this guy has a wicked karma that sucks up everything in it's path.

SueRH said...

She will never look like Lindsay, because Lindsay looks just like her mom. This girl looks more like Heather McDonald.

zenss empirez said...

pathetic a-ho's like michael lohan should never be allowed to breed! it's just wrong!

ethorne said...

All that surgery and the only thing that looks like Lindsay is the lipstick & hair part.

Dolphy said...

I feel bad for the poor girl. She looks more like Snooki (now) than LiLo.

Ginger said...

Half siblings or not, they do not look alike. She should get a refund, and find a good psychiatrist.

Vera L- said...

+1 ginger

__-__=__ said...

Beyond delusion!

Count Jerkula said...

Not gonna work. 1/2 sister is still only worth $200/hr on BackPage, and that is with BBBJ and MSOG. She will never command Lindsay's rates.

Sherry said...

Seriously I think In Touch magazine just dressed her up and did her make-up. This girl did not get surgery to look like Lohag.

BTW that's actually not a good angle on Lindsay.

discoflux said...

She boards a plain for Dubai in 3...2...

auntliddy said...

she looked fine before, she looks fine now. I dont get why she wants to look like the other daughter of the faaher who denied paternity for soooo long. Theres some couch time needed there. its sad actually.

parissucksliterally said...

It didn't work. She looks nothing like Lilo.

Krissie said...

Enty didn't print the best part of this article, in which the sister declares, "I'm hotter than Lindsay now." Delusional as all hell. I feel a little bad for her though, because I think she was at least partially pressured into this. Back when this "secret Lohan sibling" story hit the news I remember her mother seeming like a famewhore and being waaay too excited that her daughter was actually a Lohan.

Rae Rae said...

No, she was never beautiful.

Jacq said...

She could have achieved her goal for less than $10!

Jacq said...

It would have cost her A LOT more to buy enough coke to get Lindsay's look

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