Tuesday, June 24, 2008
Have you heard of Olivia Thirlby? Yes, she was in Juno and played Leah. Other than that? Nothing. Well guess what? She's in a new film called The Wackness with Mary Kate Olsen and Ben Kingsley. Still haven't heard of her? Well she got hired to co-star with Seth Rogen in his new film Pineapple Express. Then she must have pissed someone off or been the worst actress in the world because they fired her. Do you know how bad you have to suck to get fired after they hire you? She must have pissed off someone or, as I said she could have been the worst actress in the world. I tend to think it is a little bit of both. She got replaced by Amber Heard. You remember Amber don't you? I had some of her photos on the site recently and all of you said she looked like death. How bad do you have to suck in this world to be replaced by death? The producers were so desperate to get rid of you they chose a woman who made those recent Courtney Love photos look like a f**king Hawaiian Tropic ad.
Anyway, the reason this has me all worked up is because of all of you. See, in an attempt to give you more snark with more access, I arranged for someone to go screen The Wackness and then on Thursday is doing these little roundtables with the stars of the film that are made available. Richard, who has written a couple of things for the site is doing the interviews. So you know there will be snark. Well Mary Kate and Ben Kingsley aren't doing any press for this film. That leaves the second rung of actors in the film. Method Man definitely on board with CDAN. Josh Peck? Absolutely wants to do it.
Olivia Thirlby? Her reps decided that CDAN wasn't an appropriate site for her. An appropriate site? This b*tch can't get arrested. She should be sucking up to AARP magazine and Highlights for interviews. Not appropriate? You have got to f**king kidding me. See, the thing is, everyone who gets interviewed would probably get some love at least for a week or so. It isn't like you are going to be interviewed and then get a free pass forever. It doesn't work that way. But, at least you know you are going to get mentioned more frequently than you otherwise would and lets face it, I'm not going to be a complete ass to you.
HOWEVER, if your name is Olivia Thirlby you better never take a bad photo because it will be on the site constantly. You better never do something stupid like getting fired from an A list film like Pineapple Express. Whoops. Like Chutes and Ladders baby and you got that long ass chute that goes from like 99 back to 6. Olivia better never smoke or drink in public. She better never do anything anytime because frankly, she isn't good enough to tell you or me or any of us to f**k off. If she thinks she's good enough now, what happens when she finally does sleep with the right person and gets a movie? Then what? She will be an even bigger b*tch.
Now with that being said, enjoy the interviews Richard. Make sure you ask Method Man and Josh Peck if she was a b*tch to them also.