Saturday, August 17, 2013

Blind Items Revealed

March 15, 2013

Even though this former Tweener who is now a B list actress has cheated on her boyfriends in the past and had sex during those times, apparently she is a straight up turn off the lights, missionary person who says she just does it because her boyfriends want to do it and not because she thinks it is all that fun. She says, "I would rather just have my life be like Grease, where we kiss and hug."

Selena Gomez

72 comments:

DocP said...

Ehh, we're not all like the Count.

Now! said...

She just hasn't met the right guy yet - or the right lady.

Kelly said...

^Yep

Little Miss Makes A Mess said...

@DocP: Work on it. With a little time and effort, you can achieve greatness, too.

erika said...

Well then no wonder bieber boy cheats on her!!!

Sorry and im a chick too!!

MrWolf said...

Bull. There's no way a girl spends that much time in dance class and sings a full album about loving sex unless she's got some game.

Hasn't met the right guy or girl yet.

Unknown said...

All that hotness wasted. Damn

urban chaos said...

Explains her friendship with Taylor and why JB is such a little cheating douche.

auntliddy said...

Shes just a kid who grew up too soon and never got a chance to really develop her true feelings. She will eventually:)

Molls said...

Is this why her PR team is pushing her to look sexy, act sexy, dress sexy????

Rose said...

I can't imagine sex with JB is fun.

sandybrook said...

She looks like fun maybe some tequila would help.

Anonymous said...

probably boyfriends who don't know what they are doing in bed...someone needs to buy her a B.O.B.

hothotheat said...

@auntliddy I disagree. I think famous folk stop developing mentally at the age they become famous despite getting older. A few do grow up and realize the world isn't about them but very few.

yodelay said...

And that's why you don't have sex till you are "ready." If you start too early, your attitude abbout it gets messed up.

Orvilla Bedinbacher said...

@NuttyFlavor true!

PotPourri said...

I don't think 19 year olds can get the gist of intimacy. They don't stay with one person long enough to explore that person's mind and body to truly appreciate it.

Count Jerkula said...

I know Doc. If she's bangin self absorbed twits like Beiber I expect this attitude.

First thing I would do when we entered the bedroom is cock block her on her way to the lightswitch, press her up agaist the wall, shove my hand in her panties and start finger banging her, while groping her tits and grinding my clothed cock into her ass. Once my hand is sopping wet from her juices, I'd walk her over to the bed and bend her over it, pull down her panties and stick my face in there. Tongue on the clit, nose snuffled up to her asshole. I'd keep licking until my tongue and jaw are worn out. At this point she would be instructed to get on all 4s on the bed. If she gave me any grief id give her a spank and tell her again. This would continue until she was on all 4s or out the door. Then I'd insert my right index finger into the moist snatch and use the middle finger of that hand to keep working the clit. When she neares the orgasm, I'd use my tongue to do light circles around her o ring. Once I feel the orgasm kick off fart box tongue darting will ensue. I'd keep her riding that orgasm until my hand and tongue were shot or she begged for cock loud enough. I'd also make her tell me where she wanted it, figuring she will say pussy. From there I get on MY back and tell her to show me what she's got. And definitely no rubber and blow my load in her.

If that don't get her craving orgasms enough to enjoy sex, then I'd introduce a vibrator for round 2.

Really though, I think the blind is bullshit. No way Beiber ain't hittin that doggystyle.

Oh, and there is a name for chicks who don't like sex, just foreplay: Lesbian.

TalksTooMuch said...

That's so odd! The popular guess was definitely Swifty. I am guessing she hasn't listened to any of the lyrics of Grease, what with p**#$y wagon and rocks coming off and whatnot.

Cleodacat said...

Oh my......

Count Jerkula said...

Oh my indeed, cleo.

One last thought: sex is one of the most addictive drugs out there. If you wanna bitch to be into it and keep coming back for more, you gotta give her a high to chase.

Unknown said...

What's wrong, jerkula? Can't find an under-age to do it for you!!! Burn in Hell, Pedro.

hunter said...

I had a lot of sex when I was young (15-20+) because it was expected of me and I was beautiful. I thought it was alright, sometimes great, but generally a bit of a task.

Now I am in my 30s it is much different. As young as Selena is, this quote doesn't surprise me in the slightest, I felt the same way.

hunter said...

By the way (hello everybody!) I miss commenting so much but my iPhone doesn't work to comment anymore (?!) and I cannot comment from work. It makes me sad.

Count Jerkula - I'm so glad you joined us, you are a sick f*CK but I enjoy your genuine participation and honest perspective. A colorful addition to our community.

Also - New Enty sucks balls, always so nasty and unnecessarily vile towards undeserved subjects (Aniston's bathroom wallpapered in tabloid covers, really?).

New Enty sucks and isn't lovable at all, I liked old Enty. :(

TalksTooMuch said...

Well that's a pretty funny autocorrect

DocP said...

You sure have a way with words, Count (and I mean this in a good way)

Count Jerkula said...

@mona smith: you are a completely deluded cunt with some sort of misplaced anger going on. You are a welcome edition to the community here. Once your Shark Week has passed, you'll be allover my junk. And if I post some sexy stories while you are in your 3 horny days of the month, you'll probably send me some butthole pics. I am looking forward to it.

NaughtyNurse said...

If she's mostly been having sex with selfish twats like Bieber, it's no wonder it sucks for her! She needs to wait until she finds a real man.

Count Jerkula said...

Thank you hunter. I appreciate being called a "sick fuck". I where that as a badge of honor and genuinely apsire to fit the bill.

Thank you Doc. It has come to my attention that some broads around here use my creative tales to...uh.."take care of biddness", so I try to spin a good yarn for em when the opportunity arises. Kind of a pay it forward thing.

Little Broken Bird said...

I just tripped over a trail of broken hearts and wet panties, the count must be in town!

P.S who let you inside my head? Ha ha ha

delete account said...

^^THIS^^

Count Jerkula said...

Aw, little broken bird, that was sweet. If yer ever in Jersey, ill take those broken wings and teach you to fly again and live so free.

di butler said...

Eh, I'd imagine she got this attitude not from having sex w The Biebs, but rather the "in the biz" older guy her mom hooked her up w/ to advance her career past kiddie stuff. That's too bad.

Unknown said...

Count jerk-off & raunch around need to find a special websites, so they can find someone who gives a fuck about he/her about their pathetic sex lives. "Fisting kittens" --isn't funny---you stupid count

Leah said...

Count, you give porn disguised as romance novels a good run for the money. I'd read more of your stuff.

Count Jerkula said...

@mona: blow it out your ass, kook.

Leah said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Count Jerkula said...

Thank you, Leah. The more I hear stuff like that, the more I consider making a blog of depravity.

Little Broken Bird said...

Mona I come from a place of reason, where it's anatomically impossible and highly improbable that you can actually do that to a kitten, rest easy. P.S the rest of you, if I am wrong I don't want to be corrected! :-)

Little Broken Bird said...

Darn Atlantic Ocean, getting in my way again!

Little Broken Bird said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
TalksTooMuch said...

Seems like an unusual amount of vitriol directed towards someone named "Pedro" - Count, I didn't know you were Hispanic! Hola!

Basil said...

OT Not sure where to post this, but rumour has it that Bobbi Kristina (Whitney's daughter) will be going into the UK Big Brother house on their celebrity version starting next Thursday the 23rd and she will be getting paid a tidy sum for it. I have no idea where her head is at right now, but I think this would be good for her. Big Brother gives them booze, but it is limited. Just enough to get them tipsy. And of course, no drugs which would be a plus for her.

DocP said...

Pronounced Count Herkula :)

TalksTooMuch said...

Oh man, reality tv as rehab just seems like an incredibly bad idea. Without Dr. Drew, I mean

Basil said...

Also, for anyone that watches CBBUK, the only difference between that and the civilian version is no camera in the bathroom or shower. Other than that, they are at the complete mercy of production. They have to work for food and treats, and get punished for rule breaking. I think this could be good for BK since it appears she is a bit of a brat. And if Ivana bloody Trump can do it without one single complaint, then so can BK.

Count Jerkula said...

I'm a McWop, not a Beaner. I hope that is not "their" word. I'm drunk and posting from outside a strip club having a smoke.

There are more civilian chicks here than dancers amd it is more like a douchebag club than a strip club. Not enough seedy and pervy for me. I'm on assignment so I got to tough it out a lil longer before I blow 100 on roullette.

DocP said...

What do you do for a living, Count? Your creative writing skills should not be wasted :)

TalksTooMuch said...

Hey, me too! I mean, no strippers or roulette but there was wine! Much too much wine

DocP said...

Ditto TTM

TalksTooMuch said...

Doc, there should be CDaN Meet up nights, where there could be much too much shared wine.

DocP said...

I'll pour you a virtual glass

Unknown said...

To count "jerks off on my face" ula.
Why do bring your brand of sick sex acts, into your dialogue?: And you--Raunch Around....nobody cares a flying "FUCK" wherever you're at... Die in Sydney---the gay capital of the World.
Better yet, take your repulsive looking self & dump yourself in Darling Harbor....fucking Barnyard Bitch


lazyday603 said...

Must be Dirtbag Pride Day on CDAN. How was the parade?

Bitca said...

WhatEVER. Lots of comment String Rage leaking out today (where's the tolerance; geez?).

SG's probably been limited so far to guys like Bieber--who is clearly a sexual infantile for whom a girl is just a demanding substitute for his hand. She just needs time to hook up with some experienced men who enjoy making their lovers happy.

Count Jerkula said...

Exactly K Madelyn. That is why young wetties should bang an old creep from time to time, so they can experience the full extent of what pleasures of the flesh can be.

J Ruth said...

This is so her age. That's why I find it so funny when older guys want to sleep with 20 year olds. They don't know what they're doing and aren't comfortable enough with themselves and their sexuality to enjoy sex. No fun. Go for an early 30s lady who is in her peak!

Honey Bunny said...

Lol! Luv it! Made my day!

Little Miss Makes A Mess said...

COUNT! Good God DAYUM!!! My man got the absolute best of me last night, and you deserve a little bit of the credit. xoxo

Seven of Eleven said...

@Mona, Xanax is spelled the same forward and backward. Supposedly helps with the DTs, too.

Ivana Hump said...

I think you're on the right path there

Little Miss Makes A Mess said...

Yeah, Count, what Doc asked. Bouncer? Security? Driver? Provide me with more fodder to fuel my fantasies, up the reality factor, really flesh you put as a character. Our virtual sexcapades will have a little more meat. P.S. the chick in the vid isn't me, but the hair cut and creamy white skin match. xoxo

Count Jerkula said...

@Miss Mess: I will not divulge my occupation. If you want a job to put me in, I have admitted to being a furniture mover in the past.

Creamy white skin is tasty. Any chance you could find a video of a pale ass that resembles yours? I was too drunk when I got home from the strip club last night to take care of biddness, so I'm going to need some motivation after breakfast.

Little Miss Makes A Mess said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Little Miss Makes A Mess said...

Count: go to sexarchives.com. Search "white girl bob haircut ass". You should get a hundred results, at least. BUT--none of them are me.

Little Miss Makes A Mess said...

Correction: videosexarchive.com. Although, I'm sure it's already in your bookmarks.

Anonymous said...

Seven: delerium tremens indeed!
I seem to be continuously mentioned by Mona, even when not here! I don't live in Sydney "the gay capital". I live in Melbourne. Nice to know Mona's homophobic tendencies. I cannot believe you said that Mona! Do you not like people who aren't white also? No wonder you loathe me. Mwah!!

Anonymous said...

Little bird: I think Iove you.

Fisting kittens? My cat us treated better than most old people: we're mere servants & lodgers to him.
Mona needs to stop mixing her meds with antifreeze chasers. And get laid.

Anonymous said...

Sex with the lights on is best. It helps me to see who's actually fucking me.

Ivana Hump said...

What grease does SG watching? That movie is filled with sex. Danny trying to molest sandy at the drive in and rizzo doing any guy with a pulse.

The new old navy greased lightning ads kill me. I swear it says the 'chicksll cream for greased lightning 'just like the original soundtrack.

Unknown said...

Count,

I would read your blog. Maybe I should google your posts the next time I need a little creative motivation...

rajahcat said...

am i the only one that thinks she is a poser?

she seems fake to me.......

her life is just one big PR performance

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