Thursday, March 04, 2010

Gwyneth Is Knackered - Affecting Her Mind


I just love when Gwyneth Paltrow goes all UK on us. In the latest issue of GOOP, Gwyneth talks about lack of sleep. Instead of saying she is always tired or exhausted, she uses the word knackered. Nothing wrong with the word. It sounds fun. I think she just uses it though to remind us all that she doesn't live in America full-time. There are not too many UPS drivers who get off their shift at the end of the day, plop down on the sofa and tell their spouse they are knackered.

Anyway, Gwyneth is so knackered that she figures all of us must be too and has one of her doctors give us a lesson on sleep. All good information. What kills me about her five line note is that until Gwyneth read a book recently she had no idea that not getting enough sleep could cause any kind of health problems. Yeah. So, let me see. I haven't read that book, but I am guessing if you only sleep an hour or two a night for awhile that you are probably going to get ill or sick or cranky or have a newborn.

To get that good sleep at night, Gwyneth then pushes lots of different products at you most of which are really expensive. Instead of offering a mixed selection of expensive and reasonable Gwyneth only offers the high end products and says, "Linens should be 100% cotton in a high thread count, if your budget allows. Here are a few brands that offer high-quality linens:"

There is no section for anyone on a budget. Does she not read things people write about her site? Does she have her head so far up her butt that she doesn't hear what "everyday people" are going through? Who does she write this thing for?

34 comments:

RocketQueen said...

Lol! Thank you for this! I read her GOOP early this morning before coffee and totally rolled my eyes at "knackered".
Oh G, you're sooooooo English, aintcha?

Shmooey said...

"Here are a few brands that offer high-quality linens:"

Has she made a deal with these companies and is getting a percentage of the sales profit?

Anonymous said...

Actually you can get pretty good linens at Sears or Target too, Paltrow. Or even Goodwill, if you check often enough.

Personally I never notice how silky my sheets are once I'm asleep. It must be that she's a princess and I'm too much of a peasant to feel the pea under the mattress.

Miss Bitch said...

She's a cunt. (Wait, am I allowed to say that in here?)

Patty said...

My money is on head up butt.

Cheryl said...

She writes this thing for our amusement.

captivagrl said...

melinda c - yes, and I concur.

Lady J said...

She writes it so she can teach us PEONS...because we are soooo beneath her. She is so out of touch with reality. Let the Brits keep cause we sure don't want her here

Lady J said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Mango said...

@ Melinda C: Sorry to correct you, but Gwyneth is not only a cunt, she's a self-entitled, pretentious cunt. She really is such an ass and the voice she uses in her newsletter is so stilted and contrived. Who the fuck uses the word, "imbibe"?

I really dislike the C word, but sometimes it's the only word that fits.

warmislandsun said...

Did she confuse knackered for cankered?

Maja With a J said...

It seems to me that Gwyneth Paltrow doesn't really know a whole lot about anything. And she thinks everyone is just as ignorant as her. Remember last year when she was pushing cleanses and said that up until just then, she didn't know that fasting could actually have an adverse effect on your health.

Really, Gwyneth Paltrow?

This woman is a raging moron and the fact that she was allowed to procreate really frightens me.

Leah said...

Well, for those who have trouble falling asleep: try Melatonin. It costs $5.00 a bottle.

MommaBear said...

Oh ain't she precious. I wonder what the Brits think of her?

I once heard a wise man say: "You can't make chicken soup out of chicken shit." Whenever I read about her, those words come to mind. No matter how she dolls herself up and cocoons herself in the finest things, she's still a really dumb, out of touch, classless twit.

Anonymous said...

Leah you should post that in at her site LOL.

I can't stand this idiot.

Shmooey said...

@MommaBear:

Here's one opinion: I kind of feel sorry for her.
I remember the days when she would giggle on talkshows about kissing Leo DiCaprio, and how quirky the British were, and how disgusting English cuisine is.

I also remember my teacher telling us how she was working on a film here with one of his friends, but wouldn't speak to her or have her speak directly to her - all communication had to be done through her PA.

Now she's not so hot professionally, she spends her time giving out unsolicited advice on linens over the internet. 'Nuff said.

Selock said...

Does she find it comforting to believe that wellness requires an endless stream of expensive products? Because....I mean....really?

She seems a lot less happy and healthy to me than those tribal guys who run all the time (without shoes), eat like fish and fruit only but drink whiskey and smoke...and have no incidence of diabetes/heart disease/whatever in their culture. (Sorry for any inaccuracies there if you know who I am talking about...I didn't fact check, but you get my meaning.)

It just seems kinda obvious that you can nourish your inner aspect a lot cheaper than she thinks. So, no thanks.

WednesdayFriday said...

The only thing I need to help put me to sleep is a blanket and the knowledge that I have to wake up and go to work at 3 am.

She can come survive a week of my life and then tell me how much the thread count on her sheets matters.

audrey said...

All I have to say is that anyone who follows her advice is as crazy as she is.

Barton Fink said...

I almost typed up a mean comment about Gwyneth (who makes me sick), but then I read all the others and felt better that I'm not alone.

Melody the First said...

Perhaps Paltrow meant nickered as in an annoying sound from a horse.

Amy in MI said...

She can sleep a week in my PJs - having chronic insomnia, and many meds not working for it is not fun - and spending money for sheets you can't even feel cause of your PJs isn't going to help that. Wheres a sledgehammer when you need it

pusssykatt said...

She is so pretentious. You just know that even though she 'cleanses' her body, eats right, exercises, poops right and goes to the doctor every other day that she'll drop dead out of the blue. Just like runners and diet doctors who should live forever, but don't.

My group was onto her years ago...
http://www.agcwebpages.com/GWYNETH/2008.html

TinselSass said...

Ban Goop until the karma wheel hits her. ENOUGH!

Robin the Mad Photographer said...

I admit to being a low-level sheet snob--I really do sleep better on 100% cotton sheets, but I'm not obsessive about thread counts as long as they're not rough and scratchy and wear reasonably well. (One of these days, I'm going to buy linen by the yard and sew some damn sheets out of that--I hear the difference is AMAZING.) Having said that, yes, Gwynnie does come off as a seriously patronizing twit; it would be one thing if she were saying it a bit tongue-in-cheek, but she's simultaneously sincere, clueless, and aggravating. No, dear, we weren't all born with a silver spoon in our mouths, and while we may try to get the best quality consumer goods we can manage, our money IS limited and only goes so far. Now, if you personally feel like making sure all the Goopies have lovely high-count sheets, I'm sure you could afford to provide them to at least some of your most loyal readers...

MP said...

No fan of Gwenie, but I'm an American who's lived in London for about 8 years and I too would use the term knackered. When most of the people you hang out with (and in my case as well, work with) are British, you're bound to pick up the lingo. I say cheers instead of thank you, which is very British, for instance.

So just saying I think people are being unfair about her usage of native words. After all, I spell favourite like a Brit and I was born and raised in a small town in Iowa...

Tatyana said...

@MommaBear:

Here's one opinion: I kind of feel sorry for her.
I remember the days when she would giggle on talkshows about kissing Leo DiCaprio, and how quirky the British were, and how disgusting English cuisine is.

I also remember my teacher telling us how she was working on a film here with one of his friends, but wouldn't speak to her or have her speak directly to her - all communication had to be done through her PA.

Now she's not so hot professionally, she spends her time giving out unsolicited advice on linens over the internet. 'Nuff said.

1:07 PM
Blogger Selock said...

Does she find it comforting to believe that wellness requires an endless stream of expensive products? Because....I mean....really?

She seems a lot less happy and healthy to me than those tribal guys who run all the time (without shoes), eat like fish and fruit only but drink whiskey and smoke...and have no incidence of diabetes/heart disease/whatever in their culture.

You mean cultures where women are lucky to live till 40?

Melody the First said...

Gekkou, you don't go around telling the press that Americans are inferior, ignorant beasts. The Goop does while trying to hide her shameful parentage.

pusssykatt said...

::SNAP:: Melody!

She and her family also thought Brad Pitt was too low-class for them.

RocketQueen said...

@pusssykatt - totally. And referred to Jennifer Aniston as "that television girl" when Jennifer dated Pitt after her. Just an utter snob.

Sinjin said...

@RocketQueen: Are you SERIOUS?! I'd never heard that before;that's hilariously snotty. I'd love to see Gwennie go toe to toe with Naomi in a world's greatest cunt match.

I love what Mango wrote, and totally agree.

I bought some 1,000 thread count sheets at Kohl's, thinking 500 is good, 1,000 must be better, right?
Not so. I only use the bottom sheet, because that top one is just too heavy. Never again! From now on, I'll stick to a much more normal thread count.

kathrynnova said...

i think she writes this thing for the people who like to criticize her for being a notorious snob. it is her selling point now that she's not doing so many movies. it's a way to generate talk and no matter what the talk is, it keeps her in some kind of spotlight.

enty, don't you know, she's writing it so you can complain about it/her and keep her famous!

pusssykatt said...

Kind of like when you're raising children. They just want attention, if it's not good, they'll settle for bad. She's so over!

Henriette said...

She writes for Madonna. Madonna is her idol.

Advertisement

Popular Posts from the last 30 days