Wednesday, December 10, 2008

Maybe Xenu Has It


According to Canada's National Post, Tom Cruise has dispatched assistants throughout Toronto searching for a missing Blackberry. That's right, Tom Cruise has lost his Blackberry. I don't even want to know what is in it. I would love to speculate what's in it though. Can you imagine if someone had the balls to actually post online everything found in that Blackberry. That would be priceless. I know of course it would be a violation of Tom's privacy but it would be really interesting to see what he had on there besides phone numbers. Oh, think of the crank call possibilities for the first few days. It would not take long for everyone to get new numbers but in the meantime, have you ever wanted to call Leah Remini's house in the middle of the night? Would you like to have some one on one time with Katie Holmes and find out what in the hell she is really doing with Tom? I don't even want to think about the e-mails he has on there or possibly photos. This, if true would be the most viewed item in the history of the internet. The stories would go on for months and months.

I'm surprised he doesn't have some kind of stress meter attached to it so when someone picks it up it automatically sends a signal to the grave of L Ron which immediately sends out a signal to everyone in Scientology that someone unauthorized has picked up the phone of Tom Cruise. OK, probably not, but this story is fun and I so much want it to be true.

35 comments:

Mooshki said...

Holy cow. Okay, all Toronto CDANers, out on the streets NOW!!!

linnea said...

please. make this be true. i beg you. MAKE IT TRUE!

hotchacha said...

Okay, I'm on it!

Anonymous said...

lol@linnea

Anonymous said...

this would be far more epic than when Paris Hilton's sidekick got hacked.

Kevin said...

I'M ON IT!

kris said...

ha...this could be dee-light-ful.....

linnea said...

alright guys, lets do this - the number one thing you would like to find in Tom Cruises blackberry? I am going to opt for
-a copy of his contract with Katie Holmes.

Any other ideas?

twunty mcslore said...

What a fabulous early Christmas present to the world if this is true! And how many people will panic and change their phone numbers?!

hotchacha said...

The global activation code for the brain chips in the robot army.

Wait no, I'm sorry. That was glib.

MontanaMarriott said...

Hmmm his little black book of MALE escorts

OR
Pictures of Nicole Kidman before her sex change, lololol

KellyLynn said...

lol@hotchacha. I was thinking of either raunchy pictures of him or his mail escorts. I can't think of anything Scientology-like that would be remotely interesting...unless, of course, he has a direct line listed to Xenu. I can imagine someone calling that number and being surprised to find John Travolta on the other end of the line.

Janepod said...

I think it's a fix. Someone will find it and leak emails from every starlet in Hollywood begging Tom to leave Katie, DNA testing confirming Tom and Katie as Suri's parents, sperm counts showing how Tom's got eleventy billion swimmers more than the average man, emails from Spielberg, Spike Jonze, Soderbergh, etc. begging Tom to star in their next film ...

Everything this guy does is staged. Why wouldn't this be staged as well?

hotchacha said...

I don't know about the male escorts. There was zero sex vibe about him at all on Monday. As if he doesn't do it with anyone.

MizCaramel said...

What KellyLynn said I ditto! I hope this is true and I hope they find video of him and whichever male you want doing the nasty, not under sheets, nope right plain out there for all to see. Now I will have to do penance for wishing such evil on Tom and a 9th Step.

I'm sorry Tom but you just erk the sh!t out of me.

jax said...

ok hotchacha you either work for MTV Canada, Much or ET Canada. i will find out! lol.

maybe it has a scandalous to do list.

- pick up Suri
- verbally abuse Katie
- get fitted for new lifts.
- call Beckhams to arrange PR night.
- 'lose' blackberry
- engage in homoerotic activities.
- send travolta a thank you note.
- make a shitty movie.
-crank call Sumner Redstones ex wife.
- invade the world
- take David Miscavige out for 'date night' my choice!

AnonMom said...

hotchacha - that's what lainey's saying, too. Very interesting.

Amber said...

If I find it.. I'll look through all his mail/address book and send you all the juicy stuff.

hotchacha said...

Jax: Nope I work for myself. Even Enty knows that.

linnea said...

hahaha @ jax

amster said...

I would love to see his day planner, if it has things like take Suri in for her replacement chip and tuneup then you know it was the real deal. If it has things like send Kate a few dozen roses for the great sex last night then you know it was planted.

Valentine Baby said...

Yeah, Nicole used to complain about the lack of sex in their marriage. As did Mimi Rogers.

Maybe that's why Katie looks so down and out...

tania said...

No sex stuff - I tend to agree that Tom doesn't care much for the old squish-and-squirt.
But maybe Scientology world take-over plans, or other Xenu-prompted dirty dealings?

selenakyle said...

Yeah, Mimi Rogers said a long time ago that he lives like a monk, which I take to mean either celibate or asexual.

He could be one of those idiots who thinks his sperm is his sacred "essence" or some crap and loses some of himself when he lets any out.

Jeez, my husband's 53 and believe me, Tom--that stuff just keeps on a-producin' if you let a little seep out every now and then!

bionic bunny! said...

lol@everybody!
selena- yup, even at that age, just like the energizer bunny!
~pun intended~

jax said...

i have to say i saw the best interview with Tom post-couch jumping last night on The Hour with George Strombo...boy asked all the tough questions and then some. it was great. yay Canada.

hmm hotchacha, while i dont dispute your validity, the only shows granted access to Tom from what i've seen/read is those i listed and The Hour. i just took from your comment that you met or chatted with him. damn my nosy nose!

lutefisk said...

I doubt he lost it--he's just looking for publicity before his movie release.

hotchacha said...

Jax: Because of a work affiliation, I was invited to sit in and watch, and met him briefly at that point.

jax said...

nice!

bionic bunny! said...

i have to agree, i think it's a publicity stunt. i'm pretty sure "whoops, we found it in katie's thong" or some such nonsense.
or a published letter of thanks to some unnamed good citizen who found it and turned it in without perusing it. tommy girl calls a little press conference, thanks said citizen publicly, gives him a little gift, or takes him to a showing of his movie which Citizen gushes about, talks about what a wonderful guy tc is, what a loving couple they are, down to earth, etc., etc.
of course, Citizen is on the payroll.
whataya'll think? good scenario?

AnonMom said...

Bionic Bunny - adding to your scenario -- we discover nude photos from an unknown MISTRESS ... thereby adding to the charade that TC is such a ladies man AND THEREBY RELEASING KATIE FROM HER CONTRACT!!!!

Ha ha ha ... this is fun!

lutefisk said...

exactly my thoughts Bunny!

bionic bunny! said...

thank you, thank you, i'll be here all week!
don't forget to tip your waitress!
tee-hee!
maybe we should start a facebook group...on second thought, let's not. too easy for the scios to track us down!!

Jamie's Girl said...

Ok, Janepod, you get the post of the day!

I believe you. Nothing is accidental. Please, like Scientology leaders would let him carry his own blackberry without all his emails being read by them first.

shakey said...

I know, I'm late to the party. It's Katie's remote. Hopefully it's off, so her batteries don't drain.

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