Wednesday, September 19, 2007

DNfromMN: Movie Review - Good Luck Chuck

If you like boobs, Good Luck Chuck is your man. I haven't seen so many boobs since I watched a ton of soft-core porn as a shameless 16 year old with free reign at the video store. And amongst all of these boobs,there is only a fleeting side-boobage of Jessica Alba. There's plenty of Dane Cook's ass, which actually looks good. Actually, everything about Dane Cook from the neck down is kind of appealing, dude got into decent shape for this movie. And he's not an ass in this movie, he's the hooker with a heart of gold. As we know, the hooker with a heart of gold makes a great deus ex machina but rarely a good lead character.

This is a one joke movie. And you've seen that joke in the ads. It is desperately wanting to be There's Something About Mary. (So desperate,that in the poster of a half-naked Dane Cook I ganked -- hello eBay -$10 anyone? anyone? Cost of shipping? done!-- they even say "There's something about Chuck"). There are a few good laughs that aren't in the previews and so I won't blow them here. This will do about as well as Superbad will, I think. There's more titties here than any Judd Apatow-related film, so it will get more teen boys off, and not really much to appeal to women unless they dig the raunch(boy's-best-friends-that-are-girls). There's a romance and something about fated relationships, but it's schlock.

Credit goes to Dane Cook for not playing a screaming loud mouth asshole. He's actually kind of sweet most of the time. I think that took a lot of script-rewriting to make him look nice. Too bad they couldn't do anything about Jess.

This movie will be a senior in high school/freshman in college wank video FOR-EVER.

Bottom 5 of the movie:

5. Alba couldn't be sweet if she were drizzled in honey and dipped in sugar. (that image was for you Ent)
4. Testing the Curse scene.. yes, you see it, I have never had the urge to vomit in a movie other than horror movies until now. Thank you GLC!
3. Pot humor just isn't funny anymore
2. Every woman was cast for boobs, there are so many vacant stares...
1. Cliche after cliche after cliche.

Top 5 of the movie:

5. Learning all the possible slang for sex from one character
4. "It's a known fact that stimulating the prostate..."
3. The origin story (how Chuck obtains this special power)
2. He's a dentist, and he gets laid a lot. Dentists need that. I'll give them #2 for that.
1. When Chuck uses his power for good (it was good for Dane, since he'll never see that much booby in the rest of his life.. at least I hope so.)

I was entertained, but glad I didn't pay. Here's my rating scale:

$0.00 - Not even for free on TV, I'd rather watch bowling
$3.00 - Cheapie/Second-run Theater
$5.00 - Rental
$9.00 - Full price
$15.00 - Full price + Popcorn

I'd give this a solid $3.00 from the late 20s gay male. If you're a straight man, somewhere between $6-9. Woman 3.00, but your man has to buy you popcorn AND goobers.


MnGddess said...

Ok, Ent - this is too much torture for one day ......


GammaGirl said...

Good review! I was sort of hoping that Jessica Alba might make the film worth seeing but it looks like its going to disappoint.
YOU KNOW its going to dominate the box office anyway.

Unknown said...

Who wrote this for Ent? It is obviously not written BY him since the author said: "5. Alba couldn't be sweet if she were drizzled in honey and dipped in sugar. (that image was for you Ent)".
Just another one of his ghost writers or what?

Pinky said...

@DNfromMN - thanks for the review, would never even consider seeing this movie for free, much less paying. Heard *3:10 from Yuma* was good, and I personally loved Stardust - anyone else?

Patsy said...

DNfromMN, I think you found your calling.

Anonymous said...

In my defense (re: timmy delay), I did ask for this to go up on Thurs. From my email to EL:
"Since everyone adored the I Know Who Killed Me review, this one can go
up on Thursday (I have nothing on Sh/Timmy, and am dying like everyone
else to find out about that!)"

He wanted it up first thing in the a.m.

pinky: loved Stardust, very sweet and romantic. 3:10 is good. Definitely one better seen in the theater, at a slow-western-paced 2 hours, it's a fall asleep in the recliner kind. It is good though.

Pinky said...

DN - You're in the industry, yes? I ask because you're clearly getting screeners, you clever ducky...

Say - how's the clean up going on the bridge?

Bryn said...

Please excuse my ignorance, but what is the "Testing the Curse scene"?

merrick said...

Nice job DN .. but I too, am confused ... what is the testing the curse scene?

Unknown said...

Sorry DNfrommN and Ent,- I just realized my mistake.

Unknown said...

pinky, I saw Stardust and just loved it. RD was an excellant toughguy with a femme side.

Pinky said...

Kamie - he was terrific, and I usually don't like him in comedic roles.

And yeah, DN I'm with Donna and Bryn, 'splain please?

Unknown said...

Thanks for the review, but who didn't know this movie would SUCK?!?!?!?!!?

Unknown said...

A definition of "The Curse":

The whole idea of the film...the main plot point...which you DON'T see in the commercials.
(which should tell you something about how the studio feels about the film - in addition to the late Sept deumping ground. Think if they had faith they'd get a lot of teens, they'd release it before kids went back to school in hopes of increasing the daily gross)...
Anyway - The Curse
The main plot of the movie is that Chuck is known as Good Luck Chuck because any girl he dates marries the next guy she gets involved with AFTER Chuck. (because he's such a ladies' man. like Sandler in "Chuck & Larry). He considers himself lucky because he gets all this great sex without having to commit.
So that's the "curse". Here's the rest of this plot.
But now, someone wants to get married. So they set it up so that Chuck dates Alba in hopes that she'll marry after Chuck. Unfortunately, Chuck actually falls for this girl and finds himself wanting to commit to her and love her and blah blah blah.

Is it just me, or is this on a par with Wedding Crashers in terms of actual lameness? Why should we cheer for the guy who's happy to indiscriminately get laid until he falls in love? That's not love. That's selfishness.

It's right up there with every romantic comedy where the supposedly great girl has an ass for a boyfriend and doesn't seem to notice or care. Why would any guy want to be with a girl with such horrible taste (or who is such a self-abuser?).

I think that's why Sweet Home Alabame actually worked: Both guys were likable.

Kirby Holt said...

OK, I know the poster is a parody of something, but I can't think what ... help?

Bryn said...

The poster is a parody of John Lennon and Yoko Ono's cover of Life Mag, I belive. He was naked. Thanks for the explanation of the "Curse" happy camper.

Bryn said...

Oops, it was Rolling Stone magazine. Here's a link:

Anonymous said...

a) not in the industry, just in the know/lucky to win passes for preview screenings. I've been skipping reviewing the indie films. (Don't see: September Dawn, anti-Mormon and that doesn't bother me, it's the PAINFUL acting and the heavy-handedness; DO SEE: My Kid Could Paint That. It's so sweet (there's a kid who is drizzled in honey (paint) and full of sugar).

b) "Testing the Curse" Y'know in the previews he points at the morbidly obese woman lying on a towel. That's how he tests it. You see it, and it made me retch.

c) I-35 all the victims have been found and identified. It's now a tourist attraction (like the Twin Tower holes were), people just line up on the nearby surviving bridge. It's gross. They haven't even started cleaning it up. All the effort is now looking at all the other bridges in the state.

Pinky said...

Thanks DN. So sorry to hear about 'C' People never seem to get enough of tragedies, just like the rubbernecks looking at traffic accidents.

Unknown said...

hopefully the tragedy tourists will move on to the larry craig bathroom stall.


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