Monday, August 23, 2010

Ted C Blind Item

How interesting how low our Toothy-Tile-era, wildly talked about bisexual Blind boy Harland Fuss chose to lay for several years. So much so, he decided to go and get married! Gosh, do you think Harland really isn't into the boys, anymore?

Well, you know, certain habits die hard:

See, Harland just decided—based on his continued ho-hum career performance—that he needed to amp things up a bit. And if he couldn't haul out any more blockbuster projects, he'd simply try the get-married-and-procreate path. After all, that sometimes works for fading, closeted gay stars who are looking for a tabloid leg-up with their popularity, right?

Uh, not always, as poor Fey Oiled-Tush has discovered. But, we digress.

Harland just hasn't been able to quash his man-on-man desires (hard as he's tried, poor thing). And what with his career hitting the back-burner 'n' all, he decided not that long ago that he'd do the domestic dance, find a chick to fake-tango with and see if he could muster back up that ol' bedroom eyes thing. Onscreen, mind you.

Because the deal is (and, trust, there is a deal here, folks) that Harland's beard was promised a career-boost herself, in the arrangement. And she, like a lot of desperate wannabes in this business, bit. In fact, she chomped on the behind-the-scenes opportunity so fast, Mr. Fuss, always a more thoughtful dude than Tinseltown's used to, wondered what the hell he'd gotten himself into.

But it was far too late to go back on his devil-dealing scenario.

And It Ain't: John Krasinski, Ryan Reynolds, Jerry O'Connell

26 comments:

MISCH said...

Orlando....

Ryan said...

Orlando indeed.

looserdude said...

Dang, beat me to it.

Goodgrief said...

I thought of Orlando or Vince Vaughn

Kingrey said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
sunnyside1213 said...

So obviously Orlando.

*Miss_P* said...

Orlando Bloom

It's so nice to know that everyone else is thinking the same as me.

looserdude said...

Miranda Kerr is so gorgeous, that's going to be one beautiful cele-baby.

kcqueen said...

It's gotta be Orlando; Vince Vaughn was only hot for one short minute and that ain't never coming back!

I'm thinking Miranda Kerr, while beautiful, looks like she has an I.Q. in the single digits. I could see her trading a bit of her time for an "acting" career.

Trixie said...

What about James Van der Beek? He just got married and is expecting a baby with an actress. Both could use a career boost and I have heard rumors that he is gay/bisexual.

Patty said...

Kudos to all of you for being able to interpret Ted-speak. Not an easy feat.

sunnyside1213 said...

Van der Beek is a good guess. I don't think Vince's wife is expecting?

jess said...

My first thought was also Orlando.

Now, Van der Beek could be right too but he doesn't have blockbuster projects.

Goodgrief said...

@Sunnyside, Yes she is pregnant. They announced it at least a month ago.

Baka Neko said...

The only reason I wonder about Orlando Bloom is I don't think Miranda Kerr needs him to help her career, even if she wanted to get into acting theres so many teens that I hear that "love her so much"they'd probably watch her in anything just to see her

sunnyside1213 said...

Thanks Goodgrief. I didn't know that. I still think of all the guesses, Orlando is the only one in blockbusters.

clowncar said...

O-face does have a bit of the gay-face. And mz kerr does need the career boost bc the only reason I even know her name is bc of HIM. I can't think of a *single* thing she's acted in. Brain fart maybe idk.

Cheryl said...

Definitely Legolas. Good luck with that, dude!

Whitney said...

Clowncar- the reason you can't think of a thing she's acted in is because she isn't an actress. Kerr's a Victoria's Secret model. However, being married to a celeb is always a good way for a model to keep moving up in the world.

Char said...

It doesn't necessarily mean it's not them, but Miranda Kerr is HUGE here in Australia. WAY WAY bigger than Orlando. She could walk into any movie role she wanted here, and I assumed the only reason she hadn't was because she didn't want to. She is pretty much the biggest face in modeling and has (had, before she got knocked up anyway) a ton going on with her modeling and being the face of David Jones, that I would have thought she was too busy for acting anyway.

beth said...

Orlando doesn't make sense... the last PotC hasn't even come out yet; unless Ted is exaggerating majorly, his career is hardly on the back-burner right now. Not to mention, he clearly got married b/c MK got pregnant, whereas Ted's blind makes the wedding sound planned.

Bitterella said...

Toby McGuire--blockbusters--Spiderman franchise, career now on back burner

L said...

Beth - Orlando Bloom will not be in Pirates of the Caribbeans 4.. not sure it was his choice either. i think the brains behind the blockbuster realized the story between him and Keira was pretty much done. As far as I remember the movies he was attached to after PotC were not that big of a success, at least from a $ perspective.. just my two cents :)
and yes, I am on the Orlando train too!

L said...

Bitterella - mmm Toby McGuire! could it be the guess for the other name in Ted's blind, i.e. Fey Oiled Tush? although i was reading a few other blind items sites and quite a few concurr on Fey being Mr Mission Impossible.. mmm

Shanra said...

Miranda couldn't care less about a boost. She's an affordable hippy zippy health nut who wants a family to retire back to a farm in Australia with. They aren't publicity mad, they don't do OK or Hello! spreads... And having lived in England for a long time I can't ever recall even a rumour that OB was gay.

Shanra said...

Adorable!!! Not affordable. Damn you I phone.

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