Here are some of the allegations Andrew Morton makes in his new book about Tom Cruise including that Suri is actually the child of L. Ron Hubbard. This is good stuff people. Even better than we all hoped for.
#1 Tom Cruise has become the de-facto second in command of the Church of Scientology.
#2 Morton compares Suri to the Devil's child in the film Rosemary's Baby.
#3 Scientology has taken over the 45-year-old actor's life, with its officials selecting many of the staff at his Hollywood mansion.
#4 Cruise is consulted by Scientology leader David Miscavige on "every aspect of planning and policy" and is tailoring his career to fit the aims of Scientology.
Miscavige is said in the book to have gone to extraordinary lengths to charm Cruise, even ordering his staff to plant a field full of wild flowers at a Scientology base in California after Cruise had told him of his fantasy to run through a wildflower meadow with his then newlywed wife Nicole Kidman.
The relationship between the two men is so close that, according to Morton's book, Miscavige even joined him on honeymoon in the Maldives after his wedding to Katie Holmes in 2006.
Of course Tom denies each and everything in the book. Hell, he probably disagrees with the fact that he was married to Nicole Kidman or even Katie Holmes. He is married to them right? Scientology lawyers are believed to be drawing up a lawsuit seeking $100M in compensation from Morton's publishers, St Martin's Press.
Cruise's lawyer Bert Fields criticized a passage in which Morton claims some "fanatical" Scientologists believed Suri Cruise was actually the result of a sperm donation by Scientology's dead founder, L. Ron Hubbard.
That's right folks. Morton says that Suri is actually L Ron's child. How f**king cool is that.
Morton writes that Katie might feel like she was in "the horror movie Rosemary's Baby, in which an unsuspecting young woman is impregnated with the Devil's child".
Mr Fields said: "It's not being published in England. The American publishers criticised the libel laws in Britain because they require an author to tell the truth. Well, thank God for the British libel laws."
Cruise will not be reading the book when it is published in the United States on January 15, Mr Fields said. "He has no intention of reading it. He's very, very busy with a lot of things right now.
"He has been told about it and naturally he knows there are a bunch of lies about him. You can imagine what it must be like to have someone compare your baby girl to Rosemary's Baby. Morton should be ashamed of himself.
"It's a boring, poorly researched book by a man who never talked to anyone involved in Tom Cruise's life or anyone close to him.
"There's no real independent research. He hasn't spoken to his mother, his sister, me, Paula Wagner [Cruise's film producing partner], his agent, his wives, David Beckham, Will Smith, Jennifer Lopez or any of the famous directors he's worked with. Instead you've got this long, boring reference to people he knew 30 years ago."
Morton's book follows Cruise's career from the beginning and details how Cruise became consumed by Scientology.
His involvement in Scientology began in 1986 when he was recruited by his first wife Mimi Rogers, a Scientologist who gave him some literature on the subject.
Morton claims Scientologists pursued Cruise as part of a campaign to recruit celebrities.
Morton quotes former senior member Karen Pressley as saying: "A senior Scientology executive would be on the phone telling us that Emilio Estevez was staying in Malibu and that we had 48 hours to speak to him and get him in for an auditing session. There was so much heat and pressure on this it was outrageous."
Cruise's recruitment was a coup for his wife Mimi but when their marriage began to fail in 1990 the hierarchy sided with him, according to Morton.
He quotes a former Scientologist saying: "The impetus was to help Tom Cruise and within 24 hours they had agreed to split up."
Morton says David Miscavige sought to rebuild Scientology's reputation, battered by a fraud scandal in 1982.
He invited Cruise to his "desert lair" in 1989, a 500-acre resort in Hemet, 90 miles from Los Angeles, nicknamed "Gold Base".
Miscavige lives there with Scientology's most devoted followers called Sea Organisation or Sea Org.
Morton claims the base was surrounded by security cameras, with "secret plans to rig the perimeter with homemade explosives in case of attack", as well as a "man-made eyrie where eagle-eyed guards with high-powered rifles fitted with telescopic sights scanned sunbaked California scrub for possible intruders".
According to Morton, the followers were not treated well. Miscavige, he says, was followed everywhere by an entourage "who slavishly tape-recorded his every utterance".
Scientologists say Gold Base is simply home to their film studios and production facilities where the organization's literature, videos and E-meters are made, and say Morton's characterisation of Miscavige is based on testimony disproved in court.
When Cruise met Miscavige, the two men hit it off, Morton says. He quotes former Scientologist Jesse Prince as saying: "They were like glue, two little people who really enjoyed each other. They laughed the same and acted the same. They were like glove puppets, he was a big star and he was head of a religion."
Miscavige indulged Cruise's whims, ordering Sea Org workers to build a tennis court and gym to impress Cruise (facilities Scientologists say already existed).
According to Morton: "When Tom confided to the Scientology leader about the couple's fantasy of running through a meadow of wild flowers together, his friend apparently decided to make his dream come true.
"A team of 20 Sea Org disciples was set to work digging, hoeing, and planting wheat grass and wildflower seed near the Cruises' bungalow.
"Naturally the work was regularly inspected by David and Shelley Miscavige [his wife], who would ride over to the site on his motorbike. They were apparently unhappy with the finished appearance and had the area ploughed over and reseeded."
Although Scientologists deny the wildflower planting ever happened, Morton claims to have legal affidavits from several witnesses.
Morton says the indulgences came with a price, that Scientology took over the Cruises' new home in Los Angeles where Tom employed "a plethora of nannies, chefs, gardeners, housekeepers, and security staff.
"It was said that many were Scientologists who were carefully vetted by Scientology officials, the procedure often taking months in order to find a suitable candidate with the right background and attitude to work for Scientology's poster boy.
"Candidates would be interviewed on videotape by a Scientology executive before being approved. A Scientology executive later dismissed the claim as 'preposterous'."
Scientology executives contributed to the failure of Cruise's marriage to Kidman, Morton implies.
Morton says that Cruise was asked in 1999 to do a "Potential Trouble Source/Suppressive Person course...designed to anchor an individual's faith while pinpointing those in his life who create problems".
Morton claims Scientologists were worried that Kidman might be a problem because her father was a psychologist - "which automatically made her a Potential Trouble Source" - and she had given an interview emphasising her roots as a Catholic.
"The fear was that a lukewarm Nicole could fatally compromise Tom's commitment to his faith," Morton writes.
"Somehow Tom had to be inoculated against the virus of doubt.
"The surefire cure for scepticism was the Potential Trouble Source/ Suppressive Person course, which reinforced wavering Scientologists' loyalty while making them more suspicious of those around them who were not members of the faith."
When Cruise decided to leave Nicole in 2000, she was worried that she might not be able to see the two children the couple had adopted.
Morton quotes a former highranking Scientologist claiming he received a call from Kidman's lawyer Bill Beslow: "At this point Nicole hated Scientology but was concerned for the kids.
"She did not want to ruin her relationship with them. I told the lawyer if she wants to stay with the children she will have to be quiet and not speak out about Scientology."
In particular, Morton claims she was worried about her "audit" tapes, which contained details of her sex life and which she feared might be leaked if she spoke out.
Morton recounts allegations that "auditing" focuses on the subject's sex life.
He quotes Hubbard's son, Ronald De Wolf, who fell out with his father, giving a Playboy interview: "You have complete control of someone if you have every detail of his sex life and fantasy life on record. In Scientology the focus is on sex. Sex, sex, sex.
"The first thing we wanted to know about someone we were auditing was his sexual deviations. All you've got to do is find a person's kinks, whatever they might be.
"Their dreams and their fantasies. Then you can fit a ring through their noses and take them anywhere. You promise to fulfil their fantasies or you threaten to expose them."
Morton says Karen Pressley was at Gold Base one evening when John Travolta's sexuality was openly discussed.
He writes: "'It made my head spin,' she recalls, 'and made me realize that the idea of confidentiality was a chimera.' As another Scientology executive admitted bluntly, 'These files come in handy if they want to blackmail you'."
Cruise's attempts at new relationships, with actresses Penelope Cruz and Sofia Vergara, did not work out.
Morton claims Cruz's father Eduardo "was concerned that his famous daughter could be drawn into what he considered a cult - and, like so many others, be lost to him and his family for ever.
"Eventually he emailed an organization devoted to helping cult members and their families. It was only after a long exchange of correspondence that officials realised they were dealing with Penelope Cruz's father."
Cruise's shorter-lived relationship with Vergara included a visit to the Scientologists' Celebrity Center in California.
Morton claims: "It was on this trip that Sofia realised Tom was never alone. Everywhere he went, he was surrounded by Scientologists. They were at his home, they were in his car, they were at the restaurant. They were never short of smiles, but she found them 'powerful and authoritarian'.
"One friend told me, 'She met his children, there is no doubt he was auditioning her for the part of his wife.' Sofia told friends she had been deliberately targeted not only as a possible bride for Tom, but as a high-profile Scientology recruit who would be an alluring figurehead for a future recruitment drive in Latin America."
Cruise's lawyer described the allegation as "ridiculous".
Morton claims that as Cruise has moved higher up the echelons of the Church of Scientology he has made more and more decisions about his life and career to simply promote his religion.
The author says Germany's population of 80million made it a perfect "new market" for Scientology, although the church is not recognised officially as a religion there.
"David Miscavige and his lieutenants were in Scientology's war room at Hemet, planning the invasion of Germany. From time to time they were joined in their desert bunker by Tom, who these days is the organization's second-in-command in all but name, involved in every aspect of planning and policy."
Morton says Cruise's current mission is to recruit David and Victoria Beckham. The actor invited Miscavige to a Real Madrid game back in 2004 and held a celebrity party for the couple when they moved to Los Angeles.
Of the bizarre beliefs Morton ascribes to some Scientologists about Cruise's third wife, Katie Holmes, whom the actor married in a whirlwind romance, the author says, incredibly: "Some Sea Org fanatics even wondered if the actress had been impregnated with Hubbard's frozen sperm.
"In her more reflective moments, Katie might have felt as if she were in the middle of a real-life version of the horror movie Rosemary's Baby, in which an unsuspecting young woman is impregnated with the Devil's child."
Mr Fields described the passage as "sick and bizarre".
"It's a pack of lies," he said. "The book suggests Scientologists somehow run his career. I've represented him for over 20 years and I've never discussed his business with David Miscavige. It's poorly researched and badly written, and it's not really even about Tom Cruise - it's an attack on Scientology."
The Church of Scientology is incensed about a series of allegations Morton makes about Miscavige, who took over from the religion's founder L. Ron Hubbard at the age of 26.
Elliot Abelson, general counsel for the Church of Scientology, said of Morton: "We tried to contact him to co-operate, to give him the truth, to give him a tour. I received nothing.
"This was a pre-ordained mission to trash Tom Cruise. He didn't ask to speak to David Miscavige and wrote some horrible things about him which are totally untrue. No one has ever made complaints of that kind."
Mr Abelson denied the actor was "second in command".
"He is a parishioner, a well respected parishioner, but that's what he is. The only person who runs the Church and makes policy decisions is David Miscavige."
Mr Abelson said no decision had been taken about legal action but he added that Scientologists may sue in Britain if the book is distributed here.
"It isn't too late for St Martin's Press to pull this book," he said.