Reading Between The Lines - Kneepad Style
It has been a few weeks since I have taken apart a People article and when I read this puff piece about Ali Lohan I knew it was time again.
So, I'm referring to them as People here just because I am about to copy and paste the article and so might as well give People Magazine as much credit as possible for the following travesty.
So, I'm referring to them as People here just because I am about to copy and paste the article and so might as well give People Magazine as much credit as possible for the following travesty.
***
Ali Lohan's new single "All The Way Around" has emerged as a hit on iTunes, maintaining a steady spot on the iTunes Top 100 since its debut July 14.
Whenever you see a line that refers to the Top 100 and not Top 20, or something like that, it is always best to check. Currently Ali's song ranks 98th on the list, but it sounds much more impressive the way Kneepads writes it. I mean if they said something was a hit and then said it was at 98 they would look like idiots. Oh, Ali's song is 27 spots lower than Jessica Simpson's hit song.
Just as important to the 14-year-old is a vote of confidence from her singer sister Lindsay Lohan, and her deejay gal pal Samantha Ronson.
I guess gal-pal is People code speak for gay. Either that or People is using writers who once wrote for Laugh In. Who the hell uses the term gal-pal?
"Lindsay loves it," Ali told PEOPLE in an exclusive interview. "It was nervewracking to hear from her because she's so hugely successful, so I was like 'No, don't listen to it!' I ran out of the room when she listened to it. She's really proud of me."
Umm. Unless you have a sibling that actually hates you what do you think they are going to say about your song? And umm since when did Lindsay Lohan become an authority on all things music. Also, have you watched that Living Lohan show? Tell me honestly if you think that Ali Lohan would ever use hugely successful in a sentence. The only time she is doing the whole multiple syllable thing is when she is ordering at Starbucks or getting a manicure and pedicure.
As for Ronson, "She likes it a lot," says Lohan, adding that "it would be really cool" for Ronson to play a remix version of the tune at one her deejaying gigs.
It would be really cool and I doubt it is going to happen kid. Oh, sure if it is your birthday or she and Lindsay get in a fight and she needs some action you might hear a sample, but other than that I don't think Samantha is going to take a chance and get laughed out of the room.
Lohan's next single will be called "Close That Door," which the singer-actress says "is about closing the door to the past, and all the negativity you went through in the past." Lohan, who's currently recording additional tracks for her upcoming album, also says she's "looking at back-up dancers" for an upcoming video and tour.
That is from the press release about the song and are the exact same words everyone uses to describe the song. Of course since Ali didn't actually write that song and only heard it for the first time the day she recorded it, I'm sure it is very meaningful to her. The only looking at she is doing is trolling through MySpace photos of guys she thinks are hot. Or girls. Nothing wrong with that.
In fact, if her E! series Living Lohan, also starring her manager-mom Dina, continues for a second season, it will likely focus on Lohan going on tour. "If anything, it'll be me on the tour bus. I’m not sure yet."
Wow, when People can't spin the part about your show getting picked up you know it must be in some serious trouble. If it is picked up we can see ten episodes of Ali Lohan sitting on a tour bus whining about everything and how life isn't fair and why she is so ugly and everyone is beautiful. Wait that last part is me not her.
Also on the horizon: Lohan may head to China and Italy this fall to film the movie Troll. " I got the role, but I'm still thinking about it," she said.
Well thanks for ruining this week's episode for me. Yeah you keep thinking about it. Damn I can hear this kid whining even in this puff piece article. I have never heard such a whiny spoiled brat in my entire life. She is even worse than the kids on that MTV Sweet 16 show. God, I need a drink and it is barely 10am.
Ali Lohan's new single "All The Way Around" has emerged as a hit on iTunes, maintaining a steady spot on the iTunes Top 100 since its debut July 14.
Whenever you see a line that refers to the Top 100 and not Top 20, or something like that, it is always best to check. Currently Ali's song ranks 98th on the list, but it sounds much more impressive the way Kneepads writes it. I mean if they said something was a hit and then said it was at 98 they would look like idiots. Oh, Ali's song is 27 spots lower than Jessica Simpson's hit song.
Just as important to the 14-year-old is a vote of confidence from her singer sister Lindsay Lohan, and her deejay gal pal Samantha Ronson.
I guess gal-pal is People code speak for gay. Either that or People is using writers who once wrote for Laugh In. Who the hell uses the term gal-pal?
"Lindsay loves it," Ali told PEOPLE in an exclusive interview. "It was nervewracking to hear from her because she's so hugely successful, so I was like 'No, don't listen to it!' I ran out of the room when she listened to it. She's really proud of me."
Umm. Unless you have a sibling that actually hates you what do you think they are going to say about your song? And umm since when did Lindsay Lohan become an authority on all things music. Also, have you watched that Living Lohan show? Tell me honestly if you think that Ali Lohan would ever use hugely successful in a sentence. The only time she is doing the whole multiple syllable thing is when she is ordering at Starbucks or getting a manicure and pedicure.
As for Ronson, "She likes it a lot," says Lohan, adding that "it would be really cool" for Ronson to play a remix version of the tune at one her deejaying gigs.
It would be really cool and I doubt it is going to happen kid. Oh, sure if it is your birthday or she and Lindsay get in a fight and she needs some action you might hear a sample, but other than that I don't think Samantha is going to take a chance and get laughed out of the room.
Lohan's next single will be called "Close That Door," which the singer-actress says "is about closing the door to the past, and all the negativity you went through in the past." Lohan, who's currently recording additional tracks for her upcoming album, also says she's "looking at back-up dancers" for an upcoming video and tour.
That is from the press release about the song and are the exact same words everyone uses to describe the song. Of course since Ali didn't actually write that song and only heard it for the first time the day she recorded it, I'm sure it is very meaningful to her. The only looking at she is doing is trolling through MySpace photos of guys she thinks are hot. Or girls. Nothing wrong with that.
In fact, if her E! series Living Lohan, also starring her manager-mom Dina, continues for a second season, it will likely focus on Lohan going on tour. "If anything, it'll be me on the tour bus. I’m not sure yet."
Wow, when People can't spin the part about your show getting picked up you know it must be in some serious trouble. If it is picked up we can see ten episodes of Ali Lohan sitting on a tour bus whining about everything and how life isn't fair and why she is so ugly and everyone is beautiful. Wait that last part is me not her.
Also on the horizon: Lohan may head to China and Italy this fall to film the movie Troll. " I got the role, but I'm still thinking about it," she said.
Well thanks for ruining this week's episode for me. Yeah you keep thinking about it. Damn I can hear this kid whining even in this puff piece article. I have never heard such a whiny spoiled brat in my entire life. She is even worse than the kids on that MTV Sweet 16 show. God, I need a drink and it is barely 10am.
