Friday, July 13, 2007

Ted C. Blind Item

This one's the best. And no, it's not about putting naughty things up one's bum or nostrils, sorry (we'll be back next week with those curious cavity activities, I'm sure). Nope, this time round, we're givin' ya a plain ol' obnoxious-behavior-beyond-compare Vice job, sound good?

Sure, it does!

There he was, Day-Old Dumbo, visiting the network headquarters of a fairly well-established Hollywood cable outfit. DOD was apparently hungry for something other than that comeback he keeps working on, endlessly (as Day-O's never really again enjoyed the fame he achieved so magnificently as a kid). Mr. D, therefore, hit the deli in the office building where said network is housed.

Musta been a slow day at the pickle place, 'cause Day-Old's mere presence caused quite the commotion at the eatery. Lots o' whispering and pointing, all aimed at DOD, who pretended (poorly) not to notice a damn thing.

DOD then gets to the front of the line. People are still, amazingly, breathlessly watching his every move, as if he's gonna try and pick up one of the babes hanging next to the fruit-salad counter, or somethin'. After all, gal wrangling is, by far, Day's major calling card, as of late—much more so than his nine-to-five stuff.

"Can I shake your hand?" the fawning deli clerk asks, eagerly, extending his own palm at the same time.

Time stops. Every set of eyeballs in that fluorescent-lit joint is transfixed by the tense scene. Will he or won't he shake the excited man's hand, everyone wonders about Day-Old—who, in typical H-town ego-crushing tradition, just lets the poor man's hand dangle in space, untouched.

"What are you doing?" DOD screams, his locks practically trembling as he dramatically pulls his body away from the deli worker in horror, as if the fan's pulled a punch or a gun, instead of the well-meaning gesture. "What are you doing?" he repeats, as if he hasn't insulted the guy enough, already.

DOD's new reality show should only catch such splendid 'tude-wreck moments—maybe then the guy could again get a decent viewership.

31 comments:

Mother Campfire said...

Duuuuuuude, totally Chachi (Scott Baio).

merrick said...

all signs point to chachi ...

Unknown said...

....Scott Baio ....no doubt.

Unknown said...

Yup Scott Baio what a jerk!

-Lucky

brendalove@gmail.com said...

This guy should count his lucky stars that people even know who he is.

Anonymous poster said...

Sad & now too obvious.

Anonymous poster said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Anonymous said...

macually cualkin (spelled vary wrong) of "Home Alone" fame.

yo yo said...

Danny Bonaduce?

YahMoBThere said...

Danny Bonaduce

YahMoBThere said...

Ya owe me a Coke, Liz!

Anonymous poster said...

MC doesn't have a reality show, and Danny obviously has no fear of human contact.

Mother Campfire said...

HAHAHA no name, you're hilarious and right. Danny doesn't fear much, let alone a stranger's hand...

Kelsey said...

for some reason bret michaels jumped into mind. i think "his locks practically trembling" gave me the picture of someone longer-haired.

Tracee said...

You know if it's Scott Baio the cashier should've been relieved he didn't touch that STD infested hand. EWWWW!

weezy said...

Danny B. would have jumped behind the counter, given the guy a bear hug and helped out with the sandwiches.

Is Baio the BI Italian American actor who said loudly he'd never date black women - except he used nasty words instead?

Hez said...

I can actually picture Baio saying this. (Plus the nickname Ted uses has the ay-oh sound in it already - dead giveaway)

Obvs, but whatta Chach. He sure shows why that word means what it does. I would SO NOT hit it.

rooral said...

Well, Chachi must have paid Ted C off to post this and get more people to watch his new "self-discovery" reality show. What a skeev!

kellygirl said...

I agree, rooral, I bet Chachi's got some lame publicist planting there stories to drum up publicity, just like the other one floating around that he's supposedly living with some model and she's 6 months pregnant but he has to keep it a secret so the reality show can go forward. What a tool!!!! I've always wondered why this guy could reel in such hotness in the past.

brendalove@gmail.com said...

He must have big Chachi

SpaSuzy said...

I can't believe Scott Baio would cause such a commotion at a Hollywood Cable Eatery. You'd think the employees would see more famous people around some of the time, since they work/live in LA. I'm going for the Webster dude...now HE would cause commotion..hee hee.

d said...

I always thought that the syllables of Ted C's faux names matched that of the subject of the blind?

Like Vampirella Vein-pop is supposedly Angelina Jolie, or Morgan Mayhem was Lindsey Lohan.

Unknown said...

day-o == baio

Kory said...

This is really weird that I thought of Scott Baio before I read the comments and I wasn't even sure why. Apparently, it must scream him.

wineaux said...

chachi! what chicks would actually hit that douche? he really is a big ol' bag of douche...

swino

YahMoBThere said...

d, Ted usually matches the syllables but not always. Toothy Tile doesn't quite match up with Jake Gyllenhaal, for example.

So Jinxed said...

Oh, I agree its Scott Baio. That's so sad, I had such a crush on him when he was in Charles in Charge. Back before I knew he was a man whore who slept with half of hollywood.
I think it especially gives it away that Ted says " gal wrangling is, by far, Day's major calling card," cause isn't his new show about trying to find him a date.

-Cleo

Elisabeth said...

this site says Baio: http://www.blinditems.typepad.com"

Hez said...

Bless that site, but they harvest many of their BIs and most of their guesses from this very comment forum... making them no more of an "authority" than the rest of us.

Unknown said...

Chachi for sure

d said...

re: Ted Casablanca blind names having the same number of syllables as the real person's name.

So here's something interesting from today's column. If Toothy Tile is Jake Gyllenhaal (breaking the above rule), then why would Ted post the below:
Did I read his answer wrong? It looks like J.G. would not be Toothy Tile.


Dear Ted:
I have a Toothy Tile question (as if you could ever get enough of those), my gossip guru. Are Toothy's initials in the first half of the alphabet, or the second? FYI: I'm asking about his real name, not pseudonym, so no tricks please.
Lorraine
Ottawa, Ontario
Dear Det. Homo:
No.

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