Thursday, July 02, 2009

Dear Richard


Dear Richard,

I may have been to quick to swear off your airline for good. On Tuesday I found myself flying from Charlotte to Los Angeles on US Airways. I had just started enjoying my complimentary snack pack filled with six bagel looking chips and two pretzels when a man in the back row of the plane suddenly got up. Nothing unusual about this except for the man was wearing no clothes.

Now, this was entertainment. You should take note that a live production on a plane is much more exciting than the drivel you call in flight programming. The man proceeded to walk up and down the aisle displaying his, well, you get the idea. While this was happening, a medical emergency was happening in a different part of the plane. This was exciting. At first I thought they were having one of those mystery games and all the passengers were involved. You do know how I love theatre in the round Richard.

So, with the medical emergency in one part of the plane and our free love passenger bounding back and forth, there was just one flight attendant to deal with our naked passenger/actor. She tried to cover him with a blanket but he would have none of it. Much the same way as I run from your food he ran away from the blanket and the flight attendant didn't seem keen on making a second go.

Then, like a flash two undercover air marshals were on him. I must say Richard that I almost let out a rather undignified yelp. This was good. How come you can't arrange for this kind of show on your planes? It isn't like you are focusing on any other aspect of customer service. After the men wrapped him with a blanket and secured him to a seat, the medical emergency was dealt with and a diversion was necessary.

The flight diverted to Albuquerque which is a lovely city Richard. You really should visit. I hear they have a wonderful hot air balloon festival and we know how much hot air you posses. A perfect match for you I dare say.

Alas, our time was short in the city and soon we were on our way to Los Angeles. I will be there for several days before flying back to London. I see that you have non-stops from Los Angeles to London. I'm not sure my stomach or my mind can handle it, but perhaps I will give you another chance.

29 comments:

Karmen said...

Bahahaha.

MontanaMarriott said...

Uhm, I take it by your letter that the naked guy was NOT hot?

LOL

Beensie said...

Brilliant! (Clap...clap...clap)

Adventurous Kate said...

**Starts a slow clap**

Adventurous Kate said...

HA! Beensie beat me to it. Well done, Enty.

Kelli said...

As afraid of flying as I am, all of that commotion would have had me hyperventilating.

amh.producer said...

did I see that the naked one was an actor? clues, Enty, clues!

CDAN Mod said...

http://abclocal.go.com/wtvd/story?section=news/local&id=6893579

here is the story. be careful opening at work.

CDAN Mod said...

^^^there are pics. lol.

Kim said...

I LOVE Dear Richard. Totally makes my post-Canada Day back to work bearable.

captivagrl said...

very funny and gotta love undercover air marshals

warmislandsun said...

Do air marshals sound hot to anyone else?

lapin said...

Well played, sir. *golf clap* Dear Richard letters just never get old!

Maja With a J said...

Hahahaha, too funny.

I'd take any flight right now though if it was cheap. I'm supposed to go visit my family in Sweden in less than two weeks and it has just dawned upon me that I can't afford to go. Which is really, really, really frustrating. Tell you what, for a free flight, I'd fly with the naked man sitting on my lap the whole way, and I would eat Balkan Airlines food. I may not be alive upon arrival, but I'd give it a shot! *L*

Lisa (not original) said...

I was all ready to try the naked flying thing until the part about the air marshalls. Damn!

Dear Richard,
If ya let people fly naked, you'd steal business from US Airways. Naked people are too busy to worry about the sorry state of the menu. Trust.

Anonymous said...

QS who was it? I am at work so can't go into the site since you wrote it was not safe for work :(.

Goodgrief said...

Was that the naked wizard from coachella a few months ago?

nancer said...

shit. nothing good like this ever happens to me when i fly.

mooshki said...

LOL!

jax said...

LOL indeed!

ardleighstreet said...

Standing ovation to Enty. Love the Dear Richard letters.

Heck and I use to worry if the person sitting next to me would steal my arm rest. This would be one of those times that you would definitely hope your seatmate did not want something from the overhead comparment.

lutefisk said...

I wonder if he was on a one way flight, because I am not sure where he would have put his return ticket.

bionic bunny! said...

@ lutefisk-
i don't think we WANT to know!

i think "actor" is referring to the "passenger's" interpretation of the events-- thinking it was "theatre in the round" as opposed to just another naked fool.
satire, folks, it's funny! :)

Tania said...

I'm not sure why the air marshals treated him like a threat - he was clearly not concealing any weapons, detonators etc.! Unless they did a cavity search first, just to be sure?
Nothing so fun ever happens on my flights.... *sigh*.

CDAN Mod said...

sylvia,

just some 'random guy' i guess? the pic is not full nudity, but still someone passing by your computer may misinterpret it.

empyrios said...

Yessssss!!!

well played sir ;)

Lolita Breckenridge said...

Brilliant. Standing ovation. Thank you my lovely Enty.

GladysKravitz said...

Very funny post.

At least you got in flight entertainment, though, Enty. Nowadays that costs a lot of money on a domestic flight...

iheartstarlight said...

Its mustard Richard. MUSTARD.

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