Friday, April 02, 2010

Ted C Blind Item

Isn't is just awful when the once-loyal employees of overly demanding celebs decide to spill the dirt they're asked to keep quiet? Yes, just terrible. Not!

At least not for us, right? You bet, baby. And last time we checked in on Cruella St. Shackles, the poor broad was in a tizzy about what to do with her hubby's druggin' and dude-diggin' ways. And as if that's not enough to keep a celebrity housewife in a tizzy, now Cruella's got more to fret about:

Just as Angelina Jolie must contend with that former bodyguard reportedly spilling about what a bitch she really is (such the shocker, huh?), now Ms. St. Shackles is concerned that one (or more) of her underpaid and overworked staffers is going to blab, too. With good reason.

"She is horrible to people who work for her," seethed a source deep inside Camp Cruella. "And she's always threatening them with lawsuits if they talk."

Indeed, Marky Sweet-Puss' bossy other half asks that her employees sign confidentiality agreements, but we know how often people pay attention to those babies in this town. Not always, thank heaven. And we're told C.S. is trembling right now because she knows she's pushed the overbearing card way too far.

"She really is overdoing it with the diva behavior," blabs the Cruella know-it-all. "She's a monster."

Jeez, a heathen who makes Angelina Jolie look like a be-yotch wannabe, is that what we've got goin' on here?

"And how," came the reply.

Oh, mercy, mercy, these Mommie Dearest types are just like Jesse James and Tiger Woods. They think nobody will ever know.

How wrong they are.

It Ain't: Barack and Michelle Obama, Harrison Ford and Calista Flockhart, Sarah Michelle Gellar and Freddie Prinze Jr.


ms_wonderland said...

The first Cruella BV:

Are there any straight straight people left in Hollywood? Apparently not.

Marky Sweet-Puss is a sweet enough dude, dog though he may have been at one time. He cleaned up his act a bit once he hooked up with chilly actress type Cruella St. Shackles, who miraculously started Marky off on a far more domesticated diet of monogamous sex and healthier living. Many a star watcher was amazed to see this go down, as—let's be honest—Cruella isn't exactly known for her conservative lifestyle. If the hinterland-types who watch her only knew half the hell-raising crap this broad creates in a mere 24 hours!

But this Vice is really more about Marky's shenanigans than Cruella's.

Here's what went down: Marky's very concerned pals brought to Cruella's attention the disturbing fact that Marky's personal assistant was preparing to go to the press, saying that he and Marky had...

...been getting it on pretty regularly. Probably would have been fun to watch, too, as Marky's not exactly hard to look at!

Horribly, the nasty-mouthed assistant was prepared to tell the press unless he was paid off. Pretty simple, everyday blackmail, which goes on in Hollywood a helluva lot more than women eating, I'll tell ya that much.

So, Cruella didn't know what the ef to do. She had suspected her hubby might have desires that way, but she'd never really talked about it, pretty much hoping it would go away. As if!

Cruella decided to bite the big one (not her hubby) and pay the damn bill. After all, she decided, she's been involved in other unseemly goings-down—as far as her career goes—so this wasn't exactly new dirty-works territory for her.

She just thought she'd never have to participate in that kind of crap in her personal life.

Funny, if you look at Cruella lately, you can tell something's just not right. Could it be that being blackmailed doesn't do anything for her complexion?

And It Ain't: Eva Longoria Parker and Tony Parker, Robert Pattinson and Kristen Stewart, Josh Duhamel and Fergie

JustJenn said...


ms_wonderland said...

The 'celebtrity housewife' and Eva Longoria Parker being an 'ain't' points to one of the Desperate Housewives women. Marcia Cross?

Green Wave Gal said...

What about ScarJo?

chihuahuense said...

why would RPatt and KStewart be in there? They aren't married.

Unknown said...

Nicole Kidman and Keith Urban.

Marcia Cross's husband isn't a celebrity. ScarJo is too young.

Goopy wouldn't have had to do shady things to get her career going--her parents were already celebs.

Thanks @Ms_Wonderland!

annie said...

reading ted's blinds is like listening to jeff probst explain challenges on survivor! argh.

Angie said...

Melanie Griffin and Antonio?

Unknown said...

Jada Pinkett & Will Smith
Kelly Ripa and Mark Consuelos

Barton Fink said...

I agree, thanks ms_wonderland -- and as I look at the clues, the ones that interest me are:

1. she wasn't famous for her conservative lifestyle, and

2. the "it ain't" couples are unusually diverse, with the Obamas, Harrison and his bobblehead, and a couple that have fallen off the radar except for gossip.

nicole kidman makes sense to me as a guess -- it's not hard to iamgine keith urban doing coke and having sex with men, is it? -- but was she somehow known to be wild and crazy and unconservative before? not in my universe. And is Nicole really popular with the "hinterland" audience? Not in the sense that they like her or care about her.

I await better guesses.

MISCH said...


T.R. Slyder said...

I think MediaTakeout may have answered the AWESOME (and older) Blind Item about the musician that lip synched being Jennifer Lopez

Majik said...

TR...I really don't think it's news that J.Lo can't sing. I believe the original MV blind said that MV actually did have talent, which automatically leaves JLo out. Just my opinion.

On a brighter note, I really like it when producers release stuff like that...she's probably beating the hubby in frustration...tee hee.

Unknown said...

Oh, and Ted always says stuff like "nobody will ever wrong they are" as if the BV will be outed. But they NEVER are! Ted's blinds are NEVER revealed, which is why I lost interest and stopped reading his column.

Icecat said...

I forget, have we ruled out SJP??

That's who I thought of first. But I get confused with Ted C. :P

Kidman does seem to fit with some of the clues too!

jess said...

Catherine Zeta Jones!!

Now! said...

Or Demi and Ashton.

Special MOM said...

yeah SJP does fit, she used to be with RDJ and he is a wild guy.
And Matthew Broerick being into guys would surprise NOONE....

Nosey Parker said...

I agree with Nutty_Flavor -

Demi and Ashton FTW!

Katie said...

demi and ashton already were a ted c blind item. one of the few that he revealed. it wasn't very juicy, just about how he was pretty much pussy whipped and wasn't allowed to go to the red carpet or premiere party for one of his movies a couple years ago.

FrenchGirl said...

ilike CZJ guess but i don't see Michael Douglas as bisexual guy!

RJ said...

I think that SJP fits the Cruella St. Shackles description, but Matthew Broderick doesn't really fit the Marky Sweet Puss description. Marky Sweet Puss is described as a lot better looking than Matthew B. I think Kelly Ripa and Mark Consuelos fit better. Regis and Kelly is a VERY popular show in the "hinterlands" and among conservatives. All their kids also fit the "mommie dearest" description. Being a harpy married to a closeted homosexual would not be good for her Electrolux-using, everybody's best friend, working mom image.

ClaireFrasier said...

I don't want it to be Kelly Ripa (because I really like her), but I'd like to point out that Sarah Michelle Geller, Josh Duhamel, Kelly Ripa AND Mark Consuelos all got their start on a soap...the same soap ALL MY CHILDREN.

The first names in each set of Ain'ts ... each couple are different ethnic backgrounds. (KR & MC)

The second names in each set of Aints ... One person is much more well-known than the other. (OK, I'm reaching on that one!)

(And the third names in each set is the soap opera connection)

I still don't want it to be Kelly Ripa. I think she's adorable...

jaariel said...

Ashlee Simpson & Pete Wentz
or Nicole Richie & Joel Madden (but they're not married)

BUT--I really like the SJP/MB guess!

Tia C said...

What about Katie Holmes and Tom Cruise. The "St. Shackles" reference made me think of her.


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