Friday, April 13, 2007

Ted C Blind Item

Oh, what a tangled web we weave when (repeatedly) we homos deceive. Guess what? I’ve got a same-sex Blind Vice comin’ atcha in...seconds! Such the surprise from moi, I know.

There’s a very, very famous fruit in town. But, oh bro, is he evuh talented at making his myriad fans think he prefers the femmes. This Vice ain’t ‘bout the boy, though, it’s about the poor woman this guy utilized for his nefarious, i.e., press-release, purposes.

Virginal Vamp is a doll—and I mean that in the least plastic way possible. V2’s the best at conjuring up sexy little do-me thoughts while wearing the cutest little proper lacy things in her flicks, which, for the most part, are always on the classy side. She’s the het man’s dream fantasy: somebody he can take home to mama but boff in the broom closet while the hors d’oeuvres are being fetched.

Therefore, it was hardly a surprise when folks working for an infamous fruit who has often appeared in this very missive rang up V.V. for the most exciting role of her lifetime: to play said fagola’s real-life girlfriend! Done deal if she wanted, V. was told. Just call us back to seal the whispered doings, she was told eagerly.

Virginal was so excited, she actually thought about it for...22 seconds.

But, alas, Miz Vee was leaning against it and, just as she was about to ring back and probably decline to those who had parlayed the pooftah plan, word spread in electronic and old-fashioned scandal sheets alike. Seems another actress besides Virginal had decided to take the job (for her own desultory reasons).

Count your blessings, Virg! ‘Cause the only thing worse than going out with a guy who does ya and then ignores ya is going out with a guy who doesn’t do ya and ignores ya!

57 comments:

Anonymous said...

Enty, Enty, Enty

Ted C sucks!!!! Please stop posting his tired-ass, lame BIs. His vocab and structure drive me crazy.

BTW - who really cares about who was about to take Katie's place!!

heather

Anonymous said...

Jake and Reese

Anonymous said...

The way he says "in town" seems to make me think the guy is either foreign or from nyc...but maybe i'm reading into it the wrong way.

Anonymous said...

yeah, i agree, his style of writing bugs the absolute shit out of me.

we love you ent, not ted c

michele

Anonymous said...

Robbie Williams? He's in town, and hanging out with Lindsay Lohan. I can't guess Virginal Vamp. Maybe Scarlett Johannson?

Anonymous said...

Jeez, I wondered what happened to you there Ent, until I saw you posting from that cheeseball Ted!

I can't make head nor tail of that mess!

Pinky said...

Isn't this that tired old story about Scarlett Johansson and TC? Don't get me wrong, I believe it, it's just old and...yawn...

Anonymous said...

yeah pinky it is! i read it like 2 yrs ago. he's running out of stuff obviously BOO Ted C BOO!!!

heather

WTF said...

I can never figure out Ted's posts. Do you have to be very very drunk? very stupid or super smart??

Anonymous said...

it is reece and jake g and vv is natalie portman. sorta obvi....

Anonymous said...

Hayden Christenson

Cari F. said...

UN...READ...ABLE - seriously stop with the Ted C. shit.

Anonymous said...

The "22 seconds" thing caught my eye...the next bond film is labled as Bond 22 on imdb

ms09 said...

Can never understand a damn thing he's say'n !!

Anonymous said...

When was the last time the words "virginal" and "Scarlett Johannsen" were used in the same sentence?

hez said...

Love you Ent, but you know I am part of the chorus that does not like reading Ted C. Please consider maybe using a Lainey BI or one from somewhere else. Ted C's writing makes me hate my eyes for learning how to read.

Don't get me wrong -- I love gossip, but even my procrastinating ass thinks life's too short to read painfully bad writing like that. I seriously hate it.

Either print only the first paragraph and then give a link to the source like they do on Defamer, or maybe just skip it altogether.

That's my only beef about this blog at the moment. But it's a beefy one.

::And now, I imagine Ent dressed in Tom Ford and the love fest resumes::

Anonymous said...

Notice how Ted C never reveals a BL? Poor baby is afraid of getting sued out his ass. Instead he baits his readers and they keep coming back for more.

Who could ever be surprised at Ted C runing some tired bit about Tom Cruise and Katie Whatshername?

Anonymous said...

Ted C is horrible - he used to be decent - now half the time he posts any gossip, it's weeks old - I hate his blind stuff.

ms_wonderland said...

I never have trouble understanding Ted! Maybe it's because I'm British, and used to campy language?

Jake and Reese did come to mind. Who wears lacy little things in their films? I also thought of Orlando because of those hints about a posh background - hors d'oeuvres?

Ted uses the word 'conjuring' which reminds me of two magician films from last year - The Illusionist and The Prestige. Scarlett Johanssen and jessica Biel. Scarlett wore lacy panties in Lost in Translation, but why would an actress of her stature go for a bearding situation? Desultory means going from one thing to another without a plan - does that sound like anyone?

B :) said...

Virginal Vamp Hilary Duff

Harry Potter/Equus Daniel Radcliffe

hi enty :o)

Anonymous said...

I never have any trouble reading Ted either. And I happen to love his BI's. Ted doesn't write up BI's that happened months or years ago so, this is in no way about Tom Cruise. And he is not like Ent and takes his BI's from inside information on what is going to be in the next "National Enquirer" or "Star" issue. When did they become quotable sources anyways????
Any hoo, those guessing Tom, it's not going to be about that.
By the way, do not get me wrong, I love this site. But, since we are griping about BI's I just wanted to say I liked it better when Ent gave us true BI's that he knew or heard from a credible source and not this whole taking stories off (unreliable) websites and magazines. When he posts his BI's now, you can google and find the answer in 5 mins. But, maybe that's why everyone likes them :-)

Dorothy said...

I cannot put into words how much Ted Cs BI irk me.

Anonymous said...

I'm w/ 11:06, no trouble understanding Ted & agree w/ the BI perspective. Truth is always better. I think that's the difference w Ted, Page Six, Gatecrasher, 3am vs EL: they're actually working w/ human sources, they're real BIs and using their names to post them. This site is alot of fiction w/ googled "BIs" simply rewritten. I'm one of many who believe the original BIs were not insider info, but old rumors written anew. Oh well, as you said, it's easy to get them in 5 mins w/ Google.

Anonymous said...

Since it's not here, let me say Ted eliminated Scarlett, Jessica and Anne Hathaway by putting them in the "and it's not group". Looks like Jakey (Toothy) is the fruit. He has appeared as a BI in Ted's column tons as Toothy. The girl who beat VV to it, Reese Witherspoon. I am just working on VV now. Ted would have made up a name for the fruit and spoke more about him except he couldn't or we would finger toothy/Jake in a heartbeat.

Anonymous said...

Mandy Moore is VV. No one is more virginal. Saved, Touched by an Angel, A Walk to Remember. Also we all know she is not above considering a fake relationship. *cough* DJ AM. The 22 thing.. I don't know. She was 22 but, she turned 23 on Tuesday. That's the best I can do with that

Anonymous said...

Anon 11:27 (the first)

You writing is worse than Ted's, so it's no wonder you can interpret, or re-interpret in your own banal way.

Ted hasn't been a gossip for several years. He intimates all this insider knowledge while he writes BIs about the same 3 people - and it's always a closeted gays. Yawn.

Ent's BIs are real gossip, the ugly little details which expose the whole celebrity. They are the best on the Web, bar none.

I agree with this guess -

Nat Portman - Virg Vamp
Jake G - closet case
Reese W - contract girlfriend

Not that this is true, since Ted makes his BIs so fuzzy it could be hundreds of different players - no details or clever wording to sweeten the puzzle. He is a waste of time. I also wish that Ent would use Lainey's rather than Ted's BIs.

B :) said...

I saw such a cute picture of Jake and Austin at a b-ball game this week. Jakey was blushing and leaning in to him. While looking at him lovingly.

Chemistry!

Anonymous said...

Wow 11:45 why so much hate for those you don't agree with?! Kudos to you for believing EL is real no matter what others write or the EL mistakes they so rudely point out. I have to disagree w/ your Ted view as not a "working gossip". His interviews, invites, contacts and coverage of REAL people are well documented as he signs his name to his work.

Anonymous said...

11:45- I am not the one you were talking to but, and I love Ent, Ent has told us BI's would reveal themselves that never did. They have been forgotten and pushed under the rug. The bicoastal couple who was breaking up (Nick and Vannessa who are still very much together). There are many more I could go back and find them if you make me but, I am lazy. Ent. gets his BI's now from unreliable sources. He put that Hulk item out as a "Blind Item" and it's already scheduled to run in a stupid rag next week. Half of his BI's truly are copied right off of other websites with his own twist put on it. Just like his Singer leaving with ex fiance. Every other website on the web was reporting Cisco and Kim were in the same place at the same time one night and many of those people have said repeatedly that they did not leave together. Because they didn't. We cannot solve BI's right if we don't have accurate information and we never do. His BI's are not the best on the web because if you actually look around they are already all over the web before he runs them. I still love him muches though. And don't try to make fun of my writing because I know I suck :-)

Anonymous said...

Good for you 12:16! As many long term readers can tell you, there are SO MANY other examples of "screwups" w/ the BIs here & the "reveals". I assume that is why there is no longer a board where many of those were pointed out. You are guaranteed to be attacked now by the believer/Hez faction and called various lovely names. Many are not here for the "gossip" or BIs, but rather how far can these "writers" go w/ stretching the limits of what gullible people will believe.

brendalove@gmail.com said...

My God people, how much gossip do you think is out there? There is only a finite amount out there to dig up each day.

Getchaowndamnblog if you can do better.

Anonymous said...

Ent,

You know these people yelling about how they hate Ted are detractors because:

1.) they are either very stupid girls who cannot work out a crossword. Things they have to untangle physically hurt their brains.

2.) one or two posters have to post several times because they cannot stand Ted for whatever (yawn) reason.

3.) Ted's upset someone's PR agents again.

Please continue to post Ted. His blind items are the best, he has great sources and a lot of the others can't hold a candle to his gossip. They are fun. Lainey herself has called him the kind of gossip.

I bet what that guy has learnt over the year would make heads explode if it came out. People just give him flak because he's actually cleverer that they are with his riddles. Because they can't work them out they have to call him lame and stupid. But the joke's on them. ;)

Btw, I think this is Tom Cruise and his beards for hire band.

Anonymous said...

I agree 12:24.

And I'd also like to add that this whole ZX blog is bullsh*t. Seriously, what respectable actress would agree to blog about her life and let it be posted on a gossip site. It's total fiction... just like the bottom of the home page points out.

Oh, and I'd also like to say that all the negativity and insults in all the message boards are out of control. Everyone has the right to their own opinion.. and they should not be chastized for sharing it with others.

Anonymous said...

Amen 12:43. There is a site on Eonline for BIs from everywhere (except these LOL) that's polite and with good solid guesses for real BIs.

Anonymous said...

Where is the CDAN message board? Link doesn't work.

Anonymous said...

12:50 - I know, I read it everyday! It's great! There are a few snippy ones in there, but most everyone is very polite!

-12:43

Anonymous said...

Hey here's a thought.

If you dont beleive the site or EL as real then kindly fuck right off.
Stop coming back dumbasses!

Thank you, as you were.

Anonymous said...

Natalie Jake and Reese

Wasn't Natalie in a movie called V for Vendetta?

Anonymous said...

1:20 Perhaps you should read the comments. Many are here BECAUSE they believe it's not real, it's the watch the "train wreck" factor.

Anonymous said...

This is so old. Ted is getting lame.

This is about Tom Cruise, Scarlett J and Katie. It's over two years old. Tom had a list of starlets and decided to chose a new girlfriend from this list for publicity sake - - - Jessica Alba, Jessica Biel, Scarlett and Katie were rumored to be on the list....I can't remember who number five was. Scarlett was apparently choice #1 because she had huge buzz and was just beginning to get good reviews. But she waffled and Katie moved from the end to the top of the list.

Anonymous said...

For God's sake if you are going to guess read up first. Ted has already said it's not Scarlett. Or Jessica Biel so don't say her next

Claudea said...

Hey Ent.
I've been reading your blog since the beginning now. I don't comment often but, reading the other comments today, I felt I needed to butt in. ;)
I think adding Ted C.'s BV is a great idea. If ppl don't like him it's ok, they can just skip to another post! Also, I'm very pleased with Zx's blogging: I don't really care who this actress is, i'm just glad to get to know a person with a different origin and life than mine, that's it.
I believe that except a few crazy spoiled brat, most ppl in hollywood must be quite normal. The press and even the gossip world always seem to make a big deal out of their lifes... I think that most ppl just try to make a living and to lead a confortable life (of course, 'confortable' is all relative! ;) )

anyway, thanks for your everyday efforts...

Anonymous said...

Ent is NOT admitting on the bottom of the page that some of these items are made up. I think he is referencing the jokey stuff he says, like how he's old, balding and overweight or when he's fantasizing what a celeb might be saying in a photo. This is the fiction he speaks of--I think the rest of the stuff is actually stuff he has heard...you know, GOSSIP.

Anonymous said...

Is it true that Ted C uses the same number of syllables for the fake moniker as the real name in his blind items?

B

Anonymous said...

^ He did use to but, he has been discovered and I don't think he does anymore.
And to a post above, over at E! online they used to put EL's BI's there. I don't know why they quit but they were not as good at solving them over there as we were here :-). But, there are some big fans of this site over there. Some. Me :-)

fo real said...

is it just me or is Ted C blinds the hardest to read?

Anonymous said...

I LOVE ENT!!!
I LOVE LOVE LOVE Lainey (Hi Hez)!!!!
I enjoy Ted C. -- I certainly don't find his style to be difficult. It's witty and entertaining. I just think the only goss he has is about closeted gays. I mean, his life is openly entrenched in the very strong gay culture in L.A. so it makes sense that his sources are from that same crowd.
How hard is it to scroll down past the Ted C items if they are so very troublesome? Just move on, and you certainly should not waste your time bothering with the comment section. It's not like reading the site is an assignment at work, so skip the parts you don't like. (Hey, if reading this site is a paid assignment for you, please send me a job application ASAP!!!!)
Chill Peeps. It's just 4 fun
- Kellygrrrl

Anonymous said...

p.s. I think it's brilliant comic irony that so many of the people who complain about Ted C's writing style are broderline illiterate!!!!!! --- kellygrrrl

VERA said...

I love Ted! This is about JAKE.

missbliss said...

^^^^ LOL. Vera I think u could be right.

Anonymous said...

I love Ted, too! Please keep posting them. If people don't want to read them, they can skip them. This is obviously about Jake and Reese, and I agree that Virginal could very well be Mandy Moore. She totally fits.

Anonymous said...

EL, your column rocks, and Ted C is just annoying and impossible to read. Please no more Ted C posts! (and this blind item is not even blind anymore - Reese/Jake). Why bother????

Anonymous said...

I like Ted! Keep em coming ENT. Yeah, we all know Jake is toothy tile. This Reese thing is baloney. I'm not sure if Reese is virginal vamp though. Maybe she's the other actress...

Anonymous said...

EL please post the BIs from Laineygossip. Her site doesn't have a way to add comments. It would be great to see what others are guessing.

Anonymous said...

Ok, I'm an Indiana girl and very very naive so please don't laugh at my question... Would an actress (for ex, Katie Holmes) knowingly go to the lengths of having children with a man that was rumored to be gay just to be his beard? I can see the fake relationships and all (Jake & Resse for example), but to actually have children with them seems to go overboard. Would people really do that??

Anonymous said...

5:59AM. In a word, Yes. Have in the past, will in the future.

Anonymous said...

Some of you folks obviously aren't reading the item, it says a "very very famous fruit", Jake is not that famuous yet. Tom Cruise is.

And yes Ted C. is a bullshit artist using Jake for the TT bI. Even if Jake is gay or bisexual, Ted seems to be making a lot of that stuff up from other blogs and websites.