Friday, August 03, 2007

Ted C. Blind Item

Oh, I know what all you hets (at least the majority of you straight ones) think. You unshowered types think butt-play is for the boy-on-boy crowd, only. Oh, how very wrong-a-rooney you are.

Take Harkness Hose, for ince. We were gabbing ‘bout his terribly naughty, enormously pleasing mattress activities with one Princess Gold-Zinger a few weeks ago (One Slut Fits All Blind Vice), remember? Of course you do. Well, H2 is at it again, online, as I feared he’d be. Don’t these public figures realize they’re going to be friggin’ recognized once they do the in-person deed they’ve just sent a gazillion emails to set up?

Ah, well, I guess an engorged member has its privileges—like idiocy.

Back to H.H.: He’s hardly being true to the Princess, as everybody and his goss-lovin' mama knew would happen. But it’s not just the doggin' round that I’m reporting for this taboo tuchus installment, it’s the accoutrement with which H-babe (who, by the by, has hideous coiffure and clothing tastes) came a-callin' to his latest e-lover. Pull out the licorice-flavored lube, lovahs, and get ready:

“Even though he desperately needs a stylist and more hair transplants,” a recent conquest of H.H. relayed, privately, just to yours truly, “when the boy combs his hair and gets naked…POW!” Cowabunga-kinky, love it! But why the pow-points, exactly, I inquired, like the good little dangler digger I happen to be.

“Oh, the boy knows his way around the back end,” answered Harkness’ latest electronically arranged Juliet. “Seriously, the boy is a great f--k,” the body-to-body blabber informed moi—both with his own toys as well as the artificially made variety.

My very own own little celeb Deep Throat (or should I call her Deep, uh, never mind) assures me that Princess, too, likes this sexual alternative nooky, who knew? Actually, I did! Jeez, how many gals am I gonna have to end up, as it were, writing these kind of Vices about, huh?

17 comments:

kchal said...

Wasnt popular guess before Kate Hudson and Dax... whatever his name is?

Mooshki said...

Yeah, definitely Kate & Dax.

Has anyone ever tested Ted C. for brain damage? Might explain his writing.

Twisted Sister said...

Kchal, yes, Dax Shephard and Kate Hudson were the guesses.

janine said...

This seals it. Kate Hudson was married to Chris Robinson. Everyone with enough exposure knows that hippie jam band types love anal. Lord knows why. Maybe weed makes it easier.

Pinky said...

Janine, are you reallly Ted C.? ;)

Mooshki - brain damage! LOL

some said...

Don't play coy with us Janine, you know what makes it easier.

kellysirkus said...

Kate Hudson must like to be abused or something.
Speaking of chicks who like to be dominated, Ent, post some photos of Mena Suvari with her new bald head.

d said...

One phrase made me question whether it was Kate Hudson or not:

"...her goss-lovin mama..."

That would mean Goldie Hawn and that didn't make sense to me. Does she like gossip and has said something to the effect?

littleoleme said...

My dear kellys, you don't have to be past abused to enjoy some alterior (posterior?) enjoyment. If it's not your thing, fine. But don't knock it until you've tried it...with someone you really trust.

Melissa said...

I'm with littleoleme and I'm not even a current member of that club if you know what I mean...and I think you do. ;o)

No, She was with the Butterscotch Stallion afterall - and if you need an explanation of THAT, dear friend, we just don't have the time to explain.

As for the goss-lovin mama, I think it may be more that when Goldie was Kate's current age she was all over the place, romantically speaking. Otherwise, I wouldn't take Goldie to be a rag reader, she seems to busy having a good time to quantify the necessity of mere reading.

donna said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
donna said...

he just wrapped a movie called baby mama ...and it says "his goss lovin mama" ...

Jenny said...

I can't understand why Ted thinks it's funny to write the way he talks, it makes me crazy.

I seem to remember Ted doing another BI a while back about an actor who was real good at getting girls to enjoy the back door action, and I believe some of the guesses were Kate and the Butterscotch Stallion.

jax said...

wow people like anal play..shocking

(yawn)

mngddess said...

Christ - another Ted BI. Somebody get the translator...
Cyn

brendalove@gmail.com said...

I think Ted is totally into Dax now that he's found out about the package.

the Lasagna said...

Teddy has no interest in Dax, he's concerned about Kate spending quality time with someone who won't give up his internet groupies long enough to have a relationship with a nice, kinky girl with a child.
It really is a shame, bcoz I like them together.
hope one of his buddies shakes some sense into him before he screws up his life,
Good luck Kate! wake up Dax!